Yettie One

Fricken hell! Talk about a slap in the face! That is one hell of an ending Andy. You know, it is hard enough for a family to have to deal with that kind of pain, suffering and loss. But to just pause for a moment and think about the hospital staff who have to deal with these things, day in day out. How the friken heck do they do it? Such a sad story. Thought provoking, and moving.

Gosh you are a busy boi JC. Make sure you leave enough time for you to have fun!

GRIEF!!!!!!!!!! Me finks someone had a spooky nightmare or something. Some rather Startreckish fashions going on in that lot too!

Good taste. Last time I sat drinking Brandy all night it was on a visit to Victoria Falls, and it was a damn fine bottle too. Don't mind a Vodka Martini either, but I'll leave the wine and the gin thank you very much!

Ok, I'll bite. What is a Purple Chaos? and a Grasshopper for that matter Purple Chaos sounds lush, or is that just coz I like the colour purple! hehe I've been meaning to ask for a while now actually. Exactly what the heck is in a Mimosa JoAnn?

I am lucky enough to have grown up in a place where I was able to be close to nature and bare witness to some of the most remarkable animals on our planet. I consider myself honoured to have been close to elephants, been charged by a rhino, stood eye to eye with a water buffalo, watched a pride of lions devour its kill. I've stroked a cheetah, albeit a baby one. I have listened to the hyena giggling outside our tent in the dead of night. I've taken pictures of the cutest jackal (i never knew they were so small) and been scared witless by a puff adder crawling in our garden. One of the joys of living in Africa is being on the doorstep of some of the most spectacular game and natural beauty on the globe. Anyone that lives there knows it, anyone who visits it, knows it, and anyone that's seen pictures of it knows it. But this is the scary thing to me. The idea and thought that one day soon, all I will be able to look at to recall the magnificent creatures that I was once able to stand and watch roaming free, alive and wild is a picture like the one above, scares the hell out of me. 12 animals, slaughtered for nothing more than an ivory tusk by a gang of professional poachers??? When the hell did poaching become a professional occupation? In Africa poaching has always been a serious issue. Mainly due to its vast size and poverty stricken people. Give a man an opportunity to feed his family for a year without hassle and you have a powerful motivator in your hands to inspire anyone to commit the most heinous of crimes against our natural world. The latest outrage to have made the press in a big way over here is an attack in Tsavo National Park in Kenya. A place where once over 30,000 elephants roamed free and wild, a place where now concern is so critical that a government is considering the formation of a national army to fight against poaching gangs. So is this the launch of an International war on Poaching? The crazy thing is that we living in the Western world get outraged as we see these things happening around the world, yet 50 years ago, it was us doing similar things in the pursuit of an ivory trinket to adorn our mantle or line our necks. Furs, skins, heads, teeth, body parts. You name it, we've wanted it, pursued it, taken as we please. Even I am guilty of this. Leather jackets hanging in my cupboard. An ivory handled letter opener on my desk. Think about it, nearly everyone of us are in some way guilty of it. Now as another part of our world comes into its time of wealth and prosperity, all those things that we enjoyed at the height of our time at the top, is now being craved by a whole new generation of people willing to pay the price to have the status symbols of success and power. And only now are we outraged by the senseless killing! Cites? An international treaty on the trade of endangered species? Hell it is a treaty without muscle and one that fails to go far enough to secure and ensure the safety of what little natural beauty this world of ours has left. It is the incessant greed of mankind that will be the ultimate downfall of this planet. We won't stop wanting what others around us have, until there is nothing left to want, and then even more. If is not the tusk of a Rhino to enhance our sexual performance then it will be the hide of some poor beast to line our boots and make our hand bags look pretty. Of all the things that I miss from Africa, the outdoor beauty of the natural world is the biggest on my mind. I cherish the moments I've spent on safari, camping, exploring the vast open savannah plains. My heart cries out at the senseless killing of such a treasure trove of beauty, yet I know deep down it will not stop. One day, very possibly even in my lifetime, I will not be able to dream of returning to see and explore the beauty I remember from my childhood, and that my friends is criminal. If anyone has the right to expect to be left in peace and allowed to prosper and multiply it is the animals that do nothing other than to enhance and give great wealth to our natural world. Woe are we, for we all have blood on our hands. Thought for today - "Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty." - Socrates Song for today - Caribbean Blue by Enya

