Fae Briona

I was trying to mentor him, well... mentor with the occasional side benefit (did I mention he was pretty?). He was enrolled in OK's only HBCU and doing alright. Really good in his core classes but not so great in his Gen Ed. I was helping him with little things like telling him, "You're intelligent and capable of doing this" and life skills like how to make a budget. He was trying. He'd slide back a bit now and then but was generally making progress forward. He planned his mothers funeral when he was 17, his father wasn't really around and wasn't much of one when he was, and his grandmother had never been quite sure what to do with this fae changeling. The corset was one of the more expensive gifts I've ever purchased for anyone but I'll smile to my last day remembering his reaction when he opened it up. We were talking on the phone while I was looking for one and I mentioned they made corsets for men. Oh my! He was legit offended, "I don't want a corset for a man!". I apologized and said I'd only mentioned it because I was surprised they existed (which I was). He was overwhelmingly giddy with joy when he opened it his birthday gift up and found a black corset with spring steel boning. Fit him perfectly and he looked real good in it -- especially when only in that and a pair of lace pa.... ahem. ... sorry, got sidetracked (have I mentioned the boy was pretty?). Then, a few years ago, he had a psychotic break of some kind. Definitely intense paranoia, possibly some schizophrenia. Called me one night about 3am talking about how he was afraid to go back to his grandmothers because of reasons that didn't make sense to my still half-asleep brain and that he never did remember later. Started to self-medicate with questionable substances from dubious sources. Got kicked out of the University. The last time I saw him I told him he needed help that I couldn't give him. That I still loved him and cared about him -- but that I no longer trusted him. Hurt to say that, even though it was true. He was essentially homeless. I gave him $ to get to the agency in town that could help him. A couple of weeks later there was an article in the local paper that a body had been found floating in the retaining pond that is just north of the housing addition I live in that they were having problems identifying. There had been some ID but he'd been in the pond long enough it wasn't readable. Placing a phone call to the local PD Dept. to ask if the person they found was a black male in his mid 20's was not a call I ever want to make again. Thankfully, the person they found wasn't African-American. I think he's ended up back in the Tulsa area based on the last time I did a records check on him.

Slept almost all morning and first part of the afternoon. Actually starting to feel a bit human again.

Thank you. Not sure where my mind was wondering last night that lead to this.

I had problems falling asleep last night and this popped into my head unbidden and fully formed. Then insisted I write it down before it would let me rest (you can picture whatever Muse is to blame standing behind me, his sharpened quill-pen ✒️ at my throat) : My beautiful rose made of shattered glass, glittering in the sunlight and morning dew. Beautiful from afar, but made of sharp points and rough edges which cut & scar when you try to hold it too close, hold it too tightly. Your fragile beauty falling apart in the heat of the midday sun. I wrote that thinking of Mr P, who I knew before C and I got our relationship going. Sexually-fluid, gender-queer, skin like smooth chocolate, beautiful lips, a body that was… mmmmm… did I mention the boy was pretty? Damn was he pretty. Lace & corsets; mascara & lip gloss; muscles & strength. Mostly, but not entirely, gay; mostly, but not entirely, a top. Starting in a hole he had no hand in digging and determined to climb out, but he kept sliding back in. Looking for a Daddy with a firm hand and love but afraid of finding what he needed. Someone called him a Butch Queen, which I'm sure they did not mean as a compliment, but which is probably the best label for him. Though he hates labels as they bind you as much as they identify you and he never wanted to be tucked neatly into any box. The trust between us finally wore away but I still wonder how he is and what may have been. He lost himself to the shadows in the hole and I am afraid it will bury him.

Three severe thunderstorm warnings in the state this morning, with hail and flooding threats. Wonderful [?] way to start the day.

Don't know if I mentioned this in the DiC, but my Aunt passed Saturday last at around 4am (brain has a been a bit foggy the last week w the sinus ick). I'm glad I was able to go up the Friday before to see her. I know she knew mom and I were there, and could understand what we were saying. When mom said she and I were there to see her breathing changed, got more struggled, and she got a twitch in her right shoulder. I told her she didn't need to try to respond to us, then sat down, held her hand, and told her I loved her. We stayed until her breathing settled down to a low even rate that I would normally describe as "sleeping." Was nice to be able to say goodbye, and glad I didn't wait.

