AFriendlyFace

Oh wow!!! That's awesome!!!!

**sigh** This is gonna be long... **enter the relativist** Well, despite the fact that I usually tend to agree with Jamie and Menzo, I'm going to have to vehemently disagree in this case. I am a relativist in all things, not just morality but it's certainly a big one. Personally, to me, anything less than relativism strikes me as intellectual laziness and quite probably closed-minded, judgmentalism. I can imagine very few things I think have an absolute right or wrong, and even the ones I can imagine I'm more tempted to ascribe to a lack of imagination on my part rather than an actual always right or wrong thing. Don't get me wrong though, I think a certain action can most definitely be right or wrong in a certain situation, it's just it all depends on the situation and not the action. For example Robbie (whose post I agree with the most thus far) said: And I would definitely agree with him. The action - sending the scientists to their certain death - isn't what makes the scenario right or wrong; it's the reason and the consequence, and in general other things inherent to the situation. Sending someone to their certain demise is usually wrong; however, in this instance I would say that it's right. Thus sending someone to their certain death isn't always wrong (only usually). If someone would care to argue that sending them to their certain death is wrong, then that's fine and that's your prerogative, but the way I would look at it they're going to be dead either way, so why not save the rest of humanity? Indeed, I would gamely go along with this reasoning if I were one of the scientists myself. One could argue then that really this does embody a great deal of utilitarianism and indeed I cannot really fault that approach insomuch as it manages to actually be a moral code. However, to me, it would be an incomplete moral code. Also, IMO, the moral codes described above all reduce to either a relativist frame of reference or an absolutist frame of reference, at least in general. To me relativism is infinitely appealing because for the most part I reject the concrete and embrace the abstract. Thus, science and facts (facts devoid of a story that is), are usually not things with which I want to occupy my mind. Occasionally, actually usually, I'll find a scientific fact fascinating, and I'll be glad I've learned it, but I'd never want to devote much of my intellectual time to them. Instead I prefer to ponder more abstract matters, to examine complex social/situational/contextual interactions and to speculate on their eventual consequences. In school I was always more than adequate at the sciences and maths (indeed I excelled), but they largely disinterested me; it's always been the humanities, especially the social sciences that captivate me. Anyway, philosophically I find much of Kant, Nietzsch, Russell, and the rest of the gang to be utterly fascinating and to hold a great deal of merit. Though I don't necessary think they're "right", but then my whole concept of what is "right" (not morally, but in general), is pretty...well relative. To me two people who hold seemingly mutually exclusive views can be simultaneously and equally correct. Indeed: while I consider myself a very spiritually person and to a large extent religious even (I'm a Christian), my view point on the world's religions (which I sat down and hashed out when I was about 12 or so) is that due to God's omnipotence/omniscience/general "omni" nature pretty much all religions can be equally and simultaneously correct, as long as they hold moral merit and the practitioner firmly believes them. And I'm not exactly saying that's just with regards to general ethics and morality (and thus God/the gods would ultimately say "Well, you were a little bit off, but that's okay), I actually mean they are right insofar as they have their own facts. In other words, in simple terms, my belief is that God can be the Christian trinity prototype AND the Jewish God, and the Wiccan Spirts, and...well you get the point. However, I don't think that means that I could just randomly decide to be a Jew or a Hindu, or a Muslim. I think Christianity is the correct religion for me, and thus may indeed be the only correct religion with regards to me. I think converting can be "right", but only if you're convinced your previous religion was lacking something (or had something bad) that the new religion makes up for, and only if you sincerely believe the new religion is the "correct" one (which I would qualify "from your current frame of reference"). Anyway, Divine Command would never work for me, because I've always rejected religion as a grounds for deciding what's right and wrong. I think religion