shadowgod

Beh, I have a boatload - it seems- of stuff to do and no motivation to get them done. To compound matters, if I do have the motivation to get them done other things simply get in the way. On the lacking motivation side - I want to get a general redesign of my site here at GA done, coupled with a redesign of my personal website. I'd even like to get my writing up on my personal site, replace some of the older out-date. The GA redesign is mostly going to be behind the scenes stuff, as I am rather pleased with the site design. I'd also like to implement some php, but I really don't want to mess with the in chapter navigation. Somehow a chapter listing at the bottom of a chapter doesn't appeal to my sense of design, I much prefer the arrows that link back to the previous chapter and forward to the next. Any thoughts? Beyond my site I have some general maintenance stuff I have had on the schedule for the the last few weeks. I need to move forward with that before the respective Authors go all lynch mob on me. :wacko: Emails: I have about six or seven emails to respond to. I'm a bad author in that respect, but most of my interaction with you guys happens hear on the board, and even though I have been writing for a number of years I think I have only received less than 50 emails. That number downgrades vastly if you take out the number that turned into pleasant email exchanges. So yes I have emails that have been sitting in my inbox for well over six weeks. I know they are there and I'm planning on responding, so don't give up hope yet. I'm really not that much of an ungrateful dick. DnCW Chapter 7: Where to begin? Its moving along, nicely now that I have beaten various characters into their respective roles. For a while there they were running around doing whatever they wanted. No bueno! Here's a big hint to all you budding authors out there; don't start a story unless you know how its going to end. I mean KNOW, I started and I had three possible outcomes. I've narrowed it down to two, and depending on my mood one looks better then the other, but neither is a stand out favorite at the moment. Perhaps this is why the characters are running around doing what the hell they want eh? I've had a birthday card in my possession for the last 7 days. Every time I think I find a moment to finish addressing it something wonderful and marvelous happens, and I never get it addressed, let alone in the mail box. Is it bad to send a birthday card a few days too late? beh I should go do that now, hopefully if I mail it today they'll have it by Friday. Steve

Its a devastating thing. It grows silently, using your own resources against you. Masquerading as other maladies until it is finally discovered. When it is found, it is almost universally cut out. Some people are resilient to it's removal, even though the cancer takes some of them along with it. Others, are just not strong enough: the disease is wound too tightly into their bones; into their foundations. Still the best option is to get rid of it before it has a chance to spread further and infect more, even if the ultimate outcome is known at the time of its removal. Thats is the better side of human nature, to do whatever we can to preserve life, even if we know that life cannot be sustained for any reasonable amount of time. And when our loved one, our friend, even our respected peer falls victim to such a disease the response is universal. We don't cheer, we mourn the loss of what was, and most certainly what could have been. That is probably the most tragic thing. A good friend of mine once wrote "...dreams die the hardest death of all." those words, the tragedy and bitter reality they convey impressed beyond words when I first read them. They still do today. It's a hard lesson to learn, one that was re-taught to us all over the last week. Dreams are supposed to be resilient, instead they are like butterfly wings. Beautiful and magnificent, yet so fragile the simplest aggressive touch will render them useless. I am cryptic, I know I am. It is by design. I don't think this is so cryptic that a number of people won't know what I am talking about. If you don't move on I'll post again shortly. If you do however, know this, you're welcome here. None of us envy what you have lost in the last week, and we all know it could have very well happened the other way around. So if you feel up to stopping in and saying hi, or whatever. Let me be the first to say, welcome and welcome back. To the person, who suffered the broken butterfly wings... I have always looked up to you, respected you beyond some of the decisions I didn't agree with. Here's to your next metamorphosis, I hope you come through stronger and more beautiful then before. Steve

Nope, just stating and clarifying the facts before the goat can skew and twist them to his nefarious means. In spite of all he tries to blame me for, I still wuv him. Strictly platonic of course... goats just don't fire my engines, sadly.

