AFriendlyFace

Sounds like a fun option! Unfortunately I have neither a fanny pack nor a brother in the first place.

Vic, I was not considering a fanny pack!

LOL, well I'll be honest with you, the majority of the clothes I wear aren't loose enough to easily accommodate all those items, and even when I do have some combination of them in my pockets because my clothes are big enough or because I just have to, I'm still more uncomfortable than if I didn't have them there. The extra weight, or bulk, or pointy things jabbing me, is just not something I really want, lol. Back pockets, shirt pockets, and jacket pockets are marginally more comfortable than the standard thigh pockets, but I still find having things there annoying. Again, even going back to when I was a kid and dressed like every other kid with standard fit/style clothing, I haven't liked having things in my pockets, but tragically I've always liked carrying around a lot of things

I would definitely agree with that!

LOL, well that caught me off guard! And for the record I've tended to lose my things far more frequently when I haven't been drinking than when I have. Of course this is probably because in sheer amount of time spent, I haven't been drinking far more frequently than I have been so I've simply had a greater number of opportunities to lose things when completely sober. I've also been losing things my entire life and the reason I've always been so organized about where I put things is because it is easier to remember "keys are always on the rack, wallet is always on the nightstand" than actually trying to figure out where I had it last. I'm sure I am more likely to lose things when drunk, and I appreciate your concern anyway so thanks

Thanks Drew As I said, I do have a few things like that and they're nice, but they don't work with a lot of outfits and/or settings.

Hey guys, Having read the people's reaction to gay kisses thread in the lounge, I thought it'd be fun to find out everyone's opinion of PDA in general. Personally, I'm completely comfortable with it and think it's great! Regardless of gender, age, race, or anything else I think it's great to see two people who obviously care about each other and it makes me happy to see. Similarly, while I would respect my partner's feelings if he wasn't comfortable with us doing it, I would personally enjoy public displays of affection as much as private ones. I mean I would enjoy them in different ways of course, like the private ones would be more intimate (I'm still just talking about affection here and not sex/pre-sex), but the public ones would be great because they would be affirming our relationship to the rest of the world and showing that my partner wanted to be with me and didn't care who knew it. This reaction might be in part due to being gay; however, I'm pretty sure I would still appreciate my girlfriend sending the same message to the world if I were straight and in a heterosexual relationship. I guess it's part territorial, "He's mine and you can't have him!"; part affirmation, "He cares enough to kiss me in public."; but mostly just, "it's really nice to be spontaneously affectionate as I feel it". Of course as a gay person, I do have to keep in mind safety I suppose. In the city, especially the places I frequent, I feel perfectly safe and the worst that's likely to happen would be a few glares, which I literally probably wouldn't notice, and some rude remarks, which wouldn't particularly bother me. Also, in 'safe' environments, I would actually feel more of a responsibility to interact with my partner as a couple - whether that was simply holding hands, leaning into each other, kissing, whatever, or stuff like paying for each other, talking openly about the routine aspects of our life together, and in general acting like any heterosexual couple. I think it's very important that people of all types (it's good for GLBT as well, IMO) see gay couples in everyday life. If it really does seem like we're everywhere, people get desensitized to it, and even if they don't like it they aren't as surprised and more likely to just put up with it since it's 'inescapable'. For friends and family I also think PDA is great! Pretty much for all the reasons above (minus the 'gay ones' if it's straight people). It's much better than just random strangers though, because this way it's like, "awwww look how happy he/she is" which is great if you care about him/her! So what do you guys think? -Kevin

Interesting story and video clip. The story itself was actually much more fascinating, and hopeful, than the clip. LOL, I have to say that despite the fact that when I used to watch TV I liked and frequently watched 20/20, I was still confused when I saw this thread title. I thought it was going to be about how people 'couldn't believe their eyes' when gay people kiss. Another angle worth examining is the whole PDA thing itself. Personally, I love public displays of attention for any couple regardless of their stats. As long as they don't start having sex or doing really heavy stuff I think it's very sweet and definitely something I support having out there in the world. On the other hand, it seems to me that I'm more in the minority with this opinion than most people. Some simply don't like PDA at all, granted it's probably exacerbated when it's a gay couple, but chances are several of the people who 'disapproved' would have anyway, even for a straight couple (though perhaps not as much or as visibly). Anyway, interesting story Take care all and have a great day, Kevin

