Razor

Omg I totally didn't realize how abysmal of a face I was making. Sorry, hehe, I'd been awake for ages and just not quite perky.

So I got piercings you guys. I think I mentioned the lip/eyebrow, but I just got my navel done. These pictures are black and white because my webcam made me look funny colored. Anywho, here they are. Face! Tummy!

All kinds of things are happening. It's so much fun, so much going on all at once, and it's just... it's how life SHOULD be. Slightly stressful, but not too much, and lots of good, with a steady stream of continual progress. Well, I have a new roommate. Allan, my friend who hated his roomie, switched with my roomie so now we live together. Yeah, that's the Allan I made out with. No, I'm not going to make out with him again. It just isn't going to happen because of several factors, but he definitely isn't ready for that sort of thing anyway. He's still in the phobic stages. All I'm gonna do is make him get out and about and meet people and have fun, plus try to normalize being gay for him. I figure if he interacts with a gay guy on a close, daily basis then he'll like... get comfy by osmosis. I got my new computer. It's a monstrosity. Thing is HUGE. It's a notebook, lol, but I'd call it a textbook. I f**king LOVE it. XPS M1730, 4 gigs of RAM, 2.4 ghz processor, all the bells and whistles. Cost a pretty penny, but I wanted it so bad, and I figure it's okay to buy myself something I really want every once in a while. I've decimated my bank account, but I still got about 500 bucks to work with until I get paid. Most of my money will be going to pay for this computer over the next year though. I want to get as much of it paid off as possible because I have no interest for the first 12 months. I went on a date the other night with Nick. We went to eat at O'Charley's... I paid because I knew he'd originally wanted to go somewhere cheap and sixteen dollars for a meal isn't my definition of "cheap". Plus, I wanted to actually appear capable for once, lol. Well I think it went well. He makes me smile a lot, 'cause he's just adorable and he's so shy sometimes. He makes his own sound effects... kinda like I do. It's nice to have somebody else going "woosh, zoom, pow" when they do things like open a straw. At one point, he did one of those clumsy not-paying-attention bites and half a fry fell from his mouth when he bit it in half, at which point I had to say "I am SO glad that you did that first, 'cause usually it's me." <--- Totally the truth. Something about eating with new people, I always drop something on myself. Well, the whole date only lasted a bit over an hour because he had to go pick up a friend to get ready to go to a club or somethin', and I wanted to not let the conversation get awkward for him. When he dropped me off, I was like, twitching for my phone. He'd said "I'll text you later!" so I couldn't text him first. I totally was gonna lose self-control and do it anyway when I got a message like ten minutes later that read "I had a lot of fun, I dunno if I said that out loud or not". I like this one. Meaning I like him more than I usually like boys, because he appears to actually be a sweet guy, not arrogant, and intelligent. Rare mix. One of my friends got a job as a shot girl at a bar/club in town. She made 110 bucks in tips the other night, lol. This is all fantastic and whatnot, but it makes me wonder about something. Y'know, I've been losing weight still... getting mighty close to having abs... if I could make that much money in one night, or even more, I'd have no qualms about getting into a speedo and being a shot boy at The Groove. I ain't even ashamed, I'll go get a wax and tan a bit, then work it like nobody's business. I'll be flirtin' with old men left and right. So anyway, yeah, lots of stuff going on... I've been playing DDR like CRAZY, omg it's so much freakin' fun. Classes are okay, just not doing so hot in speech comunication because I haven't been paying ANY attention to it. I'll fix it though, I hope. I need some good grades, and I'm thinking I'll pull out mostly A's in my other classes. So, I shall talk to you guys later, take care, have fun!

I really don't think that you could conclude those sorts of things with only internal reasoning. The environment is doing the shaping/changing, and you're letting yourself be fooled by conclusions made from things that aren't necessarily representative of the real issues. What was his name... hm... was it Skinner that made the claim that if you gave him a child, he could turn it into whatever he wanted, be that bum, alcoholic, doctor, or whatever? Well it's really complex to attempt something like that, but he had a valid point. Maybe I should add to that sentence. Internal reasoning that is INVALID leads to these false definitions. Usually, though, the invalid reasoning is caused by something outside the individual. That computer phrase says it pretty well I guess. Garbage in, garbage out.

