Andrew Q Gordon

A bit late but still - I know this was posted by Adam earlier, BUT as I said I had a list and I'm working off it.

Thank you Dolores, always love hearing from you

Thanks Lugh - yes it is easier to write when you can't get the words out fast enough. I'm not sure if this is the one or not, there are a few floating around, but I wanted to focus on a few things before I devote time to this. Like you said, wanna do it right. Thanks for reading and the comments

Thanks Dave and thanks for the help - Once I finish a few other projects, I intend to get back to this one. I have such strong images of where I want to take this one that I kinda need to get it out or it's gonna make my head explode

The premise is a great one, definitely not enough details however. I'm not sure I bought the - can you love me - part, hell they really barely just met, but other wise it worked quite well - minus the paucity of details.

KC, I'm about halfway the anthologies through and this is probably my favorite. In the first half you could feel Alex's anger it was so well done. The little details missing seemed annoying at first, but then it helped keep the focus where it needed to be. Hoping I don't offend you with this last bit, but this really is so much better written than your earlier stuff. The details come to life without you telling us - really really great job. [i think that was enough superlatives, no? Okay, really, really really - there's three more - all well deserved.] Andy

Really well done - you could almost feel his loss and his despair.

Meh, hated it. Just kidding, knowing a bit about what this 'shot' off of, I have to wonder, is Captain Brown really that eager to see J.T? Me thinks no, not if he's wise.

Happy endings are - well . . . so happy

Haha, you're the one who keeps egging me on to write this one - so you're biased. But thanks all the same

KC, I totally want to write this one, just gotta find the time. As for the two dullards unable to see clearly, well being young has that effect on people I suppose - but I'm not sure anymore, I haven't been young in a long time

Thanks Sam, glad you enjoyed it. hopefully I'll get around to building the story around this.

Cassie, Who said you have to do that. Of course you can write about their emotions. Here a passage from Chapter 7 of the Trial of Jordan Colmar - I'm not being narcissistic by using my own stuff, it's just the first thing I knew to pick: {more comments at the end - just to be sure you read it all ] Martin tried to focus on the mountain of work that had piled up during the trial. Same as always; trials caused a backlog. One way or the other, he'd have time to catch up soon. Pushing aside the deliberating jury, he began assigning new cases. No matter how busy he was, he never let this part of his job go more than a couple of days; it wouldn't be fair to the assistants to get them two weeks late. Thankfully, nothing serious came in that would need his attention. After this, he wanted to get back to helping the newer attorneys with their trials, not be in trial himself. Even though other senior attorneys always stepped up, he felt a bit guilty when he couldn't sit with his new people for their first few trials. With a glance at the clock, he pushed back from the desk. Milton would be calling them back in less than forty minutes to tell everyone he was dismissing the jury for the night. Too bad, he'd hoped everyone could go home tonight with a decision. He knew all too well how hard it was to sleep knowing you might get a verdict tomorrow. Trials were fickle beasts. Noise in his doorway made him look up. "Get your coat, Martin." Dan wore his usual smile, as if nothing important was happening. This was the third summons since two o'clock. Like the other two, his heart raced. Another question? Verdict? Or was Milton sending them home early? The last was unlikely, but possible. Slipping on his coat, he locked his computer. "Any word on why?" On his way out, he grabbed a yellow legal pad, just in case. "Seems we have a verdict, my friend." Dan slapped him on the back, his smile broadening. Martin stopped and nodded for a moment. "I had hoped they'd finish today. Good or bad." With his right hand, Dan motioned for them to keep moving. "As we both know, a quick verdict rarely favors the defense, especially in this kind of case." "Not every time." Martin knew it didn't matter what they said, the jury already reached a verdict. "If a jury is going to surprise with an acquittal, it usually happens rather quickly." Dan laughed. "I see you were taught the same as I was; in the world of trial practice, you can't read anything into a jury's time of deliberation." "Exactly." He winked at his colleague. "Let me get my staff to round up Peter and his family." "Do I really need to tell you that Mary and Alan already took care of that?" "You shouldn't need to, but for some reason I never learn." When he reached the main office door, he found his 'guards' waiting to escort him. "Bet you two will be glad when you can stop babysitting me." Freeman shrugged. "You're an easy person to work with. It's the ones who believe in their own importance that makes us wish for another job." Laughing despite the moment, he let the deputies lead the way. Before they reached the entrance to the courtroom, his escort turned toward the back hallway. "You don't want to fight through the crush of people trying to get inside," Hicks said. "The press started showing up just after closing arguments ended." Wonderful. The last thing Martin wanted was a crush of reporters trying to get a statement. "I'd better get a message to Jerry," he said to no one in particular. "Martin, relax." Dan remained the model of calm. "The District Attorney knows what's happening and he'll be ready for the media. Though I'm certain he's going to want you there to field most of the questions." Raising an eyebrow, Martin said, "The voice of experience?" "Three years as U.S. Attorney for the Middle District taught me to never speak to the press about a big case without the lead attorney at my side. Jerry hasn't remained D.A. for twenty-four years by being stupid." They entered through the judge's door to find a packed courtroom. Sheriff Ghegahn stood just inside the door, watching and directing his deputies. Martin knew the drill, Ghegahn always stood beside the judge's bench when the media was present as a show of respect to the court. As they passed, the Sheriff reached out to grab Martin's arm. First you can say things like, Martin knew, Martin felt a twinge of guilty, He held back a smirk, any of those type of things. You can say things like - He thought his lunch was going to come up, he was so nervous. The trick with 3rd person is to treat it like 1st person - by that I mean STICK TO ONE PERSPECTIVE. The biggest mistake folks make, is they feel third person gives you license to head hop; it doesn't. The other thing you can do, so long as you use it sparingly is show internalized thoughts - usually in italics.: Wonderful, another sweater. Outwardly he smiled for his grandmother, who was eager to see if he liked it. Stuff like that. My point is, you can do just as much, with third as first. For me I think I prefer 3rd to 1st, but I'm going to try my next story in 1st for shits and giggles.

