Razor

You know, it's really not that terrible here. I'm in a bastion of gayness here at USM. For some reason, all the freaking gays in Mississippi end up here, no idea why. It's actually quite happy... not the hardcore Jesus-freak, ennui-inducing, closet-door-gluing-shutting kinda vibe that's up in North MS. The closer you are to a good sized city, the better off you are. I will say, though, that the older generations are still giving us problems. Sounds mean, but jeez, would the over-fifty fundamentalist crowd DIE already?!?!?

See, this has always been my problem. For me, sex carries some sort of emotional investment, even if it's only like an unspoken agreement to be friends and be polite to each other afterward. The more times it happens, the more emotion I start to invest, and before long........ I turn into that weird guy that can't figure out that it was just for kicks. Which is the primary reason I can still count every guy on one hand; I'm just not the type of guy who can keep his emotions to himself. Then again, you guys all probably know that already... since y'know, I get... vociferous... sometimes.

Why Mister Kevvers, I do declare... ~giggles~ I am impressed with your candor. By the way, yes, all of that was said in the most Southern Belle voice I could possibly muster. Also, I'm pretty damned good with that voice, if I do say so myself.

Would have to counter-disagree. Dream a Little Dream of Me is one of the most romantic songs I can think of, but not in a mushy way. It's in more of a tantalizing way... hard to explain. ANYWHO! This doesn't have to be like, traditionally lovey dovey romantic songs, huh? Someday You Will Be Loved, by Death Cab for Cutie. No, it's not... exactly... what most people think of, lol. It IS romantic, though, at least to me, because dude's reassuring the person that thought he loved them. Sorta, anyway. Um, hmmm... I will have to consider this.... I WILL RETURN.

Dude, he WANTS you. You don't stare at something for that long unless you want to do something to it. The only conceivable thing he could want to do to you is play with you, hehehe. Also, I must interject with something important. You said "I don't want to do something I would regret". Seriously, now, think about this. Which would you regret doing more, something or nothing? Sometimes, risks are worth taking. Almost all of the time, the worst possible scenario is nowhere near as bad as we imagined it. Almost constantly, I find that when I take a risk, I'm happy if for no other reason that I did all that I could. Okay, disclaimer on this part, don't listen to the shit that I say because I'm a tard sometimes... GO FOR IT. Talk to him, if nothing else. Expect nothing, but leave hope for everything. GO BOY GO!

My little sister announced to me today that she is now a vegetarian. I was unloading the U-haul with my mom, and we took a break for lunch... ate the hell out of a poor, defenseless chicken (by the way, it was delicious; rotisserie cooked with lemon pepper and herbs). She began to talk about how mean it is that they kill the cows that can't produce milk anymore. I took it upon myself to explain how the eggs she eats so much of are produced by hens who are treated far worse than the cows she was ranting about. My mom threw some random bag of clothes at my head and told me to shut the hell up before the kid dies of celery overdose. ANYWHO... yeah... um... I still love you, Kevvers, but if you were a cow, I would eat you. ~nods~ Only after you ceased to give milk, of course. Okay, wait, I'm gonna shut up before this is all misconstrued.

Thanks guys, I'm feeling a lot better. Still kind of blech, but I'm fixing it. I think I'll be way better when I get to school again, with a new roommate, a new building, new classes, new everything. A nice, fresh start might do me some good. Thanks again, means a lot to me.

