shadowgod

hrmmm.... What do you want to know?

Beh.... So I did worse then I had anticipated. Somewhere around the D mark on Friday. To be honest I am at that point where I just want to give the whole school thing my middle finger and be done with it. Meh... I'm frustrated that it is taking so long... I'm frustrated that its gonna take even longer. I'm suffering from a whole Veruca Salt moment. That whole "I want it now!" thing. Hopefully this character lapse doesn't make me a bad nut... its just. Yeah. I dropped the Math class cause I was afraid sticking in it was going to drag down my GPA. Now I'm stuck in this history class that I know is going to drag down my GPA, and its shit. I dunno why I'm not doing better, I listen to the lecture. I read the book. Yet somehow this Nazi manages to ask questions on the most obscure detail he can imagine. It's like he has designed his stupid class for everyone to fail and its just... frustrating. On the brighter side... it is done with and gone in about six weeks. Christmas is in seven weeks In eight weeks I'm taking a few extra days off of work... In eight weeks things are gonna be better So I shall solider on, get through this crappy semester, and look forward to the next being better. I set goals a year ago... I was worried about not acheiving them, or having to change them. Now... Now I'm okay with those goals changing for the right reason. Steve OH yeah I have ctrl back... only took 24 hours to boot. HP service rocks!

that isn't the snail trail one is it?

Thats all it takes... or maybe seven the details become sketchy when dealing with Patron and Jose Cuervo... I skipped out on class last night. I had to gather the laptop delete some FTP accounts so no unauthorized access happened. Plus I just deleted all the files and pictures I had on the drive. Better that way, who needs nosy techs snooping through a persons stuff? So yeah as I was about to box it up, having whispered sweet nothings, windows decided it was high time to install vista service pack 1. So I let it do its thing, while my desktop was busy transferring a large file. I got caught up in watching some show on the history channel, and eventually fell asleep. Sometime, as I was mucking around with computers my little sister thought it was high time to go over to my cousins house to watch movies. They didn't movies... instead in their combined wisdom, they found the lure of Tequila more alluring. My ass started to vibrate at 7:00pm. It was my cousin. I ignored the call, because honestly I'm tired of dealing with her computer illiteracy. That did not deter her however. She called the house. They were both drunk, I needed to walk over there to walk my sister back home safely. Last night she got all introspective... the two of them apparently talked about some heavy shit. Skeletons best left buried deep in the family closet. Nothing good ever comes from expeditions there. Last night they talked about an uncle, and the things he did, and the people he did them to. Bloated with this courage she asked if he ever... me. She hinted if that's possibly why I am the way I am. No he didn't... I am just me. A person doesn't have to be broken to be attracted to the same sex. She doesn't need to look for a reason... I just am. The whole stilted walk home was this overbearing drunken conversation that made allusions and innuendos and pissed me the hell off. I don't need to look at my past to know the way to my future... I just need a row boat. I don't need to think back on cousins that are dead and gone... I just need to look forward to the people I will meet. I don't need to dig into the darkness that infects my families past. I don't want to know about it. I don't want to discuss it. I just want to look forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow is brighter than any dark closet can ever be.

Look forward to tomorrow. Look forward to again seeing the smile and amazement burning in thirty pairs of young eyes. There is no compromise there kid. No other shoe waiting to drop then. Just a group of kids who wear their feeling on their sleeve. Do whatever it takes to get there, get paid for it or don't. The thrill it gives you makes it all worth it... no matter what other shit life wants to toss your way. When she does, puff out your chest, stare her in the eye and say "more" Life likes to break people. She thrills in it. When she learns that you wont go so quietly, she'll move on to better prospects

