AFriendlyFace

So THAT's why the priest was in purple sunday .....lol it was kinda something I was vaguely aware of, I'm glad ya told me thou. So I think I'll download that song and see how I like it. Have a great evening.

Hey Green, I know I've never posted in your blog before, but I hope you don't mind this time. Anyway I think it's mostly true that no one was trying to hurt you, but it's easy to understand why their actions did. Speaking for myself I can't stand to feel "out of the loop". I'd have been a little hurt to find out that two of my closest friends had secretly paired off when no one was looking too. Also it's TOTALLY logical that it would make you feel better that Selene didn't know either.....no one wants to be the "last to know". So your feelings are very VERY reasonable.....but try to see it from their point of view too (of course I don't really know the situation just takin a shot, based on normal human emotions). There's a good chance this hasn't been going on very long.....in fact is it possible that today was the first day? I mean maybe something just kinda happened between them right before you came in, and that's why it was awkward, and perhaps they just kinda "picked up" where they left off. And even if it isn't the first time, chances are it is pretty new still, otherwise they probably wouldn't be going to the trouble of keeping it a secret. Maybe they don't really know where it's going, and don't want all the pressure and expectations of their friends. So they find it easier to keep it quiet until they sort out their feelings. Also they may even have had your feelings in mind (perhaps not the best way to do it but still), I mean maybe they didn't want you to feel left out, or embarrassed. Also the fault you have with them isn't that they did it but that they didn't tell you. Well if it's newish, they really may not have had the natural chance to tell you. I mean there's nothing to tell until it happens, and it's possible it's only just starting ot happen. If people are feeling that "magic moment" for the first time, and just starting to lean in for that first kiss or whatever, chances are no one would really pull back and say, "ok so lets tell everyone important to us about this". Anyway I hope I didn't offend you, and really I'd have felt the EXACT same way in all likelihood, this is just how I"d have tried to make myself feel better, so I figured I'd give it a shot with you too. Anyway take care and I hope you can work stuff out with them.

Congrats on your day off! Good luck catching up on all your homework.

It's the dancing in the truck that sounds weird, naked or not. No I leave my clothes on in the truck , it's usually just after or befor a shower/bath that it's naked dancing ;-)

