AFriendlyFace

So M is gay and in a bad relationship?

Congratulations, Kevin! Your IQ score is 136 This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others

LOL just reminded me of that quote "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". One of my all time favourites. I also always liked "The most dangerous place in the world is between a mother and her child". Remarkable, beautiful, and fascinating creatures are women. Hey now! I don't think of Jude as a "bad-boy" actually I think of him as more of an angel! And I've always said Owen doesn't deserve to be cast in with Rory and (especially) Quinn. Owen was very sensible, and IMO handled his problems as well as could be expected. I'd have been ashamed of myself acting like Quinn, but proud of myself acting like Owen. Rory's somewhere in the middle, nearer Quinn though, particularly with regards to their early behaviour. Of course Rory had a good excuse/reason in his circumstances at least. Poor Quinn, it must have been dreadful being popular, good looking, surrounded by loving friends and family, and relentlessly pursued by one of the most beautiful boys in town. How did he manage?!? That said I can identify with Quinn in quite a few ways and TOU is just a hair below TLW as my favourite. Anyway I got , but I think the rest of your predictions could be dead on, kDil. And I really like the idea of Milo trying to win Nels back with flowers! Have an awesome day, Dude, and take care Kevin

It was early 2000, and I was a sophmore in high school. One of our cats suddenly got very sick and since the vet in our town was closed, my mom and I drove to the city of my aunt and cousin to take her to the all night emergency clinic. After dropping her off we go and visit my aunt and cousin and the four of us play the card game rook, which I hadn't done in about 4 or 5 years. Playing it makes me remember just how much fun it is, and what ashame we never play anymore. "But wait" I think, "this is the internet age, there's bound to be a site SOMEWHERE that offers it". Fast foward a couple of weeks and I'm playing rook at games.com (No longer offered there ). I'm having a great time, I meet LOTS of new friends, and spend almost all of my online time exclusively there for the next two years. Eventually several of us start an internet forum for all the players and I help run the site until about late 2003/early 2004. Rewind to 2002, it's now my senior year of high school. I'm hanging out at my best friend's house and his mom starts talking about how much she used to enjoy playing spades in college. So for the next couple of hours she teaches us and we play. My friend quickly becomes obsessed and insists that we play together on Yahoo. We do for about a month then he loses interest. I don't. But now I need a partner, and an atmosphere more conducive to a "community" feeling. Being an entrenched member of the work forum I decide to look for a spade forum. I quickly find an awesome one and become a member, and join the players at their site. For the next two years I more or less balance rook and spades, but slowly spades takes over my time and affections. I make MANY new, close, dear friends there, and have a thoroughly enjoyable time. Fastfoward to early 2005. My little spade home has become more of a war zone. The majority of the original members have left, and the head administrator (once a fairly close friend of mine) has completely flipped. He's turned against most of my closest friends and partners and I can no longer placate him. Gradually I come to the realization that he's all but certifiably crazy, and quite honestly paranoid, and he comes to the realization that I'm not going to roll over and watch him banish my friends. Slowly our relationship deteriorates to nothing, and I take quite a long "break". While I'm away the situation comes to a head, he bans most of my friends, and the rest withdraw. Of the aproximately 180 original/early members he now has about 20 left and his "newbies" are basically "yes men/women". My main partner immediately contacts me and tells me that she and most of the others have joined a new league and created their own team composed of our old players. I immediately join and resume active play. The snag is that I'm still technically a member of the other league, and a small handfull of my friends remain there. For the next couple of weeks I juggle the two leagues and try to make everyone happy. One day the admin. of the first league decides "if you aren't with us, you're against us" (is it any wonder I'm so sick of that particular phrase and line of reasoning), and demands that I make a decision between the two. I say if I'm being forced to choose then the decision has been made for me, and I leave/get banned. It's now June of 2005 and I've been with the new league close to 6 months. One evening I'm surfing the web and come across Nifty . "cool site", I think. A few weeks later I'm exploring it and discover TOU. I quickly read all the chapter that were then posted (up to chapter 10), then desperate to get my fix I realize that more are posted on the author's home page. Once there I find another 3 chapters and quickly read to the end of chapter 13 (the marshmellow scene). I see that there hasn't been an update since April and begin to freak out. Fortunately, in my despair, I decide to check out TLW, which has the benefit of being finished. Over the next week or so I read it and it immediately replaces TOU as my favourite. Once I'm done reading TLW I find that I'm effected. STRONGLY EFFECTED. For the first time in years I begin to think perhaps a relationship like Owen and Aiden's is something I not only want, but might eventually need. More importantly I begin to think it's even possible to have that kind of loving, healthy relationship. In my desperation to talk about TOU I join Gay Authors. Gradually over the next few months I spend less and less time with my ("new") spade league and more