just one caveat oh great GOAT. I decided not to push that off on poor unsuspecting readers So, while I may have come up with the concept, I never put it to use

BONDWRITER!!!!! you missed the perfect opportunity to use

I never admitted to "tampering" with chapters! The whole confuse the readers between a hospital and funeral home thing was an Idea I had for LiS several months ago. It never materialized so CJ asked if he could use it. I told him sure. see no tampering! Steve

To save CJ joy of explaining this I will. the whole scene was inspired by something I had in mind for the end of LiS... It was one of millions of plot ideas that get scrapped for one reason or another. Cj found a way to use it. So yes in a way it is this So. Cal hunk's fault, at least this time

? = 42 = number of chapters yet to go till Eric finds his true love... again. Whereas C James' Forum = insanity

naturally

I learned something very important for the future from this past Saturday. I could never deal with a man who had elephantiasis. I scored third in mini golf, dead last in bowling... the six year old even beat me. Thus I just wont be able to deal with a man who has large... yeah

42

no no no ? = 42

42

I third... All in favor say I

I fear saying anything at all... then again the goat will only blame me.

Apparently I am a bitter, short tempered, person. Personally i find it remarkable that someone who usually doesn't say much of anything at all could be bitter and short tempered. I'll admit it freely I have some odd quirks. I don't do repetition all too well, thus I find KC and the Sunshine band highly offensive, but also Bone, Thugs, and Harmony as well. I know there is a great divide between those two. One is 70's disco the other 90's rap or hip hop, or whatever that genre calls itself these days. However they both only use like three lines of lyrics and repeate them over and over for several minutes. I don't like repeating myself, I mean come on common courtesy dictates that you listen to a person you are talking with. If I have to repeat myself that is a failure on the other persons part for not listening, period. Once is okay, but more then that starts grating on what little patience I have. This whole phenomena seems to be at its worst when I am on a phone call with my Cousin; "What?" seems to be his favorite response. Add in the fact that when he does call it isn't once, but usually three or four times in a span of thirty minutes. I really do not look forward to his calls, in fact I groan when I see his name on the caller ID. I also don't like to be asked the same question thirty times. I heard you I answered, you were to busy bitching about something else to comprehend the answer. Once again your fault not mine. I don't care what you make for dinner. Food is preferable. better yet, I'm a grown freaking man if you decide not to make anything thats fine I am able to fend for myself. The last thing I have little use for is bitching... By all means if you have an honest gripe bitch away its healthy. However, if your bitching for the sake of bitching alone; do us all a favor and just STFU. Moaning about crap you can not change isn't healthy. I suggest you get to the root of the matter that is really bothering you and work on that. Stop crying because your persecuted and picked on. So yeah any combination of those three things will put a damper in my mood, facing all of them continuously on a daily basis is going to annoy me to a point where I might say something. If you want to perceive my honest complaint and pleas for you to cease and desist as me being bitter and short tempered... well so be it. Just remember while your thinking that, that some days the sound of your voice is akin to nails languishingly scratching down a blackboard. yeah that feels better Steve

I couldn't agree more Vic, I too have heard financial difficulties was one of the top reasons for relationship failure. However, I'm not looking to buy a house or a car with anyone for sometime. Ideally the relationship would be a few years old before that even came up (Housing market is crap out here right now anyhow ) I also understand that you were speaking in terms of everything being a done deal. My mind just doesn't work that way, I can speculate and posture about my perfect guy all I want, but with out living it and experiencing it, its hard for me to say forever. Steve