Panic at the Disco - "Nine in the afternoon"

"Dirty Pop" - N'Sync

Happy Birthday, dude! I hope you have a fantastic day and a terrific year! -Kevin

What have I got in terms of personality disorders? Fascinating paper, Jamie! I quite liked the approach; it seemed like a very good way to tackle the topic and it was original and interesting. LOL, I also got a kick out of your diagnosense joke at the beginning Considering the personal and important nature of the content (and since it isn't my job to just shut up and grade objectively anyway ) I would feel remiss and a bit cold if I didn't comment directly. I have two major impressions: First, based strictly on the paper itself, I would say that there isn't enough information to make an accurate diagnosis, of course naturally an in-depth casestudy would be much longer and detailed, and obviously you were constrained in terms the time you had to write it as well as the maximum length. However, just based purely on a few incidents under each section I would say that it doesn't accurately reflect a pattern of behaviour. It could be a pattern, but we'd need more info. Each of those things taken independently, or even in sum without a strong pattern aren't that conclusive. Most people put their parents and friends on a pedestal to some extent, at least some of the time. Changing your identity, interests, and behaviours is to some extent a natural and unavoidable part of growing up. Everyone has the occasional extreme emotional reaction, especially if they're under stress (I once freaked out big time and had to lie down because I realized I had to go to the bank. It seemed like a disaster at the time. The bank I went to back then was horribly inefficient, and I would have had to deal with terrible traffic to get there, and I was just all around too busy and had too much other stuff to deal with to do it. Then I had the crushing thought that I would always have to go to the bank. Like, it was an unavoidable part of life. Anyway, I worked myself up into a ridiculous, panicked frenzy over merely the thought of going to the bank). Depression, cutting, and suicidal thoughts have also unfortunately become an all too prevalent part of adolescence. I think most people have done really reckless things at times too. Anyway, point is a few examples of each symptom probably wouldn't be enough to convince me; I would need to see a pattern. Personally speaking I could probably come up with an example or two under each criteria as well, and I'm pretty sure I don't have Borderline Personality Disorder. Second, to be a disorder it must be debilitating and make it difficult for you to function. As you pointed out toward the end of most of the sections, and then very optimistically at the end, it appears that you have things under control Anyway, what do I know? I've 'given' myself tons of disorders of the years Take care and have an awesome day Kevin

I accidentally mis-voted. I meant to vote for the 'I might give it a try' option, but I picked the one below it by mistake. My concern would have been the same as Pete's. If I could do it without growing boobs and experiencing other strange (for men) side-effects, then of course I would do it! It's referred to as the "cuddle" hormone and it increases nurturing feelings and...well a desire to cuddle. They've done studies and determined that people tend to produce this hormone when watching romantic movies, so if you've ever wanted to cuddle after/during one of these then there's every chance that as well as the other factors hormones were playing a role as well. I was aware that it helped bond mother to child, but I was not aware that it actually had physiological effects on the breasts which stimulated lactation. Anyway, like Pete, I'd do it if I didn't have to take dangerous hormones/drugs with weird side-effects. -Kevin

I agree the friend thing. I fell out with a once good friend a few months ago and it was very difficult. Still is actually since our social activities and other friendships pretty much require us to remain in each other's lives

Guys, I think this has slowly escalated into something far too heated and several of the exchanges are getting personal rather than objective. We're all entitled to our opinions and we're all entitled to offer whatever justification we feel appropriate, but let's be careful to avoid attaching value judgments to those opinions and justifications which might seem to marginalize or insult another person or their opinions. This is largely my fault and I apologize for starting us down this road with not only the topic - which I should have seen had the potential to get controversial if not handled carefully - but also with my subsequent post. I didn't mean for this topic to be a discussion of the merits and liabilities to gay marriage at all, only of preference for proposals if both people are the 'marrying' type and want to do it. However, it was obviously very foolish and short-sighted of me not to realize that the issue of marriage itself would play a major role in the discussion. For the more controversial topic of gay marriage please take the discussion to the Soap Box, or if you guys prefer we can move this thread there and continue in a civil fashion. I appreciate and recognize everyone's good intentions and the degree of maturity and restraint everyone has shown, but we are starting to tread into dangerous territory. Once again I apologize for the large role I personally played in this, and also this is just a friendly warning to everyone posting in this thread to keep things polite, respectful, and non-personal to other members. -Kevin Gay Authors Moderator