Ok so I think today went better than it should have actually. I mean I woulda thought I'd have gotten really hurt and as a result irritable and grumpy, after what happened, but I managed not to. So let's see how shall I tell this story? I have this really good friend at work, she's one of my best friends and definitely my best "work friend". Well anyway about a year ago she met this guy, and they VERY slowly started dating, and now it's pretty serious. Anyway this is great IMO. See before she met him, while she was really doing ok overall, she's, I think, in a better place now. She'd just gotten out of a bad relationship, and she was having a lot of trouble getting over the guy, plus he was practically stalking her. So anyway this new guy is definitely better for her, regardless of what else can be said. See he's really religious, in fact he's litterally a missionary of sorts. Anyway she was very slow to finally start seeing him, but he seemed like a nice guy, and everytime she asked my opinion I always told her I thought he was a good guy. Of course I could tell early on he was a jealous guy, see his names Kelvin, and my name is Kevin. So apparently she kept accidently calling him "Kevin" and what from what she told me, it always drove him crazy. Anyway I can see why that would make him jealous, and once we actually met we got along fine, so I didn't think there was any problem. Well quite a few people in her family thought there WAS a problem.....see they're an interacial couple, and while I don't like to use the term, we're right in, what you could call "redneck territory". Especially our home towns (we didn't meet till we both moved, but we're from the same area). Anyway her grandmother even "disownded" her. Add to that the fact that the guy's very conservative nature ticked off all her liberal friends, and the fact that they were spending so much time together (and thus she was spending less time with her other friends) kinda alienated another good portion of her friends, and basically I was one of the only ones she could talk to about him, and be around with him. Anyway after they'd been dating awhile, she started making some changes. Most of which I think are good changes. She quit smoking and drinking, started exercising more, cut back on caffiene (she's got a heart murmur which it isn't good for), and also started going to church regularly, and getting very involved with her faith. I thought this was great! She's much happier now, and healthier. Well anyway while all this was taking place, I noticed she was less eager to spend time with me, especially alone. No big deal I thought, I figured for one thing they just needed to spend more time together anyway. I'm not one of those people who freaks out when their friends start to seemingly become "joined at the hip" with their S.O. I mean I figure that's perfectly natural, and healthy, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Also I kinda figured there was some jealousy issues there, and I really didn't want to make things worse. So I just backed off a little. Well I could tell we were "drifting apart" a little, and today is when things finally came to a head. See, it turns out she'd joined this very conservative religous women's group, that does a book study. And the book they're studying is "Every Woman's Battle". Well from what she was telling me this book's very adament about the fact that women shouldn't spend time with the opposite sex. That they should refrain from serious/personal/meaningful conversations with their males friends, and that in general only women could "minister" to other women, and only men can minister to other men. So basically if she's got a problem she's going to another woman, and if a guy comes to her with a problem she'll encourage him to talk to another guy about it. Well basically to be blunt, I think this is all a bunch of nonsense! First of all I think that a diverse group of friends, of both sexes, and of all backgrounds and heritages is only enriching, and good for people. I think it's true that there are some differences between the sexes, but I think the similarities are more significant. I think it's true that it's helpful to talk to someone who can understand what you're going through, because they've been there. I mean I'd like to have a close gay, male friend to talk to about stuff, (probably an important factor in why I'm here). And yeah in general I guess it's helpful to talk to other guys about some stuff. But by and large I think that most people are capable of understanding what other people are going through, especially if they're close with that person, and the person takes the time to tell them. I mean it's all the same human emotions: joy, anger, sadness, fear, hope, excitement, guilt, love. Most people can identify with these and understand that that's what the person is feeling even if they've never felt it themselves because of the exact same situation, and besides that who's going to find someone who's been in the EXACT SAME SITUATION? I mean I even asked "so what if your brother comes to you for something?" and she said "I'd give him Kelvin's number.".....I mean I think that's just silly. Who wouldn't feel more comfortable talking to their sister than their sister's boyfriend. Especially since she and her brother are fairly close, and he doesn't even know Kelvin that well. Anyway she basically made it clear that she wasn't interested in having close friendships with her guy friends anymore. That it just "isn't right" and "too much temptation". So I guess I should mention I'm not "out" to her, but the thing is there's no point. We actually have a 3rd mutual friend who's gay, and I've been able to tell how she feels about it. She's "okay" with it, in that she isn't going to insult or deride him, and she's willing to be his friend (or at least she was lol), but she just doesn't "get it", she thinks it's morally wrong, and she doesn't understand it in the first place. She also thinks it's some kinda temporary thing which could just instantly go away or something. I mean she even said he was no exception "he's still a guy" she said. I don't really understand her point, he's NOT going to try anything with her, and nor am I for that matter, she'd have to like tie us down and attack us or something, which doesn't seem likely. But I guess in her mind, we may still try something. So anyway the point is there's no use in me sitting her down and trying to explain to her that I really wouldn't be interested in the first place. Besides all that I can't justify trying to do it. I mean first off I don't make judgements about people's lives if they're happy, and they aren't hurting themselves or others. I mean if they're living morally upright lives, and they're happy, it isn't my place to tell them they're wrong, even if I think they are. I mean this obivously isn't a part of my faith, even though broadly we're both Christians, she's obivously got different views. I can't really justify saying they're wrong. Especially since she is happy, and it's working for her. I mean maybe it isn't "wrong" for her. I DON'T think it's a healthy way for her to handle her relationships with the important guys in her life, I mean I'm assuming that while she's obivously comfortable being alone with Kelvin, she'd probably even encourage him to talk to someone else about his problems. Doesn't seem good to me, but right now they're fine, and who knows, they both share these views, so maybe it'll work for them. I guess all I can do is back off, remain a casual friend, and let her "fight this battle" on her own. It's ashame because I'd have had her back if she'd have let me, but I guess some things you have to do by yourself (or with your same gendered friends). So anyway it hurts, and I'm definitely out one very good, close friend, but it's not my place to stop her if I don't think she's messing up her life (and overall I really don't, she is happier, and in a better place now). And it would just be selfish to try.

Thanks Coming! And as I said in your blog, I think your story is awesome and I'm so glad for you. Thanks for telling us all about it, really made me feel better about humanity . Anyway take care

LOL thanks Michael :-) Yeah I suppose part of my problem is I start too many things/think about too many thinks at once. LOL and You're right I do get quite a few funny looks in traffic, but actually I don't mind at all. There's something of an entertainer in me, I just pretend not to notice other people have noticed my one man concert. I figure that way we BOTH have fun, gives them something to laugh at too

I've been wanting to see that movie! So it was good huh? Sad? Awesome! LOL I love sad movies,,,I hope I cry too

Again, I want to thank each of you very very much for your wonderful and kind support, it's meant ALOT to me. Thanks everyone! I hope you all have excellent lives, with much happiness and love abounding

