Razor

Make Your Own Kind of Music, by Mama Cass. Hehehe... I'm a sucker for Mama Cass, especially this song. It's just got such a wondrous message and it makes me smile so big when I hear it.

Sharon: That may be the best compliment anyone's ever given me, lol!! You're pretty fly for a white girl yourself. Krista: Relaxation... what's that? I think I've heard tell of this... relaxation. Nah, I'm pretty good at it, I just get in my tizzies every now and then, hehe. Conner: Hahaha, delightful as ever. ~hugs~ Kevvers: I've tried looking for some on campus things, but it's all kind of weird... random times/jobs, and random pay, lol. I dunno, I've been keeping my eyes open and I intend to call that sweet advisor lady of mine and be like "yo... whatchu know bout some jobs, Doc Hillard?" Like I said, it's gonna be really freaky trying to work out a schedule, but if I could find someone who wants to work with me that'd be cool. Hehe... funny thing about those dino briefs... I actually had to borrow them from someone. I think I've made a weird habit of accidentally stealing my friends' underwear. I seriously don't mean to do it, they give me clothes when I'm in a weird situation and have none of my own that are clean, and then something happens and I just end up holding on to them for a while... should still give Jordan her boxers back, lol, but then again... they're really comfy boxers. Gotta say, though, I thought I looked pretty okay in the dino briefs, lol. As usual, Kevvers, you are just wondrous.

Made me gag after it was continued long past its prime. Twas one of the first stories on Nifty I ever read (thank you, random search engines), and I really liked it... up until it got freaky. Plus, I just gots issues with certain things... giant naughty parts, magically perfect financial situations, hazily explained dramatic situations, and getting freaky with way more than just one person.

Canada's nice... but people don't think about socialized healthcare's effects on medical science as a whole. The moment you take away the money, you take away the motivation. No pharmaceutical company is going to make drugs just to help people. No surgeons will spend oodles on a pricey education just cause they wanna replace heart valves. Capitalism, baby. And I like hockey... boys playing with sticks on ice. How much more gay friendly could you get?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~cries~ You're torturing me! I can't take it! It buuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was good. Really good. I WANT RESOLUTION! ~sobs and kicks and throws a fit~ Make it all fixed and better! Okay, so yeah, I didn't see that coming, and it WAS extremely realistic. I just don't like reality. Good job, very nice story. Editing to add: Yeah everybody's right and I'm being a dork... it was perfect. If you'd made it all wonderful and cute and cuddly and snuggly at the end I'd have sneered at it and not commented at all because it would have been the most godawfully predictable mess ever. As it is, though, the ending is a slap in the face. It's just right. ~grumbles~ I still don't like it being all unresolved... should've said his lil speech... then they could've gotten freaky in the clock tower... but nooo, someone had to write a good story and ruin all of that...

It was very good... just made me really sad, lol. First Menzo and now you, you people are just trying to make me cry! ~gigantic hugs of snuggly doom~ Good job, but I'm gonna pretend like the end was more like Jason didn't die, responded well to CPR, and either Evan and Clay or Clay and Matt ended up all snuggly and happy... or better yet, that Clay and Matt ended up snuggly and happy, and Evan was a bit younger and ended up snuggly and happy with Jason. Damn it, everybody's gonna be snuggly and happy or I'm gonna get mad. ...so um... what else ya written? ~goes in search of shtuff~

Sweet baby zombie Jesus on a pogo stick with peanut butter crackers. ~twitches~ Menzo, on a scale of merit, this is without argument amazing. On a scale of how much I like it? I love it and I hate it so much I wish I hadn't read it. It just ouches. It's like a nihilist snapshot, it's just painful. It doesn't even have the nice insulation of a nihilist snapshot, where at least you'd have some numbness knowing that it didn't actually mean anything, it's more of like... I don't think I have a word for it. It's good, Menzo, but like I said it just makes me cringe. That part of me that has a compulsive need for fixing people and making everything okay just does not like the story. Also, I gotta say, you have a delicious vocabulary. Now, if we could just persuade you to drop those annoying English spellings, it'd be great. ~sigh~ It was really good, but I still feel lonely from reading it. Makes me wanna go cuddle that ignoramous I'm enamored with. ~nods~ 'Cept then, it'd make me wonder what was going through his head, which would make me nervous, which would make me start asking weird questions, which would lead into a whole treasure trove of weirdness. Damn it, Menzo! I'm giving you an ultimatum! You will write more having to do with this paradoxically austere boy, and you will resolve the conflict, and you will do it to the satisfaction of those of us who have mushy, touchy feely emotions! Or I will rally a group to kidnap you, then hold you until you do so. Ever read Stephen King's Misery? Yeah, that was a hint. Rawr. Seriously I loved it... but God it made me sad. 9.8 out of 10.

