AFriendlyFace

Mike! Woo Hoo!! That is so awesome! I'm so happy for you! awww, well boo on the two-faced people But I'm glad there's alota really nice ones too! Ohh, Of course that makes sense. I think everyone feels like that when they first move out on their own. I still feel like that sometimes. It's tough when people's lives diverge. Even something as seemingly simple as moving and changing jobs (even if you do see your friends everyday still) can really have an impact on the dynamics of the relationships. I guess what I'm trying to say though is that you probably do need to be conscious of their feelings and try to balance your time to include them, but try not to freak out or anything. I'm sure they're still crazy about you Awesome! I'm really looking forward to reading your new story and to seeing you back online regularly Take care and have a fantastic night! -Kevin

So this is a rather long, probably pointless-for-anyone-else-to-read-but-I'm-glad-I-wrote-it entry about my feelings regarding the balance of support, neediness, and power in my ideal relationship. On a side note I'm beginning to get very irritated with the casual, sloppy, informal way I've been writing blogs and posts lately. Still...WHATEVER! ************************************************ So I was driving to work today when "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas came on the radio. I'd never particularly given much notice to the song. I mean I didn't hate it or anything, but I usually tended to check around to see if there was something livelier on a different station. Anyway, I happened to actually be paying attention this time and I heard the line "Just let me hold you while you're falling apart". This really caught my interest and I actually paid attention to the rest of the song. Turns out it seems like it expresses my feelings toward love and relationships pretty well. It's actually kinda unnerving, because I really don't like what this says about me. However, I've always been a firm believer in truthful introspection and not being afraid to go anywhere in your own head, so I gave the matter some serious thought for the rest of my drive. Actually it's something I've often realized and considered before. Basically, intellectually I firmly believe in equality in relationships, and I'm all about it being between two co-independent people. Two individuals who are together not because they're lacking something on their own. Not because they have to be or because they need each other, but simply because they want to be. Two strong, self-actualized individuals who can handle life on their own but have formed an alliance based on mutual affection and respect, an agreement to make things better for each other. I've always thought needing someone, or lacking something on your own was a horrible reason to get into a relationship. That said, I have to admit I'm drawn to people who need me, people who might need a bit of protecting. It's not just with romantic interests either, I tend to do that with friendships as well, and working relationships, and even learning relationships. Like for example at school I often tutored people in some of the more difficult subjects, and to be honest I'm not sure I'd have paid attention and worked as hard on my own understanding of them if I hadn't been thinking in the back of my mind "___ is going to be asking for help later. I'd better get this." At all the jobs I've ever had I've always worked hard to take care of my responsibilities quickly so that I could help out my co-workers. It's also true that there's no quicker, more effective way to get sympathy and affection from me than to look like you need it. It's probably also no coincidence that conversely I find arrogance and over-confidence to be extremely unattractive. I even admit that as far back as high school I can remember people saying, "So and so whines to much" and responding, "really? I think it's kinda cute." But where does this leave me and what does this say about me? I know the unflattering flip side is that I like to be the strong, together one. I also admit that several almost relationships didn't work out because there was a sort of mini-power struggle going. That's also probably been my biggest fear about gay relationships. How do two "alpha males" set aside their egos and prides long enough to open up and trust each other, even rely on each other (because ideally I don't think people should have to rely on each other in a relationship, but once the relationship is underway I think it's good to...that makes more sense in my head ). Of course that's also always been one of the most appealing things about gay relationships. I mean it's all about the potential for equality and egalitarianism. I confess I totally "get off" on that intellectually and emotionally. I also feel like I'm a pretty nurturing, supportive person, and I can definitely put my ego aside and defer to people I care about in the areas that they're good at and that are important to them, but it sorta has to work both ways. I can only bring myself to do that if they do the same for me and if they're also willing to show some vulnerability. I love seeing people I care about being strong, successful, and confident. It's just if they always seem that way with regards to everything then it just feels like they don't need me. And