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A Marraige Saved By Honesty


W_L

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This is an amazing story:

 

Imagine this, a woman married for 20 years with kids gets told by her loving husband that he has been having sex on the side with men and is bisexual.

 

First reaction, shock

 

Second reaction, jealousy

 

Then...she opens up the marriage, she experiments with others, they also have threesomes with guys, and their marrigae is safe or so the news story goes.

 

https://www.queerty.com/wife-discovers-husband-sleeping-guys-happens-next-may-surprise-20161004

 

It's a different twist on the old story of closeted gay and bi men, maybe this will be the new normal, at least for more open minded people. (Hope that the closeted guys on GA can take this as a hopeful story for reconciling their marriages and still be true to themselves).

 

In the end, I think honesty saved this marriage along with an open mind by both people.

Edited by W_L
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This is an amazing story:

 

Imagine this, a woman married for 20 years with kids gets told by her loving husband that he has been having sex on the side with men and is bisexual.

 

First reaction, shock

 

Second reaction, jealousy

 

Then...she opens up the marriage, she experiments with others, they also have threesomes with guys, and their marrigae is safe or so the news story goes.

 

https://www.queerty.com/wife-discovers-husband-sleeping-guys-happens-next-may-surprise-20161004

 

It's a different twist on the old story of closeted gay and bi men, maybe this will be the new normal, at least for more open minded people. (Hope that the closeted guys on GA can take this as a hopeful story for reconciling their marriages and still be true to themselves).

 

In the end, I think honesty saved this marriage along with an open mind by both people.

I agree with you. Whatever works for you  and your partner(s).  It's not my place or anyone's to judge. Happiness and families come in all shapes and sizes. 

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I agree with Graeme and Cia completely.  I have had a few conversations with Graeme about this subject and he has given some VERY good thoughts and advice.  I just had my 23rd anniversary with my wife.  I came out to her about 6 months ago and many emotions flew about for both of us.  Mostly disapointment, shame, fear and wonder for the future.  Without going into story length detail the story is very typical of a teen in the 70-80's.  I grew up in a small conservitive town. Typical rural north west USA.  The wife was a military kid with very little stability as her father was career USAF and moved from base to base.  Anyway, we have talked and understand each others fears, wants and concerns.  We are making it and moving forward with mutual respect and understanding.  DO NOT GET ME WRONG---  it is not easy, it is taking constant work and interaction with each other.  She is worried that I will find someone else to love and leave her, while I am still very scared about getting with a guy for only physical pleasure without feeling I am cheating on my wife.  She has said she understands and will support my needs, but I just don't know.  We have promiced each other to be honest and communicate our feelings and concerns.  This is the best thing we can do.  Another thing is to reinforce the companionship, understanding, love and support of your partner (wife in my case) so that they know you are being true to their fears and needs.  THANKS GRAEME :) :) :).   The botom line is that these situations are fluid and often not obvious in their outcomes.  It takes a VERY special partner to be able to work through this situation.  Procede with honesty, truth and caution and be aware that storybook endings are not guarenteed for any of us.

 

R

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A lot of great, honest, and thoughtful responses from Graeme, Cia, and Wenmale64. The news story I shared is merely meant as a rare and hopeful tale in a sea of pitfalls. There are a lot more closeted guys, who cheat on their wives than open marriages or compromised marriages.

 

As an openly gay male, I cannot see myself being involved with a woman and being married for acceptable behavior, but this is a topic that is a big part of being gay or bi, especially for generations and cultures that were part of more conservative environments. In the past, I've dated married man in closet (did not know at the time), but I had to break it off as he was cheating on his wife with me and lied to me about his relationship status.

 

I think you guys and gal were brave, honorable, and in your own ways loving partners to your spouses for revealing this fact about your sexuality to them.

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I think what Graeme said was poignant and beautiful and important.

 

For me, the issue would not have been the orientation, but the cheating. That I could not forgive. Even if your sexuality changes, or someone decides not to live their life with the sexuality they'd pretended was true, going behind your spouse's back is never an acceptable answer. I'd be more understanding of the couple in the article if he'd not cheated, and come out to her, and they'd remained friends (or even lived together for the sake of children/family/etc) but aid their sexual relationship was over.

 

In my universe, cheating on someone is just never OK.

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I agree that cheating on your spouse is the ultimate betrayal.  It is one thing to live the lie and not be honest with your spouse, but it is a whole new level to cheat on them.  When I came out to my wife, after the tears and questions about our future the bigest thing she wanted to know was if I had been with anybody else.  The truthful answer was NO.  This was a slight suprise to her as my best friend is a man that I care for more than I can ever relate to others.  He was and is my rock since junior high school in the mid 70's.  He is the only other person that knows my orientation (only for the past year or so).  He is still my best friend and that was the bigest relief that could have happened.  When I came out to my wife she was sure I was with him and was leaving her.  Not my way. I do still love my wife, I just want to explore what was missed while growing up and she understands this.  I will always be honest with her from now on and while sometimes it is dificult it is a much better way to live.  Bottom line....  NEVER cheat on your partner. It will destroy any respect and trust for both of you.  You will know it, they will suspect it and both will be resentful of themselves and the other.  Never a good ending to that situation.  Honesty and pain is much better than deciet and loathing.......  Just my thoughts. 

 

R

Edited by wenmale64
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Just to make a point clear:

 

If I were not with my current boyfriend, I would accept a guy who is in an open relationship with his wife as long as all three of us agree to it. It depends on how we feel for each other and our level of interest, but I'm past the storybook romance phase of gay love, you may never get a guy's full mind, body, and soul dedicated to you or vice versa. If you love someone, you accept their flaws and they accept yours, trying not to cause harm to one another in the process.

 

I didn't dump the asshole, because he was married, I dumped him because he was cheating on his wife and lied to me about who he was. A lover is an intimate relationship, it cannot be based on deceit if you want to continue the relationship.

 

For me, the couple in the news story from Queerty and your personal stories here represent what should be sought in complex relationships, you guys were honest with your partners of the opposite sex and were not sneaking behind them to find boyfriends on the side or DL.

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