Depression, Suicide And Social Anxiety Disorder

[Warrior1]

On Depression:

 

When were you diagnosed with it, and how long has it been that you have been suffering from it?

Has it been something constant all throughout the years, or do you have ups and downs, good and bad period, etc?

Do you have a psychiatrist/therapist/counselor to talk to about these things?

Has it taken a toll on your relationships, including that with family, your significant other, friends, etc?

Have you ever resorted to substance abuse to self-treat depression? Or sex?

What else do you do that works as a therapy to this? Anything like writing, painting, any artistic expression to deal with this?

 

On suicide:

 

Do you have suicidal thoughts?

How often do you have them?

Have you ever attempted it?

Cut body parts in frustration?

 

Social anxiety disorder:

 

Do you have social anxiety disorder? Do you have problems making friends, talking with people, making eye contacts? What about romantic relationships, do you have problems with maintaining -- or even starting -- those due to social ph       

[Warrior1]

Depression:

 

I've had depression from as early as seven. The symptoms were clear, only the concept of depression wasn't, not even to my doctors. My parents took me to various doctors, and unfortunately, they were not able to diagnose it immediately. It wasn't until I was about 13, when I started having these racing suicidal thoughts, that my parents took me to a psychiatrist, and he was finally able to diagnose my depression.

 

I've had ups and downs definitely, but not major. It has been mostly consistent except for a good time last year. I've been visiting the same psychiatrist since I was about 13. Unfortunately, depression has turned me asocial, but it hasn't affected my relationships with my family members.

 

I take an excessive amount of coffee to keep me calm and focus. But that's about it. Luckily never got addicted to any substance. If I wasn't living in such a damn conservative country and wasn't so anti-social, I might have had one night stands to feel a warm body to keep me calm ... but no, never got the chance.

 

I am writing a novel ... but that has got more to do with expressing my thoughts and feelings, rather than being a way to treat my depression.

 

Suicide:

 

I often have suicidal thoughts, but I can't say I have seriously ever considered it. More like it would have been great if I could. Never attempted it, but often cut myself with razors and blades. I still have the scratches.

 

Social anxiety disorder:

 

Along with depression, I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, which is one of the least known anxiety disorders around the world. Could be because I've had a very isolated childhood, could be because I was bullied in school, I don't know why. But at one point, I couldn't even make an eye contact. I've never had very close friends -- except one. Don't know what life holds for me. Worst of all -- I have absolutely no idea if I will ever find a partner for myself.

[Kitt]

Dude, if you are asking yourself any of those questions you need to find someone to help you! Start with your regular physician. He/she can point you in the right directions, and if money is an issue there are programs out there to help.

[Warrior1]

Oh I wanted to ask people here and see what they respond. I also responded to my own question.

[Lisa]

Warrior - I totally agree with Kitt; you need to talk to someone. A professional who has experience with this, not an online fiction writing/reading community.

 

You need to get to the root of why you're depressed, and have/had suicidal thoughts. Also, the social anxiety could very well be a 'fallout', for lack of a better word, of the depression.

[MrM]

On Depression:

 

When were you diagnosed with it, and how long has it been that you have been suffering from it?

• I have had a lifelong struggle with Depression. It became worse fairly recently after my mother's death, but The Umbereth (my name for the thing that haunts me and sucks away my life and hope) has always been with me and has been the guiding influence of most of my life.

Has it been something constant all throughout the years, or do you have ups and downs, good and bad period, etc?

• The Umbereth is always there and there isn't a day that goes buy that I don't hear it whisper things that make me feel worthless, loveless, and hopeless. Some days I can push it back and have a moderately nice day, but other times it is too strong. Its attacks become greater when I am in a state of fear.

Do you have a psychiatrist/therapist/counselor to talk to about these things?

• I have both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. They have saved my life. I started seeing them last year. They have enabled me to Come Out and accept the truth of how I was born. I am living a new life now. Alas, the Umbereth has found a new weapon to use against me...my Age. I am now 'too old' to be desireable and I've let my best days pass me by. I am too late, it says. 

   

  This is what I fight now.

Has it taken a toll on your relationships, including that with family, your significant other, friends, etc?

• I have never had a serious relationship and I didn't really have friends growing up. Those who I thought were friends betrayed me and thus supported The Umbereth in facilitating my undoing. I became an outcast in Jr. High and basically remained on the Edge for all of my young life.
• I existed in a state of co-dependence with my Mother. She never let me go because I was her anchor to this life. She had Clinical Depression that went untreated. I became her caretaker when I was 11.