I think Krista makes excellent points on this matter! That's exactly right too! It's a difficult problem no matter what! I'm sure you guys would get through it in tact

LOL, thank you Brian Kenney, but let us not forget that Brian proposed to Justin in the end Those are certainly pragmatic concerns; however, I hope not to get married for pragmatic concerns. They're nice, and should be taken into consideration, but I do believe it's better to marry for love. Pragmatically I'd be just fine on my own so I wouldn't bother. As for the workplace/housing discrimination, personally speaking I wouldn't work or live anywhere where that could be a major issue. I live in a fairly progressive, liberal area and frankly I have no intention of ever living in a less liberal, progressive area. Indeed the likelihood is that at some point I'll move to an even more liberal and progressive area. I know how to fight for my basic, and most important rights and freedoms, and as I said based on the choices I've made I shouldn't have to fight too hard for them in the first place. As for the subtler things...well they don't bother me. I don't particularly care what other people, especially homophobic people, think, and unless they're already important in my life I seldom even notice. So perhaps I would be surrounded by people who thought my marriage was joke, but it wouldn't matter much because I would expect this to occur in such a place where they would more or less have to tolerate it anyway, and I wouldn't be getting married to make anyone else but myself and my spouse happy in the first place. And anyway, on the most basic level, at least we'd be in it all together -Kevin

...so how's the quiting going, Jamie?

Well, personally I'm inclined to say that one's relationship with one's self should always be paramount. The relationship to friends, family, and a partner can also be very significant and I also selected those options. Personally I find society to be of the least importance. I refuse to conform for the sake of conforming or rebel for the sake of rebelling. To me society is just there and if we mesh fine, if we don't fine. I'm not seeing anyone right now and nor am I in close proximity to my family, or even very frequent communication with my family (we talk 2 or 3 times a week usually), so right now my relationship with friends would outweigh those two; however family is still significant. I would say that if I did have a significant other then ideally my relationship with him should take precedence over my relationship with my friends, and probably family as well; however, I'm very VERY much against this whole insanely intense, exclusive thing that drives people away from their friends and family. A healthy romantic relationship should, in my opinion, leave plenty of room for these other relationships as well, but it probably should take slight priority to them. Obviously I don't have any kids, but if I did I think that relationship would and should easily trump all others, with the exception of one's relationship to one's self: I still think that should be number one if you even have any hope of having a decent, satisfying relationship with any of the others. Interesting thread Take care all Kevin

Sounds like you're an average high schooler Drink responsibly, no driving or riding with people who've been drinking, and be safe!