That's not moral relativism. Moral relativism is accepting a set of morals relative to something. Individual and cultural relativism are the most common forms, and in either one there will still be wrong and right. Wrong and right are just affected, and actually defined, by something in relation to the entity accepting the morals. People thinking there's no such thing as good and evil are more along the lines of nihilism. Also, modified versions of other things could assert the same thing I guess, but it'd be impossible to assert that in moral relativism based upon your definition of good and evil as helpful and harmful.

Good and evil are psychological constructs influenced by culture, so yeah, James. I mean, I wouldn't say they're derived from culture. I would say that they're shaped by culture. I just think it's silly. Anyone with a brain will obviously come to the conclusion, even if totally isolated from cultural influences, that some things are okay and some aren't. Generally speaking, the most logical and straightforward way to state this okay versus not okay idea is to make labels for complex sets of ideas, so you're left with good and evil. Now, this is where the psychological component interests me. Good and evil are labels. People, especially little people, learn by watching. If you see someone do something and something bad happens to them, or you sense any sort of strife, then generally you'll avoid repeating the action. However, since this is a very inexact method of learning, but totally necessary for complex behavioral methodologies (how's that for some random jargon bullshit?), misunderstandings arise. Good and evil are no longer okay and not okay. They become what people are taught or perceive as good and evil directly. I probably am not making much sense, sorry. Basically I think that people don't reason out why good is good and evil is evil, and instead take them as conventions that everyone learns automatically when in fact they're not, they're reasoned out. If you never do the reasoning for yourself, then you start taking society's, culture's, miscommunications and adding them to your definitions of the labels good and evil. The best example is us. We're evil because we're attracted to the same sex. What is not okay about attraction in any form? Acting on certain attractions might not be okay, but consensual acts shouldn't be bad. No one is being harmed. Why is it evil? It's not. Certain people think it's bad/evil/not okay because they've let their definitions of these labels be shaped by a force other than internal reasoning. That, I contend, is actually what is evil. Socrates said it, and I'll echo him. There is only one good, knowledge, and only one evil, ignorance.

Naval architect. Don't judge my five-year-old self. I wanted to build boats, damn it.

Good and evil are constructs. People call the things that make them feel good, good. The things that make them feel bad are evil. The problem with this is that people start getting confused about what's really going on, and end up doing more harm to themselves and others than helping them. I think it might be sort of a blame shifting idea, too. Like if there's good and evil, then you aren't good or evil, but the act itself or whatever made you do it was good or evil... makes a convenient escape from responsibility for some people. People also start playing at asceticism, especially as a result of religious convictions, and that's the dumbest shit ever. You should never, ever deprive yourself of something pleasurable unless it's going to hurt another person. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and guilt/shame are caused by other people, not acts themselves. Basically I just don't think there is evil or good. People fool themselves into thinking in these two constructed categories and end up missing out on a lot of life or unintentionally hurting themselves or others. Maybe that just works for me though.

You obviously don't get flirted with or flirt enough, Kit. Being flirted with has a sort of liberation attached to it, a validation of self. Someone has taken interest in the person you've built yourself into, which means you're doing a good job. I, for one, would be very depressed if I didn't have three guys wanting to bang me right now. I'd feel unattractive, unwanted, and utterly abysmal. Being flirted with is just... it's fun. Also, flirting often means different things. When I flirt with my girl friends it's a sign of affection and regard that I have for them. I don't REALLY wanna play with their funbags, but when I'm drunk and I motorboat them, it's a bonding thing. They know that I picked THEIR titties to play with over all the other titties I could play with, because I love them. When I flirt with a random guy, it's for a mutual pick-me-up a lot of times. It's amazing what a little attention from a random guy can do for your mood. When I flirt in a serious manner, as in trying to keep that person talking to me as much as possible and trying to wedge in some jokes that are revivable in a manner only we would get... then that means that I wanna keep 'em. If I grab your ass I just wanna grope you, sorry. See what I mean? Flirting is an integral part of happy daily life, at least for me. Without it I'd be a lot less happy. OH OH OH EDITED TO ADD! Kit, I would totally touch strangers even if I thought they might be offended. I LIKE physical contact and I think it's good for your mental well-being, so I give it as much as I'd like to get it. Also... c'mon, if a prude gets pissy with me for flirting with them or touching them or whatever, then it's really easy to be like "I'm sorry, won't happen again" and stay the hell away from them. Everyone wins that way!