So pretty much all my life I've liked really lively, fast, up tempo music. Which means I was actually very much into the "pop punk" scene because even though the lyrics are usually a little grim, the beat is (IMO) infectious. Actually I usually like the lyrics too, they may be dark, but they're usually witty and full of word play. Anyway as a result of my musical preferences few people would describe me as a sophisticated listener. Does that matter? Nope not a bit, I like it and that's all that really matters to me. Anyway on that note, I've been addicted to "dance, dance" by Fall Out Boy. I've listened to it probably about 25 times or so in the last 6 hours. I'm always like that with music. When I like a song I just keep playing it and playing it. Once a few years ago my roommate (back when I used to have a roommate), was leaving for church (which lasts an hour, plus commuting time to and from), anyway I was listening to "Hero" by The Verve Pipe (another fine song IMO) upon the time of departure and darnit if I didn't realize THAT was the only song I listened to (over and over) the ENTIRE time, upon the home arrival. I actually like most types of music though, including the exact opposite, really sad, slow, melencholy songs. About the only stuff I don't like is "easy listening" as they call it, I think it's because I need music to actively engage me, if it doesn't it just seems like a distrubing background noise to me, and stresses me out. Which is probably why I can't read or write with any music playing, all the songs I like make me focus (and thus divide my attention too much,,,,heck I'm already distracted enough to start with), and I simply don't like music I don't actively focus on. So where was I going with this? I can't remember Anyway "Dance, Dance", good song, especially if you want to....well dance, dance. I actually don't dance though, not in public anyway. I sing and dance a lot in my apartment (and sometimes my truck), but usually not where anyone else can see.....well for one thing the majority of the time I'm dancing I'm naked anyway, so I wouldn't want too many people watching in the first place. Anyway all this seemingly pointless rambling is serving a purpose. It's distracting me from the fact that I've got to come up with a really good, really short fictional story FAST. I need said story to apply for grad. school. Which I'm still not sure I'm making the right decision with in the first place. It's so messed up, I remember when I graduated from High School and had to pick a major in the first place, there were like a hundred things I all really wanted to do, and I had to try to pick my favorite. I mean I wanted to do the psychology, I wanted to teach, I WANTED to (but didn't think they were practical) write and act. I wanted to maybe do marketing/advertizing. and a whole bunch of other things. Of course I ended up doing the psychology and eventually double majoring with sociology. Then a few months ago I realized I was "selling out" by not pursuing writing, so I decided I'd be applying to grad. school for writing instead of psyc. or socio. Well great except now I'm wondering if that's really best either? It's like I went from wanting to do EVERYTHING to trying to figure out what I can force myself to do and enjoy. I mean I would like to write, and I think I'm a rather creative writer, and I enjoy the process. The only problem is my ever shrinking attention span. I'm just not that focused anymore, I don't know if I can sit down and bash out a few pages at a time without wandering away to see if I turned the stove off (which I'm getting better about BTW). It's really messed up, when I was a kid I used to have amazing powers of concentration. Seriously, I could easily sit quietly and read ANYTHING for hours and stay totally focused on what I was reading. I could also complete most tasks in one good chuck without getting distracted. Now I feel like I've got a 3 second short term memory, and I'm constantly being bombarded by random, distracting, usually pointless thoughts. I used to ALWAYS make it a point to read something to the end of the next chapter, now I literally stop mid-sentence sometimes and walk away.....It's like "He opened the door to find a ve...." hey I wonder where I left my glass of water and off I go in search of before mentioned water. Of course I usually find something else to get distracted by in the kitchen (where I've often left the freshly filled glass sitting near the fridge), then I usually drop by the bathroom, then decide it's time to call so and so, which of course means trying to find my phone, which I usually find somewhere in my room, at which point I see the opened book and instead of calling whoever, I begin to wonder what he found when he opened the door. It's gotten so bad that I've literally begun to forget what question I asked when people give me an answer. "yeah, last Wednesday"....."uh sorry, what'd I ask?" Granted that usually happens when they finish their previous thought before going back to my question, but still. So what's wrong with me? Seriously? I'd guess ADD/ADHD and indeed that would make sense if I was like 9, but like I said I was a calm, focused kid, it's only in the last couple of years I've become a walking commercial for Concerta. Another interesting thing to note is that as a kid I didn't have a particularly large amount of energy. I just kinda sat around and prefered the lazy modern stuff, TV, Video games, as well as reading and board games and stuff. Now I actually am a big ball of energy. I'm all over the place, and I often feel like running if I'm going somewhere (I usually don't because it'd be kinda odd and socially unacceptable to just sprint into the bank, run up to the counter, and while swaying back and forth exclaim "I wanna make a deposit please!" Heck it actually sounds like fun though, when I was a kid I've thought I was an idiot.......I'd have probably been right too Oh I actually did have a theory on it though (almost got distracted and forgot,,,,go figure ) Ridlin and other meds that work on ADD are stimulants, as is caffiene of course. Well I USED to drink a lot of caffiene, as a small child I drank like litters of Dr.Pepper, and I got on Coffee and Tea pretty early. But about a year ago I gave up drinking caffiene entirely (I still get some with my chocolate addiction though). Anyway is it possible that I was like "self medicating" all along with the caffiene? And now that I truly am, for the most part, stimulant free I can't focus?? Of course the really messed up thing is that I'm happier this way. Who wouldn't rather feel like running than feel like they could barely lift their feet? Besides I'm healthier now too. But is it worth my mind?? Oh well I'll forget about it soon anyway :wacko:

Hey Slaveboy I agree with Michael and Snow dog, sounds like the guy is into you. And I mean if you really do think he's gay and cute, you don't have anything to lose with a little well placed flirting. On a side note. Do you have trouble finding jeans that fit? I wear 30x32 (or 29x32 if I feel like being noticed lol), anyway I have a really hard time finding stuff in my size, anything 30 or under tends to be 30 or 28 in length I find. Anyway on yet another side note, I also saw Harry Potter 4, it was really good, no comments about the actors though, I'm a little too old lol.