That's another thing I REALLY liked about it. The soundtrack wasn't like... random. The music fit, and it was all good. And another thing is that it just was more like a book than a movie in that it had literary STYLE as opposed to cheap, flashy explosions or some idiotic plotline. There was symbolism and it was realistic and interesting and just... well, great.

KRISTAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HEART YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See all those exclamation marks? Those are all for you.

Okay, so how's it going, guys? My MSN list is officially a wasteland. Once upon a time, I could sign in and have wondrously meaningful and interesting or at least just random funny conversations at any time of day or night. Now... there is never a soul online. I have like five people that I ever speak to, and everyone else is just... gone. My solution: greeneyeliner39429@hotmail.com, come entertain me sometime. Yah, random, but I like having people to talk to and I like being social sometimes. Problem is that no one wants to be social when I want to be social. Switch in subject, finances... my financial situation is just f**ked up, lol. I know that probably everyone in the national average is right where I am, too, but goddamn, why is it this difficult? It's like I start life automatically in debt and I have to claw through all of that first before I can ever have anything of my own, and then it's just... rawr, it's annoying. So, what am I going to do about this? Not a f**king thing. There's nothing I CAN do to change any of it, at least not yet. I sincerely wish I could, knowing what I know now, go back in time about four or five years. I would be absolutely filthy f**king rich right now, and would be in much better shape in all ways, lol. As it is, life is a waiting game. People ask me... Why don't you get a job, Jamie? Answer: because I don't have a car, and therefore cannot work at any place where I cannot reach on foot. Also, working would have to fit my class schedule and everything else, and I just don't know of any job that would bend quite that much for me. Why don't you get a car, Jamie? Surely, you could get a loan or get relatives to help you? Answer: no, I can't. I have a DUI on my record. Therefore, I have to get SR-22 insurance, which is a lot of money. I don't have a license because of that. Through all of that idiocy and drama, I cannot obtain basic needs for living for another couple years. Why do you have a DUI, Jamie? Isn't that silly? Why would a smart boy like you do something like that? Answer: I was on Prozac at the time. I was also on Ambien. I was also severely depressed, suicidal, and just plain f**king crazy. The Prozac made everything I did seem like it was me watching myself in a movie. The normal inhibition against doing stupid shit was completely gone. Therefore, it seemed like a good idea to get drunk. It also seemed like a good idea to get in a car. It seemed like a grand idea up until I was in handcuffs. Truthfully, I don't even remember much of anything until the handcuffs part. If I had any legal recourse, I would take it. However, I'm sure that no lawyer would be willing to help without any sort of evidence or ANYTHING to back up my story, and no way to get anything out of it. Pfizer covers their ass well, and there's no way to go up against someone who makes billions of dollars and has you-don't-even-f**king-know-who in their pocket, and point a finger at them saying 'you gave me medication that you knew is not safe for a sixteen year old suicidal, clinically depressed, diagnosed with anxiety boy'. It just doesn't work. Well, Jamie, why don't you make a sincere effort to change things? Answer: I am, dipstick, I'm in college now. Well, Jamie, why are you so annoyed with your situation? Answer: Because I can do absolutely nothing to change anything, and all I can do is sit and wait, wasting valuable years of my life, which is probably already shortened considerably by years of abuse on my liver and kidneys. Pretty f**king certain the kidneys'll go in my 40's sometime, and I'd like to have enough money to bribe new ones outta somebody. Jamie, it seems like you're just being emo... why worry about it so much? Answer: 'Cause at this rate, I will not be happy and content with life for years to come. I am not a patient person. I don't believe in patience. I think patience is a copout piece of shit virtue, anachronistically prescribed to people because they want them to just shut the f**K up and deal with things the way they are. I want to be happy NOW, and there's no reason I can't be. Well, Jamie... why are you talking about all this? Answer: AHA! I'm glad you asked! I have surmised that, if I were to be an evil, vile, despicable, two-faced, terrible, godawful person, I could get whatever I wanted. Yeah, I might not be the hottest guy in the world. I'll have ya know right now though, I could use some things to my advantage. Go have my hair fixed nice and short so the curls will stick out a bit, and give it that