MidnightSecret

No One - Alicia Keys, the passion is so intense you can feel it (: Kissing You - Des'ree Lovers - Kathleen Battle

omgosh ty so much!! ^0^

<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/16663742?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0"></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/16663742">Wes and Mark</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/keymoments">Key Moments Productions, Inc.</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p> OPSSS I'm not sure how to post videos on here xD

<3 uber loving luanlegacy! (: I don't like being called lonely just cause I don't have a boyfriend yet, maybe I wasn't meant to be tamed. Maybe I just need to continue to run free til I find someone just as wild to run with me. <3

LOL. I found this to be entertaining, and brough a smile cause it reminded me so much of myself! ^0^

Lately I’ve been having the same dream over and over again. I dreamt of a beautiful boy on top of the highest hill. He was singing, dancing and he invited me to join him. So I climbed that hill, but it was so steep. I kept climbing and climbing but the hill just got steeper and steeper. I did, however, reach the top of the hill… But I was too late, and that beautiful boy was gone. I looked all over for him, searching for that bright smile. He was no where in sight. …and I panicked, because I know. I know what the world can do to a boy- who only sees beauty in the world.

1001 Sheeps... 1002 Sheeps... 1003 Sheeps... ... Forget it, all this counting is starting to irritate me. I think it's been about 3 days? I think I'm sleeping but yet I'm widely awake? I think I might go crazy. I try and I try so hard to close my eyes, but I only find myself staring at that same ceiling in perpetual horror. Perhaps I should decorate all its emptiness with bright glowing stars... Gleaming with hope, I guess. Sigh; I tried to demand myself to fall asleep, giving consent to the dream world to consume my mind; it will be full of good things, full of sweet things, and I will be in pure happiness. Well... Maybe. I tried so hard, but for a full 74 hours, I still feel wide awake, catching nearly a wink the whole-time. The last time I had trouble sleeping, was when I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't in love with you. What am I going to do? Wow, I'm looking through my room again, it has definitely become a pigsty. When was the last time I bothered to clean this place up? I better get started, I guess. Just when I started to organize the CDs that were rolling around the corners of the room, I picked up your favorite one. The first time we listened to this song together, I teased you into chasing me in circles around this room, I was convinced that I could always run freely and that you would only be a couple steps behind me always chasing after me. And then you caught me and we landed not on the bed, but on the floor. Looking into your eyes that night told me everything I needed to know. Do you still remember when you told me that you would take me to Paris and Rome? I threw my arms around your neck, and I promised you... that I would run away you. I kissed your face and kissed your head: "I'm in love with you." Was I not enough for you? I hated how you told me that I deserved more, that they would never understand, that no one wants to see us together. It's not true. To love is our birth right. "Just breathe and realize that this very moment is all that we'll know that we'll have for sure. I'm just like you, I was lonely too, but now... I got you. And really... That's all that really matters." That's when I saw it, the same small pill with a pinkish sheen; a tiny, lonely sleeping pill. I thought I had picked these all up 3 days ago. You Fool. Why did you have to go and take a whole bottle of this nasty medicine? You could've asked me to knock you out if you had trouble sleeping. ... All of a sudden, something felt like it was coming up, so I spat out everything. Still, the pain lingered in my chest, getting worse as time passed. I felt my head spinning and I could feel myself sobbing: "You knew it would be this way. You knew I couldn't sleep well when there's no one next to me. Yet you went ahead and did it. Why?" The tears didn't stop, falling like rain. I feel kinda tired. ...

Glad to hear Ahaha sorry, as a teenager, I usualy don't think too clearly before doing things, sometimes without thinking rationally, and sometimes without understanding the consequences! Tehe my bad <3 Good for you, I wish you all the happiness and luck that I can possibly give you because you deserve it!

Thank you :] Your right it's definately easier to bear when your not alone, no one should have to face it alone-

OMGAWD I love Kurt's and Blaine's Duet together!! <333 Hopefully there will be more!!

Your in love, and that's a beautiful thing. Nephy has definately given you some great advice. All I can say is... When you love someone or something strong enough to be able to take risks, then it must be worth it. Remember; if it feels good, then it must be good. Does your Mind understand why you need to take the risk? Does your Heart demand it? Does your Soul realize the possible outcomes? Yes? Then Risk it. Love is simply too beautiful to run from.

LOL, I think I be way too embarrassed to be seen with someone who thought "truck nuts" were a cool and fun way to decorate his truck lah. Silly Boy ~

you know how some people love Justin Bieber? Well... I actually like Miley Cyrus' music and NO I don't mean that Hannah Montanna jumble or w.e. it's called. LOL lah.