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well Dom. I hope you feel better soon. And I think James is right, you'd better take care of yourself and see that that cold doesn't turn into anything worse. Also, I agree with you, Mice (and rodents in general) are kinda cute, but yeah not so much fun to have in the house.

LOL don't worry NotTed, I'll probably take up bridge in a few years myself. I did learn and play a little bit a few years ago, but then I kinda got bored and went back to spades and rook...Ever play those? LOL I agree Slaveboy, Faith Hill is very attractive, and lately I've been really addicted to "like we never loved at all", but heck alot of her stuff is really good. And don't feel bad about liking alternative, there's wonderful songs in every genre. LOL don't stop being "squishy" I love hearing stuff like that, it's inspiring, and it must be awesome, I'm glad for you. LOL now when it comes to the radiocarbon dating stuff I confess I don't envy you a bit Well I can pretend I'm an artist I guess. I mean I plan to write, that's artistic. And I do paint occasionally, but it's totally not artistic at all, it's just me acting like a little kid with water colors. LOL and I always try to be entertaining, does that count?

Welcome to the site lchase, Yep "The Log Way" was supposed to be "The Long Way", but there's was a typo or something in the first submission of the first chapter, so that name stuck. Anyway yeah it's my favorite too! Glad to have you at the site, take care

Thanks Everyone!

LOL I do like this format. I'm: -5'10'' -Reddish dark blonde hair (right now, but it's naturally a medium to light brown,,,I think ) -22 -male -Ambidextrous, but self taught and still lean right handed -Gay, with maybe some bisexual tendencies -ENFJ (I believe in psychology, but if you want the astrology), Virgo -A liberal Catholic, who identifies strongly with evangelical, non-denominational (non-fundamentalist) Christians -I plan to be a writer, and come up with ideas all the time, don't often have the discipline to write them down tho -I love games, especially cards, of which Spades (a partnership game w/ a trump suit) is my favorite -I read a pretty good bit -I like almost all types of music, but generally I like music that engages me rather than playing in the background, and I have to have silence if I'm writing or reading. ( I don't think my limited attention span can handle any extra stimulation ) -Single, but interested in finding something long-term and serious (I'll take it slow though, I just won't waste my time (and feelings) on something I know is temporary and casual) -Smart by all testable criteria, but I hate saying stuff like that. I do score well on intelligence and other standardized tests though, and I learn quickly so I suppose it's true. -As far as Athletics go, I'm pretty good if I'm naturally good at the sport. If I'm not I soon lose interest in it. alot like regular games actually, plus I think that in general with team and partnership stuff if I'm not doing really well I feel guilty about holding everyone back and so I quit playing. I never feel like that myself though with the weaker players, I'm there to have fun, but if I'm not good I leave so people that AREN'T just there to have fun, but also really want to win don't have to put up with me,,,if that makes any sense. Either way I usually enjoy being phsyically active. -Honesty, well in general I'm pretty honest, but I'm not at all blunt, I'm NOT one of those people someone goes to to "give it to em straight"....I'm pretty much going to dilute anything harsh or unpleasent as much as possible. I can't help it,,,,and actually I handle stuff better myself too, when people aren't that blunt, but just hint around and let me catch on myself. Have a great day everyone

Hey everyone,,,don't mean to crash a private "GAC" party or anything, but I do have two questions. I gather GAC stands for Gay author committee member, but what are they really?....I'm sure you guys are doing a great job though, since everything seems to be going so smoothly :-)......also LIVE CHAT, what?? I didn't know that was possible through this site (though I did suspect there must be a way), how would I go about doing it? Also I'm so sorry to hear of all your trouble Kitty. That sounds really rough, I"m so sorry you had to go through all of that. I hope you are able to happily make your new home in the Pacific Northwest like you'd said. I live in La myself, and sadly know quite a few people who were badly impacted by the hurricanes. Personally however it wasn't too bad where I am, and apart from losing power for about 5 days (which is really quite trivial), I can't complain. Anyway I'm so sorry all that happened to you, and best of luck!

