covid19 Posts from the Apocalypse

[Carlos Hazday]

I've been laughing all morning at the comments and memes my brothers and sisters-in-law have been sharing in the family chat.. Because there's a slight political tilt to the funnies, I can't share them on GA. But, if you google Clorox Chewables and Lysol Inhalers...

[Carlos Hazday]

A dog's letter to his humans...

Dear Hoomans

I've noticed over the past couple of weeks you have been staying in my home for extended periods of time. It's lovely having you here, but I feel I should set a few ground rules. I'd appreciate it if you would follow them while you're staying with me.

1. When you do go out you need to take me with you.

2. You seem to be eating lots of nice goodies while lazing about the house. I am entitled to a share of those! I won’t make a fuss. I'll just sit in front of you and quietly stare until I get my share!

3. Don’t call me for another bath, I'm clean now. Just because you're bored, doesn’t mean I need a wash or haircut. I suggest you go clean the metal box on wheels outside instead. Daddy human has done that a few times now even though it hasn’t moved in weeks.

4. As you're here constantly at the moment, it's your duty to let me out as often as I require. That means that even if I have just come in and want to go out again, you should let me. Sometimes I miss a spot whilst sniffing about and I need to recheck.

5. When I'm asleep, leave me sleeping. This isn’t a cue for the little humans to play with me. I can also sleep where I like, I don’t expect to be woken so you can move me.

6. Do not shush me when I am barking. As you are here more, my job of protecting you has increased. I have to listen out for every little noise and inform you of it in case it’s a threat.

7. You can't leave a room without me, I know how sneaky you guys can be. Just the other day I'm sure I heard a potato chip packet being opened upstairs and no one called me to share. So from now on I'll be following you around.

8. This is a very important rule. . . . If it lands on the floor it’s MINE and if it’s in my mouth it’s MINE.

9. You will never pee alone again, you watch me do it, so I do not understand why you shut me out and close the bathroom door when you go.

10. If you do not follow these rules I will use SAD PUPPY DOG EYES TO GET WHAT I WANT !! 🐶🐶

 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Carlos Hazday

[Carlos Hazday]

Silver lining...

The lack of traffic makes riding a motorcycle in the city a pleasure. Went to Miami this morning and rode back not wearing a helmet. Instead of gasoline fumes, I actually smelled clean air and flowers! That usually happens on back roads, not on the interstate. All of a sudden, I95's a pleasure instead of a headache.

[Carlos Hazday]

Incongruities of the lock down.

My niece had an internship at a law firm in Atlanta this coming summer that was cancelled. I just found out they're still going to pay her 10 grand just to stay home and sit on her ass. WTF? Of course, they're just buttering her up, so she'll accept the job they offered her for next year when she graduates. What the hell is a 24 yo going to do making 165k a year? I made about a tenth of that when I graduated from college in 1981. The bitch better be nice to her favorite uncle.