I am not going to click on the 'sad' button.
Being sorry for ourselves doesn't help. But i get it. I work full time at a job i do not like anymore, because there is no choice. i need to live. I likely could get disability money here, but you cannot live on it. I'm not ready yet to let myself go there.
So i fight back. You do too. You will, that i know.
Maybe you need work in a bakery, or a music store or book shop. Not fancy nor will they make you famous, but maybe you can find peace in places like these. And you can still write and edit. You can still play music. There is nothing wrong with being an amateur; someone who does something for the pleasure of it, rather than for money; for the love of it.
Be gentle with yourself, but do not give up. Never that.