Well first off I want to thank Michael, Nick and Reaper very very much for the supportive comments they made. It really meant alot to me and made things easier, Thanks guys . So anyway I decided I'd tell her this afternoon when I got home from work,,,,,,and I did. And it was really good. I'd prepared myself for the possibility of crying, or something. I even tried to think it would be normal and OK if there was some yelling or something. But none of that ever happened. I successfully managed the "so let's talk" kinda thing, and then getting across that it was going to be important etc. I even managed to convey that it would probably be shocking. Then after I had her all worked up and worried, even though I was telling her "don't worry everything's fine"...I pretty much chickened out, I just couldn't say it. So she actually got up and gave me a nice hug and said she'd always love me no matter what and I could tell her anything. So I finally did, and she said she thought so as soon as I started the conversation, but the way I was talking, but that she HADN"T thought so until I started the conversation. Anyway she was totally cool about it and we had a good talk, and it's all good, and she said she supports me regardless, and never had any hangs up about the issue in general. And she's glad I told her, and she said nothing was going to be any different between us, and she also said she would be ok with someday meeting and getting to know a guy I feel in love with. So all in all, I really couldn't have asked for it to go any better, at all. Except that I really did a lousy job with the actual TELLING part, but her reaction was great, and I was fine after it was "on the table" so to speak. Anyway thanks again guys, for the support and stuff, just wanted to let you know everything went well.

So my mom just got here a little while ago. She's going to be staying until Wednesday, then going home for Thanksgiving (And I'll be going too Thursday morning). Anyway she's visiting for a little while, as a kinda vacation thing, and just to visit. It's quite nice and it should be fun. But I can't help thinking that perhaps now is when I ought to come out to her. I mean I never even considered it before last summer, when I actually got inspired enough to think I might actually be able to find a satisfying relationship. Before that I figured there was really no reason to mention it to her (or anyone really), since it's not like I'd be having this steady boyfriend to "hide". I mean if I were in a relationship, I know I'd want to share it with the people I care about....So now that I'm thinking I'm actually gonna take a shot at true love (just as a general idea, I still don't really have any potential people in mind), it seems logical that I should mention this to my closest people. Anyway, it also seems like a good idea to do it when we have alot of time and privacy, and this is really the first time that's come along, since I decided all this.....SOOO I guess I will.....maybe. I dunno, there's no reason to really be freaking out too much about this, I mean I KNOW she'll ultimately come to terms with it, and I doubt it'll ever cause a break in our relationship, even temporary. She's flat out said, parents should always support their kids, she even said this in the context of us discussing a gay friend I have whose parents didn't. So I mean it's not like I have to worry to much. But it is still a big step. And also while I think she'll handle it ok, she'll still have to deal with it, it'll still be awkward, and it'll still surprise her. And I also know she'll be disappointed about not having grandkids (even though I do plan to adopt, it'll still feel to her like she won't have them). Anyway besides all that, everything's going along nicely and I hate to rain on the parade so to speak. But rationally I know that I have to do this eventually since I intend to someday have both a boyfriend and my mom in my life, and really it'll probably be better now, BEFORE I actually find someone, that way she won't subconsciously blame him or anything. I don't feel the need to do this as some sort of opening up/bonding/being honest thing. I mean I am myself around her, ok I don't blurt out "wow, that guy's hot!" or anything, but really I wouldn't do that if it were "wow, that girl's hot!"...Basically I'm just not going to be that sexual around my family anyway, so I really don't feel like I'm hiding anything, I just want to sort this all out before complications arise. So I'm thinking I'll tell her tomorrow evening (if it feels like the right time, and I get up the nerve), that way we can have fun today and not worry about anything, then tomorrow and all day Tuesday we'll still have time to deal with this. Now Thrusday will probably feel odd, when I'm around my grandparents and her at the same time, it'll be like we've got a secret or something, but I'm sure that feeling will pass. Anyway wish me luck everyone, and I probably won't be on much for the next week (regardless of how this works out).....Also if I DON"T end up telling her at all, don't be surprised.

Hey Ron, that's cool a really cool concept with the acidity/alkaline thing. I'd never heard that before though. I also quit drinking pop, but basically because Sprite and it's version w/ other companies is the only one caffiene free, and I don't like it THAT much. I've always naturally shyed away from artifical sweetners (of course that could be partly due to my sugar obsession . Sounds like we have a similar taste in music. Blink 182 and Green day were my two favorite bands for years (and Eve 6), and recently I"ve been listening too and enjoying Linkin park. Actually I like most all types of music though, and since everyone at work listens to country, it's really been growing on me too. I know what you mean about the dad thing too. If there's one thing I've always been sure about it's that I wanted to be a dad. I used to joke to my friends that if I were a woman I might be tempted to try to get knocked up on purpose (J/K I wouldn't really). Anyway don't let being gay dissaude you. I'm still definitely going to have a child (Probably adopt), even if it means moving somewhere else where it's legal (I'm not sure which states allow it and which don't. Anyway good luck. Hey Reaper, I agree with you, weirdness is one of the most satisfying things in life .....though I usually go for more of a spaced out, carefree, kinda weirdness and not the morbid kind....But some of my best friends have gone with the morbid kind lol. Life's really more fun when you see it from all angels, especially the less conventional ones. Shopping is fun too. I'm also really pale and (apparently) thin. Though only medium hight. Anyway I wear 30x32 and that's hard enough to find, I hate to try to find 30x34. Actually sometimes I try to find 29 or 28X 32, because I like my clothes to fit very snugly, and that's really tough as well. I don't get it personally. I mean I think they should have all the huge sizes, but I don't see why they don't carry some on the smaller end of the range.

