Will Hawkins

At this point in the story, I feel that Robbie is his own worst enemy; all the Canadian people, kids and adults as well, seem to be working at making him feel more comfortable with the great changes in his life. I know he is facing extreme changes, but perhaps he is being just a little too resistive to the friendly advances of his relatives and their friends. Hey, don't try to forget Tom but put him on the shelf that you reserve for your memories. The life and people you face in North America are now your life and friends, remember Tom, but remeber him, don't live in his shadow for the rest of your life. Mr Will

Of course, Dodger, your writing in this chapter took me back many.many years to a similar time in my own life. My mother was a 'heart patient' most of our life together. I was a late life arrival and was aware of her situation almost all of my young life. I learned early on such things as, when we were forced to climb a flight of stairs, she had to pause and count to five at each step. I consider myself fortunate that she lived as long as she did. I was in first year of college when she passed. She had been well enough to attend my graduation, as valedictorian of my High School Class. My outstanding memory of her final moments in the hospital at her bedside, is that I wanted to give my father a big hug and was unable to get past mom's very maternal nurse to reach him. In one sense, her passing was a relief as my elder sister stepped in and became a surrogate mom for the later years of my youth. The emotions you write about in this chapter are so spot on. They could almost be my diary for a similar period except, I had no Tom to provide me support. I am the sole remaining member of my family now and am afraid that the many passings of my nearest relatives, my mother, my father, my sister, a somewhat distant brother, and a wife (for only a short period) and numerous friends have built a wall around my heart. I now feel that everyone for whom I care in my life is gone. I know that sounds cruel and hard-hearted, but that sort of armor is a natural result of many losses. We all, who live to an advanced age, go through similar tempering, like steel in a furnace. Now my life has reached an emotional pause. I am living in Bahia, Brazil in a quiet seclusion since 2008 (for financial reasons). I don't even hear my native language very much, my partner is Portuguese (Continental) and speaks the only English I routinely hear. I am doing some creative writing and keep up on the political situation in the US by means of the internet (insert anti-Trump growl here). I do have a great deal for which to be thankful. I am in good health, except for a slight unsteadiness in walking, I have all my teeth, all my hair, and most of my marbles, so for an age of 88, I guess I am doing alright. Thank you for your creativity, Dodger, I feel I have found a late-life friend because you express the emotions I have felt in my life, so well. I have many hours of excellent reading to look forward to. Mr Will

Life has dealt Robbie with a bad hand to hold. I feel sorry for him, but some his angst is self-generated. At this moment "the system" is in complete control and that makes it hard for him. But apparently he is going to start out by dragging his heels every step of the way. His new family is going to have their hands full with his attitude. I don't envy them one bit. He has not yet even run into the language problem. Yes, I know they speak English in both Britain and Canada, but they ae really two different languages. You are doing a superior job of demonstrating his negativ attitude. The characterization is excellent and the pacing is good. Keep up the good work. I am not going to make any suggestions about grammar as I know this story has been published quite some time ago. Mr Will

I still raise the question: how old is Hunter? Does the law require his parent or guardian to be present during questioning, even though he is the injured party, the accuser, not the accused?

Itn took me all this time, but I finally got one. One what? You might ask. One grammar error I reply gleefully! Layed is what chickens do to eggs, laid is what a person does to a blanket. "He laid his jacket on the bed."

As far as the question about Hunter being interviewed by the police with people present: if I remember correctly, he is a minor and a parent or guardian must be present during police questioning. The question then becomes, why did the police not clear the remainder of the people from the room – that was a violation of 'right of privacy' laws. In re the South African doctor: graduate nurses are addressed as Sister in most (if not all?) former British Colonies. It is just a form of respectful address. We will still be faced with a trial at which Hunter will be expected to testify, but based upon the medical evidence we can add sexual assault back on the slate of charges along with kidnapping. Bubba is already rubbing his palms together while waiting for his new cell-mate.

I can see Mayson not being prosecuted for rape if Hunter does not see his way clear to testifying against him because of his reputation as far as football is concerned. So if Mayson is prosecuted it would have to be for kidnapping only as that is a prima facia case. That will please Bubba. I do not know about a suitable punishment for Mayson however. Losing his legs is a condition of karma. Maybe Bubba will step in at that point! Do states have jails suitable for double amputees? Olivia is a problem as far as the remainder of her friends are concerned….she may have earned isolation by her attitude, but I don't believe she will be treated cruelly by them, in spite of her homophobia. I am also concerned about Hunter's parents – they may just isolate themselves in 'self-rightiousness and religious biggotry', saying that Hunter got what he deserved. Religious biggots don't change their spots easily; just look at all the 'schools' and 'camps' they sponsor to make their gay children 'straighten up'. Hunter will recover from the starvation and rape physically, but something like that can scar him mentally – at best he will need counseling by professionals.