might play into the decision, it might be a good idea to look to the Bible or the Torah or any other religious document, but I think it's a huge mistake to pluck something out of these documents and say "ahh, you see, it's right in here! That's how we'll know". I think it's always a massive mistake to not take the context and culture of the times into consideration. YES, I agree that eating shellfish was wrong in the time of the ancient Jews, but it's no longer wrong in today's society. God had a reason for saying it was wrong back then (in this case I would theorize it had to do with sanitation and the likelihood of getting sick, but that's just my guess), but that doesn't mean the same thing is still wrong. I think morality should always be under constant review. Thus, I similarly disagree with the concept of mandatory sentencing. I think crimes are never identical so neither should the sentencing be. For example some assaults might warrant three years in prison, but some might warrant considerable more, and some might warrant considerably less, and I realize that generally the goal is just to set a minimum sentence and that this generally applies to repeat offenders, but I think even that is too constraining. IMO, the judges AND juries should have almost full discretion and the important thing is to choose competent judges and juries (and I know that often times they suck, but IMO we're trying to fix the wrong thing with mandatory sentencing). As for: This is far too scientific and impersonal to ever be something that would hold much appeal to me directly. As I've said I have enough trouble believing that there are universal laws in general, and certainly not with regards to principles or morality. As yet another tangent, I do very much believe in basic laws from a simplistic point of view. 1+1=2 in the most general, simplest terms, but really 1 and 2 are abstract concepts and can exist as sub or super groups of anything else. Thus I would agree that a stapler and a pair of scissors are two objects, and I wouldn't dispute that fact, but it would lack the intellectual significance necessary to know much about the situation and people involved (which to me is much more important). For example maybe you need a stapler, a pair of scissors, and a tape dispenser. In which case, to me, it's fine to say 1+1=-1, because you're lacking one of the things you need. Obviously mathematically one is supposed to set the equation up more like 1 (a needed object) + 1 (another needed object) - 3 (how many objects you need) = -1 (how many objects you're short). And of course math is useful in this way, and it's perfectly correct to look at it that way. But it's impersonal and doesn't get at the major issue with enough passion. The point is you have these two objects, but you're lacking a third, and if everything hinges on having the third object then 1 + 1 will always equal -1 (one object short on what you need). And that's sorta how I think about all scientific and mathematical facts. They make sense to me, I won't dispute them, but I'll always seek to make them slaves of whatever applicable value they have on the situation at hand, and I think they have little independent value on their own (actually I think any form of knowledge is always valuable in its own right, but I'm operating under two different concepts and definitions for "value" at the same time...which I can do because I'm comfortable breaking the normal scientific AND rhetorical (as well as "duh") rules that say a concept or thing can only have one meaning or definition at any given time). Similarly I can comfortably state that light gray is white and dark blue is black if, for whatever reason, I'm only interested in defining things in terms of either black or white (which obviously I'm never actually interested in doing when it comes to moral or intellectual matters, but "black and white" can have other merit independent of these). As for: Sure, like I said I won't dispute this one at all, but it doesn't give the full story and since I think "happy" and "sad" are completely relative anyway this is just a subset of relativism to me. I disagree with the definition you used. It's correct, but it doesn't tell the whole story, and it certainly isn't the extent of what I mean by "relativism". I do take individual cultures into account when deciding what's morally right for one person over another, but my overwhelming, guiding light, is what is right in the situation. Cultural aspects and individual histories play a role in this, but they certainly don't tell the whole story. I disagree because I believe that there are "moral truths", I just don't believe that there are universal moral truths. ...and that's what I think. -Kevin

