shadowgod

The cock wasn't discussed. However, true to my form I failed to even notice it, it was pointed out to me by Viv. And I wonder why I'm still single... My oblivion is painfully obvious sometimes.

I dunno Drewbie, its hard to report anything bad about the "golden boy". I sincerely hope that isn't the case howevere

They do exist. They bloom in soil you have long thought infertile. It's no secret that I can not count a majority of the members of my family in that column, for now, but I was surprised to learn of a change of heart on the part of one family member whom I value. He has long been homophobic, even paranoid of a sort. It seems however, slow integration, and realization, has tempered his fear and misunderstanding. I can not attest to the process being complete, but he is thankful for my cousin, and thankful for the girl she finally found and settled down with. I wonder if one day he will be as accommodating for me. If he will be thankful for the person I choose to live the rest of my life with. I guess only time holds the ultimate answer to that absent musing, and in her way will reveal the answer when she deems appropriate. I just hope, when that time is upon me, that more than he stand for my happiness. In other news... I visited with Steve#2 (wildone) on Sunday. We had dinner with Viv and totally failed at mini-golf, again. It doesn't seem possible, it shouldn't be right. So in lue of put-put'ing, and Viv subsequently having to flee one of my errant puts, we plotted against the evil consortium CBOATS. It was good time, and in true "family" fashion we dined by the large cock. No I'm not explaining it, I'll let your dirty lil' mind wander where it will... 6 weeks and counting ... until then you know where I am Steve

I have but one thing to say to that... Pfft!

are you going to impersonate Sonja?

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just being random and throwing this out there.... couldnt the person in the doorway just be a transient? Saw pleanty of them at the bart station/info center in union square a year ago

CJ, you want to talk about misdirection.... perhaps I should attach the original word file where you added Stygian Its rather hypocritical to accuse someone of misdirection and then use the tactic you you you four legged politico! PS you guys aren't helping your two separate people clause by posting in rapid succession... I pose one more piece of evidence. CJ was supposed to go to Dallas 2008. but he didn't, Benji did. Coincidence... Maybe. but they both hail from the desert.

it was a story concerning big male dog versus small female dog and stretched.... yeah

This sounds amazingly like something CJ said in a conversation last week.... CJ and Benji .... CBOATS!!!!! (for those of you who don't know the etymology of this acronym--the very few-- Cj and Benji One and the Same)

hrmmm.... What do you want to know?

Beh.... So I did worse then I had anticipated. Somewhere around the D mark on Friday. To be honest I am at that point where I just want to give the whole school thing my middle finger and be done with it. Meh... I'm frustrated that it is taking so long... I'm frustrated that its gonna take even longer. I'm suffering from a whole Veruca Salt moment. That whole "I want it now!" thing. Hopefully this character lapse doesn't make me a bad nut... its just. Yeah. I dropped the Math class cause I was afraid sticking in it was going to drag down my GPA. Now I'm stuck in this history class that I know is going to drag down my GPA, and its shit. I dunno why I'm not doing better, I listen to the lecture. I read the book. Yet somehow this Nazi manages to ask questions on the most obscure detail he can imagine. It's like he has designed his stupid class for everyone to fail and its just... frustrating. On the brighter side... it is done with and gone in about six weeks. Christmas is in seven weeks In eight weeks I'm taking a few extra days off of work... In eight weeks things are gonna be better So I shall solider on, get through this crappy semester, and look forward to the next being better. I set goals a year ago... I was worried about not acheiving them, or having to change them. Now... Now I'm okay with those goals changing for the right reason. Steve OH yeah I have ctrl back... only took 24 hours to boot. HP service rocks!

that isn't the snail trail one is it?

