I think the changes are good.
I say it's nicely done, but I do understand the other's confusion and stuff. I suppose it's the tying up the knots aspect we talked about?
Anyway, I like this style of writing but I'll admit it's not easy, and I'll say you weren't overwhelmed by the style.
When people do this style of narrating/journal/letter or whatnot, I guess they should expect either love or hate. I just happen to like it.
And yeah, you know i'd like some of the knots being tied up.