NickolasJames8

I've been listening to The Wall non stop for about 3 days. Sometimes it's good to just lock myself away from the world and put the cd on repeat while I think

lol...stoner

Happy Birthday

Ok, so now I know what the sore spot is.....another dang tumor. I'm getting so sick of this. They're sure it's not cancerous, but they can't be 100% sure until it comes out on monday This is the third time I've had a tumor removed in less than 9 months. If you count the surgery on my leg, that's 4 surgeries in less than a year....wtf. Sometimes I wish I could just get hit by a car or struck by lightning and get it all over with. My dad's totally stressed out, and he hasn't slept in two days. I don't think he's going to get any sleep until he knows for sure that everythings ok, even though the doctor who's doing the surgery talked to us today and he was totally cool. He said he does this all the time and that there's nothing to worry about. He said that from the tests they've run they can pretty much say that I'm cancer free, and that I won't have to miss too much school or work. He said the incision is gonna be small and there might not even be a visible scar. So, when we got home today I demanded that he take me to work and stop trying to baby me. He wants to make me quit my job because he thinks I should be resting and he says I don't need a job. He doesn't let my cousin work but my cousin doesnt get good grades, so I can see why. Well, at least I'm off this weekend and I can catch up on the school work I've totally been blowing off when i should have been doing it since my friend Steven's been bringing it by for me. I guess the thing I've decided to do is to just stay positive. I can't let a few health problems mess me up. I still have things I need to do, and I'm totally behind on My Jump Off so I need to get moving right away. I think if I could stop worrying about my worry wart dad and stepmom and I could get Taylor to brighten up, I could concentrate more on what I want to get done before my surgery. Oh, well, wish me luck :king: :king:

Well, this might be serious, but I'm so used to it that I don't make a big deal out of it. I can run down a list of things I've had wrong with me and it would shock a lot of people.... 1. When I was a baby I was fed with a IV because I stopped eating when my mom passed 2. When I was 5 I was in the hospital for being under weight when we lived in Cali 3. When we lived in Cali when i was 8 I was in the hospital hooked up to different machines for a week because I was under wieght and my fever would drop 4. I had a cracked sternum and a broken arm at the same time when I fell off the top of the bleachers at school in 7th grade 5. I was in the hospital for a week while they ran test after test to find out why my blood pressure was going up and down so fast that my head was throbbing and I was fainting 6 I was in the hospital for 2 days while they ran test after test to be sure I didnt have cancer 7 I had a tumor removed from my throat and my nasal passage last October and I bled so bad that I had to stay overnight in the hospital. 8 I had a concussion when I was running to catch a football at school and as I was ready to pull it out of the air and into my arms, I ran into the goal post 9 I had a smaller tumor removed from my throat, right next to the one that was removed last october....that was done in the office though. I only listed the ones that I could think of right now. Theres way more than that though. Also, I know I shouldnt diet, and I havent been on one since September of last year. Actually, if anything, I feel like I can't get enough to eat sometimes. I'm always eating something when I'm home. I think my body just burns it faster. Of course, I think I could lose about 5 more pounds, but I'm not trying to.

awwww....I love you too, Snow Doggy Dog

Hey Anthony, I know it's not exactly healthy, but the only other thing I like from the cafeteria is cinimon rolls, and they only serve those in the morning. I eat pretty good when Im at home though. Everything we have is sugar free or organic. my folks buy lots of healthy crap. Also, I'm 5'6. We're getting ready to leave for Norfolk in a little bit and I'm getting kinda nervous, but not like my dad. He's all crazed...lol.