The 'other figure' in the video was Mayon. Okay then that video was just designed to keep Hunter in line as Mayon's sex slave. We now have some opportunity to straighten this web out, let's hope that Mayon eventually ends up with Bubba as a roommate, but without involving Hunter. I am glad I stuck with this story. Mr Will

Somehow I got my comment on Mayson attached to the wrong chapter. Okay, comments on Mayson's 'date rape' were appropriate, just misplaced. But, does Mayson even think Hunter would be willing if he approached him in the right manner, or is he too much of an AH to even care? Maybe Mayson's character needs a little more development. I can well understand Hunter's reluctance to follow-up on the 'date rape' concept with a report on Mayson because of the danger to his (Hunter's) football career. Mr Will

Now that you have introduced the ass-hole roommate, Mayson, into the story, I guess you have set up the conflict pattern. It took me a while to figure where the 'date-rape' drug came from but finally the open beer bottle penetrated my thick skull. It is interesting that AH roommate is into rear door gratification, but he may be off base in assuming that Hunter is not at all interested. Frequently there is something that promises to grow with familiarity, though Mayson is not a personality that one would expect to become an AH buddy. Certainly he is NOT sensitive to Hunter's needs – just drug your roommate and fuck his ass to the point of being sore, then walk off an leave him naked on the couch does not sound like a caring person to me. Mr Will

Football stories are not my usual choice for relaxed reading as too many of them fall into the same pattern, its like 'if you have read one, you have read them all.' This one, however, shows thay the author is avoiding the familiar trope of 'big hunky FB player falls in love with wimp.' So I will stick with it for a while, just to see what develops. Your pacing and characterization are very good and the lack of the childish grammar/spelling errors is a reiief. Mr. Will

Football stories are not my usual reading choice, but there is just enough twist to this one to grab my interest. The story flows nicely with excelent pacing and just enough characterization for a start. It shows the possibility of many alternate paths and I am looking forward to your development of them. Mt Will

Twenty-one years old and not a driver! That seems impossible to a North American. In the USA a young man's 16th birthday serves as a marker in his maturation as that is the age at which he can get his first Driver's Licence. In some states he can get a permit to drive with a licenced driver in the other seat at 15-1/2. Mr Will

She was relly nice – She was realy nice (Misspelling)

'Coming out' is a process, not an event First, we must 'come out' to ourselves, then to family, friends, and finally to the world. As an old man (87), I have 'come out' many different times in my life, but the first admission (to self) is probably the hardest, though for a young man, parents are a great stumbling block as one depends upon them so much. It is a process that should never even exist! If I am gay and fall in love with another man, why does that damage the straight community so much. Is it not really a personal matter, one that affects only me and the man I love? Unfortunately that is all too often untrue….the straights seem to regard my being gay as a threat to their masculinity, much like a black man is a threat to their 'whiteness'. Mr Will

One issue with the comments (not with the story), these are both MEN not teenagers. It may be a teenage shyness, but it is a very serious and meaningful step forward in life. Mr Will

A handsome man walks into a gay bar… Sounds like the opening line for a bad joke. But in this case, it might be the opening line for a good story. Mr Will.

Daddy Mark is showing all the things that are wrong with many oriental races – he acts like a dominant male in his own home. This is true of the Muslim races as well – the male is by right and law the dominant person in any relationship, especially in his own family. Neither wife, nor sons, with the possible exception of Number One son has anything to say in the household. This is so sad, especially where the husband/father is not competant to rule the roost. For hundreds of years that was even true of the English Monarchy. The crown, no matter how badly it fitted was always worn by the king. It is only in the last several hundreds of years that a Queen ruled Britain. I believe Victoria was the first modern one, though there were some strong Anglo-Saxon Queens way back in history. Mr Will

Intresting scientific fact: how to tell a wolf from a dog. True, both wolves and dogs are members of the canine family, but they are only closely related, not as close as man and chimpanze, which are both members of the hominid family. A wolf carries his tail down between his hind legs and a dog carries his tail raised up like a flag (unless he has done something wrong and is ashamed or embarrassed). Mr Will

Yes, an author should follow the regulations as far as publishing chapters are concerned. Urging them to publish at an accelerated rate might violate the publishing rules. So, Author, publish at an approved rate and keep your readership current, but do not violate the rules, we can wait. Mr Will

I am sure rhat it is euther my stupidity or my infamiliarity with the history behind these chapters, but I remain quite confused about the relationships between the three principal characters. I can only hope that, as I read on, things will become more clear. Mr Will

I have the feeling we are aiming D'gar for something different – maybe a command position. He certainly seems suited for one, emotionally. Mr Will

It seems to me that Zelna must have been born to a family with no brothers – her shyness and innocence would not have lasted long if there were one or more elder brothers around to teach her to swim and help her overcome her shyness about being seen 'au natuaral'. This is a good recommendation for having more than one child in a family, especially if the children are of both sexes and nearly the same age so they grow up together. I was personally not that fortunate, my elder brother was enough years beyond me that he was out of the home before I came along. My advocate with my family was my sister. True, she was several years older than was I as well, but she provided me with a great deal of help in getting along with school mates and especially with my father. I will always be grateful to her for her help, especially with 'family' relationships. Mr Will

"he peaked out of the tree" – Don't you mean 'he peeked out of the tree', ah homophones, there are just too damn many of them in English! Sime lexicographers list abiut 400, other experts seem to find thousands, but they include ´near homophones'. I have often wondered if that is because the Rnglish language is a child of so many different language parents – everything from Norse to Latin and Greek. oncluding German and French. The two men I am currently sharing a home with are Portuguese speakers (one from Brazil and one Continetal), fortunately one of them has a good command of English, too, otherwise I would be stuck as my foreigm languages are German abd a tiny bit of French.

We just had seasones rice with pieces of octopus and peeled shrimp for lunch. It is great living so close to the ocean – we can have seafood at any time. Mr Will