I think it really just depends on how serious or intimate your relationship is with your partner. To me personally, I find that people who are web camming are not entirely "satisfied" with what their partner is giving them; which in turn has some minor or major consequences. That's why I say it really depends on where your relationship is situated, does what your partner have to offer you is enough? Or are you looking for something more?

I find that the holidays is the perfect time to spend with not only family, but with friends you haven't seen or talked to for a long time; a perfect time to rekindle old memories, and of course making new ones along the way. Show love to the people you care about! And NEVER spend a day alone at home, unless you have friends coming over OR if your spending time with your family! Ahhhhh yes no school for two weeks = cut myelf some slack + take time to appreciate things in life more.

thank you for your kind words, always. Yeah, I felt much better after writing this; I wrote this through the eyes of my bestfriend's brother, hoping to gain some insight, some peace of mind. I always questioned why we keep certain things in silence, it only leads to more pain. So thank you once again for your kind words

[Warning] I hesitated putting this passage up on here, because it didn't seem quite... "appropriate" to say the least. But I wrote this during one of my darkest hours, and lets just say that I wrote this for my best friend, to give him a voice, who I will always remember each passing day. And I apologize for any slight discomfort you may feel reading this. Thank-you. Now we Begin: ... He was a very sensitive boy, His love for Art was the only substance his heart beated for. He embraced what he drew, what he painted, because it was the only way he knew he was still alive. I loved him, he was my brother... that was until he come across something so great, so divine, that it was simply not enough to create with his own two hands. He did what he could to obtain this sudden object of affection, his loss of innocence at an early age, was what had killed him. In the end... He never got his justice, and he never ever drew again. Trascript: Anonymous- "I hope that you will understand, from what took place, why I cannot tell you what exactly happened, because I don't want to remember... But I don't want to forget." "I was 15 and he was 19 at the time, and I had convinced myself that I was in love with him. I never told my parents about him, because I was afraid. Although he made me... do things, I still followed him where ever he went. He took me out to parties and we would do whatever we pleased. If felt like a dream, and it was too good to be true... And little did I know he became my nightmare. It was dark, but he insisted to take me out to his friend's party so I went. It was passed midnight and I told him that I wanted to go home, but... But I think maybe... he had a little to much to drink, 'do you love me?' he asked me impatiently. I.. I didn't know what to say. All I could do was foolishly nod my head up and down in hesistation. So he smiled at me, no it was different; he smirked at me with cold empty eyes. Before I could catch my breath, he grabbed me and locked the door behind him: I knew what he could and would do to me. I screamed 'no... Please NO, NO please your hurting me...' -and you know what he said...? 'Shut Up!' and he covered my mouth in such rage that it paralyzed me, I couldn't move nor twitch a finger, and it continued on as he devoured me completely. It didn't make sense, he... He was hurting me and yet he was 'making love' to me--the shape of it confused me: lying on the bed, with my head hung down, he was shaking my body with his whole body, I thought he was going to kill me. After... he was fin-ished... He rolled over and fell asleep. He didn't even look at me. I stumbled out of bed, picked up my torn clothes off the cold floor, and I looked at my blood stained underwear in the filthy sheets, and I couldn't help but to feel drained of all my power; I.. I... I was ashamed, I felt dirty, it was my fault that, that was how I saw myself... I couldn't help but to feel that it was my fault that I lost everything, that it was my fault that I let him take everything away from me... -Sobs- End of Transcript - Choking in his sobs, that was the last time I would ever hear my brother's voice; lost, confused, broken, and in pain, so much pain that it could break your heart. . Silence took over the court room -I couldn't stand it. I looked at my parents who were crying in so much pain -I couldn't stand it. I can't stand it here! How could they say that he was lucky to have survived? That he was lucky he only had minor injuries? How could that make sense? It doesn't, just doesn't. Across the court room, I could see, behind those bars, the Monster that took him away fron us! His eyes were so cold, so empty, he had no remorse for what he did. I hated him, wanted to scream at him, I wanted to show him how much pain he made my brother go through. Before the prosecutors could say anything, I bolted out of that court room as fast I could, just as fast as my brother did four nights ago: Why did this have to happen? He was never ever the same again, we could feel him slipping from the grips of reality, pain was his only exsistence, it was inevitable that we would lose him. I kept running until I reached the train tracks... I can remember hearing him cry through the walls of his locked chamber haunted by unpleasant memories. All he could draw were pictures of absolute darkness, an impenetrable nightmare that he could not escape. I felt so helpless, there was nobody that could help erase the pain of his tainted innocence, no one could give back the part of his life that was taken from him, the part that made him feel alive, he was already dead inside. "The human body- beautiful because you couldn't bear to see them broken, it's like the mind; terribly impressive till you put it in jeopardy. Then it becaomes such a delicate thing-like glass." So yes, I do understand why he threw himself against those trains that night, it was his only escape, he could finally be free. I whisphered something into the wind, hoping to leave a dent in the air, "I Love You..." But it was already lost in the wind, carried along the currents of the waves, and I would like to believe that my message reached him. Although he did not get his justice, he found peace and perhaps freedom. I can see his footprints on the train tracks, so I close my eyes, trying to remember the way he had smiled whenever he embraced what he drew, what he painted out of love, and for a moment, I don't feel so alone. End. ... Thank-You. - MidnightSecret

