MikeL

That is funny.

I guess if you laughed, you would be laughing at yourself for the trick your eyes played on you. It really isn't funny, but I don't know of a more appropriate forum.

You think you have a bad commute to work? Check out how Russians cross a river where there is no ferry and the bridge is not complete. https://www.youtube.com/embed/pMCrj02SUlA?rel=0

You never know when some crazy, anti-gun (anti-second amendment) screwball will take a pot shot at you. That's why I have a Ruger revolver and a carry permit.

It's sad to lose the greatest bluesman ever. He was a young man when I first saw him perform in Memphis, but, of course, so was I. Here's my favorite. https://youtu.be/4fk2prKnYnI The King is dead. Long live the King!

Happy Birthday, Graeme! Some things never change.

I admire your transparent lack of humility, Jordan...very refreshing.

In a sequel perhaps?

Here's an article from today's New York Times which may be of interest to Lillydale Leopards fans: Australian Football Visits U.S. in Search of Basketball Big Men More

Why do Morris dancers wear bells? So they can annoy blind people as well.

Excelsior, dude!

I think either gray or grey is acceptable to both American and British readers. Other words are more problematic, especially if they have more syllables. You have no doubt heard that the United States and Great Britain are two countries separated by a common language. A common language has been a great advantage to the two countries. We generally understand each other in our speech and literature. Wikipedia (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/gray) contains a usage note: "A mnenomic for remembering which spelling is used where: grey is the English spelling, while gray is the American spelling. However, grey is also found in American English." Many native English speakers are not aware that English is a Germanic language. Gray/grey is derived from the German grau. And, I have heard recently that there are a number of shades of gray.

Does Liam by any chance have a double jointed mandible?

How to wash a cat 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 oz. of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. You may need to stand on the top lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand to the side of the toilet as far away as you can and quickly lift the lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside, where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely yours, The Dog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GCm4r0F0tts

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

THE PORCH A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded. The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes." A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already??" the startled husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip. "Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

A thoughtful Scottish husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down to the local pub. He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, ‘Brenda - put your hat and coat on, lassie.’ She replied, 'Awe Dear heart, that's nice - are you taking me tae the pub with you? 'Nay,’ he replied ‘I'm turning the heat off while I'm out.

HOME SCHOOLED My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me religion: "You better pray this will come out of the carpet." My father taught me about time travel: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me logic: "Because I said so, that's why." My father taught me irony: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about contortionism: "Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about hypocrisy: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" My father taught me wisdom: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." My mother taught me about justice: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Actually, Joneses is incorrect. It is not necessary to add an "s" or "es" to a name (or noun) that ends in "s". The plural of Jones is Jones. Mr. Jones is the head of the Jones (the Jones family). Also, the possessive of Jones is Jones'. Just add an apostrophe to the end of Jones. The apostrophe indicates that something is possessed by the Jones family. No "es" or other suffix is appropriate. I think the term Joneses came into common use from the slogan "keeping up with the Joneses". This incorrect usage came from Madison Avenue, the Mad Men merely want you to buy something that the Jones already have. Don't fall for it.