So there is a post in the forums asking for people to describe the perfect guy. Thats a bit of a stumbling point. What is a perfect guy? Does one even exist? If he does, and we met would I just get so fed up with his perfection that he would seem, to me, no longer perfect? The stigmata of perfection aside, what am I looking for in my ideal guy? Good looks are a plus, the specifics? well I'm not that picky, even if I have a slight preference for darker hair, also he shouldn't overly hairy, or at least well practiced in keeping the jungle in check. He should have a sense of humor, and a bit of a wild side. Affectionate is nice, but I want a guy who is comfortable and self confidant in his own right. Someone who doesn't need to hang all over me to reassure himself that we are together. I am all for PDA's, its just not an environment I was brought up in. My family isn't now nor have they ever been overly huggy or whatever. He should like the outdoors, camping and preferably dirt bike riding. I like them, and would definitely want to do more of them. I just don't have anyone to indulge in these activities with. There was mention of compassion... Not a big deal to me, but I suppose one of us should be compassionate, to a degree. There was also talk of a good credit score... WTF? is that really necessary? we're not filing for a loan together. My credit isn't as great as it could be. Sure I can trace that problem back to its genesis with a fair amount of certainty. However, just because my score isn't 760 doesn't mean I am here to mooch off of you. Any rate until things got well and serious I'd prefer keeping separate bank accounts anyhow. Above everything else though, they should be attracted to for who I am, not who I could, or should, be. Just as I should be attracted to them for who they are. Life is shit, its the un-perfect souls we choose to share the journey with that make it worthwhile. Steve

we just couldnt have that now could we?

Let's say you have this person you consider a friend, even though the last time you communicated with them, it didn't end up so well. In fact let's just say they never replied back. Now you notice another person warming up to this person you consider a friend, offering unsolicited, but by all means welcome, advice. Do you warn the friend off? Do you tell them about the odd ways of this new person? Do you tell friend that all he has to do is disagree with the new person once and the new person will regard him an enemy? Do you mention to this friend that this person has an odd habit of purchasing porn for his "friends". Do you do anything at all? Especially when you have told this friend in the past you'd be willing to read anything they wrote; only to be told they were too busy to write. Then you find they have been writing like mad... Still do you say "We had a difference of opinion last time we spoke. But your new friend, he is bad news." Do you?

How hard will it be to convince Joe that he needs to add that picture to the newsletter??

I'm an introverted Kinda guy. I don't mean to be, just kind of turned out that way. thats not the reason for this little rant however. Sometimes it feels like the past decade has been wasted. Wasted waiting, or merely floating through life with no particular aim. I guess that is the bane of the tail edge of Generation X, a complete lack of motivation. As I have stated in earlier blogs I'm tired of feeling ... lost in the world. I want something more then the prospects of another dead end job. I'm willing to work for that, and I am, however I also suffer from the dreaded instant gratification thing. While the JR college is all well and good, I'd rather be at the university, but I know I need to work towards that. I may have stumbled in the last semester. I need to redouble my efforts and keep pushing towards the end I want. What happens then, I dunno. I don't know whats happening tomorrow, much less five years from now. I should, as what i am doing today is pretty much the same as I was doing five years ago. God I hope that isn't in the future. I'd do almost anything, even take up offers of free plane tickets up north! I just don't feel like I should be teetering on the edge of thirty. I have nothing to show for the last decade, save for the great people I have met through GA and other means. Then hearing of their lives and in some cases being invited into them and experiencing them first hand, I can't suppress the feeling that I unlike my peers just haven't opened my arms to the experience that is life. Instead I've subconsciously sheltered myself from it. In fact I have at some level taken great steps to avoid life at all costs. A friend has called me a shut in. I sometimes wonder about the lingering truth of that statement. I wonder if tomorrow holds the escape that I have thus far denied myself, and in all the wondering I never take the step out of the shell of a life I do have. I never make my escape. Steve

Happy Birthday Greg, do yourself a favor and run screaming from the books, at least for today Steve

I do believe he was referring to Benji there Steve #2, Joel has yet to be exposed to me. I figured it was high time we amended that particular faux pas. Welcome to GA Joel!

Would not, Walt was dead before major construction of Disney world Started. Roy on the other hand... Not to mention this is completely irrelevant anyhow