There were a lot of gay-themed movies that made me cry (sometimes in sadness + sometimes in happiness = >:'D ? ) Let's seee... There was "Prayers for Bobby" -> which really opened my eyes to how important it is to tell your loved one that you love them every chance you get. "No Regret," (with delish KOREAN actors! <3) was pretty sad in some parts, and then happy in others. "Bangkok Love Story" made me cry for sure, knows how to pull at a viewer's heart string. D: and this list goes on and on :')

Don't say sorry for ranting, your only human! Besides, we all do it, which is why writing + expressing them bad demons is like therapy for the soul. <BR><BR>The lonliness, I would like to think that I know how you feel (always a common motive behind my blogs =] ), however we are deal with it differently under certain circumstances. And although u say that love is looking hopeless to you, I still <U>believe</U> that love happens when you least expect it too, and that love is only impossible if you let it. So never ever tell yourself that it won't happen, because everyone, and I mean everyone should be loved and treated as a princess/prince/[inser preferance here] (don't you lie to me )! <BR><BR>I know I might sound like a lunatic (surprise surprise *roll eyes*) when I say this, but what your going through with your family will definately make you stronger not only as a family, but as a person. <BR>You will find stength from your weakness, and in the end you will overcome them. From what I know, You know how to love, how to care, how to feel with your heart, you appreciate others compasionately, and you are inspirational just by being yourself! Thus, you will always have something that nobody in the world can ever take away from you: love, which is what makes your heart beat telling you not to give up even in your darkest hours. You've taught your family that when they're alone and the courage isn't enough... to Never forget that they'll never lose your love, that in open arms they are safe from fear and safe from harm. Tell that to yourself and you will realize just how much you will be loved in return, and that although life may plauge you with much loss sometimes; there are just some things that it can never ever take away.<BR><BR><BR><BR>xoxo take care dear <3<BR>Your Friend,<BR><BR>MidnightSecret

[Delve] into these mourning streets of the broken hearted, But be careful; do not disturb the sleep of our weeping city, for We are the lovers of this fallen city. Do not tell me that we will suffer; because there is no need to tell us anymore lies. ...through all this silence... I still can't seem to find you, or hear your voice, the voice that I have become to trust so much. Where are you? I think I am [lost:] Come and find me because I am so afraid so afraid so give me a hand to hold. Did you leave me? Did you...? Did you not [Love] me enough to stay? Because in You, I find my strength to fight all my childish fears away. I ask myself if this is love at all, and I do want to believe that we are a masterpiece, but nothing is ever that [perfect.] You tell me that your happy ever since we were together, and yet you leave me screaming in this nightmare, fighting away all of the heartache that life gives us. so... [stop!] tellling me to be "careful, because they might see us." Because I don't care. As I remain here, locked in my chamber, I dream that this world will fall apart, that it will crumble around us, and that we will be unafraid of what to expect out of this love. Beccause we can start over, we can create a place where you and I will be together once again and you'll be smiling back at me, and only then will I ever be [free.] Weakness is my only weakness: and although I still believe... I am tired of waiting, so let me sleep until you come back, until my dreams come true: It is time to say [goodnight.]

Congratz!! ~ (I think.. ) and hey it happens to everyone, just the other day I learned how to properly use a phone book xD "OHHH, so it's like a book, but with phone numbers in it... Well how convenient is that?" *Friend Face Palms Himself*