First off, you should listen to the song Dancing by Elisa. It's absolutely f**king beautiful and it makes me want to cry and smile and giggle and sob all at the same time. So, the reason this entry is entitled "Really? REALLY?!" is because it's just un-freakin'-believable sometimes, with the shit life tends to throw at me. It's not bad, but I'm so frustrated! You guys know me, I'm a worrier, which means I want to fix everything and everyone. Two of my aunts are losin' their freakin' marbles. One's got a benzo/opiate addiction going, and from what I hear the other is just doing the benzos. Thing is that they have families and responsibilities. If one person crumbles, somebody has to pick up the slack. My aunt's hubby was the legally named guardian in case of the death of the parent of this kid, Cheyenne. She's just a little girl, like eight maybe if that, I don't remember. Basically, my aunt is totally incapable of caring for anyone. The kid spent the night with my little sisters and when my aunt came by to grab her she just started freakin' out and crying and begging my mom to let her stay. Evidently my aunt's been being a stupid bitch and making the kid stay in her room all the time, which is a hell of a lot hotter than the rest of the trailer. Needless to say, me and that aunt will be having a talk soon. It's okay if you wanna f**K up your own life, but you don't take a kid with you. I had enough of that shit when I was little and I don't wanna see it happening again. Basically my mom's talking about adopting the kid. My aunt's hubby works offshore, so there's nobody competent to take care of the kid while he's gone. As usual, my mom gets stuck cleaning up the mess someone else made. I don't begrudge the kid a place to stay where people actually will love her and take care of her (which is what my mom ROCKS at), but I hate that people keep doing this to my mom. She always ends up taking care of all the messes, fixing everything that everyone else just walks away from. It's not fair, and she deserves better. Next item of business. I got drunk as f**K in the fine arts building the other night with Allan while playing the piano. We drank a SHITLOAD of rum, and yeah... well, let me explain a bit. Allan hangs around my bestest friend Marti a lot. Marti's crushing on Allan. Allan was supposed to be all southern baptisty and like chicks. The thing about all that which doesn't add up is that I made out with him that night. He was REALLY good for someone still holding onto their V-card, too. I had the awkward situation of my best friend liking the guy I made out with, and the guy I made out with trying desperately to keep his orientation a secret. He's got the baptist boy syndrome. He haaaaates that part of himself, refuses to just be who he is and say f**K everybody else. He's attempted suicide three times, the latest attempt a couple years ago. He's still dealing with the consequences of ramming his car into the side of a building without his seatbelt on. He shattered his kneecaps and broke his left femur in I think four places. He's still got hardware holding the bone until it heals, and is taking antibiotics constantly to ward off the staph infection that is impossible to totally get rid of while the metal is still on his bone. Marti knows now, and I felt terrible for the day that I kept it a secret from her. She would've told me immediately, and I still feel bad for not telling her. I hate that it turned out this way. Marti can't have him because he's gay, and I can't have him because he can't even say the word gay without flinching terribly. There's a kid that lives across the driveway from my mom. He's TEENSY tiny, like thirty pounds, kid's a runt. Anyways, he's a badass little kid but in a cute harmless way. He checks people's mail because he's a nosey lil punk, and just generally runs all over the hill. Well, my mom heard my puppy freaking the f**K out barking at something, so she went and looked outside. Lo and behold, there lies runt-kid on the ground with all seven of the dogs that live with the various people on that hill crowded around him, and he's screaming bloody murder. The dogs didn't try to hurt him, they wanted to play with him. He's just so tiny that they knocked him down and scratched him up without meaning to. Well, his parents are nowhere to be seen. Of course when she saw him she ran out and scooped him up and did the whole mom thing she's so good at, and then started toward his trailer to look for his mother. They were having a birthday party and were evidently pretty sloshed and nobody seemed to know exactly where the mom was, so my mom just kept wandering and asking until she finally got somebody to take her to the kid's mom, who then just took the kid without a thanks or anything. Stupid bitch. It's okay if you wanna get drunk, but you have to keep an eye on your kid. I mean goddamn, really? If you know you're gonna get that f**ked up, why not at least call someone that will watch him? Why not schedule a sleepover, or a playdate so you can do your party thing while he's having fun and is safely watched at the same time? It's not cool to neglect your kids and be a shitty parent because you wanna get drunk, or take xanax, or take lortabs, or are just too much of a little bitch to deal with life. KIDS don't ask to be born, and they deserve every possible bit of support that you can give them. Okay, so yeah... all of these sad, ugly, f**ked up things have been happening. None of it has happened to me, but it makes me so frustrated. I want to clap my hands and all of it be fixed like some Mary Poppins shit. Blech. It makes me angry that people do that to kids, and it really pisses me off that my mother has to be the responsible person who takes care of everyone who's too lazy or f**ked up to do it themselves. Rant over, which was all this really was. Like I said, I really wish I could just fix everything and it gets me irritated when I can't do anything to help anyone. Hugs to you all, have an awesome day. Lub jooz.