They say that to be loved you have first got to be able to love yourself. I often wonder about that statement, as to me it sounds awfully vain and self centred, but then again I know that it is partially true in that in order for someone to be able to get close to the real you, you have to like yourself enough to let them into that safe/private zone. Sometimes we go into a relationship trying to hide the stuff we don't like about ourselves, creating dead zones within our personality, places where our personality is closed down and prevents anyone getting close to the things we are hiding. Now if we find that in others, it only frustrates us right? So it has got to be the same for someone that find these things in us? Relationships are very defiantly about give and take, and sometimes it is enough just accepting that you are loved by someone without expectation or want of anything other than your love in return. Another thing I've kind of picked up on is your sense of independence in that you never want to feel indebted to anyone. Well personally for me, I think a real relationship is kind of about being able to incorporate your sense of independence into the relationship, and in some ways letting that sense of independence go. It's ok to be needy or want attention. As long as it is not OTT I think it is good to lose some of that "I am completely self reliant an can stand alone in any circumstance" way of thinking. That is the trick though. Letting someone into that safe zone we carefully craft through experiences as we grow up is something that in my own experience only gets harder with time. All kinds of people will hurt you, use and disappoint you over and over again through life, and each time it happens it is like another notch on the bedpost to make you more and more cautious of the next person. Look, relationships take huge amounts of work, and I think that often this is something that we never really give enough consideration to when things are in that "Honeymoon/Happy" stage at the beginning It is easy to meet someone, fall in lust with them and fail to realise that while yes, they may be great in bed, look the part, and be such a great guy, there are going to be things about them that make them difficult, things we dislike or don't agree with, and stuff in the long term we are going to want to change about them. But think about it, if that is how you feel about them, what stuff about us (me) do they see and feel the same way about. It is when you realise that the very same things/thoughts/issues that we go through, are much the same that the other person will at some point go through, that we are able to open channels for communication, and therein lies the key. It is my humblest opinion that communication is the corner stone of any relationship, and being able to sit down and really talk, and be open and honest with each other is where and how problems/issues/difficulties are identified, put out on the table for everyone in the relationship to see and understand and then together find a solution to make it right. You are young, full of life, full of excitement and enthusiasm and curiosity. It is good to wonder about these things, but as Matt has said above, don't spend too much time over analysing things. I am a victim of this habit myself, and far too often, I talk myself out of situations that could have been wonderful and meaningful if only I had given it a chance, instead of thinking the hell out of it, and scaring myself off in the first place. Good luck with it buddy, and I hope that you work it out and find someone one day where it all just clicks and you realise, all these questions, when it is right, don't matter at all. xx

Woooop Wooooop Yo Yo Yo Yo, It's your birthday, we're gunna party like, it's your birthday..... Hmmmmm That don't sound as cool as when 50 Cent does it! Hope you have the very best day and all the very best wishes for you in the year ahead. Huggles and snuggles. Rob xxx

Sounds like you have big shoulders Andy and maybe that is why it's you that the finger points at so easily! Chin up buddy, it is a year ending in a 13. Strange things are meant to happen.

I wonder how often this happens to people in life. Such a lovely way to put words to something that may be so painful to hear.

