AFriendlyFace

I completely disagree on both counts. I know a lot of fully out, sexually active gay folks, myself included, and I find that most, if not nearly all of them, do want a serious, monogamous relationship, and several of them are in said serious, monogamous relationship. As far as being unable to start one, it's a lot easier to start and maintain a relationship if you're out. This may or may not be true for the older generations, but I think you'll find that today's younger gay person is - on average - carrying around considerably less baggage than that characterization would imply. Well, that's your personal opinion and preference and I would be a fool to argue it. Nor do I necessarily see anything I would particularly disagree with. However, I do think that a major reason so many relationships (gay and straight) break up nowadays is that everyone expects their relationship to be really happy all the time, and for that other person to "complete" them in every way. That is, in my opinion, a very unhealthy and unrealistic attitude. You won't always be happy or even satisfied with your relationship, but if you're usually pretty satisfied with it for the most part, and if whatever the current problem is stands a good chance of being resolved I think that ought to be enough. Similarly, let's all remember that our partner is still human and can't read minds. I don't think you can expect total fulfillment from one person. There's still going to be a great deal that your own responsibility and that you may have to look elsewhere for. I'm not talking about sex here, but say for example you love to hike and your partner can't stand it. Instead of thinking that means he/she isn't the "right person", maybe what it means is that you should go hiking with other people, and enjoy your partner's company in other pursuits. -Kevin

Awww, lol, that sucks! His solution could be to throw a big two day party in celebration of both events! BTW, for anyone wondering, it turned out to be my grandparents' 61st anniversary! I hope everyone had a fun day! -Kevin

For a good example of an "I love you" that really works during sex, you folks should check out Owen and Aiden's first time in TLW

Hi everyone, So all this talk of parenthood got me curious about what everyone else's views and plans are about this. For me, I've always been completely positive I wanted to have kids. In fact, while ideally I would have them in a committed relationship with someone I love, I'm planning to have them no matter what, regardless of whether or not I'm seeing anyone or how serious it is. Having kids a much bigger priority for me than finding a permanent mate. (undoubtedly this is in large part due to the prevalence of divorce/break-ups in our society. I probably have come to view relationships as simply long-term at best, or "only possibly forever". Whereas I do view the child/parent relationship as permanent.) I have a friend who doesn't plan on having kids because basically he feels that I won't want to invest the time and attention necessary (at least he's thought this through before having them). I had another friend who maintained that he wasn't going to have kids because I didn't want to screw them up. He was a bit unstable, and didn't like kids in the first place, so perhaps his decision is the best one too. A third friend does want them if he's in a permanent relationship at the time. A fourth friend, like me, plans to have them no matter what. As for lesbians (all the above people were gay guys), I have one friend who wants to have kids but is completely unwilling to carry them (fortunately my other friend/her wife is willing to carry them). Another lesbian couple I know is pregnant right now! (due next month), and both were willing to carry them, but one of them actually decided to do it (and did) right after they broke up, a few months later they got back together (she definitely did not get pregnant in hopes of getting her girlfriend back). So, do you plan to have kids? If so how? I'd be open to options 2,3, or 4, but adoption is my preferred method at this time (due in no small part to my strong feelings every child should be wanted and these kids need a home, and also that we've already got more than enough people on earth). -Kevin

Happy Birthday, Nono!! I hope it's a very happy one Take care! -Kevin

Menzo's probably right, and thankfully this hasn't ever happened to me, but actually it sounds like that would be really romantic and make the sex much better if both people really did feel the same way.

The most appropriate place would probably be the Writer's Corner. If you like I'd be happy to move it for you. Hmmm, the idea that would be most appealing for me would be role-playing the story out a scene or so at a time with the other person, and then both of us having input on how it's going to be recorded in text. I think that could be a very fun and successful endeavor; however, I think for that I would much rather the person being physically here as opposed to me communicating with him/her over the internet or phone or something. The method which most people who co-write on GA seem to employ is the one chapter at a time email approach. To be completely honest I haven't gotten around to reading any of these stories However, my biggest concern is that there would be too dramatic a change in voice and style, and possibly even plot direction, from chapter to chapter. I suppose the key here is picking authors with whom you are very compatible. I've never employed either method of co-writing myself (indeed I've never co-written at all). However, I'm pretty sure that if I did try them - which I am willing to do under the right circumstances - the story would need to be primarily the other person's. Oh it would be a joint-effort of course, but usually these types of stories are conceived more by one person than another, are spin-offs/continuations of one of the author's previous pieces, or in general one author invests more time and effort into the piece than the other. I think it would be important that this seem more to me like the other person's piece than mine, because I think I would have a tendency to be too anxious and perhaps controlling if I felt like it were my piece. I think another excellent idea which hasn't been mentioned yet is one of the author's writing for one of the particular characters! For example maybe I'll do all the character's dialogue, write the parts of the chapters that focus on that character's thoughts, feelings, movement, and location, and play a major hand in establishing the character's background and future. I think that arrangement would work very well and would provide for a great deal of consistency with regards to the character. It also might potentially be the most useful because often what drives people to "co-write" in the first place is a feeling of "I don't know how to write for this particular character, but I want to make sure to do them justice". Those are my thoughts on the topic, Take care all, Kevin

That is a very interesting observation! I'd love to hear from some of the older folks as I'm sure they'd have a valuable and possibly different perspective.

Happy Birthday, Aaron!! I hope you have a terrific birthday and a fantastic year! -Kevin

While I did suggest having someone else there, I really don't think the boyfriend is the best candidate. I mean I guess that may be fine, and only Joe would know that, but to me it seems like at worst that could be a hurtful thing to do (if he still has feeling for Joe), and at best it would still be awkward hanging it with your ex and your current at the same time the first time you see the guy again (and while the relationship with the current is still a little bit new).