I LOVE THAT SONG BY DANGEROUS MUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my GOD they're so hot, and that just... oh wow, if I ever did... .wait... I'm in public, so I'll hush now. Let's just say that song really, really makes me just... whew.

You're never obligated to do anything no matter what anyone else wants you to do. Also, you probably made his day 'cause he had a sexy man like you flirting with him. It was a good deed.

Okay gay anthem totally means something different for me. Basically I think of the gayest imaginable song when I think "gay anthem". So technically I'm off-topic.... but for me that insanely queer, but also insanely and hilariously fun song is.... Fashionista, by Jimmy James PLACES! Beautiful! No one ugly allowed! Hahahahaha!

I definitely disagree. The hair makes him look like a man instead of a little bitch.

Hahahahaha, I love you guys all sooooooooooooo much. Gene... you just don't know. I tell all, even the stuff I really should never say aloud, much less put in writing. ~hugs~ Nice to meet ya, btw. Sharon, I appreciate your fine taste in linguistic somersaults of punnery. I must say, I was wondering if the sit 'n spin comment was too lewd for a moment until I remembered it's my blog and I'm pretty lewd when I wanna be. Kevvers and Tim and Drewbie, you guys are pretty spot on, lol. Except the only thing is, Kevvers, that I just hate having to explain things like that. No matter what anyone says, he WILL be taken aback at the fact that I really dislike the way he kisses. It might fade, but it'll ouch, and I don't like making people ouch. I'm too nice for that (given that they haven't pissed me off, of course). Carl.... I do not want any genital piercings, lol. Ew ew ew ew ew. Just not cool, yo. The lip ring oh god, lemme tell you guys... the other day I was eatin' my chik-fil-a and I bit the back of it. The ball sunk halfway into my lip because I pulled it so hard, and it was all bleeding and ouching and I was screaming f**K over and over and I pushed it back through. It was rough. I do wanna get my navel and MAYBE a nipple done eventually tho. Okay... next blog entry will so be really soon because this year is turnin' out to be just f**kin' crazy weird. LOVE YOU ALL! From behind.

Omg yay hair coloring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm working on getting my natural color back... but I totally know that in a month or so I'll be doing some random insane color. Cute picture, Zilar!!!! Oh, got piercings... lip and eyebrow... totally gonna post pictures soon, I think they're pretty.