and more time at Gay Authors. And the rest, as they say, is history ******************************** So what was the point of that brief (by my standards ) history of my internet use? Well reasons: 1) I simply thought it might be nice to post a little "background" 2) The yesterday I recieved an email from an old friend at the orginal spade league (who briefly followed us to the new league). Here's the email with the names of the players/league removed. Also keep in mind that he's not a native english speaker. Hello Everybody This is Q writting. I just hear that J (the paranoid league admin) is missing, and that probably the league is going to dissapear? I do not know what has been doing the last 2 years, but I do remember those great days we all enjoyed our onliune friendship. Even my curent obbligations doesn't allow me to stay online much, I will deeply regret the closure of our league. I received today a mail from H (one of the few orginal members left) , she is trying to put the pieces together so the league can maiuntain its "live" status. Again, I not know what happened but I think that our memories at the league are strong and honest, so let's do whatever is in out hands to keep the league alive, shall we? Hope you all are good and wish every one of you and your families the best. Sincerelly Q So of course the other reason is that all of this has just been brought back to the surface and is fresh on my mind. I went back and checked out the league page. When all was said and done "J" had basically taken a once flourishing, happy and extremly fun league of over 250 active members and all but destroyed it, reducing it's number to under 40! With less than 20 active members. Only about 5 of the original members now even remain on the list, and only 2 of them are still "active". He was an extremely paranoid person, and only seemed to grow worse and worse. It was always conspiracy theories with him, he banned almost everyone for some sort of percieved plot to destroy the league. Shortly after my group it seems he had the most damning falling out with his closest friends/supporters/junior admin. I don't know the details but once again he decided they were involved in some sort of scam to drive away membership and he banned them. Irnoically after that he decided that we were all "innocent" and invited us back on his online radio (yes toward the end he had his own online radio station,,,,which tragically consisted of him sitting on his soapbox spouting all the injustices he'd suffered). I heard all this 2nd hand (not being a fan of the radio station even while I was still a member). Fortunately only 2 of our number (Q being one of them) actually took him up on his offer of "clemency". But reading that email and then seeing the death throes of the league with my own eyes, I really was struck with a strong sadness. It was seriously one of the best, most enjoyable internet places I've ever spent my time. In it's "golden age" it was a much happier, friendlier place than the rook gaming site ever was. We always referred to each other as "family", and until J decided to start disowning various "cousins, uncles, aunts, brothers, and sisters" we really were. I've grown to really care about a great many of you here at GA; you're some of the most teriffic, inspiring, awesome people I've ever met. But in many ways I loved the people at the spades league just as much. It was a home. Reading that email though, with that final last ditch effort to "save" the league, I realized something; it's already dead. It died even before the first major "exodus". It died when the first of our brothers/sisters suddenly felt abandoned and ostracized for expressing their honest view point. It was nothing like "home" the entire last 6 or 7 months I was there. It started with a noble and worth dream J had. A close friend of his died too young and in his grief he decided to create the league in his friend's memory. It was his hope that we would all find a little peace and happiness. A little solice. A safe harbor from the outside world, where we could go and forget our trouble and just have fun with each other, playing a game we truly loved. And we did.....but in the end, for whatever reasons, which I'll never know or understand, the dream turned into a nightmare. The dream is over now, and it's time to wake up. ************************************** I won't be at GA forever. Eventually something else will occupy my attention. Eventually the people, that to me, make it "home" will move on with their lives. I don't know how it'll end. I hope it remains the beautiful, good place that it is. A place for troubled, hurting, lost people to find comfort in good stories and each other's company. A place were the happy, carefree, exuberant among us can share their joy and wisdom. I hope it always remains a warm, caring community. Someday, be it in a few weeks, a few years, or a few decades; I will be gone from here. And rather it continues to go on well here or not; I intend to take the happy times, the fun, the love and support, the goodness with me. Nothing lasts forever but that doesn't make it any less valuable and worthy. My sincerest and most earnest respect, admiration, and appreciation go out to Myr, the GACs, the authors, the sub-committee GACs, and of course the members! Whatever has been, or will be, this IS a beautiful and truly amazing place and I'm happy to call it my internet home. Kevin

I completely loved D.O., Dan! It was awesome! Since DOR is a sequal, and I tend to "bite at the chomp" more for those, I've held off reading it until it's done, but I expect to love it too That said, I'm actually kinda scared to read VJ. I lost my horror-movie sensibilities sometime in my mid-teens. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable reading about people getting hurt...especially sexually . I dunno, you folks that have read it, and have a general idea about me. Do you think I'd enjoy it?