Do you mean personal message??? just go to the top where it says 0 new messages and click it. You'll see your inbox and can send him a pm that he'll see as soon as he logs on to the forum

Ok, so today has been the day from hell. I knew I had a doctors appointment. My dad made one for me last week because I have a real tender spot on my stomach, and it's getting bigger and worse. So today we go to the doctors and he presses on it real hard and I kinda yelped a little. Then he feels all around it to see how big it is, and I tell him that it's gotten bigger. Then he sits back and takes off his glasses and asks me about my appetite. I tell him that I'm eating ok, but my dad jumps in and says that I havent been eating good at all compared to how I normally eat. So, he tells me to be honest about what I usually eat at school, and I tell him that I eat fritos and a m&m cookie all day. So then he drops the big question......have i been on a diet lately....I tell him no, because I havent been, and he looked at me like I was lying. So, he asks if Im sure, and I promise him I havent been dieting. See, the last time I got really sick was when I went on a diet and didnt tell anyone about it. I ended up in the hospital for a few days because I only wieghed 87 pounds and I was supposed to be 110. Even after I got out of the hosptial, I had to drink these nasty shakes and my dad and my stepmom watched me to make sure I took them. When I went to school, the vice principal made sure I drank my shakes when it was time and that I ate some lunch. Of course, even if he hadnt, my friends were on my case about it too, so they woulda made me drink them. That was last year. So anyway, when the nurse weighed me when we were walking to the room where we waited for the doctor, I wieghed 102 pounds. That means I lost 11 pounds since my last appointment, when I was 113. The thing is, I'm hungry all the time, and I have been eating a lot. Lately, though, I haven't felt too good, and I guess I don't really think much about food. I eat when I go to work, and I always have dinner when I get home at night. I even eat dessert sometimes. Ok, back to the doctor. He tells me that he doesn't like the sore spot and sends me for some x-rays. Well, then we have to go downstairs and wait like 45 minutes for them to call us up. The whole time, my dads stressing out. He kept reaching for his cell but there was a big sign that said no cell phone use, so he had to put it away. Finally we get called back and here's where he totally embarrases me........the lady giving me the x-rays was telling me to face different directions, and when we were done, my dad was asking her why she didnt have me standing in all these other positions and kinda yelling at her that there was no way that they could see everything because they missed spots.. I wanted to die right there. So now that Im totally embarrased we go back upstairs and wait for someone to come back and talk to us about the xrays. They took us back and the doctor said that he wanted to send me to a specialist, so we had to go to Norfolk to Sentara for some stupid nuclear department they have. I had to lay down in the same loud machine they put me in last year and they rubbed red crap all over my chest and made me lay still. So anyway, we spent all day at the doctors office until 3 in the afternoon. I still made it home in time to get to work in time, but my dad was tripping out and talked to my supervisor when we got there. He told her that I might have to quit because he thinks it's too much stress on me. I was soooooo pissed. So now, instead of going to school tomorrow, I get to spend the day at CHKD in Norfolk while they make sure Im not dying or whatever(rolls eyes). I'm sure it's something gay and everyones just flipping out over nothing. I just hate it because it seems like I'm always having some kind of medical drama and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the tumors, and I'm sick of the surgeries. I'm sick of seeing my dad and my stepmom stress out over crap like this, and I hate how it makes them fight. They're like the perfect couple, but they fight like crazy whenever stuff like this happens because they're too stressed out and won't calm down. My dad was so worried last night that he stayed up till like 2 in the morning. I could hear him in his office working. That's what he does when he's freaking out about something. He gets on his office pc and works. So when I get home from work, the first thing I notice is that my dad and my stepmom arent speaking. Great. I just want all of this to be over so we can get on with things.

Ok I went there but didnt see the entries....did I miss something??

