AFriendlyFace

Woo HOOO!! Yay for Procyon's birthday!! I can truthfully say that I've thoroughly enjoyed each and every one of your posts (well the ones I've read anyway) and it's a great pleasure to have you around. You're super-nifty and I hope your day is absolutely fantastic! -Kevin

Well, as long as no one invades Poland I suppose that doesn't hurt. Now you're going to have us all clamouring for more posts from your hot self! Welcome to the world of forum posting, sphen! -Kevin

His abs are definitely well-sculpted! Anyway, he may have a great body, but I suspect he's quite cold in person

Yay for Mike!!!! SOOOOO, what's he like? And of course you won't screw it up. You'll both live happily ever after

He definitely has a well-sculpted body

Thanks Niels "Proactive" is a brand name. It's an acne medication MAC is also a brand name make up. A "bff" is a "best friend forever" Abercrombie & Hollister are of course chain clothing stores.

LOL, what's with the girl in the back doing the Hitler impersonation?

Hi all, So many of the stories around here deal with the gay romance of fictional characters. Yet, I know that many people around here have personal, true stories of very positive and inspiring romance. If not, I also know that many people around here at least have a friend or family member that might have a real life story of a happy, successful gay romance. In any case, I was thinking it might be inspiring to many of our members, especially the ones who are either young and/or closeted, to hear about these positive, successful relationships. I also think they're lovely to hear in general, and it makes sense to have them all in one place So, who has one they want to tell us about? -Kevin

Excellent points! I think there's also a distinction between responsibility for an action and responsibility for an outcome. For example, you're right; the person who delivered the hateful speech certainly isn't technically responsible for the beatings as an action, in a direct sort of way (he didn't go out and beat anyone). On the other hand, I would most definitely say that he's very culpable for the outcome, in other words the beaten people.

OH I know all about decadence

Hmmm, I don't remember it moving!! I wonder if I had the wrong settings or something. I know we've had cases around here of people not being able to see the animation because of the wrong ('Flash' I think) settings. I distinctly recall it being stationary. On the other hand maybe I'm just crazy, unobservant, or forgetful

Yay for Anthony's birthday!! I hope you have a fantastic day and a truly amazing and unbelievably delightful year!!

Oh no!! I missed Jamie's birthday *wails and goes about feeling like a terrible friend* I hope it was about a quarter as awesome as you are (which would still make it unspeakably wonderful), and I hope the coming year brings you all the joy and happiness that a million well-behaved pre-schoolers would deserve (which would almost equal what you deserve, my friend )

YAY!!

Great article and topic, James! Thanks Personally speaking I adore sleep! I think it's one of the most positive experiences in life. I definitely notice myself experiencing negative emotional effects if I get less than 7 hours of sleep a night on consecutive nights. I'm usually OK if it happens on one night, but two or more in a row and that's it! I actually notice the physical and mental side-effects to a much lesser degree, but man do I am ever more prone to irritability, overly emotional reactions, general grumpiness, and sadness. On the other hand I tend to internalize these effects - which is easier on the people around me, but probably harder on me - so most of the time people don't even know I'm grumpy, sad, or emotional because all my remaining energy is going toward keeping up a pleasant, cheerful facade (if I don't I usually feel really guilty and it just perpetuates a bad cycle of negativity...yeah these are my issues :wacko: ) Anyway, I can just avoid all that by 7-10 hours and legitimately being cheerful and happy Personally speaking I've got a weird relationship with sleep. I almost never want to go to sleep, even though I know I'll enjoy it, I know I should do it, and I know I'll be able to do it once I try. Nevertheless, actually getting me into bed is difficult. Once I'm there I really don't have trouble falling asleep and I usually do it before I want to. I really like lounging in that relaxed, pre-state sleep, and I love my thoughts and emotions at this time. So I usually drift off before I'd like to. Once I'm asleep it's really difficult for me to get up. I've cancelled quite a few things that in retrospect I'd really have enjoyed doing (and I've similarly missed class or called in sick to work on more occasions that is strictly responsible ) because once I'm asleep virtually nothing seems as important or enjoyable as staying asleep. So for me it's a major labour to go to bed (physically) and a major labour for me to get up again. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's so bad that on a few occasions I've been jealous of people who can't sleep through the night because getting up truly is so difficult to me. There's practically no limit to how long I can sleep either. I've happily slept twenty-two and twenty-three hours before (and not while sick). If I don't have to get up, I almost never do it until I've had between 10-12 hours. Today for example I got up after ten (and was quite proud of myself for doing it). I felt perfectly rested, but going back to sleep was still really appealing. On most nights I actually get between about 6-8 hours which I figure is pretty healthy. Still, as I said, I'm grumpy if I slip below 7 so I try to make up for it by getting 8 or 9 the next night. It's when I can't get 8 or 9 the next night (due to business, never insomnia) that we have a problem. I also have a very pronounced preference for a 'delayed phase shift', which is standard for most people between about 12-25 which means that my body naturally wants to stay up late and sleep late as opposed to getting the same amount of sleep by going to bed early and getting up early. This is why schools, especially middle schools and high schools, starting before 8am is truly a disastrous idea in terms of both the quality of education and the health of our children. It's also very much responsible for much of the sleep deprivation that the majority of our teens experience. It happens because parents want to get their kids up and out the door at the same time that they're going to work, and most adults can go to bed and get up early, but adolescents and young adults truly do have different physiological needs and trying to cram them onto an adult (or early childhood) schedule is truly doing them a disservice. I personally think it's safe to say that this is a major factor in teen car accidents, health issues, and especially behavioural and emotional problems. It's no wonder that many teens are depressed or moody: they're sleep deprived! Take care all and get some sleep Kevin