I feel like if anyone touches me, I'll break. Even if it's a hug, I'll just break. It doesn't matter if they love me or not, at this point enough bad things have happened that I'll just fall apart. I really hate feeling this way. All day today I've been kind of tearing up and then having take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I'm nearing hysterical, and it's just not fun. Why? Some bad shit has happened to me, and I just don't want to talk about it. I'm shamed and feeling alone, and it takes me a while to come out of all that. I know all I have to do is just hold on. Eventually, this won't matter. My Aunt Brenda said it in a nice way when she was like "I think you're seriously misunderstanding; this particular moment is just that, one moment in time, and you have a lot more moments. This isn't the be all and end all, and this will fade away; the only thing that matters is what you do with it". I think she kind of hit the nail on the head with that one. I can't imagine the fact that all the things that I feel pressure about actually CAN wait. There's not really any rush, and I'm just imagining it. I don't need any boy to complete me or give me approval. I don't need to be perfect. I don't have to have everyone think highly of me. I don't need anything that I think I need so bad. The bitch of this is that now I'm crying because I still can't make myself believe that. My chest hurts so bad, just that empty, painful feeling. I feel so alone. People keep telling me they love me, but they're not the right people. All the people I ever really try to make love me, and I really try to make pay attention to me never do. They just breeze over me, like I was just a stepping stone for them. That hurts so bad, and I don't think I'll ever actually just be used to it. My mom said it was just something I need to learn to guard against... and I guess she's right... but I've always thought that it's better to be open and try and get hurt than to just.... stop trying. I dunno. I don't think that's quite what she meant. I'm just tired, and I can't sleep enough. I don't know what I want to do. I can't figure it out, and the more I try to think the more I feel like I'm picking up pieces of a broken vase and trying to put it all back together. By the time I figure out what piece goes where, another one's fallen back off, and I can't keep my hands on all of them at once. I just need to calm down. Everything will be okay. I'm fine, right? There's nothing wrong with me. The more I stay around all of these Jesus-freaks the more I wonder if God is some sort of drug for them. I'm still not ready to convert, even though it's kind of tempting sometimes. I'll always remember that they're the ones that told me I'm going to hell for something that is me, and though I do sometimes forgive, I will never forget. Ever. Now, I'm going to go and have a cigarette and try to keep myself from breaking. I'll wrap myself in tape or something, but I feel so terrible. I don't know. For the first time in a really long time, I've been seriously considering just... falling down and not getting back up.

I LOVE YOUR AVATAR!!! !!! Welcome to GA, hope you have a great time here. -Jamie

Dude... it's a broccoli ocarina!!!!! Omg isn't that cool? Lol, I'm easily amused maybe, but damn!

If you haven't read the book, do it soon. I'm rereading it, and I'm quite fond of this book. Definitely on my top ten list, anyway. So, this is a poem from the book that I thought worth sharing. It's a really important part of the book and you'll understand more if you read the book, but it's awesome even by itself. I hope you enjoy it, anyway. Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem And he called it "Chops" because that was the name of his dog And that's what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star And his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts That was the year that Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo And he let them sing on the bus And his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair And his mother and father kissed a lot And the girl around the corner sent him a valentine signed with a row of X's and he had to ask his father what the X's meant And his father always tucked him in bed at night And was always there to do it Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem And he called it "Autumn" because that was the name of the season And that's what it was all about and asked him to write more clearly And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of its new paint And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars And left butts on the pews And sometimes they would burn holes That was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus And the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot And his father never tucked him in bed at night And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it. Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem And he called it "Innocence: A Question" because that was the question about his girl And that's what it was all about And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed her That was the year that Father Tracy died And he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went And he caught his sister making out on the back porch And his mother and father never kissed or even talked And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed his father snoring loudly That's why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem And he called it "Absolutely Nothing" Because that's what it was really all about And he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist And he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn't think he could reach the kitchen.

And "known" means from the time you both acknowledged each other's existence.

~giggles~ Okay, I think any contact resulting in climax counts. How about that?

Heh, broke my record the other day. Strangely enough, I was almost certain I'd regret it but now I'm just waiting to get a call from him so I can jump him again. First off, sweet baby zombie jesus on a pogostick, he was GOOD. As in, the best I have ever had, period. Second, all the really sweet things he said, he said after sex, and therefore it wasn't just to get me naked. Which of course would've been sort of a compliment in and of itself, lol. So, in conclusion, five hours is plenty of time if the chemistry is just right. Even so, that's never happened before. No guy's ever clicked with me that well.

Ha, just what the question says. No, I'm not voting until everyone else has, damn it. Thought this would be a fun poll, haha.

I hate my roommate. I hate the distance between me and my best friend because a lot of times it feels like we're soulmates but we're so far apart it's impossible to have any relationship.... been talking for four years and know everything about each other, and I know he'd be perfect.

Well I will say that generally mothers are quite discreet about breastfeeding. Even if they weren't so discreet, though, jeez, it's a child and it's hungry. That's like me freaking out because someone handed you food and you're eating in public. It's not sexual in any way, and there shouldn't be any stigma surrounding a practice which so obviously has so many benefits.