messy, oblivious, I-don't-know-how-to-fix-my-hair look. Then, do a few situps. After that, shell out a few dollars for a body wax; get rid of anything above the waste, and do some trimming elsewhere. Spend some money on some tighter, little kid clothes. Buy briefs with dinosaurs and racecars and the like. Drop the smoking, and make sure I shave every day. Find a nice older man with lots of cash and a lot to lose if I happen to say some things to certain people, and happens to have an interest in young men. Hang around said older man a good bit, with pants low enough to show off the dinosaurs and racecars. Pull some shady shit, and eventually I have a fountain of cash begging me to keep my mouth shut. That's at the extreme... there are plenty who I could just be real "nice" to and get anything I wanted from. All I have to do is be heartless and lowdown enough to take advantage of other people, use them for my own ends, and throw them the f**K away when they're no longer useful. Through methods like this, I could get absolutely anything I wanted as far as money goes. However, money is not the only thing that makes me happy. Money is a big part of it, but that's not the game. The point is that I want the money to spend in a way that promotes the wellbeing and happiness of people I care about. All of it's pointless if I don't have anyone who REALLY cares about me just because I'm me. There's a big difference between people who throw money or whatever at you because you can give them something they want, and people who would give you the earth and sky if they could because they love you and want you to be happy. Why do you think I do such crazy shit as far as boys are concerned? I've had more than one come after me. A few of them have been quite well off, and VERY nice to me, genuinely interested. I could take advantage of that, but the relationship would be utterly meaningless. That's why I'm currently chasing someone who probably has not a tenth of the interest I have in him, and who I think is really f**king nifty. A relationship with him would actually MEAN something, as opposed to the bullshit possible with other people. Yeah, it's really difficult... and I've seriously considered completely giving up on the boy. Nearly everything I do is just... like headbutting a wall with him. I'm not saying he doesn't care, because obviously he does or he would've been like "yo... um... get away from me..." before now. It's more like he's just disinterested, oblivious... kinda like he's not looking at things the same way I am. And that's cool, too. If it changes, it changes. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Either way, what happens will happen and I can't do anything to change it other than do my best to do the right thing in regards to friendship and relationship. I do, however, get frustrated. I get extremely frustrated, lol. For instance, every single person I've ever kissed has been... well... very happy with it. Yes, I know this for a fact because not only did each one of them come back for more, I've asked a few that I'm actually good, close friends with now and know would tell me the truth unconditionally, and they've backed up my suspicions. However, I have come to find that if another person doesn't want to kiss you, the kiss isn't going to be worth shit. You'll feel it, too. It just feels... I dunno... like you're doing something really dumb and kinda gross. That has sorta changed, but it's changed in odd ways. I've just learned that no matter what I feel or think, nobody else is any more likely to think or feel the same just because I do. People have their own little minds, and their own little weirdnesses, and their own GODDAMN TERRIBLE f**kING DEVIL EGOS FROM HELL, and their own self-centered, oblivious moments. Also... nearly no boy on the face of the earth is as touchy feely and f**king girly as I am. Digressing, but that's true, lol. I'm so fragile it annoys even me, hehe. ANY little thing messing up, anything going wrong, anything not reciprocated, any differences in opinion or practice or ideas or whatever... it affects me much more than other boys. I'm just... I think like a girl. I don't know why. I over examine, prod, poke, annoy, and drive people insane with my curiosity and desperate need for affection, attention, acceptance, and most of all, reciprocation of feelings. ANYWAY. Now that I've had a wonderful rant on the things that I've been thinking about, I'm going to put all of that outta my mind. I have serious business to get to as soon as I get back to school, but for now, I have one more week to waste. I'm gonna do absolutely f**king nothing stressful. I'm not going to think about anything stressful. And oh my sweet jesus... I just heard my sister say... "I go for more of the... 'steal your children in the middle of the night' kind of guy." I have officially been disturbed beyond belief, and will now go do something mindless. Have a wonderful day/night/afternoon/morning/whatever! I love you all, except the ones who I don't love, but generally I love you all.