Ooooooooooft Okies I've just cracked open a bottle of Mint Balieys that I was given for christmas. OMG Anyone else tasted this stuff? New fav drink? Crushed Ice, Mint Baileys and soft serve Vanilla Ice Cream. <3

So when did you figure out your sexuality either one way or the other? You know what I got to thinking about it today, and got curious. When was it in my own life that I became aware that gay was the way I was hardwired? Right so I guess I became sexually aware of what sexuality was all about around 10 or 11. I mean as a kid growing up, the difference between girls and boys was obvious and something I explored a bit as a kid, but it was only when I moved to a special Christian college that I discovered what sex was all about. Not sure what that says about Christian schools lol! It was while among a group of friends on a sleep over one night that as boys will be boys that we tried some exploratory stuff, and I guess that you can say is when my sexual awareness was awoken. It was interesting going back in time and thinking it through, as if I am completely honest, I cannot remember being curious about women in any way shape or form from that moment on in life. It was a year or two after that before I actually fooled around with a guy who was a close mate. In a way that experience scared the hell out of me, I mean heck I'd played sexually with a guy, and that meant that "I was gay!" Shock, Horror. I took me a good few years from that point before I was once more willing to explore my sexuality and it was when I was around fourteen at a church camp that I finally embraced the fact that it was a guy that I fancied the pants off. My individuality and sexual identity became defined more in my mind as I went through high school and had a crush on this guy and that guy. I was much to scared to do anything about it with anyone though as I grew up in an environment where homosexuality was so not the done thing, but as I've learnt in later times, a lot of us were gay and messing around with guys. Reflecting back in time, I can see now that I wasn't strange in some way. This "thing" I was, was not some freak of society or strange outcast of humanity, but at the time, I really struggled with the fact that it was a guy with a wonderfully pert ass that I fancied so much. I realise now, as I've pondered things, that I was gay from a really young age, it was just something that I never really accepted, and as such never understood enough to appreciate until i was much older and stronger to accept my identity. So when did it all begin? I am not sure that my life as a homosexual male really began until I was able to accept who I was and deal with its consequences for me and the idea that I could deal with life as a man who liked other men. I guess I am just saying if your a young man, questioning your identity, and your reading this, embrace yourself, and try to learn to accept who you are. It is not strange, different or weird that each of us is different and unique and individual, and some of us will be wired to like things other people won't understand or accept. Find strength in the fact that as a person, as the individual you are, you are beautiful and there are people out there just like you, just as mixed up and perplexed as you, and learning about life in much the same way you are. I hope that in this way, someone will not have to go through the lonely isolation I felt as a youngster, and realise that its ok to be you. I know its not the same of all of us, and some have it harder than others, but in this life we all go through the experience of growing up. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us its going to be ok, and it is alright to be who we are and what we are. Thought for today - "Certain defects are necessary for the existence of individuality." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Song for today - Tarzan Boy by Baltimora

Music, hunting for new stuff, listening to obscure music and going and seeing live bands in action. But its also in my line of work so it is a big part of my life. If it is true escapism then its films. And I love to read.

Best Hosted Story How the Light Gets In - Duncan Ryder Best GA Stories 1. Hidden Sunlight - Stellar 2. Stronger Than Lions - Sean J Halford Best Anthology Story Milner Device - Andy021278 Best Antagonist Bridget Bellevue - Circumnavigation by C James Best Protagonist Mira - Hidden Sunlight by Stellar Best GA Story by New Author Just One Word by Roan

I am of the opinion that a New Years resolution is a waist of time, not so much because most people will ultimately fail, but more so because I feel that a New Years resolution is made for the wrong reasons, or maybe it is made with every good intention, but prompted by the wrong reason. To explain myself, I believe that if we really want to change something in ourself, it comes from deep soul searching that prompts us to desire to be a better person, and that in turn gives us the will power to go the distance. To stop smoking you have to want to do it for real, not because its good to have a resolution that makes you look good in people's perception of you. I don't know how many times I made a New Years resolution to stop smoking myself. I watched my dad die from cancer, and stopped immediately without help or major issue. It was a matter of waking up to a reality for me and realising, "Hell no, I don't want to go that way." That is not to say that I won't get cancer or that my dad got it as a result of smoking, it just gave me the jolt I needed to make the conclusion that I didn't want to add to that risk. A New Years resolution will not provide that mental jolt that will fixate us into sustained and dedicated action. For that reason alone, I don't get involved in these New Years resolutions. They just don't have the substance I believe they need to matter. However, that is me, and while in some ways I agree with Matt, it is sad and even frustrating that so many people commit to something they are going to fail at, because they are not mentally prepared to go the distance. On the flip side of that coin, I am not a small lad and I love my food. Faults of mine, yes. Does that make me a bad person because I like my food more than a super skinny waist size? Not really, it just makes me human. I am not one of those to run to a gym to lose weight, I detest that I should have to pay money to get fit, when walking a couple of miles a day can do the same job without costing a damn penny. Longer, yes, but on the other hand nicer I think. But then again I love walking. I also agree with Gene in that if someone had taken time out to be friendly and encourage me at the gym when I did try it, maybe I would have been more inclined to stay longer and go the distance. I guess that there are two sides to every story. Only three more weeks to go to have to grin and bear it Matt, most of them will be gone by Jan 31st.