Have you ever resorted to substance abuse to self-treat depression? Or sex?

• I drank too much. I still do sometimes. Now I do it socially but I used to do it in my home. I could drain an entire bottle of rum and two bottles of wine every week. I liked how numb it made me.

What else do you do that works as a therapy to this? Anything like writing, painting, any artistic expression to deal with this?

• Going out and helping other people and letting yourself love others. Externalizing. Love, the love you let flow from you, not what you expect to receive, is what saves us. The Umbereth cannot exist when love is present. It cannot stand its light. Like all shadows, the Shadow of Death parts when light is present. Love is life. Love and you will live.

 

On suicide:

 

Do you have suicidal thoughts?

• I once did. Almost everyday. Now, not so much. I think of the people who need me and that my death would make them suffer. People need us. The Umbereth is always wrong when it says you are unecessary to anyone in the World. Something came to me the other day. A thought: "You are the solution to someone else's loneliness." Somewhere there is a need for you and you will be guided to that place if you let yourself be taken there.

Have you ever attempted it?

• No, thankfully.

Cut body parts in frustration?

• Hit, not cut.

 

Social anxiety disorder:

 

Do you have social anxiety disorder? Do you have problems making friends, talking with people, making eye contacts? What about romantic relationships, do you have problems with maintaining -- or even starting -- those due to social ph       

 

• Yes. I still have trouble with it, but it has gotten better since coming out. I don't have to hide anymore and so I have this almost beligerant attitude of 'I'm queer and I'm here, so deal!" I now have met more people and made more friends than I have ever done in my life.

My take away from all this for you guys is: IT GETS BETTER! NEVER GIVE UP!!

 

I am finally finding some happiness after 45 years. It has been a long road for me, but then it had to be. For you guys, don't let it become a long road. Grab your destinies! Love one another! Be true to yourselves and TAKE your happiness that is rightfully yours! 

 

BE the solution to someone else's loneliness! Love from your heart and the Umbereth will not claim you as it once did me!

[Kitt]

Oh I wanted to ask people here and see what they respond. I also responded to my own question.

I saw that, it loaded at the same time as my response. Your second post just reinforces my opinion, that you need more help than you are getting. 

 

I can fully understand the desire to know what other people with similar issues go through. It does help to know you are not alone, just as it helped me to get through chemotherapy by talking with others in the same situation. 

 

Keep working at it. Things will get better.

[DynoReads]

Honestly, see another doctor, try another medicine. There are so many anti-depressants and such out there, there is bound to be one that works better.

 

I thought about answering your questions in depth, but I think it would hurt more than help. I've been dealing with depression since I was 9 or 10, I diagnosed at 22. How long I'm depressed depends on when I seek treatment, the earlier I ask for  medication the faster the symptoms disappear. I have tried suicide once, and thought of it a few times. I don't cut or hurt myself on purpose.   I've tried therapy, and medications. At times the depression has affected relationships.

 

By accident my doctor and I found the right anti-depressant for me when prescribing a low dose anti-depressant to counter the side effect of another medicine I had to take.

 

Just like there are many types of antidepressants, there are many types of therapy. I would suggest talking to another doctor to try other anti-depressants, and also finding a different therapist.

 

One other thing that jumps out at me is using caffeine to keep calm. Usually caffeine is a stimulant, but if it calms you, you should get evaluated for attention deficit disorder.

Edited October 29, 2015 by DynoReads

[Cynus]

I spent a few hours deliberating whether or not I was going to join in here, and I think I have to, now.

First things first, warrior1 made it clear that he was already seeing someone. I don't see why everyone is being insistent that he see someone when he already is, especially since he also made it clear that he's had no major downs lately.

 

Depression:

 

I've had depression from as early as seven. The symptoms were clear, only the concept of depression wasn't, not even to my doctors. My parents took me to various doctors, and unfortunately, they were not able to diagnose it immediately. It wasn't until I was about 13, when I started having these racing suicidal thoughts, that my parents took me to a psychiatrist, and he was finally able to diagnose my depression.

 

I've had ups and downs definitely, but not major. It has been mostly consistent except for a good time last year. I've been visiting the same psychiatrist since I was about 13.