Okay, so I learned something this weekend, and I don't think I was supposed to know what i found out. We went camping this weekend and we had a really good time. When it was late last night and my stepmom was asleep, me and my dad stayed up and kept the fire burning so we could visit with eachother. I guess I should stop here and tell everyone that until last week my dad had no idea that I came here and that I was writing. He got on my pc and figured it out. Anyway, he sent me a dumb pm with his gay sn that he made, but we talked about it before I saw it and it wasnt a big deal. So anyway, we were just talking last night and it was nice to spend some time alone with him. We talked about poetry, and I found out he had a published poem when he was little. He still remembered it, and if it went the way he told it to me, it was really good and soooo sad. It was about one of his only memory of my grandparents being married, and while we were talking about it, he told me a lot of stuff I never knew. Hearing some of it actually made me so mad at my grandpa and it made me think about my grandma differently. My dad said when he was little he lived with my grandma and my grandpa never paid child support like he was supposed to, so my grandma had to work two jobs while she was going to school and my dad said he could remember when he would eat dinner but she didn't because she woould go without food to make sure there was enough for him. I can't even believe that. I can't even imagine my grandpa, who I love sooo much, being that way. I dont even think I want to know what his reason was. Just the look on my dads face while he was talking about it made me feel angry. The idea that my dad, who does everything for anyone ever felt that way makes me angry. He said that my grandma used to sit in her room alone and cry when she thought he was asleep and he could hear her from his bedroom. Just knowing that my dad went through all of that stuff makes me understand some things, like why my aunt hates my grandpa. I guess she doesnt hate him, but she's mad at him for something and I think I know what it is now. I think I'm still mad about it, and even though it's my dad and my aunt who have to forgive him. I'm not sure if I forgive him. We're going to Florida to see him in two weeks, and I wonder how it's gonna go. I mean, I dont know if I can treat him the same now. I guess all I can do is wait to see. Wish me luck.

The only solution to silence them is to make it against the law to protest at someones funeral. Otherwise, they have freedom of speech.

Ok, just one answer to all the posts, because I don't wan't people to think that I'm against immigrants at all. The illegals come here and they get paid maybe half of what they should because they're taken advantage of by companies that know they can;t complain about labor standards and minimum wage. My creative learning teacher calls it legalized slavery. Also, I still say that being here illegally is a slap in the face to everyone who did it the right way.

Turn off your pop up blocker and try it again

Disclaimer This blog entry is in no way meant to be offensive or racist. I know that we're all decendants of immigrants. It's with that in mind that I write this entry ........ One of the biggest jokes I think I've ever seen is the so called Day Without Immigrants.....I mean, who cares?? In Los Angeles, they were expecting a million people to show up and at the first rally, it was only about 25% of that, and at the second rally, it was even less, and most of the people at the second rally were left over from the first one. Now, I know that 25% of a million is 250,000, but that's still a pretty gay turnout if you ask me. I mean, that's like less than a tenth of the whole population of LA. So, what's my point?? These people need to shut up and be glad they're here. There are hundreds of millions of people who came here legally, and this is a slap in the face to all of them. They didnt sneak in and then join gangs and demand to be made citizens. They didn't march in the streets and try boycotting stores and work and school and stuff. They came here and they worked, and they were happy to be here. They were happy to have the chance to build a good life for themselves and their families. They made it possible for everyone on this forum(unless you're a Native American or you live in another country) to have a better life because they sacraficed and came here the right way. It makes me sick to see these people demanding that we make them citizens....how about this....do it the right way. Anyway, I didn't notice that anything was different here in VA. Pretty much everoyne was at school today, and I didn't see anything on the news about people not coming to work, so I guess no one tried it here. Ok, so I'm gonna stop now. I went to the dentist today and had to go straight to work from there, so I'm tired and grouchy. I updated What's the difference yesterday, and I'll have My Jump Off updated by the end of the week......l8r Nick

Actually, they need to be put in a mental hospital for treatment......Fred Phelps just might be the Anti Christ

I love Brian Mc Knights voice...it's sooo sexy (sighs)

My favorite actress is Beyonce Knowles My favorite actor is Ice Cube (super hott!!)

