MikeL

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. (Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place!

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad , what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30.Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire trucks, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

I have not seen Vicious, of course, being an isolated American. I certainly do know who McKellan and Jacobi are. I can't imagine them being poor ambassadors for the gay community. The big danger in political correctness is that it could kill the gay movement before acceptance is more widespread. The PC Nazis need to be drowned out by a chorus of affirmation for all things gay. Infighting over rules dictated by a few is a damning distraction. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh, I'm trying to ensure that I understand this new definition of "dope" to which you have exposed me. It's not stupid or illicit drugs. It's something good, right?

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck.".

I missed it by one day, but I still wish Old Bob a Happy Birthday! Number 86 it is. We miss you and hope you are doing well.

Mary had a little lamb. Its foot was full of soot. Everywhere that Mary went, His sooty foot he put.

Talking about it is the job of the psychiatrist. No one else - not even the best of friends or the best of conversationalists - can do any good discussing trauma with the victim. Thanks for the discussion, Jim.

Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowd; Just buy me some...nachos? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDeHGu_8C_k Watch it full screen. I was watching this game when the incident occurred. I would call it the play of the game.

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 a.m in the morning and it's pouring down rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people, too, you know." The man gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Per Wikipedia, Jenner is the father of three sons, three daughters, and four stepchildren.

Ho hum. Can't help but wonder if this isn't just another episode in the Kardashian saga.

Two policemen call the station on the radio. "Hey, Sarge?" "Yes?" "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean." "Have you arrested the woman?" "No sir.... The floor is still wet."

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two men were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's it,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Not so fast. What people say is real life is only what people say in real life.

I would say you are right. Use it is.

You should be pleased that there are so many good medical tests available. And so many treatments, too. And medical science finds new treatments all the time. I am benefiting from treatments today that didn't exist when I was first diagnosed with cancer. Best wishes.

Spell checkers catch only misspelled words, not incorrectly used words. Spell checker never met a homophone it didn't like.

In major sports, the big money can attract big shot crooks. See New York Times article.

Good discussion, Cia. Some writers, thinking perhaps it is a sign of intelligence, write very long sentences. This makes it difficult at times to identify the subject from among the many suspects. Homophones? Such fun, your and you're being the most commonly misused. I suggest you take up who vs whom in a future post.

On which of these divine spots have you settled?

Disclude. Easy enough to understand, but I've only heard "exclude" previously.

Your mom is a very young-looking 45. And I learned a new word.