Kev de Cauchery

Gosh, I'm such a slut! So yeah, I'm having this crush on this guy I know about from a class. I said "know about" because I've never actually talked to him or anything besides a certain amount of class particpation on both sides. So I basically know nothing about this Justin. Well, yeah, I know his name is Justin, and he's from the States. And cute to my eyes. O well, Sky and Graham comes to mind when I'm talking about this situation. Sky, well, another sad news. So yeah, I'm pretty convinced that he's straight, tho I don't have any evidence, but then, there's never a need for evidence when you think someone's straight. However, this is where the fun part comes in, the three girls I'm been sitting with told me that Justin gives "special" attention to me when I do the group discussion/presentation kind of stuff. But then I'm still convinced he's still straight. For me, Justin's just a pretty person i get to see once each week. and I'm kinda satisfied with that. But then sometimes I think maybe I'm over-shielding myself from this self-protection thingie. And this self-loathe/insecurity thingie. Anyways, I smile everytime I think of him, and the faux-possibility that he'd be gay. And I never remember having fun crushing on "straight" guys. Maybe I'm having fun this time because I know I wouldn't let myself SinK into this desperation state. Anyways, life's kinda good, 'cept it's so expensive to live in Syd, Aus. On writing front, I just finished a short story 'Just Somebody' for the creative writing fiction workshop I'm taking. It's a letter style kind of thingie. It's from K to M, the same two characters in my 'Yours Truly, Marionette' I've posted here. (Yay for the shameless plug.) I'm thinking of posting the new one here soon, after editing or whatnot. Oh yeah, i'm single and fabulous. I don't think I'm sad or depressed anymore. (O well, I've attached the story I'm talking about. Won't post it till my prof read it, of course.) Error with attaching files.

I'm digging the "fashion show" of Blurt, also love Naya and Heather. Can't wait to see Burt tho.

Happy Birthday, Matty! And I'm pretty sure you're okay, so... Can't wait for you to get that finished so I can start readying. LOL

Happy Birthday, Dargon!! Sorry if I missed the parrrrty ..

Happy Birthday, Trebs! Have a lovely one!

Happy Birthday, Fishie!!!

Lacey, you look younger every time you post a pic. Younger every time!

Happy Birthday, Drewbie!!

I remember it made press and discussed here a couple of years ago. At least one year ago....

Thanks, Sky and KC.

The other day, i treated myself, as a birthday present, to a fashion show in the Sydney Fashion Festival. This it the pic of me and an Italian girl I met there. Very nice girl! If I weren't gay ... And a pic they took of me in the "after party"

Don't go around talking about Matty like that. It's just a blog's name I think he put down a (couple o) year(s) ago and I kinda misquoted it and twisted its meaning. Anyway. What I was saying is that's for the dramatic effect. I have yet to fully wake up so I'll reply later, I guess.

I was debating whether I should write this blog, but then I thought I'm not here as often anymore, so I guess a blog might be good. <--Whatever, that doesn't make sense. Talk about randomness. Talking about updates, so I'm here now in Sydney, Australia. Meh. But then one of the good sides is that now I can do Youtube! One of the videos I've been watching religiously daily is Joel Burns' "It Gets Better" , supposedly one of the best It Gets Better video of all time. I know the video's ancient or whatever, but I had it in my bookmarks before I could watch it. Then comes my emotions. I've been watching it daily and it gets to me every time. I wonder why. I can use some emotional stability. Anyway, I've been feeling all this self-hatred and stupid insecurity ever since I've arrived in Oz. The self-hatred exploded after a particular incident. So there's a gay community/society/group in my uni called Shades. I only joined online thru Facebook so I didn't know anyone before i went to this supposed party at school. I was late that day by an hour because of classes arrangements and when i reached the bar, people are already congregating and I felt like not having the courage or anything to strike up a convo with anyone there. So I went home alone, with this enormous self hatred. I twitted: "I officially hate myself. This hatred is dangerous too. I'm gonna be lonely from now on. I don't care about Joel Burns' speechless moment when he met JD Angle." So I was bathed in this remorseful sadness. And then came my birthday a couple days ago. Since I was convinced that i'm gonna die alone, I couldn't help being overwhelmed by this love i felt from the friends, back at home and here at GA wishing me a happy one. I thought to myself, "Even though I may have to die alone, it doesn't feel so bad now that I feel this love." Five minutes after this particular thought, I cried, for the first time in Oz, because of a stupid song, whose lyrics talked about you'd have to wait before love comes or whatever "Grape won't turn into wine before they're mature(?)" or something. just stupid, but i cried anyway. And just now I came across that story about a mom who's gonna love his son whether his gay or not or something. and i got so emotional. Gosh! what is wrong with me anyway. I feel like I've been having too many ups and downs concerning my emotions ever since I'm here. sick of it already. So yeah, i'm 23 now. As PlugInMatty would say, "Nobody likes you when you're 23." I'm sorry I've taken whoever read this their time for posting this complete boring randomness.

The story's keeping me emotional for a few days, I'm sure.

Thank you to Jack, Sky, Momma and Jenjen! I'm feeling like I'm having a two-day birthday.

Thank you, Yang and KC!

Done.

Thank you everyone for making my day! to all And to Andy, nah, I'm not drinking today.

Happy Birthday, Cia!

Everyone looks real good.

The hungover one is the decent one, right?

Pls call me old fashion tho i consider myself a fashion rebel, but nah.... I'd suggest a kilt instead tho.

JC, so it seems I'm not the only one who thinks you're gorge.

We can go sometimes, now that I'm here in this thread. Gorgeous man.

Archer Hairline! I love it!