I think that number 1 you should do what you want to do, and number 2 you should talk this over with your current boyfriend. You shouldn't feel forced to see him if you don't want to. If you think you'll fun, or that it'll be good to see him again, then you probably ought to see him. Either way I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it. Even if you aren't going to let him make the decision for you (and I definitely don't think you should!), it's still important to be honest and upfront with him regarding an ex. In the long-run it'll make him a great deal more trusting and less jealous than if you don't mention it at all (even if there's "nothing to mention"). Also, you should think about what type of situation you'll be in with the ex. You guys should not (IMO) be alone together the first time you see each other again. This is for quite a few reasons. First off, if you don't want him to get the wrong idea, it's easier if you aren't in private settings. Secondly, if there's any chance you'll be fighting, arguing, or whatever, having other people around will probably calm things down. If you really want to be friends with him again, then great! Go for it! But small steps. That said, I would actually recommend that you invite someone else to hang out with you. Some mutual third friend would be great! If not, at least don't be alone with him in either your place or his...that could just get...awkward. Just my thoughts though, Kevin

Oh my goodness yes! LOL, at first his interview was getting on my nerves, then I thought, "nah, I like this kid". The turning point was when he mentioned wanting to represent a different groups of people, and being confident that anyone can make it if they try. Sounds to me like the boy's got P*R*I*D*E

I could be wrong, but aren't we in the process of doing just that right now, with ENDA? I strongly agree with this statement and sentiment! Organizations like boy scouts have no more business being all white, than they do being all straight. Well, I suppose someone could start a grassroots scout group that isn't so exclusive with regard to sexuality, race, and religion. You can?! Personally, I think kids need to be more exposed to gay people and gay issues, just as they need to be exposed to a wide array of racial, religious, and economically different groups of people. Tolerance and equality tends to start with the youngest generation and move backward. It's important that kids have positive experiences and perceptions of minorities when they're young so that when they're older they won't go around thinking you have to be an upper middle-class (or higher), straight, white Christian, to be an acceptable human being. Yes, unfortunately in many cases the least well-adjusted homosexuals seem to seek out institutions in which they feel they can "hide". Just my thoughts, Kevin

LOL, so any news on how he liked them? haha, I would love to get a singing telegram!

Well, you can hardly blame tg for that I know I'm a bit late, but welcome to the world of GA posting

There's going to be a very visible lesbian running for mayor of Houston in the next election That's what I'm doing for Valentine's day too!! As you indicated in the first paragraph of your post, I'm not sure that coming out is necessary to attract the "gay dollar". Chances are the gay guys that are into that type of music and culture will already be drawn to a boy band, heart throb, or female diva. I think very few additional gay people would sign on just because the person is gay. Although, I definitely agree that it would be very affirming and good for the gay culture and especially the gay youth who would be most influenced by it...I'm just saying that I personally don't think it would expand their popularity with very many people (and may very well shrink it with several). Just my thoughts though, Kevin

Dude, thanks!

I've always liked that one too! Actually I could have sworn I first heard it from Jan! (Not that I'm saying he originated it, although I suppose he may have, I just thought I first read it around here in one of his posts)

LOL, Menzo and Krista! Where were you when those suggestions would have been invaluable?!?

Yes, it wouldn't be so bad if they were metro...at least we could go shopping and get our hair done together I've known quite a few very nifty straight guys I definitely agree with you that most are weird. Some are fun and sweet though. Straight women are cool. Saturday I went out with my two best friends (both gay males). Before we left we spent about an hour deciding on the perfect clothes, talking about guys, doing our hair and make up (for the record I only used a little bit of powder and concealer to even a few places out ), and then posing for various solo and group shots (I hate taking pictures but they made me ). As we were leaving I realized that we were acting very much like 3 straight girls ...Somehow I doubt that's how the majority of straight guys spend the evening with each other before they go out. Obviously I spent some time analyzing my motivation too; I'm few things if not self-analytical I don't think it's fear or lack of confidence. You're almost certainly on to something with accenting the differences though. Indeed, when I was first coming to terms with my sexuality I had to be sure I wasn't just doing it to be different. I've always hated "being one of the crowd". Certainly your comments would not anger me I'm always delighted to see your posts, for I know I'm in for an insightful, wise, and well thought-out comment! I don't think I agree with your characterization of me as one who alternates quickly between euphoria and depression, however. My mood usually stays toward the positive end of the spectrum and when it doesn't it more often strays to contemplative, or perhaps irritable as opposed to outright sad or angry. I definitely do get sad on a regular basis, but it's generally too short-lived and situational to qualify as "depression", and as I said even when I am "sad" it's usually more in the order of "grumpy" or "petulant". I also don't tend to be "volatile" in my interactions with other people. I'm almost always pleasant and patient with others, and on the very rare occasions when I am rude, insulting, or even mean I confess that it's usually quite intentional and controlled, and not one of those "in the heat of the moment" things.

That's awesome! I'm so proud of you I'm sure you'll do wonderfully fabulously

Hi everyone! So this is sorta a continuation of the "Saying I love you" thread. Most people in that thread agreed that it was important to wait till you were sure you felt it before you say it...but what do you do if you don't really get the chance because the other person says it 'too soon'? This sorta happened to me in the last actual relationship I was in (as opposed to just "dating" someone a few times). He suddenly said it, we hadn't been together that long, I figured it would be rude not to say it back - and I did care about him - so I did...then it didn't work out and he had a lot of trouble moving on (he broke up with me for the record, he just 'tried to take it back' a BUNCH of times). SO what would you have done in that situation? How would you have handled it? Do you think my saying it made it harder for him when we did break up or would it have hurt him more at the time if I hadn't said it back? -Kevin

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