Well, I've probably seen every major advertising photo that A&F has had for the past several years since at some point in the cycle I at least walk by an A&F at the mall if not go in and actually shop. Anyway, personally I didn't care for the photo. In fact I was really disappointed when they used that one as their latest one. Why? Because I've grown used to A&F having something sexy for me to look at while I'm in there, and frankly I didn't care much for that photo. I'll take a close-up of an impossibly beautiful guy with awesome abs over that any day. So anyway, I didn't like the pic that much myself, and actually I remember thinking "WOW! That's really stupid" when it first came out. Do I think it should have been taken down (well yes, and something better put up ...but on obscenity grounds), no I don't. At least not if the other pictures they've been using for years are allowed to fly. It's part of their mystique and if people don't like it they shouldn't shop there. Indeed, I actually do have a friend that refuses to shop there (or at Hollister), because he objects to their hyper-sexualized ads. That's fine, I respect that, but it no one else's business if I, or another consumer, is comfortable shopping there. -Kevin

Hey Nick, I've really really been missing you I'm so sorry to hear about all the stuff that went down between you and your dad! That really sucks and I know it must have been really hard for both of you guys. It sounds like the counseling is a good idea and I've got my fingers crossed that it works out for you guys! On the bright side at least you weren't hurt in the wreck!! That woulda been way way worse! Sucks that you've been sick too. Are you feeling better now? Yeah, I think someone, if not Brittney herself, has mentioned postpartum depression. I agree that people need to back off and give her some space! Anyway, I gotta get going or I'll be late for church. Good luck with everything and take care! -Kevin P.S. I'll say a prayer for you guys that it works out

My grandparents' anniversary is on V-day. Hmm, I think it'll be very close to 60 years this year! Take care all and have an awesome day! Kevin (who needs to find out exactly what anniversary it will be!)

LOL, I rather thought that the "5,000" must be referring to CJ's post count, then I remembered that he was well beyond that I think some sort of celebration is certainly in order! -Kevin

Happy Birthday, Dude! I hope it's an awesome one!!! -Kevin P.S. you should drop by more!

OMG!!! YAY!!! Happy Birthday, Richie!!! I hope you have an awesome day and a terrific year!!! -Kevin

Hi Jamie! Hmmm, interesting assignment! This sounds like an excellent suggestion to me! This was actually going to be my suggestion! A nice picnic followed by a fun walk and maybe some outdoor appropriate game/activity (Frisbee perhaps? Or maybe a nice silly version of 'tag' or 'Hide-and-Seek'?) I think there's quite a bit of difference of opinion on this one (not just between Mattie and I but with everyone). I've bought a guy flowers before, but they weren't roses, they were a random selection I'd picked out at a flower shop. He was very pleased. Personally speaking, I wouldn't get very excited about receiving flowers at all. At least not for their sake. They've never interested me very much. I'd find it more thoughtful if he brought me something I'd actually use/enjoy. However, I would still think it's really sweet of him to get me flowers, so he would win alot of points for the "It's the thought that counts" thing, and actually if someone were going to buy me flowers I think I would prefer red roses, again just because THEY ARE like the symbol of romantic gestures and since I don't really care for flowers in the first place, and it is the thought that counts for me in the case, I would see that as a lovely romantic gesture. OHHH, don't do that!! First of all it wouldn't solve your problem since you said you don't have any money. So it might get you out of paying for him, but it would leave you sitting there drinking a glass of water while he ate Even assuming money wasn't an issue I think suggesting separate tickets (especially beforehand) is a really bad idea. I can't help but think it makes you look cheap! Paying should be the responsibility of the person who did the asking out. If they can't afford to treat both themselves and their companion then they should not ask them out on such a date. They should instead ask them over for a quiet dinner at home or any other no money date option that we discussed above, like a picnic or a trip to the free museum etc. Similarly, I think it is good manners for the person who's being treated to offer to pay, at least for their own. However, I don't think they should insist, and the asker-outer should refuse. To me though, asking or trying to arrange for dutch treat is about the most unromantic thing you can do. If someone asked me out and then arranged that, I'd be wondering if it were even a date at all! I mean I'm used to doing this with my friends! How do I know the guy isn't simply trying to begin a friendship with me? Obviously there would have to be other indicating features, but if it were one of those times when you're not quite sure what the other person's intentions are I actually would assume he meant "as friends" if we each end up paying for our own. In which case I wouldn't find it rude and would simply enter "friend mode". If, on the other hand, I realized that this was supposed to be a date, and we did the separate pay thing (which actually if I'd already realized this was a date, even if he asked me out, I'd still make the effort and offer to pick up his too, but barring that), I would find it really rude, and it would be a big strike against him. If you're trying to balance out the cost of things a far better idea, IMO, is to let the other person pick up something else on the date. For example several months ago I went on a date with this guy I'd met through a friend, and by the time we actually went on the date I wasn't even sure who'd asked out whom. We'd changed the plans so much it was very unclear, and the restaurant that he had wanted us to go to ended up being closed, at which time I suggested a nearby restaurant. Anyway, when the bill came the waitress asked "separate or together?" and he started to say "separate" but I interjected "I'll get it", and paid for both because in my mind, I was still the one that had actually gotten us to that particular restaurant, even if the chain of events was a bit vague. On the other hand, when we went to the movies and later coffee and dessert, he picked up the bill, to which I simply replied "thank you". Anyway, I think I went off on a bit of a tangent Point is though, you can have fun without money, just make sure you're the one guiding the activities and that you pick things that will be fun for both of you Good luck and let us know how it goes! -Kevin