Dear Friend, you're in love, and that's the way it should be, because I want you to be happy. You're in love, and I know your're in love with the guy I love. If I haven't told you already, You really are lovely, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I feel in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him. But I made a mistake: ... As I watched the sea rush to shore, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "Why are you so speechless? Can't you tell me that you love me?" It was no use, his mind was set off somewhere far from me, and it was obvious that he couldn't answer me. And that was when it hit me, "How could I ask you that? I already know... You're still with her, because you still love her." As my heart sank deeper and deeper, he still couldn't look at me. This future is darkness. ... Me and him are a memory. Him and her are a reality. We were never truly together, he was too afraid of how the world perceived us, so we lived our lives in concealment, nothing was scarificed only my pride, my love, my dreams... and in the end... We never prevailed. At the time I believed he was perfect, a manifestation of my dreams. Hand in hand, we always painted the image of a fairy-tale. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't control myself, and then I got myself addicted to the way he liked to touch me, I didn't think she would understand why I loved at his command. I knew the consequences, and yet I didn't care, and that was what ended all of this. He was my friend, my man, and my king, but my heart was in conflict with itself, because I knew deep down that I was living in a fantasy that was too good to be real, that I was living a lie. ... But no matter how much it tears me up inside, the one thing I want right now is for him to get over his shit and be with you, because he needs you right now and whether you like it or not, you need him, too. So I let him go because I had to, it hurt too much, and it seemed to me, that we were hurting everyone around us. I needed to be able to look at him and still see this great guy that was trustworthy and understanding, a guy who loved my best friend. I needed to be able to look at him and see a friend, not just another person who let me down. I moved on, yes, but that doesn't mean that I've forgotten. And that doesn't mean that I won't be here anymore if he ever want to come back. -> Thanks for reading, don't ask why I did it; I did what I had to do, I won't forget, can't regret what I did for love, and all I can do now is learn from what I did. "Some say that holding on is what make us strong, but sometimes it is letting go that makes us stronger."

- "The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart." Lately, I've been feeling under the weather, and that's probably because I had cut off most of my social life for school. And let me tell you that it did not turn out well for me, I practically begged for someone or thing to put me out of my misery. Don't get me wrong, school is top priority, but There's gotta be more to life than doing well academically all the time. Thank goodness for my BFF, cause I guess she realized I was suffering from some sort of depression or something and decided to take me out with or without my consent! And I have to say, I love her from the bottom of my heart, not only for who she is, but for what I am whenever I am with her. Regardless of where we were, it was more essential that we were spending as much time as we could... before it all ended. We shared stories of our own, and during the process it set us free. Although I regretted not being in some of her most memorable experiences, I couldn't help but smile. We sang like no one was listening, we danced like no one was watching, laughed like no one cared, and we loved as if we never hurt before. If it made us happy, then heck it couldn't be that bad. Because "a moment you spend in anguish, is a moment of happiness you will never get back." I guess that is why we took too many pictures regardless of what they turn out to be, while laughing too much, forgetting that time was passing by too fast. In regards to this specific photograph, I guess we wanted a photograph that captured and reflected the happiness we felt, and the freedom we felt in our hearts. Looking back, I can see that the faces, the expressions and postures were not ideally perfect, but in our little world it was. But what is most important is that happiness can be expressed in many forms and ways, not just one! So let it be, the fact that we are young, we are careless, we do as we please, concludes to the fact that I never realized that living this way could be so beautiful! With this picture as my possession, I find it a blessing. Every time I look at this photograph, it remains vivid in my memories, like a sun rising from the horizon, spreading the million colors I have been searching for my entire life. So I guess it's okay to love life... Sure there were a few unfair things that have happened in my past, but I have realized that those things do not define me and they definately do not determine my future... unless I let them. ... What do I have to say? YOU are important, and the way you love your life is important, so pen those words on your heart and hold them in your memory box forever. Spend more time with friends and family, and most importantly, love yourself, and you will realize how much you truly value your life. Chemistry Exam? Give me your best shot HUNNIE! <3 xoxo, MidnightSecret.

yeah thanks for reading guys <3 this was an issue I felt I needed to bring up, because I had always felt alone, but I know now that although I may feel lonely, I am definately not alone. Thanks <3

... "The sad darkness of the earth touches my heart, its cold spirit creeps over my body, dominating the only light I ever saw in my life. It shows no mercy, no forgiveness, no answer to its victims. When the sun comes down, these nightmares come to life, leaving me utterly breathless. But it is the bitter taste of losing absolutely everything that I have held so dear that makes sleep so unbearable. We all begin with good intent, believing that we could eventually change ourselves, believing that the past could be undone. But we carry on our backs the burden time always reveal. I tried to be strong, I did everything I could, but it devoured my Heart, and I've fallen so low that no one can catch me. I didn't want to... I swear... but I just gave up. What is "it"? Why is it so powerful, why do I let it feed off of me? Have I lost myself to this long and painful fight? This darkness is so silent, and yet I can hear myself screaming, crying, or perhaps dying inside each and every day. ... I have been there, so... I will bend down my hand for you, and I will do my best to lead you out of this darkness, you are not alone, do not subject yourself to suffer in silence any longer. Love you, - MidnightSecret.