LOL that's so cool Viv about getting married in Las Vegas at 17 w/ a note from mom! Sounds like a really awesome life too, marrying your highschool sweetheart, having two kids, making your own Christmas cards! Sounds great! LOL as for the the rest well it sounds alot like me, I'm optimistic and highly empathetic too. Once I listened to someone describe in detail how their appendix had ruptured and I swear I thought mine was going to as well!......Actually it's reasons like this that I'm often "in my own world" so to speak. I don't watch the news for instance because it just upsets me. It's for the same reason that I can't stand to listen to two people who strongly hold vastly different political or religous stances argue. So let's see apart from being strongly anti-conflict what else is there to me? Well actually oddly enough I have a tendency to "play devil's advocate", I guess because I have a tendency to defend people (even if they aren't really there getting attacked) and the positions they might hold. But I never let it get personal or too heated when I do it. In my entire life I've had all of one puff of a cigarret and never used an illegal drug. I used to drink a pretty good amount (as much as my friends), but then I quit alltogether for about a year, and now am only a VERY light drinker, and I don't drink at all if there's any chance there won't be someone stone sober to take everyone home. I quit drinking caffiene about a year or so ago too, and boy do I feel better now! I have much more energy and feel much healthier. Oh yeah I'm something of a health nut, well only a little bit though. I try to eat right, I take vitamins etc. And I love my fruits and vegitables. My only real dietary vice is my absolute addiction to chocolate (also the only source of caffiene left in my diet). I hate driving ALOT, but I've never been in an accident while driving. I'm also really paranoid when my friends and family are going to be on the road (in fact I'm looking forward to seeing a friend of mine first thing in the morning because I know she drove a good bit yesterday and I want to make sure she's ok). I'm kinda scattered and absent minded and I spend quite a good bit of my day saying "....now what was I going to say?" or trying to figure out "why'd I come in here?". I'm convinced I must have ADD (either that or senility), but I've never been diagonised, and I guess since I technically don't let it interfer with my life, I don't have it. Blue's my favorite color and often times I'm tempted to buy something blue just because it's blue even if I don't need it. Oh yeah and in case you were wondering blue M&Ms are definitely better than the others. I love animals and people for that matter, and always assume both are going to be "good" unless I have reason to believe otherwise. Oh yeah with the exception of snakes, snakes really freak me out. People having public displays of affection make me smile. I love kids. I'll eat just about any type of food. I usually have a good time wherever I go, whomever I go with, and whatever we're doing. But at the same time I consider myself very independent and don't mind going places and doing stuff on my own, in fact I eat out by myself a couple of times a week, and often go shopping alone. It would be more fun with someone else, like a BOYFRIEND, but hey I'm not letting it stop me. In fact 2 years ago I was kinda down around Valentine's day, and I'd been really bummed out all week leading up to it, but on Valentine's night I decided "screw it, I'm not going to let this get me down" And I dressed up and took myself out to dinner and a romantic evening. lol I even managed to not get too down when I was the only one at the restaurant not in a couple. Anyway if you want to know anything else just ask

Ok so it seems like I'm liking Aaron less and less with each chapter. I still think the poor kid's got a lot of issues and personal stuff going on, which might mitigate some of his bad behavior, but the fact is it looked like he really used and manipulated Rory in that last chapter. I think Rory's experiencing the "will you still respect me in the morning?" feeling, and sadly it rather looks like the answer is "no". I feel sorry for Aaron with his family life, but it was utterly tactless to bring Rory to Seth's, and how can you say "we'll take things slow" then have the guy flat on his back with your hands in his pants? I'm afraid Aaron does look like something of a playa to me now. I still want to seem him find some kind of redemption, but poor Rory's better off with someone (Luke) else. LOL ok so maybe I'm resigning my position as an Aaron supporter, but I'll still come to his defense if you guys get too hard on him As for Seth,,,well I'm liking him less and less with each chapter too, though I'm also willing to believe he's got alot of stuff to deal with too. Now as for Rory, well he was just way too "easy" in this chapter, but I really got the impression he was manipulated and seduced, so maybe it's not ALL his fault, he is inexperienced and niave after all. On the other hand you have to love that glass breaking incident. That was just priceless! "Oops" Then to follow it up by suggesting Seth get to work cleaning the mess up! I mean how ballsy is that? Making a mess, creating a scene, and then suggesting to your host, whose property you've just damaged, that they'd better get to work cleaning it up! Of course Seth totally had it coming! Anyway at this point I kinda wish Rory would just tell Luke everything, break up with Aaron (if they're even going out yet), and start seeing Luke. But of course I doubt it will be that simple. oh yeah one more thing. What's with the italics? Took me a little while to get used to it, but I guess it's not bad. Great chapter by the way Dom!