And then, on another point, talking about depression and anxiety is exactly what needs to be done in order for it to be addressed. This forum post, created for this purpose, is exactly what people like warrior1 and I need in order to get some of our feelings out there. The alternative, especially for asocial people, is to bottle it up. Having the open forum of the internet as a place to address these issues is not only great for those of us who aren't comfortable talking face to face, it also opens up to a wider pool of experience for us to pull from on addressing our issues. How could that possibly be a bad thing?

It needs to be discussed, and it needs to be discussed more often. We like to sweep depression under the rug and pretend there's no validity to it when there are so many people who suffer from it. I'm sorry if I sound aggressive right now, but I am extremely passionate about this subject, because I was taught my entire life to hide my unhappiness because no one wanted to see it.

How can we possibly expect to overcome it if we're told to keep it behind closed doors? I'm depressed because I feel confined, so how would more confinement be the answer?

I once officially came out as gay(and then bisexual once I learned more about myself), and I am now officially coming out as depressed. I don't want to live a secret life of unhappiness while showing a fake smile to the world, because I want to bring it to the forefront. I want to overcome it, and find out what is causing my happiness. I can't afford to spend time addressing symptoms and ignoring the cause.

And so, warrior1, I will definitely answer your questions.

 

 

On Depression:

 

When were you diagnosed with it, and how long has it been that you have been suffering from it?

Has it been something constant all throughout the years, or do you have ups and downs, good and bad period, etc?

Do you have a psychiatrist/therapist/counselor to talk to about these things?

Has it taken a toll on your relationships, including that with family, your significant other, friends, etc?

Have you ever resorted to substance abuse to self-treat depression? Or sex?

What else do you do that works as a therapy to this? Anything like writing, painting, any artistic expression to deal with this?

 

On suicide:

 

Do you have suicidal thoughts?

How often do you have them?

Have you ever attempted it?

Cut body parts in frustration?

 

Social anxiety disorder:

 

Do you have social anxiety disorder? Do you have problems making friends, talking with people, making eye contacts? What about romantic relationships, do you have problems with maintaining -- or even starting -- those due to social ph       

Depression: 

I have never been officially diagnosed, but I'd say I've been dealing with it since I was very young. Probably around six. Even without the official diagnosis, it's not hard to know I have it. 

I'd say it's relatively constant, though I do go through long periods of mild lows, and short bursts of extreme highs. 

 

I have been to one before, and he helped me put some things into perspective. I have very openminded friends who listen to me when I'm at my worst, and my support network is kind of awesome. Can't afford a counselor normally, but they do the trick. They keep me from hurting myself, anyway, and help me find reasons to continue.

 

Has it taken a toll? Yes, however open and honest communication has healed a number of those rifts. Most people who genuinely care about you are understanding when you take the time to explain your feelings. We often feel that people don't care when we're depressed, and that makes it more difficult to trust others, but if people care, they listen.

 

Yes, I have. And it's not the right way to go. For fear of being yelled at, however, I won't list my full opinion on this subject. Addiction to treat depression creates a cycle which will lead to more problems. It's addressing the symptoms, not the cause, by helping you feel better in the moment rather than to feel better overall.

 

Artistic expression helps a lot. Talking about it and hunting down the cause helps me more than anything else. I treat my own depression the way I treat bullies, and I fight back with everything I have. Sometimes it's stronger than me and it wins, but as long as i keep fighting it I usually stay on top. Being able to express my emotions in writing, however, has been a necessary release.

 

Suicide: 

 

Yes, I've had suicidal thoughts before, though they've become less common ever since I started talking about my depression openly. 

 

I used to get them everyday(My depression was very bad), but now I have them perhaps once a month at the most? Once every two? It's somewhat hard to judge, because my depression is affected by the seasons. I'm more depressed in summer than in winter, and so I had more this past summer than I'm having right now, or did in the Spring. I'd say it's probably once a month or so in the summer, and once every few months the rest of the year.

I have attempted it. I am obviously still here. I haven't attempted it in the last four years, which corresponds to when I started being open about it.

 

I only cut myself once, ever. It wasn't something for me.  

 

Social Anxiety Disorder: 

 

Yes. I do have social anxiety disorder. I had it when I was younger, and for some reason it became much milder during my late teens to around twenty. I think it resurfaced when I started addressing my sexuality and how it pertained to my faith, not to mention I was stuck in a religious situation with no way out, and I had to keep pretending to be something I wasn't. It began to make me neurotic.