I'm so glad you liked it! I was a huge Eve 6 fan, IMO their first two albums were the best HAHAHHA Wow! I'm so glad you pointed that out, honestly it hadn't occured to me. I was thinking of it along the lines of school children, messing around, picking on their crush and stuff. That's a great interpretation though, glad you mentioned it! Take care and have a great day Kevin

I want one of those! ....A blonde boyfriend that is Glad you guys are enjoying the peace, have fun!

Hey David, I'm glad to hear the new chapter will be out on Thursday. I hope you're able to get everything done. I'm sure you'll do fine. Have a great day, and take care Kevin

Hey Kitty! You're right I probably would have thought that perhaps it was mutural had the singer been a female, or a gay male. But I'd always assumed the singer was straight. I still think he is, but I guess you never know if there wasn't some bisexuality or some sort of fling. Thanks for pointing that out! Have an awesome day and take care! Kevin

Aww thanks Viv!

Thanks Kitty, I think so too

That's what I thought too. Yep, I just hope his wake up call isn't along the same lines as Aaron's. I thought that too! LOL but we must remember Jaunita isn't the "housekeeper" I think it's going to be Milo's dad, and some combination of their friends. Also probably some sort of internal struggle for Milo. Actually I completely agree, Nick. In fact I made the same prediction myself in With Trust Predictions after the first chapter: Hmmm, I hadn't thought so. I think he's just going to be supportive as a friend. I guess anything's possible though. Anyway I look forward to the next chapter. Take care everyone and have an awesome day! Kevin

Hey Nick I'm so sorry, about whatever it is that's bothering you I think it's a good thing to be careful about hurting people's feelings, but I also know, as someone who has trouble speaking his mind when it might offend, that it can also cause problems and make you feel even worse/helpless/ignored. Perhaps you could try to communicate privately (PM or email or something) with these people and try to let them know how you feel in an inoffensive, nonthreatening way. Anyway I hope you feel better! As for the job, good luck! First jobs are always very exciting, and a big adjustment. I didn't work at all in high school, but in college I've generally put in between 30-50 hours a week. It takes some getting used to. Good luck! Have an awesome day, good luck with the job, and try to feel better Kevin

hope you feel better soon, Green

Hey everyone. So the other night I was listening to one of my old cds, and I used to be really into Eve 6. Anyway this song came on and while I'd never really questioned it before, I found myself wondering what it meant. It sounds to me like the singer thinks his friend is gay and has a crush on him. Here's the lyrics (with certain parts boldfaced and my comments in parentheses), let me know what ya think. Eve 6 - Jet Pack Lyrics You're the one stepping on the back of my shoes You're the one using me as a muse ( so he's playful and he's drawing inspiration from the guy ) You're the one with the jet pack strapped to your back ready to go It's you are her and nobody else The lights are low and she's so ready You're already on your way to the door ( not interested in the girl) You're at the bar the tender gives you a free drink And when she's perfect you sweat bullets spill the drink and you leave Everyone leaves the party except a gorgeous 20-something You turn and run You call me up ( two more examples of disinterest in girls and an interest in the singer) You're the one stepping on the back of my shoes You're the one using me as a muse You're the one with the jet pack strapped to your back ready to go Ready to go So, the way you act is it just an act to some strange courtship ritual? A habitual nervous reaction? Hey it's just me set yourself free Why don't you let me know what's going on inside your cluttered head? ( encouraging him to come out? You're the one stepping on the back of my shoes You're the one using me as a muse You're the one with the jet pack strapped to your back ready to go Ready to go What the hell are you talking about? Is that what you would say? If I were to wonder outloud would it make you turn away? Just a curious question to think about. ( so the singer suspects but doesn't want to upset his friend) If it was you and me and nobody else would want me to want to be ready to go? Or would you want to take the lights down low? ( WOW ) You're the one stepping on the back of my shoes You're the one using me as a muse You're the one with the jet pack strapped to your back ready to go Ready to go Hey it's just me set yourself free Why don't you let me know what's going on? ( sorta like "it's just me, you can tell me" ) Hey it's just me set yourself free Why don't you let me know what's going on? Hey it's just me set yourself free Why don't you let me know what's going on? Hey it's just me set yourself free LOL ok so now that I actually read through the lyrics myself (instead of just mindlessly singing along), I think it's rather obvious. Anyway it's a cool song (though certainly not one of my favourites by them). Have a great day everyone and take care, Kevin

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday!