That is cute, I haven't seen an animated/moving one around here for quite awhile now. Nifty

I definitely agree with the comments made by everyone thus far, including and particularly Jamie and Nick. However, to me this sums it up: I don't think that he 'diffusion of responsibility' really does weaken any one person's responsibility - at least it shouldn't in principle. Of course in the examples Nick illustrated the road rage guy and the domestic abuse guy are definitely culpable. However, that doesn't mean that other didn't also play a role for which they too should be held accountable morally, and even legally in some cases. A simple analogy is if I go up to someone and say "hit me, hit me, hit me! What's wrong with you, you ***** are you too afraid to hit me?"....if that person eventually strikes me, yes they're still responsible and culpable. But does anyone rationally think I can claim a blameless, completely innocent and victimized stance? A wonderful article! Thank you, Nerotorb! I must confess that I hadn't researched this case as thoroughly as I should have and I was indeed taking it at face value. It was far more complicated than that (and really it was dim of me to assume it wasn't). It's so interesting in fact that if you don't mind I'll start a new discussion for this particular case in the Soap Box and link to that article. -Kevin

I agree, Steven. My main physical preferences are more physical criteria than racial. On the other hand some of that is, as a result, indirectly associated with race. For example Asians tend to have little body hair and often have a smaller build. Since a smooth body and small build are both physical preferences of mine it's no surprise that I'm often attracted to Asians. However, I find smooth, slender, average-to-shorter guys of all races about equally attractive based on those characteristics alone. Indeed blonds with these characteristics really turn my head

I quite agree, Francois! Well if we have any 19th century Danes viewing and posting in the forum....

Fairly straightforward question, do you think people are ever culpable for someone else's actions? Can you really drive someone to do something? Should you ever receive blame for this? Be held accountable? I tend to think that first and foremost people are always responsible for their own actions. However, just because people are responsible for their own actions doesn't necessarily mean, in my mind, that no one else is as well. I think multiple people can be responsible for someone's actions. However, I don't usually think this a valid argument. It only applies in rare cases, and it doesn't let the doer out of their own personal culpability - it just adds someone else to the list of "people to blame for this". Actually, I think this is founded on a belief in the responsibility that everyone has for their own actions. I can't go around making someone's life miserable and then act blameless if he/she snaps and does something violent or suicidal. I did play a role in that. That person still made that decision and is still responsible for the actions themselves, but I can't, in my opinion, act like a blameless angel. I'm responsible for my actions as well and they led/pushed/pressured the person to do what they did. However, I think it's important to view this rationally and understand where the line is. If my best friend develops a drinking problem, I don't think it's fair to blame myself for not noticing the warning signs in time, or for not policing his actions and feelings. However, if my best friend has a drinking problem and a buy him a drink and he subsequently falls off the wagon then obviously I did play a role in that even though he made the final decision. So my answer is "Yes", but that it isn't usually the case, and that it almost never removes culpability from the person doing the primary action (it's still their fault, it just might be someone else's too to some degree). Thoughts and opinions? -Kevin

Hmm, This reminds me of a date I once had. It was shortly after I moved to Houston and I'd met this guy at Pride. I thought he was really cute so we traded numbers. So he calls me and asks me if I want to go with him to this comedy club. I accept. So first off, shortly after we get there we're chatting with a couple of other guys, and they make some remark about find girls to sleep with (not really a polite remark), to which my date pulls me close and replies that "we don't need that we've got each other." Now I'm certainly not a fan of being in the closet, but that method of coming out struck me as overly confrontational and designed to make the straight guys uncomfortable (which it did). I also didn't care for the presumption that we'd be having sex later. I'm certainly no prude, but I didn't find it very romantic or thoughtful that he decided to announce his expectation of having sex with me to a room full of strangers (he didn't get any by the way ). Once the show started I became absolutely mortified...he began heckling the performers. To make matters even worse he was heckling the black performers with racist/semi-racist remarks I'm about the least racist person I know, so this did not go over well at all. I eventually said that I wanted to leave (you know before everyone decided to jump the racist, white boy f****ts ) After we left he spent the next hour or so talking about the ex he wasn't over. I guess that was perhaps my worst date. On the other hand, I foresee many years of dating ahead of me, so I'm optimistic that I'll eventually have one to top this

Dude, I reeeeally think she knows Even if I'm wrong though I think you're pretty safe. Anthropology majors tend to be pretty awesome in this regard. Apart from which your conversation reminds me somewhat of a typical convo between myself and my close lesbian friend Claire (not that I'm insinuating that your sister is a lesbian). In fact she was the first person I came out to, and our conversation didn't go completely unlike yours. Good luck, Robbie -Kevin

Oh wow! This is so wonderful!!! Congrats to you both! I'm so happy for you guys You'll have to let us know all about it when you get back Best wishes for an even longer and happier life together!!! -Kevin

I'm irritated by the tourist thing but I found this much more repulsive:

My goodness! What a horrible case of discrimination! I'm so glad the court ruled in his favour! My driving record is good. I've never been in an accident. I have on the other hand accrued quite a few tickets of various types. However, I maintain that I was not engaging in reckless or dangerous activity at all. I was simply not adhering to rules that I didn't consider applicable in the circumstance. Obviously I must be at least partially right since, as I said, I've never been involved in an accident of any kind.