Does this have potential?

[Naiilo]

Let me know if this passage has any potential to keep going. Honesty is the best policy, please.

 

 

Deep in the heart of a town now known as Hyoshi there a monument. The sky-raising statue boasts the journeys of a hero and his sons. At its roots, the alabaster arborlith mirrors fables, fairytales they are called today, of the village

[Andy]

I like it.

 

Its got potential. It sounds quite poetic at the start... very poetic... in a prose kind of way, which might make it harder to continue in the long-run.

 

The alliteration is a bit over the top in the first paragraph, though thats probably just my alliteration predjudiced eyes. (long story).

 

That aside, it did leave me with one gripe. Why is the 4th sons branch all black and withered. And whats the story of the unmentioned warrior.

 

I think you should continue it.

 

 

 

P.s. interesting choice of the Dantalion sigil...

[Graeme]

You've got a good story premise, which is always a tough step for new writers. More importantly, you obviously also know the ending, and that's critical. It gives you a goal to work towards -- too many stories start strongly, but it becomes apparent that the author doesn't know how to end the story.

 

What you have shown does NOT tell us if you can write. You can do flowerly statements, but it's almost impossible to continue that style for an entire story.

 

As a suggestion, try what I did when I first thought of trying to write: I took a single scene in the story and wrote it out. I then looked to see if I was able to give the impact I was aiming for. The answer for me was that I was happy that I could put into words the scene I had in my mind. I continued to work on it whenever I hit witer's block, and eventually dropped it into the story (some people have told me they think it's the best part of the whole story, which shows the benefit of constant refinement ).

 

If you would like someone to check out what you write privately, drop me a PM. I'm interested enough to do it for you. Just be warned that while I try to stay polite, I'll tell you if I don't think something is right.

 

Good luck! The first story is often the hardest.

 

Graeme