Hey Camy, I'm really sorry to hear you feel so "divided". I can readily understand that, it's easy to feel like you're either hiding one part of yourself or the other. I suppose the "healthy" answer is to figure out a way to incorporate the two, but of course I understand that's not as easy as it sounds. is you are out to your two best friends, maybe you really could talk to them about how you feel though. I know that's a difficult conversation to have, but maybe you could bring it up very casually and try to keep it light. It might still make you feel better. Crying is cathartic, I think it's a learned skill. I'm much better at it now than I was four or five years ago. Don't give up on crying. I'm sure you'd rather cry about whatever particular things are bothering you, but if you can't perhaps you could watch a very sad movie, or read a really sad book or something and cry at that. Then look for more "crying" material. Eventually when crying becomes a more routine, accepted part of your life, it'll be easier to do it for personal reasons at the appropriate times. It's strange about crying though, it rather seems to me like people actively try to avoid crying, or actively try to cry. If only everyone could just cry whenever the mood struck, and not worry about supressing it, or forcing it......Not likely to happen though. Anyway I hope you feel better, and I hope you can come to whatever decisions will be necessary so that you can lead a happy, fulfilled life. Good luck, and take care Kevin

The grass is always greener. I've had people remark that they've paid hairdressers upwards of a hundred dollars to have perfect spiral curls like mine and I laugh and tell them I go out of my way to tame them down into loose waves. My hair will never be straight, which is a shame, because as I said before, the grass is always greener. I agree Luigi, we always want what we don't have. It's a rather sad aspect of the human condition. Still I think it's one of the main reasons people seek variety, and that is the "spice of life" as they say. Of course around here Tony Chachere's is the spice of life, but at least people put it on many various foods Anyway take care and have a teriffic day! Kevin

Thanks Michael, that does sound like an interesting book, I'll have to check it out sometime. I think people just get tired of the same old thing. And of course hair has always been one of humankind's main interests. In fact the other day in my Anthropology class my prof. was talking about things which every culture have in common. One of them was an interest in "hairstyles" and how the hair should be worn etc. It just seems phenomenal to me that throughout the whole world, every society, regardless of their way of life or the particular problems they face, they ALL focuse on "gee, you think I should part this?" Anyway have an awesome day and take care! Kevin

LOL

Hey Viv I think I mostly agree with Vic (though I don't remember a Seb and Tim from DD, and I don't know why Rory was meddling in their business ). I think bottoming is a much more emotional, step. Not to try to analyize women or anything, but perhaps that's why it's such a monumental step for them as well. Maybe it's just naturally more intense and emotional the first time someone "comes inside", and of course there's a big issue of trust involved. Not that I'm downplaying the seriousness of topping for the first time. I think anytime two people decide to make love for the first time (even if it ISN'T their individual first times), it's a really big step. Of course as Michael pointed out they were in a good relationship, and I'm sure Rory trusted Seth and felt "ready". I've always said TLW has absolutely the best first time love scene I've ever read. I mean WOW, I think EVERYONE'S first time should be like that . I guess it just depends on the person and who they're with/how ready they are. As for Brokeback, I agree with you. I see the cultural significance, and it does convey a powerful message, but I wasn't that crazy about it myself. It just wasn't really my type of story. I think it was probably a little too dark for tastes, with regards to "romantic" movies that is. I don't know if you've seen Closer but I LOVED that movie, and it was completely negative about love and romance. I think the reason I liked it so much though is because that's what I was expecting, I went into it thinking "Okay this is a movie about how messed up people's relationships can get". Whereas with Brokeback it was trumpeted as a "great love story" and I kept trying to see everything through that lens (and seriously if you ask me their "love" wasn't that healthy or positive). A better theme would have been "dangers of the closet" or "what happens when you can't accept yourself". In fact I'm sure if I'd viewed it more with those principles in mind (or completely without expectation), I'd have liked it a lot more. I'm not saying Jack and Ennis didn't care about each other, but they just didn't express it very well, and did far too many questionable things in their private lives to be admirable characters (which could be said for the folks in Closer, but again I went into wanting and expecting to see screwed up relationships with heavily flawed people). For me a great love story should make you say to yourself "awwww, I want that!" or "awwww! I have that". When I saw Brokeback I just thought how tragic the whole thing was and kept thinking "gee, I don't want that". Anyway have an awesome day and take care Kevin