that of course is the root of the problem I'm perceiving. I have to feel needed. I have to feel like I'm contributing something very necessary and important or else I get petulant and all around whiny. Which I hate. I also hate how this tendency indicates that I'll end up letting someone use me and cast me aside if I'm not careful. Actually they'll use me and cast me aside if I'm lucky. If I'm unlucky they'll probably just keep using me and manipulating my affections. Yet, I'm aware of this and I've just as often dodged this particular bullet. More than a few guys have acted needy and weak around me and insinuated that they needed me to "complete them". Fortunately I've always noticed this. I've always thought "I'll be damned if I'm going to live my life as your keeper". Of course these are also the guys I have trouble extracting myself from. I really do freak out if I think I've hurt someone. So it's much easier to avoid the I'm-tough-I-don't-need-anyone type, and they're much easier to leave behind (after all, obviously they'll be fine). The real danger is in the boys who are sincere. The ones who are just sweet and adorable, but not completely "together". The ones who don't want to use people. These are the ones I could see myself accidentally developing an unhealthy relationship with. But ignoring all of that, what does it say about me as a person that I need to be needed? Oh I suppose everyone needs to be needed, but I feel like I have the "superhero syndrome" worse than most. The scariest thing of all of course is what if I'm with someone who's just awesome and wonderful on his own, and doesn't need me (which ostensibly is ideal in the first place! )? Will I ultimately be bitter and resentful of his success? ...I don't really think so because that's not me, but what I can see happening is me feeling all around sad and weak. Perhaps I'll eventually grow to feel like some kind of burden on him or something. I suppose it depends on how well I'm doing in my own life. But that's just the most F*(&ed up part of all. My happiness for him shouldn't have anything to do with what's going on with me. I should be able to be a complete failure and still be happy for the one I love. I think this even affects my physical attractions to guys. Like a lot of gay guys have a fetish for cops, or soldiers, or fireman, but personally I find that to be a mild turn-off. I similarly am not attracted to big, strong, muscular looking guys. No, for me it's twinks all the way, but really I think what this is embodying is smaller guys. Like I would be very uncomfortable dating someone who was more than a couple of inches taller than me, but I could date someone quite a bit shorter. Someone about my build or more "slight" would be ideal too. This is probably why I've also always been completely uninterested in older guys. No, I like guys about my age or a bit younger. Oh I've always followed the whole "equal in everything" thing, and said that ideally the guy would be about my height, build, weight, age, etc., and I really think that would be ideal, but there's no denying that I have more flexibility with variations on one side versus the other. I'm sure this has to do with me needing to feel like I could "protect" him if necessary. Yet, in general it would just be ludicrous of me to pretend that I don't like being the center of attention. That I don't like being spoiled and pampered. That I wouldn't jump all over the opportunity to be able to just quit working and do what I wanted all day everyday. No, I definitely like to be taken care of too. Sometimes when life is kicking extra hard I even think how nice it would be to have someone wrap their arms around me and tell me that they'll handle whatever mess is coming at us. The emotional safety and security would be nice, really nice. Certainly this all goes back to the whole wanting an equal relationship thing. Ideally we'd both be able to handle whatever life threw at us on our own, but we'd be "in it together" and we'd look after each other and handle different things. Yes, that would be nice. I think I have a chance at that, I really do. Besides, last night I got pulled over by this cute, young cop. (didn't get a ticket) Surly just the fact that I found him cute at all means there's hope for me yet. Ever The Same Rob Thomas We were drawn from the weeds We were brave like soldiers Falling down under the pale moonlight You were holding to me Like a someone broken And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now Just let me hold you while you're falling apart Just let me hold you so we both fall down Fall on me Tell me everything you want me to be Forever with you forever in me Ever the same We would stand in the wind We were free like water Flowing down Under the warmth of the sun Now it's cold and we're scared And we've both been shaken Look at us Man, this doesn't need to be the end Just let me hold you while you're falling apart Just let me hold you so we both fall down Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be Forever with you Forever in me Ever the same Call on me I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me Forever it's you Forever in me Ever the same You may need me there To carry all your weight But you're no burden I assure You tide me over With a warmth I'll not forget But I can only give you love