Hey Matt. Happy 21st. Hope you have a great one and all the best buddy.

No No! Not the length being a whopper, I meant the emotional impact of the story. I was bowled over at the depth and raw emotion I got out of it, and can't wait to see what other people thought.

Well, I've taken some time out from the regular daily grind over Christmas to spend some time focusing on reading that I've been wanting to do for ages. I also used the break to dedicate some really much needed time to writing, and chapters for my latest adventure continue to take form and roll off the press as it were, something I'm really chuft about, as I've been waiting to get this one of the ground for ages. I got to do a full rewrite on my anthology entry, which I've been told by my editor was far to soppy and flowery, I think that is possibly a part of who I am as a writer, and I have yet to learn that it is all about show not tell. To be fair, I understand this concept and appreciate the impact that it has on a story, yet it is not something simple to achieve when I sit down to write. Maybe this is something that comes with time? I finally got to the end of Circumnavigation, or rather to the last chapter posted, which considering it's 145 chapters in, took a lot longer than I was expecting. A few times in the story I'd considered giving up on it, but one of the things that I hate is reading something and leaving it hanging in the air unless it is just too terrible to continue with. In this case, it was not that the story is in any way terrible, just very long winded. There is much intense drama in the story, and I guess that if you are one who has followed it as it has unfolded, then maybe it does not have the impact that reading the same story in one chunk would have, but after more than a hundred chapters, I've had about all I can take of the protagonist's ability to survive anything it would seem, some of it amazingly well thought out, yet some of it too far fetched to fathom. The thing that made me hop up and down a bit was to get to chapter 145 and realise the story is not yet completed. I don't know what the heck made me think it was, maybe just the sheer number of chapters in the story, but for some reason I'd assumed that it was a complete work and so that kind of settled it for me when I was looking for something to read. See I like to be able to read, enjoy, and reach a completed resolution in my mind, rather than have to sit waiting for it to come along when the writer can get around to it. I'm an impatient so and so, you only have to ask Hamish to know what I mean. One thing that struck me while I was reading the story was a sudden outburst, a rant if you will from the writer C James in one of the later chapters of the story, where he kind of implies that if people don't review his work or take part in the forum discussion, that he'd stop posting and leave the story unresolved. This got me thinking. I know what it is like as a writer to see people reading and suddenly begin to wonder why you are not getting the feedback we all crave. "Is it me?" "Is it my writing?" "Am I really that bad?" It's called insecurities. One thing I have come to learn on GA is that like many sites, it has an active core of people that intermingle and mix, and a lot of what I can only describe as ghost visitors. No disrespect meant to them, they are as important and critical as the noisy core of the site, it is just that they are more reserved in their willingness to participate openly for whatever reason. I am a fairly open person. I don't really care who knows me, or what they think of me. It is the few that I allow into my close perimeter of friends that I give concern to. For that matter, I have never really cared who knows of me or sees me for who I am online. Maybe this is foolish, as there are far too many people willing to take advantage of this and could easily use it against me if they chose, but I am of the opinion we only live once, and this is what living is for me. The online world is a fundamental part of my life and who I am, so I take risks and make choices others consider foolish. Take my brother for example. He won't even buy from Amazon for fear of having his details cloned. I respect that. He has his opinion and