What's an OTL?

YAY!!! Way to go, Jamie!! I'm sorry he ended up having a boyfriend though But at least your gaydar pinged him!

Hey everyone, Robbie's hugging thread in The Lounge, reminded me that I wanted to start this topic awhile back. I'm sure we're all familiar with they quick embrace and peck on the cheek (sometimes both cheeks) that you often see portrayed on television/movies/etc. In my experience with seeing it on the media it's usually done by society women or out gay men (often older). However, I've noticed it becoming an increasingly popular phenomenon in my own social circle. I have two friends that seem to expect a peck on the cheek/neck whenever we greet each other or say goodbye. It's not a regular theme with my closest friends and we've already established a "hug" culture that usually doesn't extend to kissing. However, I notice it seems to be on the rise with new people I've only just met. We've spent one evening together (not as a date) and suddenly they're kissing me as we say goodnight. I tend to be a pretty affectionate person, and unless it's inappropriate to do so, I wouldn't withhold it from someone. However, the "let's kiss!" thing usually takes me off guard. It's just not something I'm used to doing with friends, especially casual friends, and often it's resulted in an awkward half kiss/half hug thing where we each had something else in mind. On more than one occasion I've ended up with my nose buried in someone's throat as they suddenly turned to facilitate the expected kiss which I didn't realize I was supposed to be giving. So what are your thoughts on this? Have you experienced this yourself? Do you think it is on the rise? What about the "kissing culture" occasionally displayed in the gay media, such as on Queer As Folk for example, in which friends kiss each other, on the lips, in what seems to be a fairly sexual manner and their boyfriends aren't expected to react? (this is, in my mind, completely separate from the other, above mentioned occurrence, but I find it fascinating as well, and it's somewhat related so I figured I'd throw it in). Take care all and have an awesome day! -Kevin BTW, my response to this poll was "Yes, if they look like they want/expect a kiss". I'm extremely unlikely to initiate kissing anyone for non-dating/sexual/romantic reasons, but I'm willing to go along with it, if I know it's coming and if it doesn't seem inappropriate.

Can't say that I have until now Very similar to Graeme's: My friends and I have that 'hug as a greeting and as a goodbye' thing that's so popular in the gay culture going. We also tend to put our arms around each other spontaneously for other reasons ranging from silliness, emotional support, or "oh I was just kidding with that last joke", as well as of course just plain affection. So yes, considering that Feb 2nd is a Saturday and I'll more than likely see a few of my friends I'm sure I'll hug several gay people. It's unlikely to be for this reason though, unless I (or them) bring this hitherto unknown holiday up. Awwwww Very interesting stuff though! Thanks for mentioning it, Robbie. BTW, I'm very proud of you, and would give you a hug Take care all, Kevin

Awww thanks, Beastie No worries though, my presence and the degree to which I'm vocal around here varies, but I'll always come back (and run my mouth incessantly ) in the end

Yes, I've spoken with Vancey recently too He's doing okay, but I don't think writing should be his main priority right now unless that's what he's wants. Next time I talk to him though I'll make sure he knows about this thread and that you guys miss him and wish him well I'm not sure what's up with David (LB), but my guess is he's just busy. I suspect it would be nice to PM/email him encouraging messages and let him know you were enjoying the story. I've seen TheZot around the forums lately so presumably he hasn't forgotten about us either. As for Dom, well like any good Domaholic I'm hoping he comes back soon, but I'm patiently (yeah right!) waiting.

