Will Hawkins

Okay, I will not argue with webster. I have been misinformed. Please acceptmy apologies.

“Is everything was okay, Pup?” – “Is everything was okay, Pup?” The presence of the additional verb confuses the meaning of the statement. In the original meaning of 'lycanthropy' from medieval times, the only animals that could 'shift' were wolves, In this story WolfM; Doc, who is a were-bear, shifts also. Does that mean that in your story, a lycanthrope can be any animal and shift to human form? ~+~+~+~ Next question, one if the requirements for enjoying this type of story is a 'suspension of disbelief'. As a reader, I am able to 'suspend disbelief' to a certain extent, obviously, as I am continuing to enjoy the tale, but I am stuck on one factoid: a full-grown timber wolf, the largest of the genera, weighs in the neighborhood of 150lbs, and the several man-forms of the lycans are described as being very large and muscular, that implies a weight of about 225-250lbs. Where does the difference in mass go to? We are taught that matter cannot be created or destroyed by anything other than atomic processes, but we are not 'changing' with a cyclotron here. Or, is this just another disbelief that we must agree to suspend to read your story, Wolfie? As the King of Siam says, "It is a puzzlement."

I see strong traces of Kipling's "The Jungle Book" here. Of course Baloo and the other jungle animals in Kipling's books were not 'shape-shifters', but Doc is similar to Baloo in that he is a wise old bear and Aiden takes care of Ethan the way Bagheera, the black leopard, guarded Mowgli in the Kipling tales. Shape-shifting (Lycanthropy, if restricted to wolves) is a pervasive theme in Medieval religious belief, the biggest difference here is the romantic attraction that is developing between Aiden and Ethan, but that is a near requirement of a GA story. Your characterization and pace, WolfM are spot on and I am enjoying these tales just as much in reading them the second time as I did the first. Shape-shifting among animals other than wolves (Doc for example being a shape-shifting bear) is a rare frosting on the cake. One very small nit-picking; after all, I am (in)famous among GA authors as being the 'Old Troll', who lives undar the bridge that an author must walk across barefoot on his way to publication, and who nips at the bare toes of the author….There is no such word in English as 'anyways'. That is a slang misuse of the word 'anyway', which is acceptable English, and fits perfectly into this place in the narrative.

You have used the term 'suspension of disbelief', I prefer the idea of 'consistency with alternative facts'. Perhaps they mean the same ot similar things, but just applied in a different manner. Essentially the thrust of the statement is: as an author, set up a set of conditions, world, time, or personality of characters, and maintian/build these consistently throughout your work. 'If the moon is pink in one scenario, either it should remain pink all through the tale, or there must be some reason, expressed in the language of the story, why it turns blue in Chapter three,' and, to my mind, a character just waving his hands around and reciting some mantra, is not enough to create such a change. There is a great deal of 'magic' in striking a match (who would accept that rubbing a stick on a rough surface could produce instant flame, heat and smoke!), it is not necessary to 'suspend disbelief' to any greater extent than that. Rule Number Two: Edit, edit, edit…..Yes, characters will use defective speech patterns, slang or local accent in dialog, and that is OK as it helps to illustrate them, but 'descriptive material' is the provenance of the author and grammatical error there is extremely destructive to reader comprehension and enjoyment. Now, please notice that I spoke of 'grammatical error', NOT punctuation. Punctuation in the English language is a vast quagmire which entraps authors like the La Brea tar pits entrapped prehistoric animals. No, I am speaking primarily about homophones (words which sound alike, but have different meanings, for example: rain, rein, and reign.) Those are the easiest mistakes to make in writing and one cannot rely on a Spell-Check program to detect faults there, as, even a homophone is a good word, it is just the wrong word. Mr Will

I tried to reign in …. I tried to rein in this is a homophone and one of the most common errors an author can make. rain, reign, and rein all three are pronounced the same, but the one you want to use here is rein – a strap used to control an animal like a horse. Reign is the period of rile of a king. Mr Will

As he lied there with his eyes closed – as he lay there with his eyes closed….'Lied' is a German song. I would’ve whooped your ass – I would’ve whopped your ass….'Whoop' is a noise, a loud cry of joy or excitement. Whop, means a heavy blow or defeated completely. I so seldom find mistakes such as these in your work, that to find two of them in the same chapter indicated to me that you are ill, or perhaps sniffing some noxious substance.

