[Lugh] Day-Glo Afterdark

[Lugh]

Comments Welcome.

[Centaur]

Hi Lugh

 

I looked for Day-Glo Afterdark on your site and in e-fiction, but it wasn't in either place. Can you tell us where to find it so we can comment?

 

If it was part of the Summer Anthology, that doesn't look like it's been posted yet, so that might be the issue.

 

I know we're all looking forward to it!

 

Thanks!

 

Centaur

[Lugh]

Patience Grasshopper.... it's coming... it's coming!

[Centaur]

Well - it's finally posted! I can comment now!

 

I liked the story! It was a fun ride - short but packed full of energy. I liked both the names Jayce and Keefer - very cool!

 

I also thought the unique concept of Jayce as an Oren being able to know instantly who his life mate was to be fascinating. If only that were true in life! But it was very well done. You conveyed multi-cultural relationships a certain way without going into painful detail.

 

You could definitely keep this story going, even though it was a short story as part of the anthology. The great part is that you built enough structure around the major characters for us to want it to keep going - the sign ofa great story! There is enough for us to say "wait! what happened to..." etc.

 

So, thank you for another great story! I enjoyed it thoroughly! I hope others comment here in the forum as well - let us all know what you think!

 

Centaur :2hands:

 

 

P.S. I even chuckled at the disclaimer.

[Kurt]

Was a great story!! I really enjoyed reading it. You have awonderful imagination, and it shows in your stories. Very well done!

 

Kurt

[AFriendlyFace]

Hey Lugh!

 

I really enjoyed the story, it was extremely creative and enjoyable! Did you make up the races just for the sake of this story or do you have other stories with these races? Anyway I definitely enjoyed the suspense factor that came from not quite knowing enough about the culture of each race to know how they were likely to react.

 

I'm still very interested to know what will happen when the fathers find out, since after all they are political enemies. Of course I'd also like to find out what happens when Keefer has to marry that woman.

 

Anyway great job!

 

Kevin

[Gandalf]

Lugh what a fun story. It shows your skill at creating alternative lives and worlds with an incredibly short amount of space. I am sure others can analyse how you accomplish this better than I could. I hope that it leads to more from this interesting place in time and space. It also gives me hope that when you are able to wrap around Erebi again it will also benefit from your increasing skills. Thanks for the fun. Pax Steve

[Dezlboi]

Oh yeah, man. I'm not a huge fan of SF; I used to read a ton but thee days I generally avoid it. But I wanted to check this out since Lugh mentioned it last night in chat, and I'm very glad that I did.

 

I'm glad to say that it was much more Fifth Element/Farscape than Star Trek, if that makes sense. And I echo Gandalf's comments (and admiration) of you ability to drop us right into this world of your own creation without giving us eight chapters of background. Brilliant.

 

I always try to toss on a little bit of critique to go with the praise, since I always beg for that myself. Honestly though, plot-wise, it was solid; you are either quite detail-oriented yourself or you have a great editor; and I liked both the characters and the setting. So in the interest of offering SOME kind of critique, I would suggest adding a comma, so this line:

 

I can't Mama.

 

Reads like this:

 

I can't, Mama.

 

Hehe. Nice job, seriously.

 

-Dez

[Camy]

Critique? Sorry, not much good at them. I Loved the story though, LOVED IT!

 

I'm glad to say that it was much more Fifth Element/Farscape than Star Trek, if that makes sense. And I echo Gandalf's comments (and admiration) of you ability to drop us right into this world of your own creation without giving us eight chapters of background. Brilliant.

Absolutely!

[Lugh]

HUGS to all of you... you're all so sweet!

 

Thank you.

 

Lugh

[rarelytame]

So in the interest of offering SOME kind of critique, I would suggest adding a comma, so this line:

 

I can't Mama.

 

Reads like this:

 

I can't, Mama.

 

-Dez

 

*sigh*

 

I'm very disappointed in your editor for missing this.

Edited July 30, 2006 by terras_rain

[Lugh]

 

*sigh*

 

I'm very disappointed in your editor for missing this.

 

Me too!

 

All three of them!

 

 

Laughing....

 

Lugh

[Ieshwar]

This story rocks. I would like to hear more of it. I loved that bonding stuff.

[Lugh]

Thanks Ieshwar,

 

I'm glad you are enjoying the stories. I've considered revisiting these characters, but I've not made up my mind yet. It's good to welcome a new fan to the forums.

 

Lugh

[wildone]

Great Story Lugh

 

As you know, i did this backwards .

 

I just glad that I found it and now have had the chance to read it.

 

I too would be interested in finding out what happens with Keefer and Jayce. I imagine you could do an interesting story of the two of them returning to Vega 5 for a vacation years later.

 

I did like the way you wrote the story, it gave me all of the details of what I needed to know, and still was enough of a background to the characters without a bunch of filler. The characters were both interesting and also believable that you can possibly see this 'universe' possibly existing.

 

Who knows, maybe some more stories on the happenings on Vega 5 could build quite an audience.

 

Thanks for sharing,

 

Steve

[rustle]

Lugh,

 

I enjoyed the read, but it left me wanting more - more backstory, and a sequel. You've got some fertile ground here, hinting at a wholly different existence, full of complexities to explore.

 

The characters are cute, and complicated. Their direction in life is challenging. The surroundings nibble at the edges of exotic.

 

The quick change of focus between characters was challenging in the club scene, trying to keep Jayce and Keef straight separate in my mind, but the confusion reminded me of how I actually feel in clubs. The story has a very down-to-earth, personal feel. The dialogue was good, and the most endearing characteristic of your main characters was their readiness to recognize and embrace "what is." Neither Jayce nor Keef intended bonding, but both put faith in it: Keef, in pursuing a life together, and Jayce, well, he's cast his fate to the winds, and found them blowing where he wants to go.

 

Are you going to do more with this? I'd love to read it.

 

Thanks for the recommendation. I liked it!

 

rustle