I've been listening to a lot of old school R&B lately, and Brian Mc Knight is one of my faves, especially his song, You're the only one for me....... You say you've seen too many friends, that turn out to be too good to be true. Against your better judgment, opened up your heart, 'til you found the joke was on you. Looking out on the rest of our lives, If we're gonna be together or apart About the only way I know how to come, is right straight from my heart. I want you now, I'll show you how I can be the man you need me to be I've been around, but now I've found that you're the only one for me. Say you'll never fall again You won't subject yourself to such pain If you give me half a chance I will Never leave you standing out in the rain But if you think that I could look you in your face and lie right through my teeth then turn around and walk away Cross my heart, girl I care for you and when I look into your eyes i must say... I want you now I'll show you how I can be the man you need me to be I've been around but now I've found that you're the only one for me I need you so I can't let go Gonna be all that I can be I want you still I always will cause you're the only one for me .......of course, Year of the Cat by Al Stewart is my all time fave It must be the gayboi in me On a morning from a Bogart movie In a country where they turn back time You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre Contemplating a crime She comes out of the sun in a silk dress running Like a watercolour in the rain Don't bother asking for explanations She'll just tell you that she came In the year of the cat She doesn't give you time for questions As she locks up your arm in hers And you follow 'till your sense of which direction Completely disappears By the blue tiled walls near the market stalls There's a hidden door she leads you to These days, she says, I feel my life Just like a river running through The year of the cat Well, she looks at you so cooly And her eyes shine like the moon in the sea She comes in incense and patchouli So you take her, to find what's waiting inside The year of the cat Well, morning comes and you're still with her And the bus and the tourists are gone And you've thrown away the choice and lost your ticket So you have to stay on But the drum-beat strains of the night remain In the rhythm of the new-born day You know sometime you're bound to leave her But for now you're going to stay In the year of the cat

Are leeks good with grits?????

Warning...rant ahead ........... Ok, so I saw this story on AOL yesterday about 400 dolphins that had washed up on the beaches of Tanzania, and after I read it, I went to the AOL boards to read what some people were posting about it. It was totally disgusting to read some of the people ask questions like, Who Cares?, or to see crazies saying things like, Karl Rove and Dick Cheney poisoned them. I think that dolphins are probably my favorite see mamal, and I don't think a lot of people have taken the time to learn all about them. So, while I was posting some facts on some of the threads where people were saying dumb things like, Fish Sandwiches $3.00 and stuff like that, I came across another post that talked about Sudan, and Darfur, and I started to think about that part of the world, where people get killed just for being a certain race. So I did some research and I found out that the UN and the US and a bunch of other countries and world organizations don;t do anything to stop it. I think it's horrible. I mean, there has to be something the UN can do. So, I research some more and I found out that the UN didn;t do anything about genocide that happened in Rwanda, and they were right there when it happened!!!! They just stood by and watched, and some of the witnesses said the UN people were raping women and kids!! I have some of the links if anyone wants to check them out. I just don't understand why we have the UN of they let stuff like this happen. Maybe the United States should think about getting out of the UN and just acting alone unless they get it together and start doing the right thing. So, getting back to Darfur, I think that reading about all that stuff brings things into perspective. People talk about how bad it is here in the US, but the truth is, people here have NO IDEA what bad is, and that includes me for sure. Unless they immigrated here from a place like that, they can't even begin to imagine what kind of horrors their are in the world. We sit here and complain about gas and homeless people and gay rights and stuff like that, and those are all important things, but when you compare them to genocide, they don't mean anything. Also, I saw on AOL that Mexico is about to legalize drugs I think we should do it here too.....doing drugs is a personal choice, and it's a crime without a victim. So, since it doesn't affect others, it shouldn't be against the law. It's just like sodomy laws. Unless someones raping you it's no ones business what you do, so they should have never been there to begin with. If someone sells drugs to make money, oh well. As long as they're non violent, how does it affect me? it doesn't. I know some people say things like, "But the kids of drug abusers suffer." If they suffer, then they should be taken out of the home because kids of alcoholics suffer too, and thats perfectly legal. Kids of smokers suffer too, and that's also legal. There's no difference at all. If you drink and do dumb things, your family suffers. If you smoke, you're slowly poisoning your kids and giving them second hand smoke thats gonna kill them anyway. At least of you do cocaine or something like that, theres no second hand smoke to murder your family with. Rant Over Ok, so I just sent chapter 43 of What's the difference Between me and you? to my editor, so, as soon as he gets it back to me, I'll post it Kisses Nick