"Sleep With Myself" by Prozzak Ya I'll dance with you for a while But I'm not going to take you home I don't even know you last name Let me explain Been around the world a thousand times Been swept away on distant shores Bedded down with angels Drank their wine And always the conclusion is the same Making love is always grand But eventually Love ends a losing game So let's leave it alone I'm going home People think celibacy's a crime Not saying I won't love again But couldn't we just talk for a while And modern girls (and boys) Got one thing in their head Before you down your second drink You're in the cab And then you're in her(/his) bed So let's hold off on the sex play I don't even know your last name I'd rather sleep with myself tonight Where no one else can harm me baby no Oh Oh Although I'm really quite fond of you My best intentions never turn out right I'd rather sleep with myself tonight Ok so I'm going to do something selfish, and downright disgusting. Something I'd find completely off putting in other people. So unless you're okay with that you might want to stop reading now. What is this dreadful thing? Bragging of course. Now I suppose I shouldn't. I mean it's very unattractive. On the other hand, this is a place for my feelings and I'm feeling good about myself. So why not? Besides psychologically speaking a little ego boost from time to time is healthy. (you guys just stop me if I make it a habit) I'll just be honest. I feel really HOT and sexy right now. I just spent the last 4 hours in the bathroom. I took an incredibly long, hot, bubble bath; well technically 4 really long, hot, bubble baths...lol not my fault the water didn't want to stay really hot . I shaved (face as well as chest, stomach, etc.), I moisturized, I loofahed, I pumiced (can I make that a verb? Well I'm gonna ), all the while listening to music and singing rather loudly. Then I straightened my hair. I'd bought this chemical kit thing. Yuck it smelled awful , but it does seem to have worked rather well, and my hair doesn't feel fried. It did change colour though! It said it was safe for colour treated hair, but somehow the stuff must have reacted with the red or something. I went from a wavy redhead to a straight yellowy blonde. Which really I'm quite pleased with. It's a colour I might have chosen anyway, so hey two birds, one stone Anyway I just feel so great now! I'm all smooth and stuff And I have to say my face looks really clear and radiant. And my body? WHOA. hehehe. It's great! Pretty much since my teens I've thought "ya know the "perfect" age is like 22." I'd been looking forward to it for quite awhile; I always expected to be in my "prime" then. I mean it's old enough to be legal for everything and fully independent, but it's young enough to still look great and be full of energy. And I think this year lived up to its expectation Of course feeling sexy and good about yourself can be a sure recipe for wanting someone. And I do. But I'm certainly not going to start a relationship with less than 2 months before I move hundreds of miles. And I definitely don't want a fling (heck I'd rather sleep with myself :king: ), besides I don't need anyone (right now) anyway. I want someone, but I don't need them, not for the next couple of months anyway. LOL to get sassy for a bit, "I don't need no man to define me!". While I'm at it I think I'll finally put on paper (electronic paper mind you) the two things about unsuccessful relationships that I've always promised myself: 1)I will not stay with someone cheats on me. 2)I will not stay with someone who's physically or verbally abusive. I can do better! So I'm going to hold myself to that, and if I ever write about a relationship in this blog, and things go wrong in it. I hope someone will point this out to me. So who did I "fix myself up" for? ME LOL and besides just because I'm not "on the market" doesn't mean I object to people trying to "price" me.....okay that analogy really did make me sound like a prostitute. So instead I'll quote another (rather irritating, pop) song to get my point across: "If you got it, flaunt it, boy I know you want it" Check on it ~ Beyonce On a side note, someone from work was having a party tonight, and I said I might drop by for a bit. However, I hardly know the guy, and what I do know is that everyone will be drinking an insane amount of liquor and acting foolish. Which I really wasn't in the mood to do tonight. I definitely think this "bath" night was more fun! Ironically the party was supposed to end around 4am, which is the time now. So it really is like I did this instead. Well I'd better get to bed. But I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I'm going to get dressed up, have a teriffic day, and "flaunt it" I hope I didn't offend anyone with my horribly sickening self-admiration, but it was fun. And I promise I'll be a good boy next time Have a really awesome day everyone and take care! Kevin