Oh jeebus guys. Oh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebus. Blech!!! I think the fact that I'm incredibly tired and far too caffeinated is definitely contributing to this annoyance, but I've just had a run of annoyances lately and I'm looking for fun to balance it. Okay, so, worst case scenario: 1.) I lose my job that I've had for barely one week because I got my schedule ALL f**ked up and have missed a shift or two on accident. 2.) I settle for what I think is less than I deserve and end up with a ditzy (in a borderline cute kind of way) bad kisser wanting me for a boyfriend when all I really want from him is to ride him like a sit 'n spin and then say bye. Which is mean. 3.) I get so pissed off at being neglected by friends that I decide to tell them off and then I'm left without friends. OR 4.) I never get pissed off enough at being neglected by friends that I continue to tolerate it and fade into nonexistence. 5.) I realize I've spread myself a bit too thin and let my grades slip. I need A's. The semester has not even really started yet and I already feel a little out of control. 6.) I keep succumbing to the idiotic fancies that take me, never taking into account the needs and concerns of others, much less the fact that I know I should feel guilty for some of the things I do. 7.) I spend a good portion of the thousand bucks (which I really need...) on drugs because I feel out of control and thus don't care that I'm spending it on drugs. 8.) My new piercings get infected and I'm left with a deformed face. 9.) I have HIV. It's my new phobia. Every time I feel like I have a fever or I realize I'm tired when I don't think I should be, I immediately go "I HAVE AIDS!" in my head. It's impossible. Since the last time I had sex, which was protected sex, I donated blood. They sent me a card and called asking for more. They would've told me if I had it. 10.) I realize that I've lost focus and I've forgotten what my goals are, and return to the nihilistic existence following the post-roommate fiasco. So, I know that's all INCREDIBLY dramatic, but I'm on one of my worrying kicks. Basically the thing with the job is that I work late night shifts, and I totally f**ked up the fact that 12:00 AM Sunday really means SATURDAY at MIDNIGHT. The woman that hired me said that I could start working the night she hired me. It was a Thursday, and I had McCarty from 12:00-6:00 AM. On Friday, I had nothing. Thus, I assumed that she meant it as just THURSDAY NIGHT... get me? I was wrong I think, I'm waiting on a reply, and I'll beg forgiveness and plead idiocy if need be. I've only missed like one shift though, so I think it'll be okay. Also, I think I'm working the wrong one right now. I don't care though because I already signed the book and I'm getting credit no matter what, lol. So f**K it. There's this guy, Zach. He's nice (NOT THE OLD ZACH!!! Who, btw, I saw in the library and shocked myself by being congenial), but I must say that the boy is not the sharpest tack in the bulletin board. Sometimes I'll say things and he'll just be a little lost until I explain a bit more. Also, sometimes he says things that are absolutely obvious to me, things that don't even warrant being spoken aloud. He's a cute boy, and he's a sweet guy, so I could deal with the not-so-bright thing. Obviously, being a little less intelligent isn't so bad if the person is genuine and caring. However, he's an AWFUL kisser. Like terrible! Oh my god I just... uggh! STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY TONSILS! What is it with boys and kissing like they're trying to score a goddamn goal? LIPS, boys, lead with the lips! No more than a third of your tongue should EVER be in my mouth! It makes it wet and icky and dude, tongue wrestling is so not my thing. So... I'm trying to decide if I want to keep allowing this exchange to continue, or if I should just tell him now that it won't happen. Right now, there's no magic. There's no sparks, there's not much of anything other than he kind of makes me feel good because he's attracted to me, and to me that's very user-like of me. I will give him credit for the fact that he knows exactly how to rub the exact spot on my lower back to make me shiver, though. At the moment, though, I'm just not sure exactly how to handle this. Oh, another disturbing thing, he claims that he actually likes my squishy parts (my tummy). Um, NO. I'm fat-phobic, and that motivates me even more to go back to no-carb, low-fat, some-protein, living-off-multivitamins-and-diet-energy-drinks mode. Also makes me SERIOUSLY wanna get in the gym and work on my abs, and I fully intend to buy DDR sometime very soon so that I can do fun cardio excercise