Most days are good with my SAD, and I don't have a terrible issue making friends (I'm normally quite good at it, actually) but I suffer in professional settings. When there's something on the line, it freaks me out.

 

It definitely affects me romantically, but that's a whole different can of worms, and this post is already way too long...

[rustle]

Warrior, I gotta agree with those who say look for more or better help. Please do.

 

Did I /do I? Yep to almost every question. I shoulda sought help sooner, but the treatments used years ago were not as helpful as those available now.

[Mikiesboy]

On Depression:

 

When were you diagnosed with it, and how long has it been that you have been suffering from it?

Has it been something constant all throughout the years, or do you have ups and downs, good and bad period, etc?

Do you have a psychiatrist/therapist/counselor to talk to about these things?

Has it taken a toll on your relationships, including that with family, your significant other, friends, etc?

Have you ever resorted to substance abuse to self-treat depression? Or sex?

What else do you do that works as a therapy to this? Anything like writing, painting, any artistic expression to deal with this?

 

On suicide:

 

Do you have suicidal thoughts?

How often do you have them?

Have you ever attempted it?

Cut body parts in frustration?

 

Social anxiety disorder:

 

Do you have social anxiety disorder? Do you have problems making friends, talking with people, making eye contacts? What about romantic relationships, do you have problems with maintaining -- or even starting -- those due to social ph       

I have a form of ptsd and depression. Was diagnosed about 2 years ago. But I think I've had it for a lot longer.

I finally have a good pyschatrist.

Well my family is part of the reason why I have it. I was on the street for about 7 years and a prostitute, so I used a lot fo drugs to cope. My father threw me out at 15.

But my husband, accepts me as I am and is very supportive of me. 

I always wrote poetry about my life on the street, but my pysch said I need to write about more positive things and I try to do that. And I've really tried to put effort into learning more about poetry. And try to be more serious about my writing and I even tried to write some comedy as well. Which seems like it was successful.

 

I cut for a number of years and /or use hot/boiling water if i couldn't cut.  I've managed to stop both, but there are days... 

Suicide.. never tried it, did think about it sometimes

[Kitt]

First things first, warrior1 made it clear that he was already seeing someone. I don't see why everyone is being insistent that he see someone when he already is, especially since he also made it clear that he's had no major downs lately.

 

And then, on another point, talking about depression and anxiety is exactly what needs to be done in order for it to be addressed. This forum post, created for this purpose, is exactly what people like warrior1 and I need in order to get some of our feelings out there. The alternative, especially for asocial people, is to bottle it up. Having the open forum of the internet as a place to address these issues is not only great for those of us who aren't comfortable talking face to face, it also opens up to a wider pool of experience for us to pull from on addressing our issues. How could that possibly be a bad thing?

 

 

 

How can we possibly expect to overcome it if we're told to keep it behind closed doors? I'm depressed because I feel confined, so how would more confinement be the answer?.

Please forgive me for deleting large portions of your post, but I wanted the points I wished to address to be obvious.

 

As you say, first things first. My reply to him was typed at approximately the same time as his own reply to himself. I did not have the privilege of having his answers to those questions when I replied. If you look at the time stamps they posted almost simultaneously.

 

Now, Not a one of us said he should not talk about it, what some of us said is that we think he is not getting the right / enough help. If he is still falling into deep depression after several years of treatment, something isn't working.

 

By all means, talk! With friends and family and people like us here on GA who care. Maybe by socializing with us here you can make the transition to socializing more in the real world. But remember that none of us are professionals. You, Warrior and others NEED professionals who can do more for you than any of us possibly can.  

 

I had a similar situation as Dyno. Neither I nor any of my doctors picked up on any signs of depression.  I also had a low level anti-depressant prescribed by my oncologist to counter act the side effects of a medication I will have to take for the rest of my life. It not only fixed the problem it was intended to, but relieved other side effects of other meds I am on (probably also for life). Once those ill effects were gone my family noticed I was "getting back to my old self".   I have no intention of ever giving up this anti-depressant unless it starts causing it's own side effects or stops fixing everything it fixes!

[Cynus]

Please forgive me for deleting large portions of your post, but I wanted the points I wished to address to be obvious.

 

As you say, first things first. My reply to him was typed at approximately the same time as his own reply to himself. I did not have the privilege of having his answers to those questions when I replied. If you look at the time stamps they posted almost simultaneously.

 

Now, Not a one of us said he should not talk about it, what some of us said is that we think he is not getting the right / enough help. If he is still falling into deep depression after several years of treatment, something isn't working.