Woooo HOOOOO!! Happy Birthday, Adrian!!! I hope you have a fantastic one and may your 20s treat you right! all the best! -Kevin

Hey everyone! I just wanted to wish a very happy birthday to one of our very awesome and special members! Sophie is turning 18 today!!! I hope you have an incredible day and a very fun year! All the best! -Kevin

So this blog's going to be kinda gossipy and I doubt it'll be particularly relevant to anyone but me, but anyway... Life's been fantastic lately, even for me. I really can't remember the last time had so much fun crammed into two months (or however long this little bright patch has been going now...might be three...anyway...). The only downside is that I've been having so much fun and partying so much that *gasp* it actually kinda started to catch up with me. LOL, I think the last time I went out this much, spent so little time at home, and drank this much (ssshhhh ), was when I was in high school, and not that I'm condoning it, but I think it's easier to do when you're 17 and you have someone else doing all the housework, and getting the food and stuff for you Anyway, my whole little never ending bender finally came to a close last Thursday/Friday after I stayed out till 4:30 in the morning drinking and discussing philosophy, gay culture, and relationships with an odd mix of old and new friends. Don't get me wrong it was incredibly delightful and I definitely don't regret doing it. What I do regret is having to get up at 7:30 the next morning and dragging through 8 hours at work. It also sucked that Friday evening a few of my co-workers wanted to go have some drinks and I was literally to tired . It makes me a bit sad because it woulda been the first time I did something social with them (only been there a month), plus I always feel bad when I turn people down because "I'm too tired". Getting back to Thursday though... I recently (actually a week from last Thursday, as in 2 Thursdays ago) re-connected with an old friend. In fact he was the first gay guy I met when I moved to Houston! I met him like four or five days after I moved here (the first several days were spent with unpacking, and looking for a new job), and he really helped me get oriented and introduced me to the gay community in Houston. Anyway, after the summer ended he moved away to go to a different college and we lost touch. Well, this last semester he transferred back to Houston and I ran into him! It was great seeing him again, and it was kinda cool because since he's been away and alot of his other friends have moved away or whatever, I actually got a chance to help him meet some new people and stuff. I thought it was a nice bit of cosmic karma. Anyway, last Thursday he and I and my best friend and several other guys were all hanging and having the before-mentioned discussions. Well he and this adorable guy were all over each other...well to be fair it was mostly the other guy all over him. Anyway, shouldn't be a problem right? Well the problem was that number one I kinda liked the other guy myself but of course I'm not that petty, no the actual problem was that my friend already has a boyfriend! In fact that same boyfriend he's been dating since we first met. I even know the guy somewhat (although I haven't seen him now for like a year and a half). Anyway, I was really disappointed that he was letting that guy act like that with him. In fact I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking, "So how's your boyfriend Michael been?" But I figured that would be really bitchy and it wasn't any of my business so I didn't. Anyway, a few minutes later cute boy asked my old friend to take him home. So I was really disappointed and thinking "Man! I can't believe he's going to do that!" Well, about 15 or 20 minutes later my phone goes off and it's my friend and he's upset and he's telling me he needs me to come and meet him because apparently he told cute boy that he had a boyfriend and he wasn't interested and cute boy was really upset and embarrassed that he'd been hitting on someone with a boyfriend, plus mad that my friend hadn't told him earlier, and he had thus gotten out of the vehicle and was attempting to walk the remaining 10 or so miles in the cold and wouldn't get back in the car. So I was going to go pick him up, but I had several other people riding with me, and by the time we'd arranged who was going with whom etc. my friend had called back to tell me that he'd successfully convinced cute boy to accept the ride home and that he no longer needed my help. Point is I was really proud of my friend for repulsing the advances of cute boy and telling him he had a boyfriend In other news unless we explicitly tell people we aren't dating everyone still thinks me and my best friend (from "The Talk" blog entry) are dating. It's kinda getting frustrating because it seems to be shutting down both our chances of finding someone new. On the bright side though we had "The Talk" round two and everything's completely back to normal again. I'm positive he no longer has any romantic feelings for me, and we talked alot about how our feelings for each other have evolved over the course of our friendship. Actually, the complications these days are arising from our other two really close friends... As I'm sure you've all noticed I've avoided using names thus far. The reason is that number 1 I like to respect people's privacy, and number 2 I want to keep my own business private. It was one thing to use names a couple of years ago when I blogged and most of the people I wrote about were straight (what were the chances of them or someone they knew seeing it?), but nowadays since almost everyone I blog about is GLBT I figure there's a much higher chance of someone I know recognizing the people. So Instead I'm going to resort to the tried and true method of "changing the names to protect the innocent", even though I don't really like that strategy. So this best friend that I keep referring to, let's call him "Scott". So Scott has a roommate, William. And William, Scott, and our fourth friend, Luke, are all really close. We generally spend almost the entire weekend together in some combination and usually several nights out of the week as well. However, all being young gay guys, I guess attractions are inevitable. So I've already talked about my history with Scott ad nauseum, what I haven't mentioned is that briefly Scott and William (the roommates) had a relationship. This was before they were roommates and before I even met William. However, they were never that serious and they broke up and managed to remain good friends (obviously). Now they have a pretty healthy, "brotherly" relationsihp. When I met Luke, he was actually crushing big time on Scott. For awhile it made things really awkward between Luke and Scott because Scott didn't reciprocate Luke's feelings. Well it was actually when I started spending time with both of them that it made it easier for them to become good friends again because I was there to sorta diffuse the tension and keep them from having any awkward moments alone, and now Luke's over his feelings and they're great. As a brief aside Luke had also, prior to having feelings for Scott, had feelings for William. In fact he met Scott through William. However, William is very up-front about these sorts of things and he just told Luke how he felt and they moved on with their friendship. Now, here's where I come into the picture. Over the past couple of weeks Luke has, at times (but not always), been acting a little...weird with me. Like last week I suddenly found myself on the couch with him and he was holding my hand and telling me how soft and smooth it was. Or like one day I texted him about something, and his reply was, "Oh, I was just about to text you...I just couldn't think of a good reason" And just little stuff like that. Plus both Scott and William have told me separately (and evidently discussed it among themselves) that they think he's into me. Well, if you guessed that I don't feel the same way you're right. *sigh* I dunno, I mean Luke's a great guy. He's smart, fun to be with, and apart from Scott I can't think of another person whom I interact with on a daily basis that I trust as completely. I'm just not into him like that though. And I've given this alot of thought. I think he would be really good for me, and I know he would be really good to me. Which sorta brings up other issues I have. Like basically, I'm used to being the more protective one in my relationships. It's just what I'm comfortable with. In this relationship, based on the dynamic of our friendship, I'm pretty sure he would be the one looking after me. Well first off I'm fiercely independent and I refuse to acknowledge that I'd need anyone looking after me. However, I can't deny that prior to things getting really good again, back when I was having that really rough patch, it was really tempting to look for someone who would give me that strength and stability. Of course, I bounced back, through sheer determination, my own strength and determination, and not in small part due to the support I received from friends - including Luke. It's not that I don't think it's okay to rely on other people for things sometimes, because I very much believe in helping and being helped. It's just that I believe in co-independence and not co-dependence. Which of course even further complicates things because it equally means that in principle I disagree with my own general pattern of being the protective one. Basically, I tend to form relationships in which I'm the, for lack of a better way to put it, "traditionally dominate one", but I can freely admit that part of me wants to be the "one taken care of". However, both options are completely dissatisfactory to me; nothing short of a completely equal, egalitarian relationship will do. Anything else I very much object to (for myself). *sigh* is it any wonder I don't have a boyfriend? Anyway, while all of that is interesting to ponder, and while I'm glad this experience has provided the impetus for me to further analyze it, it's actually completely irrelevant. The whole thing is a moot point because simply put I'm just not attracted to Luke physically. He's just not my type. I love him very much, but I'm not in love with him. Now, if you think all of this is the main problem in our big group friendship...you're wrong. I have little doubt that the stuff with Luke and I will work itself out. After all both Scott and William have moved beyond this stuff with him and gone on to have satisfying friendships. So obviously he's able to handle this and remain friends with his crush. Besides we are pretty close and I just can't imagine him doing something that would overtly jeopardize our friendship. Indeed, I think the chances are that it won't actually come to a head at all and that he'll just eventually take the hint and move on if I'm just able to kindly, but firmly, present a unified message of, "you're great and I really care about you, but not like that". Which is how things worked with he and Scott. Anyway, point is I'm not too worried about this. Heck, if Scott and William can get past their own brief relationship, if they can both get past uncomfortableness with Luke, and if Scott and I can work past our history of mutual, but never simultaneously expressed feelings for each other and go on to be even closer friends than before, why wouldn't Luke and I be able to work this out as well? I think we will. Now, you may have noticed that this very soap opera-esque story is missing attraction between William and I. Well it isn't. *sigh* I really want him. He's just...well very