MikeL

My preschool age grandsons will be experts on this subject before they ever hit kindergarten. Just this week, they introduced me to the latest educational toy: Despicable Me 2 Fart Blaster: A Despicable Minion Gadget

1. Park your car in the garage. 2. Stay home.

Are you actually Justin Bieber?

Bieber appears at bond hearing in corrections orange. http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/justin-bieber-deported/story?id=21638935

There is some talk...perhaps unfounded rumor...that the US may revoke his visa, sending him back to Canada.

The bags of Haribo sugar free gummi bears sold in the US have the warning. Some people never read the small print. Here is an actual customer review from Amazon: Do not bring to sporting events! January 18, 2014 The place: BMO Harris Bradley Center The event: Bucks VS Spurs The snack: Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears made by Haribo I recently took my 4 year old son to his first NBA game. He was very excited to go to the game, and I was excited because we had fantastic seats. Row C center court to be exact. I've never sat that close before. I've never had to go DOWN stairs to get to my seats. 24 stairs to get to my seats to be exact. His favorite candy is Skittles. Mine are anything gummy. I snuck in a bag of skittles for my son, and grabbed a handful of gummy bears for myself, to be later known as Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears, that I received for Christmas in bulk from my parents, and put them in a zip lock bag. After the excitement of the 1st quarter has ended I take my son out to get him a bottled water and myself a beer. We return to our seats to enjoy our candy and drinks. ..............fast forward until 1 minute before half time........... I have begun to sweat a sweat that is only meant for a man on mile 19 of a marathon. I have kicked out my legs out so straight that I am violently pushing the gentleman wearing a suit seat in front of me forward. He is not happy, I do not care. My hands are on the side of my seat not unlike that of a gymnast on a pommel horse, lifting me off my chair. My son is oblivious to what is happening next to him, after all, there is a mascot running around somewhere and he is eating candy. I realize that at some point in the very near to immediate future I am going to have to allow this lava from Satan to forcefully expel itself from my innards. I also realize that I have to walk up 24 stairs just to get to level ground in hopes to make it to the bathroom. I’ll just have to sit here stiff as a board for a few moments waiting for the pain to subside. About 30 seconds later there is a slight calm in the storm of the violent hurricane that is going on in my lower intestine. I muster the courage to gently relax every muscle in my lower half and stand up. My son stands up next to me and we start to ascend up the stairs. I take a very careful and calculated step up the first stair. Then a very loud horn sounds. Halftime. Great. It’s going to be crowded. The horn also seems to have awaken the Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears that are having a mosh pit in my stomach. It literally felt like an avalanche went down my stomach and I again have to tighten every muscle and stand straight up and focus all my energy on my poor sphincter to tighten up and perform like it has never performed before. Taking another step would be the worst idea possible, the flood gates would open. Don’t worry, Daddy has a plan. I some how mumble the question, “want to play a game?” to my son, he of course says “yes”. My idea is to hop on both feet allllll the way up the stairs, using the center railing to propel me up each stair. My son is always up for a good hopping game, so he complies and joins in on the “fun”. Some old lady 4 steps up thinks its cute that we are doing this, obviously she wasn’t looking at the panic on my face. 3 rows behind her a man about the same age as me, who must have had similar situations, notices the fear/panic/desperation on my face understands the danger that I along with my pants and anyone within a 5 yard radius spray zone are in. He just mouths the words “good luck man” to me and I press on. Half way up and there is no leakage, but my legs are getting tired and my sphincter has never endured this amount of pressure for this long of time. 16 steps/hops later…….4 steps to go…….My son trips and falls on the stairs, I have two options: keep going knowing he will catch up or bend down to pick him up relieving my sphincter of all the pressure and commotion while ruining the day of roughly the 50 people that are now watching a grown man hop up stairs while sweating profusely next to a 4 year old boy. Luckily he gets right back up and we make it to the top of the stairs. Good, the hard part was over. Or so I thought. I managed to waddle like a penguin, or someone who is about to poop their pants in 2.5 seconds, to the men's room only to find that every stall is being used. EVERY STALL. It's halftime, of course everyone has to poop at that moment. I don't know if I can wait any longer, do I go ahead and fulfil the dream of every high school boy and poop in the urinal? What kind of an example would that set for my son? On the other hand, what kind of an example would it be for his father to fill his pants with a substance that probably will be unrecognizable to man. Suddenly a stall door opens, and I think I manage to actually levitate over to the stall. I my son follows me in, luckily it was the handicap stall so there was room for him to be out of the way. I get my pants off and start to sit. I know what taking a giant poo feels like. I also know what vomiting feels like. I can now successfully say that I know what it is like to vomit out my butt. I wasn't pooping, those Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears did something to my insides that made my sphincter vomit our the madness. I am now conscious of my surroundings. Other than the war that the bottom half of my body is currently having with this porcelain chair, it is quiet as a pin drop in the bathroom. The other men in there can sense that something isn't right, no one has heard anyone ever poop vomit before. I can sense that the worst part is over. But its not stopping, nor can I physically stop it at this point, I am leaking..it's horrible. I call out "does anyone have a diaper?" hoping that some gentleman was changing a baby. Nothing. No one said a word. I know people are in there, I can see the toes of shoes pointed in my direction under the stall.. "DOES ANYONE HAVE A DIAPER!?!" I am screaming, my son is now crying, he thinks he is witnessing the death of his father. I can't even assure him that I will make it. Not a word was said, but a diaper was thrown over the stall. I catch it, line my underwear with it, put my pants back on, and walk out of that bathroom like a champ. We go straight to our seats, grab out coats and go home. As we are walking out, the gentleman that wished me good luck earlier simply put his fist out, and I happily bumped it. My son asks me, "Daddy, why are we leaving early?" "Well son, I need to change my diaper"

