Razor

U.S., down here in good ole Mississippi. It's not bad here... it's just hot as hell. And humid. And we get hurricanes every now and then. Oh and uh, bunch of crazies and whatnot. But generally it's a pretty fun place. It just depends on where you are exactly and what you're doing and all that stuff. I mean, it's Mississippi... what can you expect? I'd like to move some day, but I want to be in a place where I have people I care about around me, so that means I probably won't be moving way away any time soon.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CJ CJ CJ CJ CJ CJ CJ CJ CJ CJ CJ CJ CJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! GO YOU SEXY GOAT YOU!!!!!

My mommy. Yeah, it seems like a kinda copout type answer, but trust me, it's not!!! She's just amazing in every way, I've never met another person like her. If anybody deserves anything and everything they have ever wanted, it's her. NO ONE else can say that they've tried as hard as she has. Okay, first off, she had my older sister when she was like nineteen and got married and all cause that was just the way things worked back then. She put up with an abusive drunk for years because she felt that kids need a father or some shit like that. Anyway, she was always one tough bitch. She's stood her ground in the face of things that would make me cry like a little girl and run away. The one time my dad ever tried to hit me, 130 pound Mama kicked his 210 pound ASS. Like she FLEW on him and just... lol, it was great. My sister smacked him with a skillet, bent the handle. Good times, good times. But yeah, it took a lot for her to get up the guts to leave. She saw that even though my dad had gone to AA meetings and rehab more than a couple times, he wasn't gonna change any. Finally, my dad got fired or quit or some shit, and there was no way my mom could possibly make enough to pay the house payments every month. So, he kinda left us, and she ended up filing bankruptcy. The bank f**ked us on the house. It was worth 300k, huge house, and they persuaded her to agree to go ahead and hand it over in exchange for keeping her van. Something to do with a quick claim deed, versus the amount of time and cash they'd have spent going through the financial mess that existed. So yeah, a little while later we find out that the house was sold at one of those distressed property auctions for a ridiculously small amount. Like a three figure amount. We also found out the lawyer my mom hired was also working for the bank that was making that deal at the same time. Yeah, that's a serious conflict of interest, but she got screwed very effectively; no way to prove anything technically illegal occurred, much less the money to throw at a serious lawsuit. My mom, in her late thirties, started over. She took all of us, got certified as an insurance agent, and has towed the line ever since all by her lonesome. I look at how much stuff costs, the shape her credit was in, how expensive five kids are, and I have no idea how she's managed. She worked weekends, too, for a long time. Painting/cleaning/fixing houses that were going to be rented. For a while, we didn't get child support, so it was really tight. DHS also decided that we weren't quite poor enough to continue receiving food stamps or medicaid, so that means she had to cover those expenses, too. All along, she's made absolutely certain that each one of us has had everything we need, and most of what we want. When I got into band, got first chair, and showed some potential, she shelled out 3k for my sax. One year, for my birthday, I had been eyeing the PS2. I never expected to get one, cause they were 300 bucks, y'know, that's just a bit much to waste on something as stupid as a PS2. I got it, though. I've never gone hungry (though ramen noodles got old sometimes, lol), never really had to do without. I mean I always knew money was tight, but she made it stretch enough to take care of everybody. She always knows what to do in every situation. She's got a great sense of humor, and is a really great woman. She's accepting, kind, and she's the only person in the entire world whose love I have never questioned. She's the only person I would trust with anything I considered truly important. Well, there's not much I can really say that'll let you know just how awesome she really is. I don't think there's ever been a better person. Yeah, she's normal and she makes mistakes, I know, but she's also overcome things that break other people. So yeah, out of all the people I've ever met I respect her the most. Nobody else even comes close. I'm a mama's boy... kiss my ass.

Silly people. Silly people always make me smile. My friend Joey turned eighteen today. He's thinking about coming to the U.S. to go to college... hope he does, he'd have fun here.