It's not about being eighteen, it's about maturity level. I would let my kid play/watch/read anything if I thought they were mature enough to handle it and remember that there is a line between fiction and reality. Porn is fine, just remember that it's an overinflated and incorrect representation of sex, and you will most likely never be doing anyone who would make it as a pro porn star. Everybody has some flaws... some guys have rosacea on their chest/back, some have other things, and nearly every single penis is different and doesn't quite measure up to porn star standards. Real life means that you go to jail forever for doing the shit you do in GTA. Point is, it's a GAME. It's FICTION. People should grow up and realize this. Parents should judge their own kids' maturity and act accordingly. It's not the video game company's problem, it's the parents' problem. Jeez, take some damn responsibility instead of pawning it off on everyone else because you don't wanna do your job. ~shrug~ That's what I think, anyway. And I'm right on this one, I am absolutely certain. Parents should raise their kids properly so they don't have to worry about a violent video game influencing them to a great extent.

Heh, one day I'll get a camera to show their actual color and the fact that I have insanely long eyelashes. SHARON! Omg, I seriously had to giggle and exclaim "Yay!!". I completely agree with your girls.

Muscles scare and intimidate me. Plus, too many of them is just freaky. ~nods~ Older men... I've gotten a little weird about that. I'm nearing militant about telling certain people to just give the hell up and work within their own age group. Generally, though, as I've stated many time, personality is the trump card. ~shrug~ It's just highly unlikely that I'll meet someone drastically older (or younger). Different stages of life and all that jazz.

You get points for your new signature. PATD rocks, and one day, when I rule the world, Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross will be the headmen of my harem.

Yep yep yep. Tis all great so long as you're not pulling off clothes in front of kids. Seeing people kiss/hold hands/hug/snuggle makes me warm and fuzzy. If a guy is sporting a tent cause of what's going on, then it's a wee bit much (not that I'd complain cause I like seeing hot guys with tents), but other than that I think that if it happens to "offend" anyone.... they can turn their head or close their damn eyes, lol. Also, I can't have a boyfriend who won't kiss/hug/hold my hand in public. I refuse. I am not a leper, and if I want someone I care for to have a little physical contact with me, then I'm gonna damn well have it. I can understand not wanting to make out in public, but there WILL come times when I want my hand held or a quick kiss.

There are so many benefits to breast feeding that I don't see it as acceptable to NOT do it unless you're unable... I mean, I'm not militant about it, but it's disappointing to find that many new mothers don't do it. Statistically, babies who are breast fed have a higher IQ. They also are provided with a firm boost to their immune system which can help prevent/lessen the occurence of LIFE-THREATENING infections. They also have a lower instance of SIDS. As has been stated, it also forms a tighter bond with the mother. I just don't see any reason not to. And, as for breast feeding in public.... dude, if it freaks you out, close your eyes. My mother breast fed in public, and she was quite discreet about it. She had a baby blanket she would cover us with, along with her chest, and since babies like the warmth and snuggliness anyway it worked great. She had a few people complain about it, but she tore them a new one before leaving whatever establishment she was in, and did her best to embarass whoever it was that dared say something to her on the way out. If you have like mastitis or some reason not to breast feed then yeah, it's not the end of the world, but why would you NOT do it when it's been proven to be so beneficial to both the child and the mother?

Oh oh oh, I wanna do black with blue tips!!! I just can't do it myself 'cause it would take a lot of time/work and I don't know anyone I would actually trust to do it correctly. I think it would look really awesome if I did it just right. Blue is definitely my favorite unnatural color I've had my hair... then again I've only had green, blue, and crazy totally bleached out white. I know that red fades to pink, though, and I loathe pink, lol. Hehe, I just have a vendetta against oddly angled pictures that seem so popular on myspace. Normally when I click a picture I wanna see a PICTURE, not some random artsy freakily angled representation of what you may or may not look like. Oh, and Old Bob, nice pics! You look like such a cheery, congenial guy. And you're in good shape, looks like, too! Frosty, you're shmexy. No doubt about it.

So I cut and dyed my hair............ I was gonna do blue but I didn't have the dye (it's at home), so I did black instead. Yes, this isn't a good picture... I look like I have jaundice or liver disease or something. It also kind of looks like one of those godawful myspace angled pics... totally unintentional, I promise. Anyway, yeah.