Thats all it takes... or maybe seven the details become sketchy when dealing with Patron and Jose Cuervo... I skipped out on class last night. I had to gather the laptop delete some FTP accounts so no unauthorized access happened. Plus I just deleted all the files and pictures I had on the drive. Better that way, who needs nosy techs snooping through a persons stuff? So yeah as I was about to box it up, having whispered sweet nothings, windows decided it was high time to install vista service pack 1. So I let it do its thing, while my desktop was busy transferring a large file. I got caught up in watching some show on the history channel, and eventually fell asleep. Sometime, as I was mucking around with computers my little sister thought it was high time to go over to my cousins house to watch movies. They didn't movies... instead in their combined wisdom, they found the lure of Tequila more alluring. My ass started to vibrate at 7:00pm. It was my cousin. I ignored the call, because honestly I'm tired of dealing with her computer illiteracy. That did not deter her however. She called the house. They were both drunk, I needed to walk over there to walk my sister back home safely. Last night she got all introspective... the two of them apparently talked about some heavy shit. Skeletons best left buried deep in the family closet. Nothing good ever comes from expeditions there. Last night they talked about an uncle, and the things he did, and the people he did them to. Bloated with this courage she asked if he ever... me. She hinted if that's possibly why I am the way I am. No he didn't... I am just me. A person doesn't have to be broken to be attracted to the same sex. She doesn't need to look for a reason... I just am. The whole stilted walk home was this overbearing drunken conversation that made allusions and innuendos and pissed me the hell off. I don't need to look at my past to know the way to my future... I just need a row boat. I don't need to think back on cousins that are dead and gone... I just need to look forward to the people I will meet. I don't need to dig into the darkness that infects my families past. I don't want to know about it. I don't want to discuss it. I just want to look forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow is brighter than any dark closet can ever be.

Look forward to tomorrow. Look forward to again seeing the smile and amazement burning in thirty pairs of young eyes. There is no compromise there kid. No other shoe waiting to drop then. Just a group of kids who wear their feeling on their sleeve. Do whatever it takes to get there, get paid for it or don't. The thrill it gives you makes it all worth it... no matter what other shit life wants to toss your way. When she does, puff out your chest, stare her in the eye and say "more" Life likes to break people. She thrills in it. When she learns that you wont go so quietly, she'll move on to better prospects

So Halloween was interesting this year... There was class, which was moved into a lecture hall instead of the normal classroom it is held in. It was moved on account of potential noise due to a "Haunted Valley" Thing the student council was throwing on campus last night. It looked interesting from what I saw of it. Kind of an alternative for families as a safe alternative to trick-r-treating. More on the safe part in a moment.... There where a number of booths setup for the kids in full regalia to go around trick-r-treating. A haunted house, and a BBQ from what I saw during the ten minute break from class. Class was, well about as great as a class from 6-9:23 on a Friday night. No one in my study group save for me showed up... which was annoying. Even more annoying was the fact that two of the girls sent me text messages asking for copies of the notes last night. Yay I get to transcribe and email! Fun... on the other hand I should Ace this damn test Take that you bitter Edu-nazi!! Anyhow, by the time class let out the Haunted Valley thing was done and gone, relegated to a series of black garbage bags and a few scattered stacks of collapsible tables that a pair of cats where busily rearranging. From class it was off to the Movies and an 11:30 showing of Zack and Miri make a porno. I know Kevin Smith has a die hard following... I know a few members here that are counted gladly in that number. In fact he is the only guy my sister said she will screw on personality alone... That said the movie was good... Funny... however not something I'd go and see again. I dunno, I just don't get sick humor and one scene certainly fell into that category. Yeah just, well check it out. What's more interesting was the 7 cop cars that zoomed down the street in front of the reserve base as we were leaving to the show. Apparently they, plus about 13 others, were all heading to my neighborhood. More interestingly a block away from my house. There was a scuffle, two people got shot... one didn't live. I wonder if there will ever come a time when people don't take stupid shit and escalate it to a point where life is lost. It just seems so ... stupid. Sure, we could take away guns and stem the violence that way, but not having a gun isn't going to stop people being blinded by some stupid boiling rage. Its just dumb The police had the neighborhood sealed when I got home at 2am. Had to park around the corner. A cop escorted My sister and I to our front door. lets hope Thanksgiving is better... We all have at least one thing to look forward to. Life is grand sometimes, and sometimes its bland. We just need to remember in those bad times that we have something the 19 year old down the street no longer has. Steve

HEY!!! The truth is out now, This is why everyone is gambling in $5 incriments... and mike HUSH!

double *thwap* However I can relate... but Eric, focus on the good, and tackle the shit when it happens, don't keep expecting it to jump out at you from the next corner