in my room. Blaaaaaah, it's so annoying to be liked by people you don't like, and completely f**king ignored by the ones you do like!!!!!! Paul is nonexistent in my life now. Since Annie's got a house now that she's sharing with Claire, it's become the spot for him to be. Which is great, except now he's spending all of his time there. I miss my best friend, even if he is a low-down, two-timing, closet-druggie skeezeball of a guy. He's MY low-down, two-timing, closet-druggie skeezeball of a guy, and I lubs him for it. He offers reassurance and confidence, and I get to watch his masterful manipulations. I just don't like the fact that I have no leverage now; he no longer needs a shadow/cohort because school's back in full swing. I've been spending a lot of time with my friend Marti, who is surprisingly like me on the virtuous front. We both have strong feelings about the proper way to treat other people, ways that Paul and Annie both have a way of deviating from. I have random urges all the time. Not really random, because they're triggered, but still... it's getting kind of difficult to warrant why I'm not just following those urges. Why am I resisting? Why am I trying to build this acceptable image of Jamie? For instance, why don't I just get Paul geeked and then sex him and never tell a soul, just because it would satisfy the exotic idea of me having power over him in a big way? Why don't I just go ahead and lead Zach on, f**K him silly, and then move on? Why don't I go ahead and do whatever the hell I want whenever I want? It's getting convoluted in my head, and I need to do some serious structuring of my thoughts to avoid disaster. I've been sober for a long time, guys. I'm not counting pot or alcohol. I don't like pot. Alcohol is fun, but it's just not what I want. I have this overwhelming CRAVING for good old-fashioned hard drugs. I'm being careful to avoid anyone who might offer me a hookup because at this point I know that if someone could sell me something, I'd take them up on the offer in a heartbeat. I have no willpower, so the best thing to do is to make sure that I have no way to procure what I want but don't need. Drugs are one sure way to absolutely ruin my collegiate career, and fail at life miserably. I got my lip and eyebrow pierced! I think they're PRETTY! I have a stud in the lip right now and I want a ring, but I have to wait for it to heal first so the swelling is totally gone and I can switch out to the right sized ring. The eyebrow is KICKASS. I'm loving it. It doesn't hurt at all now, and I just got it pierced way earlier today. I got 'em both done at the same time. Also, never make out with a fresh oral piercing. Guys, it's just not a good idea, trust me on it. I'm getting phobic as hell. I'm inventing more and more idiotic fears that I know are rationally idiotic but there's like this gut instinct that's a bitch to overcome. The general fear and sense of directionlessness of life is getting annoyingly overwhelming. I have the resolution for that, though, and I intend to implement it majorly. Acting. The more I act like I'm completely unafraid and I know exactly what I'm doing, the more I start to believe it. As long as I make an honest attempt to totally convince myself that I'm in control, it's fairly easy to keep myself in check. When I start letting things slip, though, even little things, I start freaking out. I start thinking about them over and over and over until I'm crazy. It's just not cool. Roomie... ah, to think that I'd come so close to completely erasing his existence. I was SO close, guys. Then out of nowhere, I got dragged back into a world where he exists. Well, this time, I'm not settling for what I'm given. I'm making my own terms. I'm not going to let anyone else interfere with my life, and the fact that I can't completely erase him isn't going to faze me a bit. f**K him. He doesn't have anything I want, he ain't shit, and I don't need anything from him to affirm myself. If anything, being around him reinforces these notions of independence. I'm over it. Okay, so things aren't going badly. I'm just readjusting to having strain and stress in life. I'm okay, and I can handle all of it. I can handle all of it far better than most other people can. I'm capable, and adaptive. I talk to myself self-help book style. Isn't that lame? f**K you, I'm cool. So there. I'm getting a new computer, so I'm crazy happy about that, and I'll be okay. Everything's panning out, it's just that I need to learn to not sweat the small things, and to not feel bad about telling people no sometimes. I'm just peachy, guys, and really... I'm happier than I can ever remember being. I think that counts for something.