impression of the world online, and while we have discussed and debated it, I am able to accept that if it were a person like my brother reading something I'd written, then he'd most certainly not be leaving a comment or feedback, no matter how much the story moved him. Another thing I have noticed is that friends online are very loyal and we gather around each other and support each other. Now some people are better at interacting across a large divide of people, but if you are like me, you love to talk to everyone, you just don't let too many of them get too close. Hurt is a funny thing, and once bitten, twice shy the saying goes. In my case this is very much a reality of how I choose who to trust and let in to my ring of close friends. Having said that, there is a level of anonymity online that means I can be a lot bolder with allowing people near me, as there is less of a risk of the immense loss a faded friendship can have on you emotionally as a person. Friends online come and go as circumstances change around them, like ships in the night, near for a while, then gone into the shadows. See that I can deal with. It is the physical attachment and I hate to lose in friendship. I guess what I am trying to say is that we should expect to find little cliques. They are part of the fabric of humanity. They happen in every walk of life, and so when I see them happening here on GA it is not surprising, nor should it bother anyone. We all still talk to each other. Although I may not be part of someone's clique, they may still at some time read my stuff, or comment on a thought or update. I may message them and chat for a bit when we are in the chat room at the same time. That is life. So when I let my insecurities get in the way of something I actually really enjoy doing, then I feel that I am the one worse off for it. There is always a lot of encouragement on GA to engage, interact or feedback, and I do support that. However feedback in many ways is a two way thing. We want to know, or at least feel that our thoughts and opinion matter. So when your feedback is not always responded too, it is easy to wonder off else where and find something else to entertain your time. Look, feedback is the life blood of any writer. We love to hear it, love to get it, crave it and cherish it. Fact. We are all slightly vain in that way, there is nothing wrong with admitting it. But the thing that really disappointed me about the whole rant was the idea that for a reader such as myself, who has come along at a date many moons after this saga began, and has trundled through dozens of chapters, thousands of words, millions of characters, and suddenly read that because you have not participated in a forum that may well no longer be active, or ceased to leave comments as they are not replied too, you may have the ending of the story withheld from you, is a bitter pill to swallow. I really was disappointed when I read the rant. Not so much the reason for the outburst, but more the guise of blackmail that it appeared to throw over the whole work. It was a shame. I would like to think that I give credit to C James for the effort and hard work that has gone into a remarkable story, and I suppose that after such a long adventure it is difficult to remain motivated when the enthusiasm wares off. But is that possibly the risk of a massively long project? People do get bored, other things grab at our attention, and even though I sat and tried to read it in one consistent go, I got sidetracked a few times. It was really interesting for me to sit and think it through. I do like a long story, I've read a couple on GA now, and admire the writers that can achieve it, but it does make me wonder, unless doing it for the love of the story and your own passion for writing, Is It Worth It? Thought for today - "The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand." - Vince Lombardi Song for today - Wishful Thinking by China Crisis http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjCWiG5Yw7U

Oooooooooft, okies read the story, and can't wait for the 28th!!!!!!!!! Jeeeeeesh Cia, you had to choose such a whopper for the first book???

This could be interesting. Game on!!

OMG. I don't know what to say!

Classic Crimbo Satire.