So Halloween was interesting this year... There was class, which was moved into a lecture hall instead of the normal classroom it is held in. It was moved on account of potential noise due to a "Haunted Valley" Thing the student council was throwing on campus last night. It looked interesting from what I saw of it. Kind of an alternative for families as a safe alternative to trick-r-treating. More on the safe part in a moment.... There where a number of booths setup for the kids in full regalia to go around trick-r-treating. A haunted house, and a BBQ from what I saw during the ten minute break from class. Class was, well about as great as a class from 6-9:23 on a Friday night. No one in my study group save for me showed up... which was annoying. Even more annoying was the fact that two of the girls sent me text messages asking for copies of the notes last night. Yay I get to transcribe and email! Fun... on the other hand I should Ace this damn test Take that you bitter Edu-nazi!! Anyhow, by the time class let out the Haunted Valley thing was done and gone, relegated to a series of black garbage bags and a few scattered stacks of collapsible tables that a pair of cats where busily rearranging. From class it was off to the Movies and an 11:30 showing of Zack and Miri make a porno. I know Kevin Smith has a die hard following... I know a few members here that are counted gladly in that number. In fact he is the only guy my sister said she will screw on personality alone... That said the movie was good... Funny... however not something I'd go and see again. I dunno, I just don't get sick humor and one scene certainly fell into that category. Yeah just, well check it out. What's more interesting was the 7 cop cars that zoomed down the street in front of the reserve base as we were leaving to the show. Apparently they, plus about 13 others, were all heading to my neighborhood. More interestingly a block away from my house. There was a scuffle, two people got shot... one didn't live. I wonder if there will ever come a time when people don't take stupid shit and escalate it to a point where life is lost. It just seems so ... stupid. Sure, we could take away guns and stem the violence that way, but not having a gun isn't going to stop people being blinded by some stupid boiling rage. Its just dumb The police had the neighborhood sealed when I got home at 2am. Had to park around the corner. A cop escorted My sister and I to our front door. lets hope Thanksgiving is better... We all have at least one thing to look forward to. Life is grand sometimes, and sometimes its bland. We just need to remember in those bad times that we have something the 19 year old down the street no longer has. Steve

HEY!!! The truth is out now, This is why everyone is gambling in $5 incriments... and mike HUSH!

double *thwap* However I can relate... but Eric, focus on the good, and tackle the shit when it happens, don't keep expecting it to jump out at you from the next corner

Sunday afternoon as I was getting Tiff squard away in her new Hosted Status, and generally annoying anyone I could get ahold of on MSN the left hand ctrl button on my laptop popped off. I was annoyed to say the least. Missing buttons look ugly and ghetto. To say the least... Really I was more concerned with the asthetic more than I was any function. Then I got to realizing how much I use that damn key for cut and paste... Anyhow I did some quick research... this is how you replace said button, this is how you replace keyboard. So, at worst it was going to be a few screws and a ribbon cable. No big deal right? Wrong first of all acctually finding a way to order the part from HP is nightmareish, Not to mention they want you to input your computer model number on every other page. After an hour of looking, and discovering that it wouldn't let me order the damn part, and another few hours futzing with the key to try and make it go back on... I settled on having to make a warrenty claim. I finnaly sent HP an email yesterday. They responded. The keyboard is one unit, as such they do not service a single key, instead they swap out the whole keyboard. Now seeing as the keyboard is an internal componate, the swap has to be performed by trianed service personel. They are sending me a service tag. I have to ship them my laptop for repair. This distresses me. Especialy as they said I need to back up all files on the laptop, as pert of the service requires them performing a restore. I don't want them to resotre it. I just want them to swap the keyboard and send it back. What does restoring the hard drive have to do with a missing Ctrl button? Is the key going to magically reappear if they do a restore?? No. So yeah I am less than thrilled I'm going to be relegated to the Celeron laptop for 5-10 days... Its slow. I booted it up last night for the first time in a year or so. I'm going to have to do a resotre on that machine just for it to be operable. Which is, yeah not fun. Speaking of, I have to do the same thing to the desktop. It could use a little freshening as well. Anyhow, the end run out of all of this is I am going to be without a great computer for a while. I'm going to be without word for a while, much less the ability to code or upload chapters. In other news... I need to clean more then the hard drives on my systems. Shakespere is... dialogue pretty much. History is still history to which I get to take notes for a group-mate who won't be there this friday (yes class on Holloween) and email them to her. I dunno how I am going to pull that off just yet, given my Ctrl problem. December is going to be great! Steve

I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid. I'm afraid I'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill I'm afraid I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be how it was two weeks ago. I'm afraid I'll listen to my brain when it tells my heart to shut up, again.