Well, at least you can spell it. I recognize it but I would have to look it up to be able to spell it!!!!

I have a personal prejudice….I hate the word 'woken'. There is nothing wrong with it, I just do not like the sound. Whenever I see it I want to replace it with the word 'awakened', My hatered of that word is purely for the sound of it. Don't change it, don't avoid it, just know there is a reader out here,who dislikes that word. Mr Will

I appreciate the updates that are in the works for Member Regitration, but I am unaware as the WHEN these are to take place and, becuse on my ancient brain fharts, as to HOW to upgade my member listing. Please reply to my Email site: misterwill2@live.com so that I see your response as soon as possible, Thanks for all the effort you are putting into member needs. Mr Will

Somehow not up to the level I usually expect from Comsie stories, sorry, but I have to only give this 'coming of age' story at about 3-4 stars-

I normally am very much a fan of Comsie stories, but this one was a lottle too 'fill in the squares' for me.

This story had a slow start, but the change point was so well handled, it sort of snuck up on the reader. It screams out for a continuation as it leaves so many oppotunities for an author to develop. Excellent work, do consider a continuation M. Mr Will

This story expresses very well the reluctance of an adult who classifies himself as a 'numbers person' to break his shyness habit and enter into the gay world. Excellent Characterization, Pacing, and Description. Would rate five stars if it were an introduction to a continuing series. But, because it is a 'one-off', leaves the reader hanging a little. Mr Will

At my advanced age (88), it is interesting to see echos of the anguish that I saw in many, many friends when they elected to come out. I was blessed, I guess, as I had an advocate (my elder sister) who provided help in all the life changes I undertook. There has been only one person in my life that has been totally negative to me and that was a stepmother, whom my father married late in his life, long after I had been through all the changes most men have to go through. She was a bitch and I never could please her, so I just gave up. Fortunately Dad's second marriage was long after I was out on my own. Oh, and to the best of my knowlege, I have never been in a gay bar. Not because I avoided them, but just because my total consumption of alcohol is, on average, about one oz. per year! The story you are writing, however, is very well done and expresses the awkwardness of a numbers-man in excellent fashion. It ranks a 'well done' in all three aspects of fiction: characterization, pace, and description. Keep up the good work, you have a dedicated fan. Mr Will

Somehow, in my scattered lifetime, I never realized that the term 'Yankee' was a cuss word, but I guess in Georgia it might be. I have lived in many different parts of the US, all the way from 'upstate New York to southern Florida, Texas, Arizona, both southern and central California and Washington State. Even in such foreign climes as South Dakota and Michigan, (my father was a life-time military officer) but I never realized that in some parts of the country the word 'Yankee' might be used to describe someone of a lower class. Someone who was a fit person to be discriminated against. Oh. sure, I have heard many of the descriptive words like Gay, Black, Queer, and even some less complimentary ones, like N….., J.., S,,,,. but 'Yankee' to me, never fell into that negative class. I guess I lived a pretty sheltered life! Well, this story is set in Georgia so, I guess, even at my advanced age, I have something to learn. Mr Will

I did mention Characterization didn't I. Well, you are going about proving my point. Fleshing out characters, without overdoing it and boring the reader is a good author's skill/art. Mr Will

