An Old Friend Needs Some Advise

[Meeko]

Closed thanks for the help!

Edited August 17, 2017 by Meeko

[Headstall]

He's a kid, Meeko. I know this is hard on you right now, but he'll figure it out. Don't cut him out of your life... I can tell it will hurt you badly. Him too, most likely. Someone put a thought in his head, and he doesn't have the maturity or life experience to know what to do, so he asked you. Instead of holding onto anger, try to understand. Relationships, especially a sibling one, can be volatile. Sometimes a cool off period is necessary.  How long that is, only you two know. When you feel up to it, reach out and explain how important he is to you... as a brother. In the meantime, don't do or say anything rash... some things you can't come back from. Good luck... hope this helps... Gary....

[Former Member]

It’s clear that your brother wanted to get an opinion he thought might be impartial. It occurs to me that the whole crush tangent might have been caused by your brother mentioning that he has feelings for you. To get a feel for how you might react, it’s possible he turned it around. Your reaction would have upset him because you don’t reciprocate what he possibly feels for you.

 

If my speculation is correct, I think he’s confusing hero-worship and brotherly love with romantic love.

 

I would suggest a cooling-off period too.

[wildone]

Hey Mikie (am I allowed to still call you that )

 

I know this has happened in the short term, and i want to take a slightly different approach on how you should look at the short term and it might influence the long term.

 

Growing up, my older sister was always at odds with my dad, but so was I. Little sister never got in trouble. Dad was the disciplinary of the house, but Mom and him always discussed before hand what happened. Probably between 14 and 19 my sister and dad never talked.

 

So she moved out and on her own, in her late twenties she decided to go get her palms read, or something along that lines about relationship advice. Anyways, she was 'told' that she had too much misdirected anger towards my dad that she needed to release this and realize that our Mom was the true bad parent for not standing up for her. She shared this with my little sister who told me, but I kept my mouth shut. Needless to say, she started singing Dad's praises and criticizing Mom all the time. She actually turned a cold shoulder to Mom. Fast forward 15 years, Mom was diagnose with end stage ovarian cancer 5 months before she passed away fighting. To this day, my sister regrets everything that she said and did and thought about Mom and felt it was too late to make up for what she should have done 15 years earlier.

 

Mikie, think how you will feel in 10 to 15 years, or how he will. What I'm saying is you are the older adult here, don't be scared to be the adult and talk with him face to face as adults. Tell him how he made you feel and ask him how he feels about it. If you admit you are bi, that is entirely up to you.

 

I'm sure if you are that close, with you actively trying to resolve this, it will work out for you in the short term and long term as well.

 

 

 

[Bill W]

Meeko, from what you've said here, I'm not so sure he was accusing you of being gay.  I think he felt he should investigate the suggestion his mentor gave him and decided to ask you, rather than accuse you.  Don't get upset, because he just trying to figure things out.  As Headstall pointed out, he's just a kid and not worldly, so he felt this was something he should investigate.  To me it doesn't sound as if he was accusing, he was merely asking.  I hope this helps.  Shouldn't we all ask questions about things we're not sure of? 

[Meeko]

Thanks for the responses guys.  Let me just clarify that he knows I'm bi and leaning towards female. And he is also currently 17 years old. I'm mostly just upset that he even considered I could have a crush on him I think. 

 

[Meeko]

2 hours ago, droughtquake said:

It’s clear that your brother wanted to get an opinion he thought might be impartial. It occurs to me that the whole crush tangent might have been caused by your brother mentioning that he has feelings for you. To get a feel for how you might react, it’s possible he turned it around. Your reaction would have upset him because you don’t reciprocate what he possibly feels for you.

 

Hey Drought,

He knows I'm bi, and I know he's straight and he was more afraid that I did have a crush on him, and thats why I was doing everything I did for him. 

[Freerider]

4 hours ago, Meeko said:

Hey Drought,

He knows I'm bi, and I know he's straight and he was more afraid that I did have a crush on him, and thats why I was doing everything I did for him. 

 

It seems you have talked about this openly. Why not keep this going and explain to him how you see him?

It is only a small step from there to explain that his words of doubt hurt you.

 

[Meeko]

15 minutes ago, Freerider said:

 

It seems you have talked about this openly. Why not keep this going and explain to him how you see him?

It is only a small step from there to explain that his words of doubt hurt you.

 

I have done this, and his response was that he was just scared, but I'm not quite sure what he's scared about nor has he told me yet. 

[Freerider]

12 minutes ago, Meeko said:

I have done this, and his response was that he was just scared, but I'm not quite sure what he's scared about nor has he told me yet. 

 

I see. I my opinion you are handling this well   

I suppose you have asked him what it is exactly that he is scared about?

 

 

Edited August 16, 2017 by Freerider