For Lexophiles

[Jack Scribe]

FOR LEXOPHILES

 

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

 

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

 

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

 

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

 

5. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts;

in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

 

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

 

7. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

 

8. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

 

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft

and I'll show you A-flat miner.

 

10. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

 

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

 

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

 

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

 

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

 

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

 

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

 

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

 

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

 

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

 

21. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison:

a small medium at large.

 

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

 

23. When you've seen one shopping center,

you've seen a mall.

 

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

 

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair,

she thought she'd dye.

 

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

 

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

 

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

 

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

 

And might I add...

 

It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.

 

Jack

[colinian]

Jack,

 

I've seen some of these, most are new to me. Some are very funny. One thing that's fun, they all work when they're read, but some don't work when they're said outloud.

 

Thanks!

 

Colin

[AFriendlyFace]

Oh my gosh, Jack!!!!

 

That's spot on my kind of humour!

 

 

one thing that's fun, they all work when they're read, but some don't work when they're said outloud.

Which ones don't work aloud? They all seemed to to me.

[colinian]

...Which ones don't work aloud? They all seemed to to me.

I tried reading them to my folks. I had to explain some, which IMO means they didn't work out loud. #4, #8, and #9. That's when I gave up. Then I tried the same ones on my brother Chris, and I had to explain them to him, too. Maybe it was my delivery, maybe it's my family is dense. I gave them a printout, and they all said they "read" funnier. Whatever.

 

Colin

[Razor]

Wow... just, wow...

 

I love them, and I'm going to give a few to my english teacher. I think he'll get a kick out of subordinate clauses.

[rknapp]

The Paris one can't be told... it must be read since many people will thing you mean "insane", rather then "in Seine". Good find Jack, I enjoyed it!

[Drewbie]

7. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

 

One of my favs, Nice list

[Krista]

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

 

Nice list, Jack.

 

Krista

[Caipirinha]

You can tune a piano and you can tune a car but you can't tune a fish.

 

Courtesy a substitue teacher I had in High School.

[colinian]

I sent Jack's to Cole Parker, and he sent me these:

 

 

[Jack Scribe]

I sent Jack's to Cole Parker, and he sent me these:

 

[jalaki]

Definitely a classic here, seen some of these before and some were new, so thanks for it

 

Wish I could remember some of the others I've seen that weren't on here

[AFriendlyFace]

Loved the 2nd list as well!

 

The one about the Fruedian slip is one that I've liked and enjoyed telling for years...I guess it's a psyc. major joke lol