Sok I can deal with being unnecessarily anal However he already relented and opted for whisky over bourbon, so it may be a moot point anyhow

I've been exposed to poetry lately. Not that I am uncultured, or anything. I just don't regularly partake of the stuff. Anyhow a few have caught my eye, and you guys should look into them if you get the chance. To an Athlete Dying Young - A.E. Housman (I'm probably going to buy a book of his poetry, I enjoyed this poem so much) Piazza Piece - John Crowe Ransom Not Waving but Drowning - Stevie Smith The last poem was discussed recently. Hearing it read, seeing it through the eyes of the person the analyzed the poem, was probably more powerful then the poem itself. After all Not Waving but Drowning is only three short stanza's long. The impact of those three stanza's however... I don't react to emotion, rather I am not ruled by emotion. I don't get caught up in emotion. I have this distance that shields me from the moment. that is not to say I don't feel emotion, just there is some odd delay. A self timer that knows when to be stoic, and when to let go of everything and anything. That said, sitting in class and listening to a man try valiantly to control the emotion his voice betrays... To hear pain and sadness bubble up to the surface as it did. I felt for him. It's good to be assured I'm not as cold as I sometimes feel. But this begs the question: is being reserved a flaw? Can you approach something with a measure of caution, but still look forward to it more than you look forward to your next breath? Is suppressing the urge to jump into something headfirst in favor of being careful and protective smart? Or is it just surrendering to fear? And while I am asking esoteric questions... Why does the world have to be so damn big? Steve

how threatening is a lawyer and an accountant riding up the side of a mountain? Not very. I submit that they in fact where not in pursuit of our heroes... (who via their scooter where in fact the first appearance of any bike in any of CJ's Stories, and therefore of his own doing and not mine) Sorry intrepid pm'er you had you facts a little wrangled... Go check FtL and get back to us with your conclusion. OH and check your California champagne label again.. I bet you it says California Sparkling white wine

I stand by my assertion, Champaign only comes from the champaign region of France, the same bubbly concoction from elsewhere is merely sparkling white wine... Same too hails true for Dijon mustard. If it doesnt come from Dijon its not Dijon mustard. Just because a handful of distilleries outside of Bourbon county claim to produce bourbon... it is not bourbon. As for the motorcycle connection. HA we both know I would never have anything to do with a Harley. Too many Doctor and Lawyer types being weekend rebels on those things. Plus, I dunno the whole thought of their multi-billion dollar merchandising campaign. Can one really be a rebel when their logo is emblazoned on a onesie? I Think NOT

When in doubt read the label... Old No. 7 Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey

Hate to rain on your parade my dearest goat Jack Daniels is NOT Bourbon. For a concrete explanation Google Bourbon. Doing so you will find that Bourbon only comes from Bourbon County Kentucky, NOT Lynchburg Tennessee. Sorry You Lose

I will go on record now to point out the obvious flaws and fallacies contained in this contest... This is a trick by the goat... Brandon was not drinking bourbon, He was drinking whiskey. Jack Daniels if I remember correctly... Ahh yes I did. Anyhow we know Jack Daniels hails from Lynchburg Tennessee. Bourbon only properly comes from Bourbon County Kentucky Sorry goat you lose no pinning this one on me

So a week ago last Friday I was looking high and low for my packet of scan-tron sheets. For those of you not in the know a scan-tron sheet is an answer sheet for tests and such. Anyhow I had a test in my beloved history class that Friday and the bookstore being conscious of the needs of its students decided to close at 1:00 pm. I didn't get off work until 3:00pm. Anyhow I spent two hours looking high and low for these answer sheets so I could take the test. I looked for them everywhere, but couldn't find them. I did find an empty packet, and figured I had used them all. Dejected I headed off to Class anyhow, hoping the cafeteria was still open, as they sell the scan-trons there as well. Of course, when I got there they were nice and closed. Good thing my group members had one a spare one that I borrowed, damn I have to give give one back and I don't remember which one came to my rescue. This past Friday there the sheets where, sitting there on the dining room table out in the open... I looked there, four times as I shuffled through the pile of text books. Point is, sometimes we are just searching too hard for something and in our frantic search, we fail to see that is was there all along. Oh, and if your curious... I got a C on the test. I HATE that class... Steve