Hmmm ... "karma" is a very UN-Christian concept ... isn't that sacrilege to be talking about believing in that, Nicko? And besides ... I LOVE the idea of karma, because it always tends to play hardball ... and since I love it, you might want to scratch that one from your vocab, lest you end up being like me, God forbid ... lol....I never heard that karma was unchristian at all....actually, sometimes I think that people(not you) who say it's unchristian to think this way and that way are just uptight. I know what's important, and I just go with my faith into the Word Besides, who says being like you would be bad???

Wow, dude. You're totally UNselfish. I think it takes someone pretty caring to do that for someone else. But if you believe in karma, you'll end up happy with someone too Nick

Ok, so I know it's been forever and a day since i've posted a new chapter of What's the difference between me and you?, but I promise it's on it's way. I'm all caught up with my editor, Talonrider, so anything I send him is all he has to do. I've been working on chapter 43, so it's definitely coming soon Also, I'm missing a few finished chapters of the story, so that's why the posting of the edited work in efiction has been delayed. I've gotten as far as chapter 10 corrected, but I'm missing the next couple of chapters, so I need to get those ones from my editor and get them posted. I haven't had to wuit my job so far...my dad just kinda dropped the subject with me, but he does want me to cut back to 10 hours a week. I say fine, but as soon as schools out, I want to work like 25 or even 30 hours if my manager will let me. I cant believe its almost May....schools almost out and I'm good again until September We're going to Cali in July, and I'm begging my dad and Taylors dad to let him come....I want him to see where I grew up at sooooo bad. For some reason, I just want to walk with him at my old school, El Vista (the same one in DOR and Dawn of Tears) and through my old neighborhood. I have this image in my head of my mom and dad walking through the neighborhood and along the classrooms at my old school, even though I know my mom didn't even go to El Vista and my dad wasnt even living in Modesto when he went with her. I guess it's kinda screwed up, but I still have that picture painted in my head and I really want to live that moment out with Taylor if he can come with us.

I would just like to say for the record that whatever happened in the last few days is over as far as I'm concerned. I deleted the blog entry that was related to it, and I've also dropped some dead weight that I had been toting around for a while now. It happened, and it was sad, but I'm ready to move on. The only thing I'm sorry for is that I let myself be angry enough to pollute my blog with that garbage. I owe Myr and all of the readers at Gay Authors an apology for doing that, especially the ones who follow my stories. So, moving on, I posted a new poem today. I hope Myr doesn't mind that I posted the actual text in the lounge, but I thought it was important for Viv, Camy and Rhawes to get the credit they deserve. They put it down for real, and I think that they easily had the 3 best entries in no particular order. I know everyone worked hard on their entries, and I give anyone who wrote a story for the anthology props because they deserve them. So, this brings me to my confession.....I've never actually stopped to read anyones stories on this site except Dom, Lugh, dkstories and Comically. Well, I just recently started reading stuff from Dio, and it's great too, but I havent got very far yet. But to be honset, Viv, Rhawes and Camy are awesome(dare I say as good as Dom???). I don't know how Camy isn't a hosted author here, because his writing style is so good, and Viv's blew my mind. I try so hard to write like she does, and I work detail into my stories that I think make it better, but good Lord, Viv. You do it better than anyone I've ever read, and that includes Dom(puts on flame retardant suit). Best friend was such an awesome story that I can't even describe how it made me feel. The rollercoaster of emotions that Rhawes took me on was amazing. Now I have to find the time to read everything Viv, Rhawes and Camy have written. Of course, I have to go to efiction to find camy's work, but maybe Myr's gonna see it one day and offer to host him, because to me, he's that good So, to all three of you, Nick Edit 11:46 pm I read Yankee by The Zot, too. Sorry, I forgot