Rather than do what I thought - not enough time this morning, I'm going with this - after all what's Christmas without Frank? No self respecting NY Italian family failed to buy Frank's holiday albums.

Vic, you're the only 'Story Review' so you're in a class by yourself, but um we knew that right? Thanks for the comments, I'm glad that you can see improvement, that was much of the reason for my coming to GA and posting - hoping to get better. Just don't wait too eagerly for this to continue, so much else to finish/deal with first. But maybe when I go visit the parents and grandma gets to play with the baby, I'll have time to write a bit - hopefully

Woo Hoo!! I passed the Dannsar Read fairly bloodless But I have to say, Dag, you're good. I didn't think anyone would get that Stefren came to Fenzu as the epitome of a court dandy, but you saw it - two gold stars for you As for the PS, really? I thought I did just about what I always do, get you to where the fun is about to begin, then shut the curtains - don't expect anything more when I write the full story, you'll not know who's dick is bigger, who's top/bttm, if they do that, etc. So not necessary for this type of story. Where's my PM with the 'Veshe' explanation? Thanks for the comments, as always, I look forward to them.

I love and hate Fantasy writing, on the one hand you get to 'change' things - i.e. being gay is 'whatever' in this world, for the most part, on the other hand, you have to develop and stick to the underpinnings of the world. Fun, but tedious and tough sometimes. Answers: Stefren is the King's nephew and not in line for succession; Many other kingdoms; Fenzu is akin to Sensei - he is the head master of the Dojo where the fighters train; Dlgen are touched by the Twins (Gods) and are called to be above petty interkingdom spats. They are long lived, and very strong, fast, proficient. There is a lot more but unless and until I write it, I'm not going to give it away yet. Last - Harlin I think you have right, but add in broken still, Stefren is not inexperienced, more like unhappy with the loveless life he's had so far. His family is more interested in court intrigue than him as a person. Telg/Fenzu is not insensitive, but he is stern, for good reason, but that is a plot line to be developed in time. Oh well, back to whatever

Wayne, Thanks for reading. As I've said/will say, this is but a small snippet of the entire story. Stefren is a product of his upbringing - the Royal Court, complete with its intrigue and suspicious attitudes. Harlin is, as W.L. said, naive in many ways, but also still suffering from the rejection of his parents. His 'hero' worship for his father is an element of his personality - good or bad. I envision this as about 1/3 to 1/2 way through book 1, but that's all just speculation at this point, I don't have more than 15K written so far. Ugh, I need three mes to write this all down. LOL

Michael, You're right, fantasy and sci-fi are harder to write in many ways because you have to balance 'world building' and explaining the world, with character development and plot. Glad you enjoyed this. Andy

Thanks Connor glad you enjoyed it. The "Telg" Character has quite a lot left in him if I ever get around to writing the entire story. While I can understand the feelings of contempt for him at this point if I ever got around to writing the entire story I don't think you would feel that way when you read this chapter. In theory, there is a whole lot more to this the small chapter, but like I keep saying we need to find time to write. Thanks again for reading and for the comments.

Very clever! One of those stories that makes you re-read a few times to make sure you didn't miss clues. Nicely done.

Sheesh they'll let anyone in these days - oh wait, that was when they let me in, YOU deserved it. Congrats Wayne!

JC, Wow! I'm really not sure what to say, that was emotional, amazing, truly wonderful. Andy

Thanks Nephy. There is a lot to this one, but it is on my 'list' of stories to work on. It's a toss up, feed baby q or write, Hmm. Thanks for the comments - glad you liked it. -- -- Andy

Sticking with Wayne's flash back to the time of bad outfits and big mullets - here's another 80's Christmas song - this one has the 'official' video - this one has better audio