Hey you lot. Kinda spent a lot of time lying i bed this morning thinking. I woke up mega stupid early, don't for the life of me know why, but yeah, so I was pondering to myself.... 2013 is on us right? Heck we made it through 2012. That is not a bad result really. We were supposed to self combust, or come to some traumatic end or something daft, but all that really happened was life reminded us how bloody hard it is right? See, this is the thing. We are not in this alone. Don't get me wrong, I have days where I really do feel the pang of being on my own and having to make decisions alone. It is hard at times not being able to bounce stuff off of someone, or just be able to talk to someone about my fears, worries, frustrations Yeah I think that'll hurt anyone. But I draw comfort in knowing that I have friends out there that are going through their own hard times, so when I need too, I can talk to someone that UNDERSTANDS. See that is the big thing for me. I can't explain how nice it feels to know that others can appreciate my feelings. Someone out there does not think I am a complete loon and has either gone through something or is going through something similar. I know that I have about four of five people here that I can shoot a message off to about anything at all, and they respond with support, kindness, love and helpfulness. It may not be the answer I want to hear, but at least there is someone there right? Does anyone else know what I mean? I guess words don't really give adequate meaning to what I am trying to say, but yeah, I guess I'm just rambling about what I was thinking, and the jist of it is that I am really glad I stumbled across this thread and got to know some of you really well. You've become a life line to me, and that I think is more special than anyone completely appreciates. We come here with our problems and insecurities. We vent, we rant and rave, we sound mad sometimes. But through it all, we learn that there are people that care here. People that reach out and make a difference for each of us.

Disaster of the highest order struck on Christmas day. The Yettie made a balls up! I figured to myself that I'd be smooth and get all my veg and stuff preps on Christmas Eve after opening pressies. Not that this would take very long, it was just mom and me, but still it's always been a crimbo tradition to open our gifts on Christmas eve. I guess as kids we were just too impatient to wait till Christmas day! So yeah, I pealed the spuds, sorted out the greens, organised the carrots and then went to bed. Up nice and early to make Volcano Pudding and then at about nineish I figured it was time to whack the meat on. I popped into the kitchen only to find to my horror that the damn roast was still in the freezer! OMG. We had volcano pudding and ice cream for Christmas lunch!!! Ah well, I got to have my roast and eat it. Yep, i did it today. And Omigosh what a fine damn piece of pork it was. Crispy crackling and tender as......... erm I was going to say a babies bum, but NO that is just WRONG! It was just nice and tender. Yep that's it! haha I think the Christmas food has always been my favourite part of Christmas Mom used to make the Canadian Fruit cake. I tried to make it last year and well, it just didn't stay together. I guess if you enjoy eating your Christmas cake as crumbs off a plate then it wasn't too bad! I've steered away from baking since then, although I do make a mean banana bread. So Boxing day was pancakes for breakfast, and then nothing till dinner. We were out for dinner, and oh boy what an experience. We sat next to a woman that had clearly had one too many sherry's and was rather merry to say the least. She was flirting rather blatantly with the waiters, and making pretty brazen passes at the bar staff. Singing rather unconvincingly to Celiene Dion and frequently getting up to have a quick twirl to some song or another, until eventually totally disorientated from a rather vigorous twirl, she plonked herself down, landing half on and half off the chair and promptly bouncing off the chair to park herself firmly on her derrière on the floor at my feet. I've been solicited before, but never in that way! I finally got to finish my rework of Breathless, which i feel rather proud of to be fair. I am going to leave it for a while and go back to it a couple of times to fine tune it before I get to post it. Hopefully I can attract the attentions of an editor and some readers to check it over first as well. I can hope ey! And then today. MY ROAST. Um, yeah I am rather proud of myself. Last year I got the damn tin foil stuck to the crackling, and the year before I didn't use tin foil and burnt the whole thing! This year. I got it just right! Even if it was two days too late, clever cloggs! So now, I'm sprawled out on the couch feeling rather fat and full. I'm watching blooper videos (you might know them as fail compilations) and trying not to giggle too damn much as it hurts my tummy. I have a Strawberry and Lime Kopperberg next to me and some really great music on the speakers. Good way to end the day. Hey hope you've all managed to enjoy your crimbo so far. Try smile if you can, its good to giggle like a girl. Thought for today - "Before someone's tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today." - unknown Song for today - If You Tolerate This by the Manic Street Preachers.

Such an interesting take on the idea and central theme. I wonder how often people's worlds come to an end like that, only to be renewed by something completely unexpected. Lovely translation of the task and I very feel good ending too. Love, hope and a future. Another chance. Great story Wayne.