Thanks. Um, hopefully it will be soon. I haven't fallen off the face of the world, I've just been stressed, lol. Anyway, I will make a special effort to renew some motivation and put it toward writing. Thanks again. (the hello kitty PJ's are a tip of the hat to Tragic Rabbit over at awesomedude because he wrote the absolute best short story I've ever read in my entire life, as well as Drama Club. If you've read any of that you'd recognize Angel's hello kitty PJ-ness, hehe. )

I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT! Thank you so much for posting the link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You get so many points for that it's insane! :D Okay, yeah, I might just rewatch it soon if they haven't managed to rip it offa youtube yet.

It's a good possibility, but it does depend on if my finances and whatnot are in order.

This is absolutely wonderful so far, lol. Thanks for sharing.

I have no idea why I found that so delightful, but damn did it amuse me. And hello Mr. DLP! It is quite lovely to meet you, I hope you have a good time here. Everyone, as I'm sure you've no doubt noticed, is congenial as can be. Um, I suggest perusing the forums at your leisure, especially the Lounge area, and posting as you become interested in things. It is slightly slow around here, given the holiday season, but that'll change after New Year's. And uh, yeah, now I'm gonna go... attempt to not murder my family. I love them, but they get annoying after a while, lol.

O.o WHAT IS WITH THIS TREND?! ~twitch~ All I seem to hear nowadays from every boy I know is some weird version of this idea. It's like all the boys who actually want a real boyfriend who forms a relationship with the intent of staying in it indefinitely have just disappeared or been replaced by lil pod people. Don't get me wrong, I am quite aware that things change over time. I do not pretend to be able to make some sort of miraculous guarantee that my feelings for another person will never change, or that the relationship will last forever. Even so, it's like now people don't even attempt to make ANY commitments whatsoever. Bah, maybe I'm being melodramatic about it. As to the whole being friends with gay guys thing... lol, I have so few real life gay male friends that, um, I'm positive I can count them all on one hand, and I can pretty much narrow the close friends who are gay and male down to just one. Me and boys just don't jive for some reason. I am usually friends with straight girls. They are the only type of human being who makes absolute, total, complete, and unrelenting sense. For all the jokes about how nonsensical women are, they really do make perfect sense to me. Put it this way... if I were straight, I would get laid so much it would've fallen off by now. Meh, anyway, Kevvers, you're wonderful. Do whatever makes you a happy Kevvers. The more I think about this particular mode of thinking, the less my internal Jamie screams "WHAT?! That's stupid!" and starts saying "Hm... they might have a point."

Meh, I get 140 stuck in my head because that's what it was back when I was a tad bit shorter. I do think that's about what I should be at because, regardless of what other people see on the outside of the shirt, I can still grab a nice handful. And I also realize that will not completely go away because it's not technically just fat, it's also a lack of muscle, so I'ma have to do some situps eventually. I've been doing DDR like mad, and I have to walk everywhere I want to go. The excercise has definitely helped, and I don't eat very much, either. When I do eat, I enjoy my chips and whatnot (because I know if I don't eat some kind of junk food it'll just get to where I go and eat a whole bag of chips cause I have no willpower), but I also try and eat random veggies/fruits/healthy junk. Hehe, since I've been home I've gained about two pounds. It started with my Grandma's wedding and the day or two before that. Every time I turn around someone is shoving something in my face that normally I would slap them for even suggesting I eat it. Such as... oreo balls, tiger butter, chocolate covered caramels, caramel cake, wedding cake, coffee-ice cream drink stuff, all kinds of terribly godawful diabetic coma inducing things. I'm gonna have to get back on track, but I must admit, it has been an insanely wonderful little splurge. So yeah, I'm obsessive. I won't count myself as anorexic until I can see ribs or I drop below 140, lol. I have more reasons than just trying to get thin, I also have all those wonderfully death causing ailments that run in my family, and I do have high blood pressure. At its peak, it was 145/85. The lowest I've gotten it was 118/60, which is much, much, MUCH better for me. I must get all healthy so's I can be around to annoy people as a crazy old man. I intend to snipe at the primary school children with a BB gun and then claim to be a war veteran, among other things.