Hey College guy, I'm sorry I didn't see this post earlier, or I would have responded much sooner. The truth is no one can tell you "be happy" and magically make you happy. Happiness is a decision, it's true that sometimes you'll face circumstances which are BOUND to make you unhappy, it's also true that you may have a predispostion for depression, the chemistry in your brain may make it harder for you to be happy, just as the circumstances you find yourself in may make it more difficult for you to be happy. But, if you believe in free will, and I have a feeling you do, then ultimately YOU CAN BE HAPPY if that's your choice. You can seek out the medication you may need to be happy, and you can make the positive changes in your life which will improve your circumstances. It isn't easy, and it never will be, but it is worth it. Now for morality. You seem like a very good person. You're clearly very concerned with what's right and wrong. No one should ever tell you not to value your faith, it's very very important. Furthermore I (personally) happen to think the Christian faith is the way to go. Mainstream Christianity doesn't accept homosexuality, it's unfortunate, and sadly it may never change in our lifetimes (and we're both fairly young). But Christianity isn't about sexuality, the major aspects of it, Faith in Christ, Grace, Love, Forgiveness, HOPE these are all totally independent of the issue of sexuality. I can't tell you what to believe, I can't even tell you to decide for yourself, but I can encourage it. Reconcile your faith and your sexuality, it's not only very possible but VERY worth it. I don't know what specific religion you are, but chances are it's one of the protestant religions which interprets the Bible literally. I was fortunate in that I grew up Catholic and attended Catholic school where they not only drove home the major aspect of Christianty, but also preached the importance of "The Church" and "Tradition", basically the way that works is, the Church interprets the Bible and tries to understand it in the context and purpose for with it was written (most Protestants hate that idea, ignore it for now please), I ultimately decided that the Catholic church had no real buisness telling me how to interpret morality, or mediating in my relationship with Christ, I did however FIRMLY accept the notion that these things should be done, BY ME. Morality and Faith are complicated, vital, but complicated. YOU need to figure out what you believe, YOU need to understand the context in which this stuff was written, and YOU need to figure out your values and how to live an upright life. I can't tell you what you should believe, but I can tell you what I believe. I believe that the discussion and reference the Bible makes to homosexuality being wrong was CORRECT and viable in it's CONTEXT. This was written during the very early part of civilzation. There were greatly fewer people, and even fewer Jews, they DID need to reproduce and propagate the religion. That's no longer the case. There are certainly enough Jews and Christians out there now, and the religion is in no danger of extinction, the problems we NOW face deal more with overpopulation than underpopulation, it's logical to assume that reproduction is no longer a moral imperative. Let me give you a few other examples which I doubt many people would argue with. The Bible frequently mentions unclean food, food that wasn't killed using the right ritual or that was simply the wrong animal should not be eaten. Why? For a very good reason, if you pay attention you see that the rituals were more likely to mean the animal was killed and prepared in a sanitary way, the animals that shouldn't be eaten were the ones most likely to cause sickness. God was looking out for the ancient people, now however, we can easily kill and eat animals in a sanitary safe way, thus you don't see the majority of Christians paying much attention to those (very numerous) prohibitions. I believe it also mentions many prohibitions against mentrating women partaking in religious ceremonies, I can't really say what the context is for this, but I'm sure there was one, but do you see many Christian women nowadays skipping religous ceremonies because they're on their period? Mankind evolves, what's right in one age isn't right in another, what's wrong in one age isn't wrong in another. It's a mistake (in my opinion) to ever say a complicated, multifacited way of life is ever ALWAYS wrong (or ALWAYS right). There are quite a few ways you may mess up with regards to your faith and your sexuality. I personally believe casual sex is wrong (just my opinion), but I think that's true for straight people too. I don't believe sex is wrong between two people who care very much about each other, and are ready to be in a serious, committed relationship (again just my opinion). I urge you to make your own decisions about this stuff, but I also encourage you not to just accept what you've been told at face value, THINK ABOUT IT YOURSELF. Jesus loves you, why would you be this way if there wasn't a reason? I can't say what the reason is, but I can say that I believe there must be some possiblity for you to do something good with it. Maybe, just maybe God has some terrific MAN in mind for you to spend the rest of your life with, and make each other happy. At the very least maybe you're supposed to exemplify positive aspects of homosexuality to the world at large, and thus tear down dangerous and hurtful stereotypes. Now for the actual matter of your sexuality. You sound like you disapprove of flamboyant, very effiminate guys. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, personally I don't have a problem with those kinds of gay guys, and have several friends that would fit that stereotype, but I don't think that particular kind of person would be right for me either. But I won't even rule out the possiblity, I know the kinds of people I'm attracted to, but the truth is I'd be with ANYONE (of legal age) that I fell in love with (assuming neither of us were in a relationship already). My feeling is, I'm a guy, I like being a guy, I like a lot (but not all) of the traditional aspects of being a guy, and I'm comfortable picking and chosing when I want to be a traditional guy and when I want to be "the gay guy". I have no desire to give up any amount of strength, courage, or assertiveness just because I'm gay. I CAN do basic things around the house and know and understand the basics of most mechanical things, I also enjoy being physically active and playing sports (though admittedly not high contact sports because I don't like to hurt people or get hurt, but I think it's fine for people who enjoy it). I open the door for ladies and like to think of myself as a gentleman. On the other hand, I love to go shopping, I like to pamper myself with bubble baths and moisturizers etc. And I wouldn't even consider not being emotionally expressive and in touch with my feelings. There are quite a few possitive "traditional" benefits for each gender, you're actually lucky if your sexuality allows you to think outside the box and embrace the qualities of both genders that you most identify with and are comfortable experiencing. I'm not "out" for the most part (only to a few people), and I think the majority of people (except hopefully those that know me best) would be surprised, because while I talk about gender equality, for the most part I seem like a typical (straight) guy (except I don't often comment on women in a sexual way). (NOTE: I'm not out for lots of reasons, but none of them have to do with being uncomfortable with this aspect of myself. Basically I hate drama, and I hate hurting people, I'm moving soon, and it's easiest to just tell those closest to me, and leave the rest without upsetting/hurting/shocking them. If I were going to be here much longer I WOULD come out). The point is you don't want to be effiminate (fine if you are fine if your aren't IMO) or promiscous (I think not being promiscous is a good thing), well YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE. I'm not, and I seriously doubt we're the only two gay guys in the world who aren't, you don't see more people like that because quite simply they aren't as visable, but they're there. About what your mother said, she explicitly said she'd love you no matter what, and if I had to guess I'd say she would. Sadly that doesn't mean she'll ACCEPT you no matter what, nor does it mean she'll UNDERSTAND you no matter, but you CAN hope that eventually she will, and you can also take solice in the fact that she'll continue to LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT. I dare say this could be the case for your dad and siblings too. Now I'll give you the normal reasons why you shouldn't do it. People do love you, no matter what you think, they do, and they'd be very VERY hurt if you did. In fact in a screwed up kinda way, the problems you're having with your family and friends (at least the one you mentioned) are in part happening because they DO CARE, they may not be expressing it in a way that is most positive for you, but they're still feeling it, and they'd be hurt if you killed yourself. There's also an infinite number of simple pleasures out there to experience (dom's writing for example, delicous food, really good music, funny jokes, smiles, good books, good movies, fun games, new things to learn). There are lots of reasons to go on, I can't tell you the reasons that are most important to you, but I bet you can figure them out if you try. I can't fix your problems (though I promise I would if I could and WILL do anything I can to help), but you can fix your problems, and the ones you can't fix you can control how you handle them and how you feel about them. Regardless of your situation or your pain, or messed up chemical/genetic predispostions when it comes down to it, your life is YOUR LIFE, and YOU CAN be happy (again it may mean finding antidepressents that work for you, finding a form of therapy that works for you, and even drastically changing things in your current life, but you can take these steps). Please PLEASE feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk about anything. Kitty and James were right eariler when they said that with time you'd gain a different perspective, if there's one thing I'm sure about it's that emotions and feelings do, for better or worse, come and go in time. Listen to what slaveboy told you about his own struggles and how currently he's living a much happier life. And simply put remember what Nick told you YOUR LIFE IS WORTH SOMETHING with all the warmth, support, and love I have to offer, AFriendlyFace (Kevin)