Your Editors, Ashken, Ender, and Kitty, are doing an excellent job. Even the 'Old Troll' has not been able to find anything of import wrong with this latest chapter of your story. That is a significant improvement over the works of (some) other Authors, which look like 3rd. Grade efforts at times. Story timing (pace) is just like juggling, it is something that, to a certain extent, can be learned, and along with characterization and description, is an essential part of a good tale. Keep up the good work, Z, while the Old Troll is snoozing under his bridge. Martial Arts is a great deal like dancing, but with a forceful move at the end of each more graceful one. Your hero has been able to slow the moves down and turn them into dance, especially by eliminating the fist or gripping twist at the end, a true distillation of the skill. I have seen on the Internet a class learning Martial Arts, all the members moving in syncronization, and it looks very much like ballet, all that is missing is the music. Mr Will

A cat with its tail slammed in the door – Is that what is known in veterinary practice as a 'de-tail'? Sorry, I give in to temptation every once in a while. Temptation is the one thing I cannot resist! Mr Will

I am living in Brazil where the time zones are different from any place in the US, (GMT+3hrs), clocks here are one hour earlier than EST. My messages to you probably hit at very odd times on your clocks. I go to sleep here at about 7.00pm, (4.00pm GMT) but sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and read (and respond to stories) at 3.00am. Just an 'Old Man trick'.

"All it takes is for good people to look the other way." Interesting thought – brings to my mind the story of the Polish residents living in the vicinity of the Nazi Death Camps. At first they complained about the smell. It was from the corpses lying in the open and unburied. After the Nazis started the ovens and burned up the corpses, the residents started to complain about the 'black snow' (ashes) that fell from the stacks of Bergen-Belsen and Auswich (sp?), but nothing was ever done about it until after the war. 'Oh, we didn't know!' Yeah, sure… Besides they were just Jews, Gypsies and Queers, anyway, were they not?

No doggie door!!!! If Bruce had a chip inserted, which I believe is a requirement for a dog on active service with the police, an electronic detector could be installed to unlock a doggie door or send some sort of break-in signal if the door was moved without an appropriate signal. Expensive, yes, but possible for Bruce.because of his police work. I have a great deal of respect for a trainer who can put so much smarts into a dog yet not kill its canine loving nature when off duty. Okay, cats are smart too, just a little more self-centered than a dog and more resistive to training. With the exception of the three minor BOO-BOOs in the last chapter – Plaudits are in order from the Old Troll for the author and the editor for doing a great job in telling a very emotionally negative and upsetting story. The charactization and pacing are right on. I am looking foreward to reading more. I do not comment on every chapter, but I know my name appears in the list of those clicking on the signature thumbs-up symbol each time. Mr Will

divided between Nikki and I -- Nikki and me keep as much of her past behind her – keep as much of her past Handle this turn of events Now considering Dr. Baby Seller's petition for parol: Involuntary Servatude, Rape, Reckless Endangerment, multiple cases, and he is petitioning for Parol? It is a shame that there is, no longer a 'burning' at the stake', if ever a man deserved that, this was such a case. No Parol, no way. Castrate him then put him in a cell with Bubba for the remainder of his life.

One of your commentors mentioned five elder brothers. I am surprised that person is still alive, no, not true, big brothers CAN be very supportive. I guess it all depends. Bare toes…. I have lived in Brazil since 2008 and possibly had flip-flops on only 3-4 times, Most often 24 hrs barefoot,,,Now my toes are soooo happy and for the first time in my life, I can see daylight between them. I love it. Your mix of a chase through the woods, an armed perp and baby slober on a uniform collar is really great. Mr Will

‘I found this humerus’ Hey, where can i get one? Mr Will

hiking with Bruce and I tomorrow?” hiking with Bruce and me tomorrow?” Object of preposition with. Remember I am (in)famous among GA aithors for being the troll who lives under the bridge that an author has to walk across barefoot on his way to publication. That said, if you object to my suggestions, I will stop, and just sit back and read, but many authors appreciate my snarky (no, semi polite) comments. How should I proceed? Mr Will