 

By all means, talk! With friends and family and people like us here on GA who care. Maybe by socializing with us here you can make the transition to socializing more in the real world. But remember that none of us are professionals. You, Warrior and others NEED professionals who can do more for you than any of us possibly can.  

 

I had a similar situation as Dyno. Neither I nor any of my doctors picked up on any signs of depression.  I also had a low level anti-depressant prescribed by my oncologist to counter act the side effects of a medication I will have to take for the rest of my life. It not only fixed the problem it was intended to, but relieved other side effects of other meds I am on (probably also for life). Once those ill effects were gone my family noticed I was "getting back to my old self".   I have no intention of ever giving up this anti-depressant unless it starts causing it's own side effects or stops fixing everything it fixes!

My apologies, Kitt. I was responding as much to the general attitude toward depression in our society as I was to the individual points raised, and I cannot help but view this topic through the bias of my own personal experience, and my own battles with it. I was not meaning to cause offense, and I apologize if I generated a feeling of aggression. 

 

I had not noticed the time stamps, either, and so I apologize for any confusion which arose from that misunderstanding as well.

 

In reference to your specific line of "Now, not a one of us said he should not talk about it", neither did I accuse you of such a thing, though I can certainly see how I could have given that impression. This was where i was addressing the general attitude toward depression in our society, where people (at least where I grew up) always told me to hide my unhappiness, that I should "cheer up because the world isn't so bad" as if tired cliches could somehow solve the problem of depression. I'm somewhat removed from the original emotions which sparked my response to this post yesterday, so I can't say for certain what was said which sparked my rant, but I did not mean to accuse any of you of trying to stop warrior1 from talking. My problem is with society and it's stance on depression, not those here on GA.

 

While I don't disagree that medications can be useful for people with depression, I don't believe they are useful for everyone. Medication was NOT the answer for me, personally. I hated it for the same reason I hate drugs and alcohol. it dulled my senses and made me unable to experience the world as fully as possible, which ended up increasing my depression in the long run. 

 

I also do not believe it is always something which can be solved by professionals, either. Yes, I needed one at a point, and he put me on a path. I don't need him anymore, and he thought so too. I keep having downs, sure, but my overall life continues to improve. What more can I ask for?

 

Both professionals and medication are tools, and they work for many in differing amounts. For the most part, neither work for me, though I don't mind seeing a professional every now and then. The secret to beating my depression has always been communication, and so I fight for the ability to talk about it with more passion than I fight for most things.

 

But I do apologize if it came across as a personal attack. I appreciate all the members of this community who have taken the time to support me.   

[W_L]

On Depression:

 

When were you diagnosed with it, and how long has it been that you have been suffering from it?

Has it been something constant all throughout the years, or do you have ups and downs, good and bad period, etc?

Do you have a psychiatrist/therapist/counselor to talk to about these things?

Has it taken a toll on your relationships, including that with family, your significant other, friends, etc?

Have you ever resorted to substance abuse to self-treat depression? Or sex?

What else do you do that works as a therapy to this? Anything like writing, painting, any artistic expression to deal with this?

 

On suicide:

 

Do you have suicidal thoughts?

How often do you have them?

Have you ever attempted it?

Cut body parts in frustration?

 

Social anxiety disorder:

 

Do you have social anxiety disorder? Do you have problems making friends, talking with people, making eye contacts? What about romantic relationships, do you have problems with maintaining -- or even starting -- those due to social ph       

 

Depression:

 

1. I have not been diagnosed

2. While not diagnosed, I have had periods of unhappiness and low self esteem, especially when I worked in Corporate world. Big paychecks means big pressures

3. I have had a few psychologists and faith counselors, who have been with me during my down periods, like when I had to make tough decisions and do some unhappy things like close down an office in San Francisco for low productivity. I also have childhood issues, which I spent time with counselors concerning bullying due to my physical disability and kids teasing me, plus abandoment issues with my mother as she left my family when I was 8 and she half-assed many times in my life (Once she left me in a locked car in a parking lot and got summoned for child endangerment, which prompted the counseling)

4. Don't know, I have dated a few times, but always expect the other shoe to drop and just anticipate the break-up

5. A brief Alcoholic period, some Marijuana, and that's it for me. Didn't touch Cocaine or anything else. As for Sex, I have fun, but I don't go too far as I don't trust people far enough.