Sunday afternoon as I was getting Tiff squard away in her new Hosted Status, and generally annoying anyone I could get ahold of on MSN the left hand ctrl button on my laptop popped off. I was annoyed to say the least. Missing buttons look ugly and ghetto. To say the least... Really I was more concerned with the asthetic more than I was any function. Then I got to realizing how much I use that damn key for cut and paste... Anyhow I did some quick research... this is how you replace said button, this is how you replace keyboard. So, at worst it was going to be a few screws and a ribbon cable. No big deal right? Wrong first of all acctually finding a way to order the part from HP is nightmareish, Not to mention they want you to input your computer model number on every other page. After an hour of looking, and discovering that it wouldn't let me order the damn part, and another few hours futzing with the key to try and make it go back on... I settled on having to make a warrenty claim. I finnaly sent HP an email yesterday. They responded. The keyboard is one unit, as such they do not service a single key, instead they swap out the whole keyboard. Now seeing as the keyboard is an internal componate, the swap has to be performed by trianed service personel. They are sending me a service tag. I have to ship them my laptop for repair. This distresses me. Especialy as they said I need to back up all files on the laptop, as pert of the service requires them performing a restore. I don't want them to resotre it. I just want them to swap the keyboard and send it back. What does restoring the hard drive have to do with a missing Ctrl button? Is the key going to magically reappear if they do a restore?? No. So yeah I am less than thrilled I'm going to be relegated to the Celeron laptop for 5-10 days... Its slow. I booted it up last night for the first time in a year or so. I'm going to have to do a resotre on that machine just for it to be operable. Which is, yeah not fun. Speaking of, I have to do the same thing to the desktop. It could use a little freshening as well. Anyhow, the end run out of all of this is I am going to be without a great computer for a while. I'm going to be without word for a while, much less the ability to code or upload chapters. In other news... I need to clean more then the hard drives on my systems. Shakespere is... dialogue pretty much. History is still history to which I get to take notes for a group-mate who won't be there this friday (yes class on Holloween) and email them to her. I dunno how I am going to pull that off just yet, given my Ctrl problem. December is going to be great! Steve

CONGRATS TIFF!!! Welcome to the club Steve

I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid. I'm afraid I'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill I'm afraid I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be how it was two weeks ago. I'm afraid I'll listen to my brain when it tells my heart to shut up, again.

It didnt sound like he was having way too much fun... well maybe he was in the sense of Joe April Fools day joke....

Speaking the truth to Evil? Hrmm I always likened you to that little devil you always see sitting on characters shoulders. Says the goat to the shadow. "Do it, do it, do it, DO IT.... I dare you..."

Sok I can deal with being unnecessarily anal However he already relented and opted for whisky over bourbon, so it may be a moot point anyhow

I've been exposed to poetry lately. Not that I am uncultured, or anything. I just don't regularly partake of the stuff. Anyhow a few have caught my eye, and you guys should look into them if you get the chance. To an Athlete Dying Young - A.E. Housman (I'm probably going to buy a book of his poetry, I enjoyed this poem so much) Piazza Piece - John Crowe Ransom Not Waving but Drowning - Stevie Smith The last poem was discussed recently. Hearing it read, seeing it through the eyes of the person the analyzed the poem, was probably more powerful then the poem itself. After all Not Waving but Drowning is only three short stanza's long. The impact of those three stanza's however... I don't react to emotion, rather I am not ruled by emotion. I don't get caught up in emotion. I have this distance that shields me from the moment. that is not to say I don't feel emotion, just there is some odd delay. A self timer that knows when to be stoic, and when to let go of everything and anything. That said, sitting in class and listening to a man try valiantly to control the emotion his voice betrays... To hear pain and sadness bubble up to the surface as it did. I felt for him. It's good to be assured I'm not as cold as I sometimes feel. But this begs the question: is being reserved a flaw? Can you approach something with a measure of caution, but still look forward to it more than you look forward to your next breath? Is suppressing the urge to jump into something headfirst in favor of being careful and protective smart? Or is it just surrendering to fear? And while I am asking esoteric questions... Why does the world have to be so damn big? Steve