adorable. Completely sweet and affectionate. Kind, alot of fun to be with! He's amazingly social. Like really all four of us are pretty good at striking up conversations with new people and making new friends, but as out-going as I am (and I'm probably a bit more out-going than Scott and Luke), William is even more so! Like, a lot of the time with most of my friends I feel like it's up to me to make sure everyone is having fun, and if there are new people I automatically feel responsible for making sure they feel welcome and are included. With William I don't feel that nearly as much. I just know that because William is there everyone will have fun and he'll make any new people feel comfortable. It's sort of a nice little break. William is also just a really admirable person. Scott and I were having this conversation a couple of weeks ago about how William is always dating someone new, but each and every time he's convinced this is the one, but then when it isn't he never sulks or falls apart. He hops right back up and gives himself completely to his next relationship/fling/whatever without going into it feeling jaded. But he's not just an idiot who doesn't learn his lesson either. Like he actually takes things at a really sensible pace, and it's more like he's hopeful that this will be the one, and he accentuates the positive and stuff, but he's really very realistic and he takes stuff one day at a time. He was actually in this really serious, long-term relationship for like 4 or 5 years before we met. He and the guy even bought a house together and pretty much presented themselves as "married". Then the other guy cheated on him (repeatedly) and they broke up. But he dusted himself off and went on with his life. And he's not bitter, it's like he has the perfect attitude about that relationship. He talks about it fondly, but acknowledges that it didn't work and that he's over it. He isn't bitter toward his ex, but he's just, like I said, completely over him. He acknowledges how much it hurt and how hard it was for him to get over it, but as I said he just doesn't let it jade him with regards to the future. I like to think all four of us will eventually meet Mr. Right and live happily ever after, and I honestly think we will because - and I'm not just bragging on us because it's me and my friends - we're all pretty well-adjusted, resilient people, and we've got a lot to offer, but if I had to pick one of us for sure to do the 'happily ever after', it would be William. And yes, mostly just because I am sure that he'll just keep right on searching until he does find that perfect relationship without letting the bad ones in between ruin stuff. Anyway, all that and he's utterly adorable. On top of that things were even harder for him, because 1) he grew up in a Southern Baptist home, and 2) he's hearing impaired and functionally deaf without his hearing aid (which he can only use for one ear because if he tries to put one in the other ear he gets really bad ringing, headaches, and trouble with his balance). So anyway, yeah, I've got a little crush on him I'm really glad to finally get that out too, because given the various complicated circumstances with Scott and Luke (coupled with their closeness to each of us) I don't quite feel like I should discuss this with them. I'm actually a little bit embarrassed. I mean here I am always going on about how risky it can be to fall for your friends and here I go and do it! It makes me feel ridiculous too that I haven't just done something about it. I'm literally always sitting there encouraging Scott to go after his crushes and take the initiative and here I am being a hypocrite myself. The last two times we watched movies I made sure William and I sat next to each other so that we could share a blanket and cuddle a little And I feel completely pathetic but I've been catching myself unconsciously taking William's side in our group discussions and supporting his suggestions for activities (honestly, I'm surprised neither Luke nor Scott has noticed ). And I just can't stand that I've been doing that! I mean that's so...BLAH *sigh*, but it's not that easy. William has a boyfriend right now. At first I didn't think it would matter much since as I mentioned he's always seeing someone, but I think this is now the longest (or else the 2nd longest) relationship I've seen him in since we met! Obviously I really can't do anything about my feelings unless they break up. Which just makes me feel so shitty. On the one hand I'm really happy for him that it's going well. He definitely deserves that, but on the other hand...well there's this selfish, horrible, evil side of me that's secretly a little bit hopeful whenever he complains that the BF hasn't called him or whatever. And that just makes me feel really bad. How could I be so selfish and jealous that I'd feel this way? ESPECIALLY since to be honest I still don't think I would be able to do anything about my feelings if they did break up. I just don't think I could risk it. It's one thing to hit on some random guy at a club or a party or something and hope it works out, but dating one of your best friends is major. If we dated and it worked it would drastically change the whole dynamic of our group. If we dated and broke up it would...drastically change the whole dynamic of our group. If he weren't interested and I felt rejected it would...well you get the point. And anyway, I really don't get the impression that he's the least bit interested On top of all of that there's serious talk about me moving in with Scott and William in May when my lease is up. Which is just a completely different can of worms that I'll go into another time. So that my friends, it's what's going on in my life! LOL, is it any wonder I've always found close friendships with lesbians less complicated?