6. Computer and Video games help, writing story and poems vents a bit and if you add in my volunteer work, I basically try to create creative outlets to keep my mind off of certain things in my past and present.

 

Overall, I wouldn't be surprised if I do have a slight mild case of depression, especially when I was working at Corporate Accounting Manager. My psychological profile probably would make me prone o a large segment of issues that might not even be Depression due to the abandonment problem and stressful choice in career. I have tried to improve myself by leaving For-Profit world and going into Non-Profit, but I know as long as I am an Accountant, I will still have to face similar pressures as part of my duty.

 

On Suicide

 

1. Yes, I have thought about suicide

2. Not as often as when I was a teen or when I worked as a Corporate Manager

3. Two times, 1st as a Teen after a bullying episode, where I got beat up from my left side, technically I m blind on my left eye side, so it is where I can be attacked extremely easily. Then, teasing came and I felt completely worthless, so I went home and tried to cut with a razor blade. Didn't work, because I missed my vein and I cut horizontally, not vertically.

 

2nd time was during my unhappiest time in College, when I was let go from my internship during my senior year and I had no other potential jobs. I also was facing an ugly jobs market back in 2008, so I felt like I had no real road ahead of m, no way to make a living or make a life. Was going to try a mix of sleeping pills, but my roommates came back and settled me down.

 

4. It sounded cool as a teen, but it really isn't as glamorous as people imagine as a form of suicide.

 

Social Anxiety

 

1. Eye contact is a major issue as I am blind in one eye and suffer from Congential Glaucoma, so I really can't do that and as a result, I really have to spend more effort to be a friend. I can make friends and I can easily approach people in crowds and functions; I like small conversations or big arguments. From Allegorical storytelling to Zimbabwe currency manipulation, I have a very diverse field of interest and open myself to making friends through it.

 

-------------------------

 

For me, suicide and Depression are not a social anxiety issue, it is more about self-worth and personal perception issues. I also am disabled and suffer from a chronic illness, so my case is different than yours. As for abandonment and relationship, I can be a friend, but I cannot commit easily to more as fear holds me back, but that's a personal psychological problem developed through childhood Mother-son problems (My old psychologist thinks its more about my fear to replace her with someone else, like I want to wait for her to return).

 

Well that's my neurotic reality.

Edited October 30, 2015 by W_L

[Warrior1]

Thank you everyone for responding. I will give a more detailed, and maybe even individual replies when I get time. For now:

 

Cynus:

"While I don't disagree that medications can be useful for people with depression, I don't believe they are useful for everyone. Medication was NOT the answer for me, personally. I hated it for the same reason I hate drugs and alcohol. it dulled my senses and made me unable to experience the world as fully as possible, which ended up increasing my depression in the long run."

 

This. Initially I thought my antidepressant is a magic pill solving all my problems, but very soon I started seeing its negative sides too. I have been on Mirtazpine(Remeron) 15mg for about 5 years now, starting at 2 every night (30mg per day) to as low as 1/2 every two days (3.25 everyday). Whenever my doctor reduced my antidepressant, it made me less depressed (good side), but it also drained me out of all my emotions. I barely felt anything, I stopped laughing when a funny thing happened, I stopped crying even when a near one died, I stopped having crushes on cute boys and I think I even stopped being a good human being as my empathy level declined so much (which is so wrong, as I have always been a very sensitive and emotional person). And I sincerely felt that, despite the depression clouding my days, taking less of it helped me in regaining my emotions.. I'd rather feel the pain and sadness because those are part of your life, I don't want the antidepressants to make me a zombie. However, if one is too depressed to almost commit suicide, like me, those does help. So my doctor raised it to 1 every night again after a bad period.

 

So there's two sides to antidepressants: they stop you from being depressed (a blessing, truly) but at the expense of numbing you and robbing you off all your emotions.

 

I just hope no permanent damage took place. I would hate it if I seriously become the emotionless zombie. I'd rather commit suicide out of hopelessness than see my emotions being totally drained.

 

Anyway, again thanks everyone.

[jfalkon]

Since you asked here is my story.

 

Depression:  I have never had it diagnosed but I can honestly say that I have had some miserable times in my life.  I have not been the victim of anything particularly tragic but when everything in your life seems to be unraveling all at once the little things can add up.