Can a word be erotic? well other than the word erotic... I don't think so, a lot depends on context, and you can not know context from a single word WAIT!! Did James say cake? Hi James

the only predicament I concocted involved Eric Cody a bottle of tequila.... the goat had to ruin it with Helen

I've turned into what I always feared. Friday night, during a much needed break from History class. ( 3 hours of hell every Friday night) I ventured outside. I normally don't leave the class during break. Simple as There is no where to go, so why even bother, right? Anyhow, this past Friday we had a test, I didn't want to hang around in class whilst the test was still going so I went out into the cold night air. I somehow got mixed up in a group conversation of how much this particular History class ( the professor especially) sucked ass. First, its on a Friday night so that is a big negative off the bat. Now for a list of the remaining negatives: 10 minutes late to class or leaving 10 minutes early you will be marked as absent. When taking a test you A. have to sign in B. have to show that your answer sheet is blank on both sides C. When turning in said test it must be placed directly into the professors hand, not set on the table. The professor can and will mark you down a point if you do not follow his paper formatting to the T. Regardless of the fact his formatting deviates from everyone else's formatting. He looks for obscure answers that are only covered briefly (I.E. one sentence out of 15 paragraphs) The professor is ALWAYS right, any attempt to argue a point, is met with hostility and point reduction. So yeah, not the most enjoyable way to spend a Friday night. Anyhow, a group of us where bemoaning these particular fact when the subject of age came up. It went something like this... 20 20 21 21 21 30 Old enough to be your mother....(This was the age she gave, honestly) My saying 30 was met with the usual shock it usually gets. I don't look thirty (what does thirty look like??) I don't feel thirty. I don't identify as thirty... On one hand it's cool to know I'm aging well. On the other hand it sucks to age into a bracket I don't fit into. Then again this is nothing new. I've always felt younger then I was. Yet, in the end its a moot point isn't it? one is what one is... you can fight cornucopia of things in life; the day you were conceived isn't one of them. It's just odd to be staring head long at the second half of life, when the first was by and large uneventful. I can honestly say my 20's have been a lost decade. One I feared beyond measure when I was 19 and moving onto 20. But now they seemed to have flown by. Like so many things, it was time wasted. Time wasted working at a job that could never, would never lead anywhere. A decade spent at a comfortable distance from relationships. I couldn't face the fear then, and now I pay the price. Stuck as some middle of the road troll bridging the gap between older generations and newer ones. I cry that the only guys that are attracted to me are 42 and up, when it seems all I am attracted to are 21 and 22 year olds. I realize the hypocracy in the situation. Yet I can't help the attraction. I guess I am destined to be that old troll, 62 years old and trying to strike up a conversation with the thirty year old who looks to be in his younger 20's. The fates do have a twisted sense of humor ... I guess if I ever had one wish, it would be having my physical age and my mental age in line. Whether that means loosing a decade in years, or gaining a decade in life experienced, in life lived; I don't care which, but neither is by any means feasible. I guess thats enough of my irrationality for one day... but before you go I'm going to leave you with a line that has been stuck in my head: The night was crisp, like biting into a cool apple. catch y'all on the flip-side, Steve

Bout time! and no Tim it wasn't Joe doing it, Joe just provided the inspiration when he did his turn over

aye but your count didnt change JOE

now cj you are stretching the truth just ever so slightly... and stop messing with post counts JOE... just make your 7000th already

then how do they perfectly fit into the future of your story? because I wrote the rest of the story? nah you wouldn't answer in that manner. Why? because you like to speak at length about twists in the plots at a later date