mayday

Hard to read how some people are suffering from self-inflicted pain. You have painted it so vividly. Noah's spiraling downward hurts. And just in case you do not know, I hate cliffhangers. Especially good ones.

Hmhm. I wonder where his parents are...

I have reread some chapters and found what I had overlooked before: That only his mother's side is so religious, his father's family is not. So there is hope for Noah yet even if his mother won't come round. At least not without a wake-up call ringing from this planet to the next, and even then I would not keep my breath.

this hurts

Thank you for explaining. What I meant is that I have the feeling that his religion has not influenced his decisions or his opinions in any scene so far. He mentions his upbringing and spirituality, yes, but it does not seem to go any further than that. And I would wish him at least the one certainty religion might give a believer that his god loves him the way he is. He seems to need every and any help with his attitude towards himself he can get...

No, at least not consciously, in my opinion. I am just sure she is absolutely convinced that her son cannot be gay, simply because he must not be gay. What she may fear subconsciously is another story. Then there is that threat from his father who made it clear that their supporting him depends on his being a dutiful son... Then this visit which seems to serve no other purpose than checking up on him. Who definitely is ruled by fear at the moment is Noah. The fear of being undeserving first and foremost. Obviously his mother's disapproval and the knowledge that being gay will cost him his parents is something he cannot yet face. On the other hand he has already started to earn a little bit of money as if preparing against being cut off. But earning money is the least of his problems. He knows now beyond a doubt that he cannot trust in his parents' love. He has seen his mother's reaction to Aiden's test. Unless his siblings stand up for him he will be cut off from the family, and whether his brothers/sisters or at least one of them will stand by him is uncertain. What horrifies me most about his mother is her absolute conviction that her disapproval and approval is the only guide Noah needs in his life. She won't like being confronted with reality once Noah is forced out of his closet. At the moment at least I see no way of his leaving it out of his own free will. With such fears he is not free. And I am very sure that his parents would never recognize how controlling they are, that they are really withholding his freedom from him. What baffles me though is that I have not yet seen any trace of religiosity in Noah himself. He has never mentioned a belief in God or anything else. If his super religious upbringing has left no impact on him other than being a dutiful son and a good man who won't hurt anybody willingly, no belief in a loving God will help him accept himself. This mere hollow shell of faith and religion is a brilliant excuse for controlling people. No real love to keep parents from ditching their children if they do not follow the path prepared for them. I cannot imagine that Sebastian has succeeded in anything other than further undermining Noah's feeling of self-worth, which is bad enough in itself. I feel for both Noah and Jordan. Noah needs help, so does Jordan, albeit in a different way. Let's hope their friends can help them. I cannot imagine Aiden standing back and watching Jordan's life unravel without trying to help. The same with Jenn. Your story-telling and this cruel cliffhanger make it difficult to wait for the next chapter!

Great to see the loving environment Max will land in. Beautiful. So I just hope he will give Don and Louis a chance.

Beautiful! I looked up bluebirds, an alien species here, but oh, what stunning shades of the deepest blue! I now understand why you stopped stunned staring - the last two lines perfect in the way they sound and - with the alliteration making sure we stop too - with the next and last line again light and airy like the birds.

I feel like I must explain my LIKE as just referring to your telling the story, not what happens...

Box of tissues. Yes. I do remember being impressed with your vivid dialogues. They make these scenes not easier to read. I am happy for Jason in his brother and dad and I wonder when Barbara will remember her eldest son and not the embarrassment and image of the sick or deformed he has become to her.

Right decision? It is the easy way out. When will he start seeing what he wants, is attracted to? What will make him see that? You are keeping us on tenterhooks, MericCotton!

I have just found this story. Well written, fun to read and lots going on...

This is full of strong images difficult to forget Let me send you this: White wispy clouds are drifting high The first blue sky for days This morning the rain stopped and the air is fresh and crisp Birdsong from the trees on the river banks The first promise of spring in the clear light may be gone with the dusk in an hour's time No matter. Its promise is enough for now.

Yes, it is, but are we always up to weathering them?

I am on that journey into the past, chapter 7 so far. Phew! Storms? Gales?

Ok. I have just read this and normally I would go back to the stories I have obviously missed. But not today. This feels so real. Not knowing the main characters now - I'm going to do something about that in a minute - I cannot imagine what will evolve. How can Don make such a change up to his husband? How can anybody? The right thing to do is usually not the easy one. Angry the young man will be. Lost. In need of help and all sorts of support. What his years as a child and a teenager so far have been like will be crucial. How will he learn to live a new life? Thank you for another journey into the unknown...

Beautiful and sooo moving

Confusing.. or I do not get it. Suddenly so many feelings? How blind can one be?

"And my fear is my shield" We do need those... I do not know where we would be without fear, without remembering pain...

you make it easy to feel with / for your characters... I love how Eric is becoming more and more daring. And how our two young men are helping him along. I still remember how it all started...

Yep, lots of promise, now even more. We know more about Jared and that Paul still has a lot to learn about himself... nice twist with Tommy

Oh Tim! this is the first time I have read this. I am devastated to read what you have gone through even after everything else that man had done to you and you had to survive. The past is with us, for a long time, but not for ever. Time does heal wounds. But it does so at its own pace. And depending on how deep the wounds go. My mother was badly hurt when she was a teenager. She has not been able to forgive yet, even at 80. My father, who is even older, still has trouble discarding food that has gone off because as a child he suffered hunger for weeks while he was fleeing enemy troops during WWII. Some wounds, those we would not normally call wounds, stay with us, it seems. The losses I myself have suffered are with me, but their hurts have been lessening over time. I know that I remember the pain in some cases but that pain itself has lost its sting. Time has been my friend. Your life, however, is on another scale. Your hurts are deeper, and it will take longer for you to remember the pain as a memory, I guess, if at all possible. My losses have never been life-threatening. There has not been trauma in my life. So I cannot really answer your question for you unless: we own our past. But what we do with our possessions is a different matter. Nobody can help us there. We have to give it its own place and keep it there. Sometimes we can only do it after facing it again and again and again. The good thing about us is that what we think of as eternity is not that. It simply seems too long. Forgive me for rambling...

lot's of promise and a good read so far!

there was no choice. - critical words You cannot help who you love. There is never any question in here about your love being returned. And yet, is not the one we keep at arm's length the one we keep there, we do not let come closer? In your verses the universe is blamed for not letting him come closer... The ache I feel is real and I know you feel it also; How can you know that about him, too? unless you just believe that about him instead of knowing. Maybe this is due to the dream it originates from... Strong feelings but no certain conclusions. Like life is sometimes....

Thank you, Parker, for this delightful Christmas present! Merry Christmas to you and all your loved ones!