 

Suicide: I did contemplate it at one point in the early 90's.  I did not see any other way out of my problems so I began to plan my death.  I would have hung myself.  It seemed quite fool proof as opposed to poison or cutting my wrists which could go wrong in many ways.  Obviously I did not die.  Some aspects of my life started to get better and I abandoned the plan.  At this point I have no interest in killing myself.  I can see the tree I would have hung my self from the window and no matter what is going wrong I know the worst is behind me.  

 

Social Anxiety:  I am not the most outgoing person but I would not say that I have this condition.  

 

One thing I would like to add to this discussion is that not all doctors are equally good.  If at some point you find that whatever treatment you are receiving is not working or your doctor seems too busy, preoccupied with other things, uninformed, uninterested, etc. change doctors.  Here is the US, doctors are under pressure to solve problems quickly and that can lead to some poor results.  Doctors can burn out, get overwhelmed by paperwork, or make mistakes because they are tired and rushed.  Sometimes you have to go to a few doctors before you find one who can help you.  If you are struggling with medical issues, don't give up.  

[Cynus]

 

One thing I would like to add to this discussion is that not all doctors are equally good.  If at some point you find that whatever treatment you are receiving is not working or your doctor seems too busy, preoccupied with other things, uninformed, uninterested, etc. change doctors.  Here is the US, doctors are under pressure to solve problems quickly and that can lead to some poor results.  Doctors can burn out, get overwhelmed by paperwork, or make mistakes because they are tired and rushed.  Sometimes you have to go to a few doctors before you find one who can help you.  If you are struggling with medical issues, don't give up.  

I love this advice.

[Emi GS]

On Depression:

When were you diagnosed.........artistic expression to deal with this?

 

On suicide:

Do you have suicidal..........body parts in frustration?

 

Social anxiety disorder:

Do you have social anxiety disorder?

On Depression:

Depression is another name for me. It came to me as a parental gift and it is a DNA transfer from My Maternal Grandpa to mom and to me. I suffered a lot, got suicidal thoughts but never met a shrink before/ now too... I even made some things that resulted as problems between me and My family members...

 

I do whatever I felt like to do it, I'll just do. Painting, singing, dancing, listening music or movies, just be calm as sit like dumb guy, hangout with friends, talk with my fish, meditation, Yoga, prayers, "Mer-Kah-Bah", and anything and everything...

 

On suicide:

Yeah, a lot. I even get them as simple as I get hungry. I never fully tried it but pre-planned a lot too, and got succeeded in preparing them but utterly failed to go for it. I never harmed my body parts but have a opinion to do some... Hahaha

 

Social anxiety disorder:

 

I don't have any problem making new relationships with anybody but have a lot of problems relating to maintain that. Have bad habit of thinking negatively about how they percept Me and all...

 

 

Funny thing is I know My Problem and I know My solutions too...

[Warrior1]

JFalkon, I read some of your stories back in my teen days (around 2010), and sincerely loved them, especially the horror one. In fact, I have been searching for one your stories for a while, but I could neither remember your name, nor that story's name, so couldn't find. Now after seeing your post here, your name sorta resonated with me, as though I have heard about you or talked with you before. I entered your profile/story area and wow -- The Cleansing is what I have been searching for all these years, haha. Great

 

Anyway on topic, it seems that while battling depression and suicidal thoughts is something a lot of you have experiences with, most of you don't have this 'Social Anxiety Disorder'. It's a real disorder, as difficult as that of depression, sometimes even worse. I could never accomplish anything in my life for excessive shyness. All my dreams of being a model, actor, published writer have gone to waste. Sighs. Anyway, I hope I can get over it someday.

[Lisa]

Anyway on topic, it seems that while battling depression and suicidal thoughts is something a lot of you have experiences with, most of you don't have this 'Social Anxiety Disorder'. It's a real disorder, as difficult as that of depression, sometimes even worse. I could never accomplish anything in my life for excessive shyness. All my dreams of being a model, actor, published writer have gone to waste. Sighs. Anyway, I hope I can get over it someday.

Warrior, you're only nineteen; you have your whole life ahead of you. You can do anything you put your mind to. Your dreams of becoming a model, actor, or writer have not gone to waste. Hey, there have been many actors and actresses who started acting late in life: http://www.inquisitr.com/2419775/actors-who-started-late-in-life-25-male-stars-who-began-their-acting-careers-later-in-life/

 

You have to take baby steps.

[Warrior1]

LOL, somehow GayAuthors do not update ones year. I am actually 22, but yeah, that's still young. Anyway, thanks Lisa.