Need advice.

[Cscampbell]

I know this is not the normal thing for this club, but I just want to try and get some good advice.

This guy, we'll call him C is 20 years old. I am 40. We were in a semi relationship for a while, than there were about two weeks where I was unable to see or communicate with him. During those two weeks him and a mutual friend started a relationship. I kinda saw it coming, but was still very disappointed and hurt, but I've gotten over it, maybe, not really.

For quite a while I was holding out hope that he would come back to me, but I was hurting my mental health a lot by doing so, so now I kinda look at him as my little brother/best friend. 

I love C so much, I'm constantly thinking about him, and worry about him incessantly; mainly for the fact that he has extreme social anxiety, and is manic-depressive. 

I don't know what to do, he knows how I feel about him, and so does the other guy, and they're both fine with "sharing" when it comes to sex, but I am a one man man, and don't really think that the other guy is good for C. But because I love him, I'm willing to let him be with this other guy.

Any and all suggestions/ comments are appreciated. Also want to know what folks think about the age difference, am I wrong for loving a guy literally half my age?

Thanks folks! Look forward to hearing for you guys.

Lovez! 

[Comicality]

 

Well...that's a tough one...

I'm sorry to hear about it, but I'm going to be totally honest here. No offense or disrespect, but...I think that this is a situation where you really need to figure out what this relationship really is. And I hate to say it that way...but is this guy sharing the kind of feelings for you that you are with him? I mean, he found another partner without your knowledge? They're ok with 'sharing', but...what does that mean, exactly? And you think this other guy isn't good for C? But he's still with him?

The whole anxiety, manic depressive, thing...let's take that out of the equation. That's not your responsibility. If you want to help and be a good friend, then awesome. But it's not your fault, and you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything other than encourage him to get help with that. It's not a part of your relationship.

Age isn't a factor either if you guys connect on a deeper level as consenting adults. That's not something that you should be made to worry about or ashamed of. I'd LOVE to have a college boy share a bed with me! LOL!  

But...and you may not want to hear this, as few people would...you have to ask yourself whether the people you care about most are taking advantage of your heart and using it to manipulate you. It hurts to hear...but there are a lot of people who will. What is he getting from you? Why does he need someone else? When does he seem the most affectionate? When he needs something? These are questions that you need to ask yourself. And be honest with the answers. Even when it hurts.

Dude, there are other guys out there who will give you their whole heart and love you, and you exclusively, no matter what. And many of them will be hot college twinks who are searching for the kind of love that you're willing to give them.  

Just...ask yourself the right questions. K? And don't let anyone drain you of the love and loyalty you have to offer without giving it back to you.

best of luck.

[MrM]

I couldn’t put it better than Comsie just did.

He’s absolutely right on each point. If you can, you need to answer those questions as rationally and objectively as possible. That’s a tall order, I know, but you owe it to yourself to do this. You also have to be willing to let him go if that’s what needs to happen. Holding on to something that is either gone or never existed in the first place will simply hurt you more in the end. Also, don’t let this discourage you from pursuing a relationship with someone else. Comsie’s right. There’s someone out there wanting what you want too. Never give up hope. Living without hope is the worst pain of all. Trust me on this.

[Cscampbell]

Thank you guys so much for your advice and comments. I've been realizing most of this myself, and come to the conclusion that at least for my mental health I need to look at him as my little brother. One of the issues might be that I haven't told him how I feel about this other guy. As I said I consider the other guy a friend, but... he's...got some very negative issues going on, and with C's mental health issues... I just don't know.

My god love is so complicated! 😢

[Comicality]

 

Ummmm...to be totally honest with you, dude...I wouldn't even do the 'little brother' thing.

I'm not saying that you have to kick him out of your life completely, but the 'little brother' role? There's still affection there. You know what I mean? It's like you're still leaving the door open just in case. Don't do that. Close it. You already know where this leads, and you'll only be making it easier to fall back into old habits the second he gives you a smile and a wink. So don't let your heart take the wheel on this one, k?

I've been in the same position myself before, and I only ended up getting taken advantage of, over and over again, while constantly looking for some kind of sign that something might still happen between us. It's not worth it to learn this lesson the hard way. Trust me, k?