Hey Nick, Sorry to hear you're not feeling well, hope it's nothing that lasts too long. I really liked your last chapter by the way. Don't worry about the step-mom thing. It's really a good thing to have an attractive family, or a smart family or whatever. Because then people say stuff like "oh yeah the Jones' they're all really good looking/really smart/so nice." And it's really nothing unusal to be embarrased by being seen in public with your parents, that just makes you a normal teenager. I think just about EVERYONE goes through that, I was always close with my family and I still did to some degree (remember that if you ever have kids lol). Anyway get well soon!

LOL Michael, I found that very amusing. Dom's right Elk is good. I'm something of a pacifist and have enough guilt over killing bugs and stuff, so I'd never shoot an elk myself, but growing up I had a friend who always went elk and deer hunting, it really is quite good. I like turkey too though, but since I haven't had elk in longer, I'd probably prefer that. Heck the tofo turkey doesn't sound half bad either, I love tofo and haven't had it in quite awhile either. But I can readily understand the importance of tradition, it's just never that traditional at my house. I come from a VERY small family, it's usually just 6 of us for Thanksgiving dinner, and no one cooks we just go pick it up at one of the places that caters Thanksgiving meals. This year since two of the six usual guests are ticked off it'll only be four of us, and considering that the other three live together anyway, I'll be the extent of the family coming home for Thanksgiving.....So it probably wouldn't really matter what we had. I'm very sorry to hear about the death in your family Dom, it must be even harder right around the holidays too, my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family. It also sucks that someone betrayed your trust. But don't give up, not all people are like that, and even that person may have just "messed up", and may regret it. Anyway best wishes and I can't wait for Chapter 13 of DD