You seem more like the first one to me. With Kevin I got: You Are Strength You represent both fiery energy and steadfast will. You are innocent and naive - yet unafraid and undaunted. Perhaps you don't have the most powerful physical strength... But your mental powers make up for any amount of muscle. Your fortune: Lately, you have been a pillar of ethics and moral strength. And while things may be difficult, your faith in yourself will come through. You may need to conquer the animalistic nature of yourself or others, with gentle force. Although this may seem like the darkest hour for you, victory is near. What Tarot Card Are You? With Kev I got: You Are The Wheel of Fortune You represent the cycles of life, death, and rebirth. You embrace change, the the ups and downs of life. Fate is something you accept, even when you could possibly change things. Big things tend to happen to you more than other people. Your fortune: Something huge is about to happen in your life, and you have little control over it. You must accept your destiny, but luckily it is good fortune that has come your way. Big things and big changes are about to come your way. And while things will be intense for a while, they will be followed by a period of rest. What Tarot Card Are You? http://www.blogthings.com/whattarotcardareyouquiz/ Personally I think the second one is a little more like me, but I think both work. http://www.blogthings.com/whattarotcardareyouquiz/

Vic!! Welcome back to the blogging world! I've missed reading your blogs, it's good to have you back! Wow! I didn't know that. I'm so sorry, that must have been/be incredibly difficult Aww, that's awesome! I'm really glad for you guys. I can't imagine suddenly not being with someone I'd been with for 10 years. It's good that you still have some contact. I'm glad you guys are making sure Mina stays in contact with both her daddies. LOL, just make sure that she doesn't start trying to take advantage of the situation and asking you for things Bill won't let her have and vice-versa Well, everyone knows I'm a sucker for happy endings, and I certainly hope you have one of the happiest! I'm sure with time things will sorta work themselves out. Take care and good luck with everything!! LOL, and here I was thinking you guys were tired of me "pool" parties! -Kevin

Happy Birthday, Steve!! I hope it's filled with lotsa very nice things and no not so nice things May the year bring you much happiness and joy! All the best for a fantastic birthday! Kevin

Wait, is that "Georgia" or "Gay Authors"? LOL, I think we're progressing socially! And I agree there are plenty of activities to keep us busy -Kevin

WOW! That is some site! And you say the book was pretty good too? LOL

WOOO HOOOO!! Congrats, Sophie! That's awesome! (I was talking about the graduating part btw ) -Kevin

**pops Brussels in the mail** K, I did my part the rest is up to you guys

Hey Ieshwar! Thanks Yeah, I am doing better now -Kevin

Well, the blog entry that I linked to was from when I used to live in Louisiana. I moved about a year and a half ago. Prior to moving I was only out to some people. After moving I was just never in at all. So I guess you could say I "came out" when I moved about a year and a half ago, but like I said it was more like just never being "in" after that. Great pic btw! LOL, sorry but I don't have any! I'm notoriously camera shy I'm afraid, and the last time I was photographed I got a bit ticked off at the photographer (a friend who knows how I feel about it). It's kinda weird, it's not just pictures, I hate being verbally recorded too. I can't stand to have my voice recorded and I only leave voice mail for someone if it's really important or if I really care about them. LOL, otherwise I'd rather people just see and hear me in person. -Kevin

Hey Nick, Wow, I'm not sure what to say I wish I could say something that would make you feel better and take away all the pain and doubt...but I guess that's something that has to be worked out between you and your dad and you and Taylor. I'm really sorry though and I most definitely want to offer you all the luck and support that I can You know how to find me if you ever want to talk Take care Kevin

WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!! Happy Birthday, Ieshwar!! What can I say to such a special person on his special day? Only that the courage and dignity with which you live your life is a positive example to us all! I wish you a wonderful year and have every confidence that you will get it! Kevin