The third season of Sherlock begins this Sunday on PBS. Sherlock is a huge hit in Britain — Season 3 drew more viewers there than Downton Abbey did.

So...Comcast is a modern day Robin Hood. I guess it's good to know all that ill gotten gain benefits someone.

If Comcast is responsible, I would curb my excitement. I understand Philadelphians pride in their city's emerging skyline. But remember, these towers are being built with the billions of hard-earned dollars Comcast has bilked from millions of customers nationwide.

Here are pictures of Atlantis which I saved on 10/22/2009.

The IOC is one of the most political of organizations. They bend over backwards in some cases to be politically correct and miss the point entirely in others.

Turmeric is great! It provides general support for the immune system. I've been taking it for years, along with Beta glucan in my fight against cancer. My urologist recommended Beta glucan to me 15+ years ago and it worked so well I started looking for other immune system boosters. A friend here at GA suggested I look at Turmeric and I was impressed. Long story short, my urologist now takes Turmeric. See article on use of Turmeric in treating prostate cancer. Best wishes to you and Paya, West.

Happy Birthday, Matt!

There is no such thing as "global warming". That is a catch phrase created by Al Gore to attract people to his world wide speaking tour and to create public demand that governments "do something"...specifically spend money on projects that will be contracted out to companies owned by Al Gore. It's summer in the southern hemisphere. That Russian research vessel which took a load of scientists to the Antarctic to study the effects of global warming got stuck in the ice. Three icebreakers which came to its rescue got stuck in the ice. "Global warming" is a natural phenomenon and a good thing. Some of the most productive periods in human history occurred during the warmer periods. The Renaissance was one.

This man had what he thought was the best tattoo in the world... ...until he went to prison.

More like last night's Mexican. There were no witnesses.

This topic may be dead. Perhaps it should be. But a thought occurred to me. There are two reasons why an older person should not break wind in the presence of others: 1. It is rude. 2. The outcome is uncertain.

Happy New Year All!

Bowing to Pressure, A&E Revokes Suspension of ‘Duck Dynasty’ Star Phil Robertson, center, with sons Jase, left, and Willie. The family essentially threatened to quit the lucrative reality show. The indefinite suspension of Phil Robertson, the patriarch of the family at the center of the A&E Network’s huge ratings hit “Duck Dynasty,” became definite Friday — at zero episodes. The network announced he would not be suspended after all. A&E released a statement, noteworthy both for its concessions to the Robertson family’s refusal to accept the suspension as well as its timing — at close of business on Friday of a holiday weekend on the slowest week of the year in the entertainment business. The bottom line: Phil Robertson will resume work on the show when it begins taping new episodes in the spring. New York Times article

Happy Birthday, Jack!

It's great news that Turing has been pardoned. He is a true national hero for Britain and deserves recognition for his services. How many hundreds (thousands?) of Britons have been found guilty of homosexuality? Pardons for all of them would be an even greater tribute to Turing and a tribute to the British sense of justice.

The Daily Mail has some late news.

I really think any artwork you own should be hung on the wall where YOU can see it.

You may not like what Phil Robertson said about gays. I don't either. I also do not watch Duck Dynasty. I'm not a fan of redneck humor even though I grew up in the south. I do like some of Jeff Foxworthy's jokes poking fun at rednecks: You may be a redneck if you ever cut your grass and found a car. If Phil Robertson is nothing else, he's sincere. Unfortunately, he is also politically incorrect as seen in his interview with GQ. I don't know if the Duck Dynasty show will survive. It could move to another network or A&E could relent. Reportedly A&E had a problem the first season with the show ending with a prayer before dinner using the name of Jesus. The Robertsons won that argument. From The Tennessean, Apr. 27, 2013 The network's hair trigger response to Phil's unfortunate comments on gays may be an effort to blunt the family's request for higher pay for the wildly popular show.