Another 3" to 5" of rain over most of the state between overnight tonight and end of day Tuesday. <sigh>

I'll blame it on sleep deprivation but has Lex seen Briann? I'd think his ability to see auras would help weed out some people you'd not want working for you. Loved the chapter, and the foundation name is perfect.

Trying to remember that. Glad your migraines are getting better, if only slightly. I've had one a couple of times, and they are NOT fun things.

Stayed on the couch for 2 hours last night and was fine, but had to get up about 60 minutes after taking the cednifir (which still sounds like a Celtic hero to me) and has a slight bout of dizziness, but nothting compared to yesterday. Just need to remember to stay laying down from 30 to 90 minutes after I take it.

"Orthostatic Hypotension" -- the antibiotic is causing my blood pressure to drop (even though that shouldn't be a thing it does). Dropped enough this morning that I passed out when I stood up; he said the nausea was related to that. Dr. gave me some Prednisone, which will help with the coughing and increase my blood pressure. Knew it had been staying real low even though I started taking Symbicort and my inhalor, both of which should have made it go up a bit.

Dizzyness / nausea has passed so I should be fine driving myself. Going to take a short nap before my apt.

This morning was the 3rd day on my antibiotic. Had a bout of severe dizziness and nausea about an hour or so after taking it. Honestly think I passed out for a moment - had went to adjust the thermostat, realized I'd better sit down (slid down the wall), then realized I was laying on my back. Have a Dr apt this afternoon. Dizziness / nausea have mostly passed, but passing out and aspirating on my 🤢 is not how I would like to leave this cycle of life.

Stayed home from work today; been asleep most of the morning. Thunderstorm last night had a short patch of heavy hail, but luckily they were only an inch or so in diameter (storm was too small for anything much larger). Having lunch, then probably back to bed.

Sleep well. We're having a small thunderstorm at the moment, but it should pass shortly. Will probably fall asleep propped up on the couch at some point so I don't wake up choking on phlegm. 🤧

Doesn't Cassie always have tricks up her sleeves?

Missed this when it was posted, but my notifications have been wonky. Enjoyed the chapter. His mom definately sounds like she was quite the character.

No work for me today - body temp is well above normal, coughing up [ick], and can't stay awake. Have an antibiotic to take. Very sorry you're not feeling well either Thorn

Seems quiet in here this evening -- but that could be because Notifications are being wonky for me and I'm not getting notices like I should be. Body temp is up, I have to go to work in the morning (though the boss will probably tell me to go home), and I'm off to attempt sleep.

Definitely have a sinus infection and not just allergies. Temp is a bit more than a degree above normal for where it should be this time of day. Blood pressure is still be behaving itself, surprisingly. All in all, it wasn't a horrible day.

Carpe Noctem

Talked to mom this morning. She's "doing ok" but said she'd probably feel better if she could just cry -- think she's still in a state of mild shock. Talked to one of two youngest Aunts a few minutes ago (they're twins) and she still feels like she has to "be strong" for mom and her sister (who has some mental retardation from oxygen deprivation at birth). I wanted to tell her that it was ok for her to tell the rest of the world to stuff it and allow herself at least one afternoon to break down, but knew it wouldn't do any good. Worry about her and mom. They're the only 3 sibs left from a large family. I have more 1st & 2nd cousins than I can count.

ok -- I rushed it a bit but I'm hungry and tired It turned out wonderful. I know it's traditionally a thick stew but I like to take some of the liquid as part of the water to boil some egg noodles or dumplings, then thicken the rest and serve it over noodles.

It's smelling lovely -- as much as I can smell anything at all; esp. after adding in the small amount of cognac that's the finishing touch. About an hour to go and I'll have lunch. It's making me hungry. 🍽️

Something during my trip up to see mom and my Aunt on Friday has triggered a full-blown allergy attack. If it weren't for my stubborn insistence that I will have my bœuf bourguignonne for lunch I'd still be in bed. But... as I so want it for lunch it has to start now. One of the reasons I rarely make it -- too much of a pain in the ass to bother for one person. However, it's what I was going to make my Boy last year before our plans fell apart, and what I was going to make him for Valentines this year before.... before the aneurysm. I have to make it -- it's part of my dealing with his no longer being here. My head is stuffy and I feel miserable and am probably on the verge of a full-blown sinus infection but I'm going to make the d** stew, eat it for lunch, and think of all the good times I had with my Boy in the short time we did have together.