I want a new avatar myself!!! ...so no advice, but if anyone has any spare suggestions feel free to lob them my way -Kevin

Awww, I don't know who could be upset with, or offended by, you, Ieshwar

What a beautiful idea! I think if we are to survive and thrive in this life we must all be willing not only to frequently request, but also to frequently offer, forgiveness. A quote I've always liked on the topic of forgiveness: Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die I've always been completely amazed by that fact too. I don't dispute it, but it's completely inconceivable to me. Naturally I'm vehemently opposed to all discrimination be it with respect to gender, sexuality, race, class, age, or religion. However, with respect to most other forms of discrimination I can at least more or less understand where they're coming from. I've just never been able to understand why Jewish people are particularly scorned. Happy Yom Kippur to our Jewish friends -Kevin

Well said, Menzo! ***Strolls back to the kitchen to resume mincing his own words*** LOL, you know the doubling your wardrobe thing has always been one of the most appealing parts to me as well! ...well I suppose the emotional connection, security, trust, and physical affection are okay too...but doubling your wardrobe! I mean come on! LOL, anyway, you could try to find a boyfriend about your size. And seriously, I'm not just talking about the clothes thing, I really think that ideally my boyfriend would be about the same size as me, just 'cause we'd "fit better" together. I even admit to usually being less attracted to very tall people. I don't mind as much when people are smaller than me, but I think it would take some serious getting used to for me to date someone more than 2 or 3 inches taller than me. Anyway, getting back to the wardrobe thing, with stuff like shirts, and belts it would likely still work to swap. They might be a bit large on the smaller partner, or a little snug on the bigger partner, but generally I think it's usually doable unless there's a big size difference. -Kevin

Hey Richie! Sounds cool! I'd love to see it. Oh my gosh! This is just like something I blogged about a long time ago! Here's the link if you want to read it: I guess I'm just another casualty in this battle. But yeah, basically I went through something really similar. It sucks I'm sorry WOOO HOOO! Congrats on the promotion and raise! That's awesome! Sounds like it's going to be a fun trip too! . That sounds really fun! Have an awesome time! Take care and have a great day! Kevin

WOW! I am impressed, I couldn't begin to decide which is my favourite of each of these either. I'm generally best off trying to break them down into a bunch of sub-genres, like "favourite CD by Green Day", or "favourite recent comedy". etc. I agree! "New Brother" is awesome and most assuredly one of the best stories I've read! I won't try to list off more of my favourites because I'm sure to leave some out and we'd still be here forever! But there's a lot of talent out there! So check it out! Welcome to the boards, Duff Take care and have a terrific day all! Kevin

Congrats Beastkid!! I did notice my recent 2,600th post, but generally I don't really notice either (for example I didn't notice any others between 2,000 and 2,600). I am keeping an eye out for my immanent overtaking by Graeme (he only has 129 more to go!). Like CJ, when he first joined I said to myself "WOW! What a poster! He'll pass me up eventually!" LOL, Obviously I was right about CJ, and Graeme certainly isn't looking like disappointing Well done, Beasty, I'm sure you'll be hitting the 4 digits hard yourself (and you Ieshwar ) Take care all and have a great day! Kevin

LOL *pst pst* you guys, if I find the card to go along with it will someone else wrap it? :wacko:

Yes, I would agree with that. Interesting article, but apart from the last section about egalitarian relationships - the aspect of homosexuality which has always most appealed to me - I didn't think the majority of the arguments were particularly compelling. Probably, because as the author points out, they're the same benefits which straight people could reap. I was rather hoping for an article about the virtue intrinsic exclusively in homosexual relationships. Thanks for sharing though, good read -Kevin

Hey Mike! Awww, that's sweet of you to say! Thanks You're a pretty awesome friend yourself Yeah, I thought it was pretty sweet! Thanks! I hope you have a fantastic day too! Take care, Kevin

awwww, you poor thing Hope you feel better soon! -Kevin

That is so cool! Wish I could speak all those! -Kevin