So the latest self analysis bout has begun. I've been thinking seriously about going back to see a shrink. Not for depression, oh no. I'm pretty happy these days. However... Maybe I actually am anorexic. I don't really think I am. Yeah, sure, I'm kind of obsessive about my weight. However, given the fact that I am overweight, and have always been overweight since late childhood, I think I have a solid right to be obsessive about my weight. If I were underweight and believed I still needed to lose weight, then I believe I should be concerned. I am currently at 150 pounds. I started getting serious about this when I hit 175ish. Since leaving home, I've gone from 170 to 150. My family is all convinced that I'm anorexic. I also do not intend to stop losing weight until I am sitting dead level on 140. At about 5 feet, 8 inches tall with my body build, 140 is at the upper end of a healthy, normal weight. Yeah, I'm pretty f**king obsessed with it. But, until I have a flat stomach (though I'd prefer that wonderful slight concavity), I will not be a happy camper. So yeah, psh, I don't think I'm anorexic, and I think it only matters what I think. My mom was telling me that she's not really all concerned about it, just that she wants me to be happy the way I am and not think that I have to change to make other people happy. Also, I believe I'm going to diagnose myself as ADD cause that's the only thing that would account for my inability to stay interested in anything. Perhaps if I'm properly medicated I won't be so apathetic about important things. Then again, I don't really care. Haha, see? Apathy, woot. Anyway, I have become disinterested in writing this entry. Therefore, I'm going to go find something that amuses me. Bye!

Dude, hell no. I don't care how much I "love" somebody. I kind of like being alive every now and then. HIV would be a complete, unavoidable, total death sentence in every capacity. I'm aware that there are treatments and blahblahblah, but no. Any relationship with anyone who did not have HIV from that point on would be impossible. Even if they thought they could take the risk of having sex with someone with HIV, I wouldn't be able to allow them to do it if I had even an inkling of a regard for their life. I would know that, barring insane medical breakthroughs, I would die a slow, painful, debilitating death. So, NO. Don't care about the specifics. It just ain't gonna happen for anyone.

I've thought about this before. If I really, truly, certainly, and beyond any doubt KNEW I loved them both dearly, with all of my soul, and the feelings were mutual between all of a us... then I think I could do it. There would be no jealousy because we'd all love each other completely and totally. However, such a situation is just highly unlikely. It could be possible, and I can't think of anything more wonderful than having two people who love you and each other, and are both loved by you to all be in a happy, successful relationship. It would be great, but it would not be likely to happen. I'm an open minded guy, though, and I think it's a possibility.

Would you ever have a threesome? Or a foursome? Or whatever? What are you guys' opinions on this subject? I don't know if I would or wouldn't... but I can't say it wouldn't be insanely tempting with the right people.

I LOVE YOU KEVVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~attacks and snuggles you relentlessly!!!!!!~ I LOVE IT WHEN SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! What is WRONG with those people?! They're like "Well bitching about it doesn't help!", but it DOES! Offering practical solutions is what doesn't help! Anyone with a brain has ALREADY THOUGHT OF THOSE. ~exasperated sigh~ They just don't understand.

It would not matter in the slightest to me. I would destroy either gender's life indiscriminately. BEWARE THE WRATH OF JAMIE! MEOW!!!! <--- My roar, stolen from my little cousin Hannah.

~sticks out my tongue~ HAHAHA! Yay piercings! Go you! My tongue ring is a smiley face, and it says "I took my Prozac today!" Isn't it wonderful?! So yes, pierce away!

Menzo!!!!!!!!! You're so mean sometimes but I know you're actually a sweetiepie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~grabs Menzo and takes him to play in the rainbow and fairy filled field of sugary wonderfulnesses~ <---- Yes, over the top, but you know you wanna! Anyway, the crux of the matter is that it is cruel to put people in a place where sex is likely to take place and deny them protection from a disease which will ultimately kill them. No matter how terrible a crime is, it is no person's place to inflict that sort of end on another; for those in control of the prisons to deny the criminals protection is equivalent to murder.