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About wholysoul

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    SF Bayarea
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    Reading, Movies, Nature, Swimming, Catan, Manga, Gaming and some more Catan :D

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  1. I should start off with I tend to only read stories on here that are complete because some of them never get finished or take more time then my patients can stand to be finished. But once I commit to a story I tend to see it through to the end. I think this broke both of my standards. The story as a whole hits a lot of hard topics and handles them amazingly well. After so much build up to have this last chapter was just a jerk around and poor execution in comparison to the rest of the story. Maybe breaking it up and labeling half as an epilogue? I can't see where you are taking it and I know I don't want to invest 100,000 words to be lead down another path that I like only to find the end another pull the rug from under me. I agree with the others that said it this end doesn't fit and kills what is a great and powerful story. It really feels like you got to the end which you had planned out only to realize you wanted to write more and slapped something together to make it work rather then going with the long held plan. Sorry if this was harsh. I do really like everything up until this time jump psudo-hook for the next book....well maybe minus the mid stream adding a narrator, something woven in earlier to hint that it was coming could easily smooth that though.
  2. wholysoul

    Chapter 4

    Some intresting ideas (I even have a similar one I will pen some day) but quite hard to fallow. I am not sure if there are a lot of mysterys that have to be explained, things I missed in reading or things you need to elaborate on. At this point I am too lost that not even good ideas can push me to finish. Let me know if you do a rewrite/heavy edit and I would love to give it another go then.
  3. wholysoul

    Pieces of Him(s)

    Thank you kindly. The dyslexia tends to make me fail at editing or finding the word I am looking for in spell check :S
  4. wholysoul


    It was a striking dream. Nope those are all mistakes. Feel free to let me know what the are
  5. wholysoul

    Chapter 5

    Still reading and good thus far but thought I would make the comment before I forget, your south park refence is off. big kamehamehah not king kong.
  6. wholysoul

    Pieces of Him(s)

    A collection of hims or at least those part most poignant in poem from.
  7. wholysoul


    In the dead of the night When a dream is in full flight There you are in plain sight That sets my heart a race All I can do is crave your embrace I know it in every bone You still own my corazone In the dead of the night When a dream is in full flight There you are in plain sight Through thick and thin You always had the dopey grin Your body so warm to the touch It never made me sweat, too much In the dead of the night When a dream is in full flight There you are in plain sight But what is done is done And we can no longer be one In the dead of the night When a dream is in full flight There you are in plain sight I know I will never forget How I left you forever upset How clearly the wound shown Because you could never answer the phone In the dead of the night When a dream is in full flight There you are in plain sight You blocked me forever from your mind Leaving these wounds to never unwind I know forever these feelings will stay unnamed As part of my heart shall always lay unclaimed In the dead of the night When a dream is in full flight There you are in plain sight Then I knew I had to write
  8. wholysoul


    Well 365 did fail for a myriad of reasons. Some out of my control, some totally in my control and some old issues which were brought in to the light due to the concept. So yes I failed but it wasn't 100% and the large goal of pushing myself to mend broken parts and face new challengs was meet. And I think I may try again this year but the approach must be far different. I think the block for this year is finding a non-baised way to hold myself accountable. Here isn't the best place, not that those who might repond will judge more some of the walls broken down are quite personal and being they type who doesn't actualize thoughts until they are said outloud or written, a blog isn't the best place to do so. Maybe go back to the old school journal.... eh I will figure something out probably after I get some more legit suff on here.
  9. wholysoul

    Chapter 1

    I am a little sadden because I wanted an end for Outlaw. But one will have to give the reboot a chance :-p
  10. wholysoul

    Chapter 5

    I liked it but I agree introducing and then hightening the tension on what seems to be one of the biggest conflicts of the story just before you end the story leaves a bad taste. A few more lines aleaving some of that tension would have been great or dropping all the hype in the last chapter about the Mad Cow. Or just write a sequel Keep up the good work.
  11. wholysoul

    Chapter 28

    Another great one. (Yes another, you have written a couple of the ones I enjoy rereading.) A touch rush to the end but you need to be ready for NaNoWriMo
  12. wholysoul

    Chasing Dreams Out West

    I did enjoy it quite a bit. It felt the ending was quite fairy tale-esk. If it was real life, it feels like a bit more has to be resolved. But if that was the impact you wanted, then it is perfect
  13. wholysoul


    Great story that was really well accented by the hyperlinks into the other charcters minds. Keep up the good work
  14. wholysoul

    Gung Hay Fat Choy

    Completed 1-hike - PG&E Trail in Lost Gatos 1-gym visit 3- movies- The Artist (academy winner), Robocop (good for a reboot), The LEGO Movie (everything is awesome!) 2- Annual events – SF Pillow Fight, Chinese New Years Parade 1-Un-Plugged day- twas a bomb b-day to not worry about stupid apps, e-mails, calls or texts Modifcation: 12 of the 28 lazy days have been changed to Un-Plugged days I haven’t had a chance to work on some of the long term projects, I will probably do some guitar and start the deep clean/purge today. I was also thinking that having commenting enabled on here might be me seeking out validation and therefore undermining the long term project of getting some more confidence. I will toy with it a touch longer. Or maybe not worry about it if no one takes note of the blog…probably that it is what I will do. As long as I stay relatively anonymous I will keep it open but not respond to comments. But if it picks up any momentum I will lock it down. 8 down in 3 days. 357 to go in 362 days
  15. wholysoul

    The LIST

    Nope, I am the list type of peson. I pride myself on setting unresable goals and meeting them, enjoying checking them off as I go. It is playing it "smart" for me. Besides many of these are easy to do. Only 5-10 long term goals that will take time and a few I just have to be mindful of.

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