Fae Briona

This is what is playing for me now. Seemed serendipitously appropriate for when SP gets home:

Yes - thank you @Headstall. I listened too him all morning at work. Love his rendition of, "I Will Always Love You".

I'm sorry to hear that. and yeah -- it seems like a lot of us have had a few rather 💩 weeks recently; we just have to trust they will pass - though that is much easier to say, than to do

We're a little family here - we all care about one another.

He's made the comment he'd be unable to make the film today if he tried, due to it's content -- even though it's satire.

Working from home today because my office system crashed -- tech is trying to fix it (and has been for the last three hours). It's been extremely frustrating today. Need to just quit [for the afternoon] and go ride the bike -- not been on it as much as I should have been the last couple of months, and not been moving around as much sitting at home as I do when I'm in the office. Other part of me just wants to hide under the bed -- metaphorically, of course.

We drove up this morning and made arrangements for moms memorial -- will be on Sat. the 12th; will let more people attend, and allow time to plan, ask for time off if needed, etc. Also finalized the design of her headstone. Stopped at my sisters grave on the way out of town. Randomly broke down crying in the middle of the kitchen a few minutes ago. SP held me and told me he loved me, and it would all turn out ok.

We have rain and a cold front moving in that the joints don't like but I've been taking it easy on the couch while SP is working from home. Making a quick lunch now of Pakistani Ground Beef Curry. We have a 9am appointment w. my brother at the funeral home tomorrow to make arrangements for mom's memorial, so that's going to make for a very early morning (about a 90-min drive) and a rather long day -- but I know SP will be there to help me get through it.

Yep -- some demons are never really banished, they just go into hiding for awhile and pop up at inopportune times. Glad things are looking better for you.

Blood pressure has been up all day - not too surprising given the circumstances; Ordered dinner in because SP is at work and all the food we had in the fridge is bad due to us not being around; and walked mis-delivered packages two doors down because our mailman can't read. Need sleep all day tomorrow.

Thank you all. Not sure where the duplicate post came from; that wasn't intended. My best friend called this afternoon. Her husband had been answering her txts the last couple of days. She's been in the hospital w. an infection around her "hardware" in her back. Over the last week she coded twice. ☹️ Glad she was sounding better today. Don't need another person passing right now.

Mom passed yesterday morning at 10:42 am CDT. Was a peaceful passing. Brother and I spent more time at her apartment sorting through some things than we had intended, and he only made one obnoxious comment (which I somehow resisted thumping him w. my cane for having made). He's supposed to call once the funeral home is available -- main guy had two funeral yesterday -- but there's no estimated time when that might happen. SP has been my rock during this hole time; I wouldn't have made it without him, and have told him so. Staying here at home today, then will drive back up to Stillwater tomorrow by myself. SP won't be able to go back this time, but that's ok. He's had to endure my family enough for one week. Most of the stuff is just going to be boxed up and dealt w. later but some of it will be donated.

Going to be a hopefully quiet day for me. I need to log in this morning and check emails -- see what just can't wait -- but this afternoon I plan on taking a long nap and trying to relax. We'll be going back up to the hospital tomorrow; SP will get to endure, ahem - "meet", more of my extended family.

So far, things have been as "good" as they can be. She's been resting/sleeping/quasi-comatose since yesterday afternoon and seems peaceful. There was a moment right after they pulled everything that I don't know was pain or panic or something else and I know that will haunt me for a bit. There was some reaction when talking to her, but it was really impossible to know if they were reflexive actions, purposeful movement, or us just seeing what we wanted to see. Doctor couldn't really say how much of what made her "her" was still there. My brother, Aunt (last sibling alive), and I were all in agreement that although this is not the outcome we wanted it was the best course of action and was in line with what she had repeatedly said she wanted; but that doesn't it easier.

hope the headaches get better soon

Mom was taken off life support yesterday morning. Breathing has slowed, blood pressure / pulse has slowed, but she's still clinging on this morning. Could move on in the 5 min or the next 36hrs

Meeting w. the Dr. yesterday didn't go as we hoped, but did go as we expected. There is extensive damage to the outside edge of the entire right hemisphere of mom's brain, as well as a large spot in the back of the skull and a couple of small spots in the center. They're going to do an in-room ultrasound of the arteries in her neck sometime today, then will probably move her to "comfort care" -- disconnect all the tubes and other things she never wanted to be hooked up to to begin with, and ease her passing.

Brother called. We have a meeting at 1pm tomorrow w. the neurologist. Things do not look good. Summary report he game my brother is that mom had a "cardiac episode" and that lead to a stroke, resulting in "severe damage to multiple areas" of her brain.

This has been argued and fought over for years. Impact will be overwhelmingly positive and the paranoia goes back to irrational fears over GMO's [note: if you're eating any modern grain, your are eating what is essentially a GMO].

Thank all of you. It's going to be a long couple of days I think.

SP and I drove up this morning & spoke w. my brother (who - shocker - actually acknowledged SP's existence at the end of the morning). They were planning on lowering her body temp [I don't remember why], but she made some "purposeful movements" so they just gave her some mild sedation. Her drug panel came back clean, so she didn't accidentally double up on her meds -- also good. At the moment, it's really a waiting game for the next 24 to 48 hours. Until she wakes up we really won't know what -- if any -- affects there have been on her cognitive abilities.

My brother called at 2:30am -- never a good sign. Mom had called the ambulance saying she was having trouble breathing. She was unresponsive when they arrived and -- in spite of a DNR prominently posted on the refrigerator where they're supposed to look -- they intubated her and she's now on a ventilator. Chest xrays came back w. lungs clear but fluid around the heart, so it's most likely congestive heart failure -- something that took out almost all of her siblings. Brother should be calling soon -- if not I'll call him -- to give me an update. He couldn't get into ICU until 7am this morning. 😢💔

A train is going to be really rough on the patio. 😛

Crazed and slightly insane from trying to get August payroll entered into the system before the extended, past last-minute, deadline.