Yay Conner.

If it were in the South, I'd definitely show up. Let's put it in Mississippi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just... not in the north half, k?

Omg yay!!!!!!! That's so great! My sister has a habit of rescuing animals. We've gotten them from all over... rescued everything from kittens to baby squirrels to birds to mice to... well, just about everything. She was searching for a transmission in a junkyard, and found a group of kittens that had been in the abandoned car... which had been towed there that way from a few hours away... with no mommy inside. We took 'em home and bottle fed 'em until they got big. We still have two of them, their names are Punk and Dolla, hehe. Punk was my baby, beautiful orange/white kitty. She's a little off, lol, and not very affectionate anymore, but still a very good cat. My mom's cat is... schizophrenic or something. She's way off, lol. When she was little, she'd hide under the couch and wait for people to sit down, then attack them. She and my mom'll wrestle sometimes, it's great to watch, lol. She's such a rough kitty, but she's absolutely beautiful and very loyal. She will, however, take your whole damn arm off if you're not careful.

I agree wholeheartedly with you Graeme. Attempting to understand something so complex is a task that'll take a lot of time, and achieving complete understanding will require comprehension of many individual factors.

I made the post brief purposefully to avoid stoking the flames on this lil fire, lol. My definition of sexuality is what gets you hard, lol. What turns you on? That'd be what I call sexuality. It's not just boys or girls or both. It's other things as well, y'know. I've met a LOT of people who have changed their ideas of what turns them on and what turns them off. Developing/losing fetishes, going after a different type of your gender of interest, all the way up to the most dramatic; pursuing a different gender. ALL of those are plausible and have happened to a lot of people. I've met more than one person who has, mid-life, decided to pursue the other gender, and had a genuine change of interest. I don't know why, I don't know how, but I know it happens. My definition of proof is logically showing that the other explanations are invalid. That hasn't been done yet. Don't say that people have attempted to provide the alternative research, because basically no research even exists based on seriously entertaining the counterargument. Most experimental situations would be ethically wrong. You can't take a kid and purposefully attempt to make them gay or straight and be morally sound, so you can't prove any triggers. Also, the main body of people doing research like that is made up of those religious whackos who do things in a non-scientific manner. So... yeah... I'ma drop it. Until someone proves it by showing the exact causative trigger for sexual preference, I'm not buying it.

If this came at a time when I had the finances and time available, I'd totally show up. It's a really awesome idea. I don't see how we could expect anyone to come from one continent to another, though. I happen to know that a plane ticket to england is over a thousand bucks, so I dread to think what one to Sydney would cost. Well, we can think about details if it ever becomes a reality, lol. I'd definitely go just to meet a few people in person.

Transylvanian Concubine, by Rasputina If you want to know how To fly high, then go now To the place where all the concubines... Meet and converse with them Marvel at their pale skin, Wonder how they chew on their pointy... Teeth and hair are beauty, They know it's their duty To be countess in their hearts and their... Minds that have to whisper, See in them a sister. Look into their eyes and you'll be in... Transylvanian concubine. You know what flows there like wine. Sorrow is their master, Cackling with laughter. Now he's having just one piece of... Cakey is their make-up, Catholics try to shake up All the things that form their lives, but they're... Dead, their sigh is their song. They know what they do is wrong. Stay here with us it's just time Transylvanian concubine. Candelabra's lighted, Satan has been sighted, Never has there been an evening like... This is what they wanted, Always to feel hunted. You can never be too rich or too... Thin. The blood has run out. Fangs ruin any cute pout. Morning has come, now they've flown. What have you learned from what has been shown?

I skimmed. I still think it's utter bullshit. Sexuality is not static. Over time, preferences change dramatically. That also lends a good bit of credence to the counter argument. I say again. Give me solid proof and I will believe. Studies that suggest do only that, suggest. There are studies that would suggest just the opposite, just as convincingly I'm sure. Proof. And on that note.... oranges. That is all.