Happy birthday!!!

I've decided to list the ones that I've found so far. 1.) It is far easier to find lies than truths. 2.) There are many truths, but many more lies. 3.) Lies can be disproven, and most truths can never be proven. 4.) Everyone will inevitably disappoint you at some point. 5.) Disappointment is neither good nor bad in and of itself. 6.) There is no unifying truth, no ultimate purpose. 7.) Truth differs subjectively between perspectives as it bends, contorts, and is sometimes shattered beyond all recognition. 8.) Few people are entirely truthful, especially not those who never tell a lie; their faces are painted skillfully, and often it is nearly impossible to know what they really look like. 9.) True love is a vicious myth, visiting pain and broken expectations among those who believe it. 10.) Love grows from friendship, warmth, trust, caring, empathy, and devotion. 11.) Love also grows from hate, frustration, disgust, loathing, miscommunication, and inconsistency. 12.) Careful observation reveals more than conversation; seeing how people juggle others is a much better lens through which to view character than looking directly at them. 13.) Everyone manipulates others to a certain degree, even those they love with all their hearts. 14.) Luck is the favorable result of several decisions made with varying degrees of arbitrariness, not the force behind those decisions; there is no such thing as this definition of luck. 15.) There is never a reason to deprive yourself from something pleasurable, save that it will harm another. 16.) No one else has any license to drive your life. You're born with that, it came in your baby-sized shrinkwrapped box, and it is inseparable from you. 17.) Worrying is useless. Stop it. 18.) Guilt is useless. Learn, and then let it go. 19.) There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's. 20.) Good people think bad thoughts. 21.) Bad people act on bad thoughts. So that's what I got so far. I may add to this list sometime... I think it'd be a fun daily list to keep up with. Just one thing a day, write it in my notebook, and keep track of it. Never know what I could come up with... it could be kind of cool.

Maybe I'm mean, but if someone gives in and cheats on their bf/gf/partner, what the person they cheated with did to facilitate their decision is absolutely irrelevant. Key word: facilitation. They didn't make the decision, they only made it easier to decide wrong. If I were to play dirty (though I don't really because I usually don't want someone that much), I would see it as their choice no matter what my influence. They obviously didn't REALLY want to be with that person or they wouldn't have let me lead them astray.

I'd have to say that you should probably go with not indulging this urge. Also, I have to question what the cause of the behavior REALLY is. Why do you do what you do? Just "it makes me feel better for some strange reason" doesn't explain what that strange reason is, so you should work on figuring it out. Is it getting the attention you want that makes you feel better? That's sort of what it sounds like to me. Kevin's got a good explanation, but based off the the teensy bit of information we have here, it's sort of difficult to really figure anything out for certain. All I'll add here is just that you should avoid that type of behavior at all costs. Learn to recognize your triggers, keep yourself calm, and distance yourself from the situation until you can deal with things/people properly. People aren't very forgiving when it comes to intentional harm. Sure, they may SAY everything is fine and dandy, but the one good piece of advice my dad ever gave me is that it takes three "'at-a-boy"s to make up for one "ah shit".

Evidently I write like a girl. Most of what I put in was female, and what wasn't was really, really close. So... should I like... make my copy of Word do some bicep curls and chinups so it's more manly? O.o

Anyone who gets their panties in a twist over that song is just dumb. Sorry, but it's not meant to be supporting gay rights or shocking the hell out of anyone. The only purpose for it is to entertain. It's a fun song, it's catchy, and the subject matter makes ya smile. Little off topic, but I've been more and more irked by the media's attempt to turn everything into this big sociopolitical debate, ESPECIALLY when anything homosexual is involved.

Sometimes Anne Rice... 'cause that bitch can be soooooooo sexy without ever saying "sexy". I find that when I see the words "penis", "cock", "dick", "wood"...... ya get the drift.... it's such an incredible annoyance and turnoff. Um, Poppy Z. Brite sometimes. If I'm going for the freakout factor, she's the model for it. That woman holds the uncontested title for being able to freak someone out so thoroughly that they can't sleep for a week thinking about it, while remaining utterly calm and collected and making them want to come back for more of the same.

Chaucer doesn't hold a candle to Shakespeare. Tell that bitch to rewrite everything he ever did in iambic pentameter and then maybe we'll talk. Favorite by far is A Midsummer Night's Dream. It's just so damn hilarious, hehe, even though people get all pissy when you say it's your favorite because they think you're just uneducated concerning Shakespeare. I really like The Tempest as well, and a few others. Not big on Shakespeare's tragedies... they're so gloomy and dramatic. That said, I will admit that some of those are very good, too. I hate histories. I hate all histories. Death to history.