Hi everyone, Just something I was considering today and wanted to get your opinion on. I'm heavily conflicted on this topic. On the one hand I despise tradition, gender roles, and expectations and about the last thing I want is a relationship in which one of us is the 'dominant one' and one of us is the 'passive one'. Thus, I'm pretty hard to please here! For most things in a relationship I'm all about the equality and playing to people's strengths, and trading off on things both people enjoy or dislike. The way I've seen this issue handled before in online fiction for example is for the author to have both characters 'ask each other' at some point in turn. I suppose that could be nice for some people and I don't mean to make fun of it, but I personally would find that very unsatisfactory. To me the 'real' proposal is the first one and a subsequent one would just be symbolic or some sort of formality. Thus I would reject that option. It would follow then that I would be in favour of the "there would be a proposal at all...we'd just discuss it" option, and indeed it's very practical. However, if there's ever a time for romance (and I consider myself a very romantic person in the first place), I think that time is a proposal to spend the rest of your life with someone. Thus, I would also reject this option out of hand because while it's very practical it's far to unromantic to suit my tastes. In that way, having to 'pick' I would probably go with "I would prefer to propose", because I do see myself more in that role than the other. I would very much enjoy figuring out how I wanted to do it, and doing my best to make it really romantic and special for my guy. I suppose this is an extension of the fact that if I have to pick roles and can't take each in turn, as is preferable to me, I would prefer to be the protector/dominant/top/whatever than the other. However, in something as important as this I would probably still feel a bit like I had 'missed out' by not being the one who was on the receiving end of all that romantic effort and attention. But I do think I would miss it slightly more if I missed out on doing the asking. Actually though, I'm making it sound much worse than it is! I'm sure I would be absolutely delighted and ecstatic to find myself in either position! I also assume that it would depend on a lot of circumstances and it would just come down to whatever felt the most natural and perhaps which ever one of us felt it was appropriate and decided to take the plunge first. Of course it would be absolutely delightful if we both magically decided at the same time and mutually made the preparations and what not, but come on! How realistic is that!? Anyway, my answer is actually the 'cop out' answer of, "it would depend on the dynamics of the relationship", but I pretty thoroughly explained how I feel, so I don't mind picking it Also, I know this question seems geared toward people who have not already entered into such a commitment, but actually it would be wonderful to hear from the people who have and what their thoughts on this were. As one final side note, on the very VERY off chance that the person I fall in love with happens to be a woman I think I would have a very clear preference for her to ask me, because the only way I would be comfortable in a heterosexual relationship would be if it were a very untraditional, unorthodox one, and I think that would be the perfect way to set the tone for such a relationship. I certainly don't want to be the 'girl' all the time, but I equally wouldn't want to play if I had to be the 'boy' all the time. So that's what I think, what do you think? Take care all and have a great day Kevin

Hmm, interesting question. The only answer I could give is "Yes, I would stay" because I think that once a serious commitment has been made anything less would be very inappropriate. I am assuming that it's a serious commitment, however, and of course the circumstances and the degree of commitment in the relationship would determine a great deal, but yes, in generally if this is someone I consider to be my life partner I wouldn't even consider leaving them for such a reason to be a viable option. I might actually be miserable and really want to, but I would likely be bound by a sense of duty and commitment. Hopefully, if it were someone I really loved a great deal the burden wouldn't seem as heavy or difficult to bear. Also, for me I'm pretty sure the second scenario would be much easier to handle than the first. Fire scars, especially serious ones, can be quite significant and would definitely take some getting used to. I would very likely much more readily, and comfortably adjust to a partner who couldn't have sex. Besides, for me 'sex' is such a comprehensive, inclusive thing. There are so many ways to be sexual with someone that the person simply being unable to engage in 'traditional' sex, while unfortunate, wouldn't be that big a deal. (I mean it would, but certainly not in the greater scheme of things). I mean I could still be sexual and I can imagine lots of outlets for me that still wouldn't break our monogamy agreement (and no, I wouldn't be sexual with anyone else or break the monogamy agreement, even if I were given 'permission'). It would be a much harder cross to bear for my partner than for me. Just my thoughts, also I would like to offer my sympathy and respect to Benji and Old Bob for what they and their wives have had to go through. Take care all and have a great day, Kevin

I agree, and in fact i did briefly consider this aspect before I posed the question, but I still thought an 'in general answer' might be interesting to consider. Hmm, I mostly agree but not entirely. I think the emotions experienced be each partner would actually vary greatly and in some ways it would be easier for the boyfriend/girlfriend and in some ways it would be easier for the trans person. Mostly though, I do agree with your evaluations of these two questions. Sorry Demetz, I didn't mean to put you in a difficult position, I just wanted to give us something more to consider. In any case it's obvious that the person simply being unable to satisfy you sexually would not be your only consideration otherwise you could have answered the question with as much ease and certainty as you answered the original question. Thus, there must be other things at play and there at least exists a theoretical circumstance in which you would consider staying with someone with whom sex would be difficult.

I'm sorry. I did misinterpret what you were saying. I apologize for misrepresenting what I inferred. Wonderful points one and all!