Hey Jamie I'm so sorry things are so stressful and frustrating I have faith that you'll pull through it though and be a good example to them Take care and let me know if there's anything I can do or if ya just need to talk -Kevin

Hmmm Perhaps it's just the skin I use or something, but on the left-hand side of their post, I see the person's: user name, picture/avatar, group, number of posts, join date, location, member number, gender, and age (and a couple of other things as a moderator). This information may not exist for some members (for example if they declined to state their gender, age, or location), but to my knowledge join date, number of posts, and member number are always available.

Well apart from English I'm not fluent in anything. However, I have a very basic level of understanding of several languages: French, Latin, Spanish, German, and ASL. However, with all of them the extent of my skill is not being completely lost if people speak them very slowly and clearly and smile a lot (I'm not sure why the smiling helps, but it does). I'm also much better if I can see the language written out (which obviously doesn't apply to ASL). I cannot, in most cases, speak or write back, and if I can it's only very basic things. That said I would love to see a multi-language forum. I agree that it might not see much action and isn't really necessary. It would be fun though, and it would probably enhance my abilities in the above mentioned languages. Shockingly, so do I! Could it be this one to which you are referring? That's not completely true. I was unable to participate myself, but I did enjoy watching -Kevin

Welcome, Silence It's great to have you! -Kevin

I love the commercial! Very Funny! These are awesome, dude! Thanks! I'm trying to improve my (VERY BASIC) ASL and watching these is quite helpful -Kevin

I just wanted to wish Jason R a very happy and special birthday!!! I hope you have a fantastic day and an amazingly happy year! All the best! Kevin

A wonderful point, and one can't emphasize enough!!