LMAO! !! That was delightful!

I smiled because my scholarship isn't unobtainable after all. A very nice lady has decided to give me a hand, and is delivering a letter of appeal to the scholarship committee for me. Woohoo, go me, they might gimme monies after all.

Jesus f**king christ on a cracker..... Kevvers..... wow. Oh just wow. That's nuts. Well, do your thing. If anybody can help Sandra, you can. You're Kevvers, after all. You make everybody feel better when the odds are against them.

I liked this entry and I have no idea why... it just seems like some random thing I would've thought about too, lol. Have a great day!

Perfect, by Simple Plan? Good song, I like it. And... uhh... well, you know, I'm not the best at advice on this particular subject because I have my own issues but we're not discussing my issues because I resolved my issues by deciding that I would never speak of them ever again and would forget they exist... my idea of solving is really f**ked up, lol. ANYWAY! Look, you can't live life trying to impress other people. I KNOW that acceptance is what we all crave, and the people close to you are who you want it from the most. However, I gotta say that it's not healthy, and you have to live for yourself and not other people. Think of it like this, hehe... Who the f**K gives a shit what your dad thinks? Bet the boy you like is a lot cuter than him anyway.

Keep your pimp hand strong, my friend. ~nods~ How do I act when I'm interested in a boy.... I have no idea. Seriously, I really... um... I don't know. I've only been interested in a few boys, and it's always been disastrous and each time the approach was different. Generally, though, I would prefer if THEY come on to ME, so that I don't have to risk rejection. My ego is quite fragile, and one good slapdown takes ages to fix. Have a good one.

~hugs~ Everyone loves you Kevvers!!!! Your cousin, sad to say, has a point. I like to think that if I loved someone it wouldn't matter, but the real world rears its ugly head sometimes and there's probably a point at which I would be forced to give up and call it quits even if I did love the person, I just don't know. Well I hope everything turns out great for you. Take care and have a good one.

It made me smile. Gotta say... in general, things are getting better. Geographically, though, there's a giant difference in how people treat you when they know you're gay. In Columbia (south MS, close to Hattiesburg which is the seat of USM, a major university, and therefore a college town), when I came out on the Day of Silence one year, my english teacher got the note I was handing out and told me she wished she'd known about it so she could've included something about it in the bellringer excercise that day, and that she thought what I was doing was very admirable. This last year, when I tried to repeat the silence, I was met with "Well... I love you no matter what you do" from the Christians, and a whole lot of stares and some nice slurs from other people. Northern Mississippi is HELL on Earth, a very sad place to be. It's backwoods, uneducated, overly religious freaks who have inbred to the point of inducing mental handicap on future generations. So you see, moving five hours away can mean the difference between acceptance and rejection, even benign acknowledgement and violence. It freaked me out a little. Anyway, thanks Viv, I enjoyed reading your conversation. Hope you have a great day.

Nero, you're delicious! Everybody's so adorable!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna have to take more pictures of me and people I know. ~nods~ Of course, I'm not quite as hot as some of you sexilicious guys and gals, but I'm passable.

It's my older sister's bday today.

Jake Gyllenhaal is hot because he's just... I mean... he's... JAKE GYLLENHAAL, MAN!!!!!!! He's just so cool... plus he's Donnie Darko, the hottest crazy guy in existence (although indeed fictional).

I shun them. They're evil. Okay, they get points for naming Jake number 1, but Leo's not even on the list? COME ON! Leo should be number one! Jeez... some men really have no taste.

He's so adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want one. I'd like to be able to pet it, though. Dunno, maybe if I raised it from the time it was a baby it would let me scratch its tummy or something so I don't get quilled. That's another thing, I wonder if they end up loyal and affectionate like dogs or cats do. I suppose one day when I get rich I'll smuggle me a baby echidna over here... then I'll pet it and squeeze it and hug it and call it George.