Razor

I'm a little bit annoyed. Generally things are going well. I'm employed (actually twice-employed) and in class and doing well. The only thing that's not going great is my weight because that's gone back up to the mid-140s instead of the mid 130s like it should be, but even that doesn't really bother me. The thing that's pissing me the f**K off is the way my mother seems to want to treat me like I'm a child. Okay, yeah, I'm 19, blahblahblah, she's older and she knows better. Whatever. That excuse only holds for so long. It worked fine when I was 15. It did okay when I was 16 and 17. When I was 18 it got old. Now I'm saying f**K that, I'm a goddamned adult. The big bone of contention betwixt the two of us right now is a car. My grandparents have decided that it's (FINALLY) time to step up to the plate and assist with my procuring a vehicle. There's a Honda Accord we're eyeing for six grand, mildly used. Well my mother is CONVINCED that it is complete and utter folly for me to purchase a vehicle. What the f**K is wrong with her brain?! I'm nineteen goddamn years old and have two jobs and no transportation! That's just plain idiotic! It's not even like I need her help. My grandmother is the one behind the plan, not my mom. Her hubby, however, has made the comment that "Well if your mom doesn't want you to get a car then I'm not gonna go against her, just wouldn't be right" because he's old school like that. Frankly, I don't care, I'll get it regardless if it's in the shape I think it is and my great uncle will sell it to me on a financed basis, lol. Not like I have six grand to fork over right now, but I could get a serious drop in that bucket pretty quick if I need to. My mom just doesn't seem to want to let me actually BE an adult. She's always been like this, but it's time to back the f**K off. She's not paying my bills (well aside from my cell phone bill but that's on her, I didn't make her and if need be I'll take that off her hands too), she's not paying for my education, she's not paying for me. It's MY money, MY life, MY everything so she really has no f**king say in whether or not I get this car. I don't want to make her angry with me, but I'm going to have a vehicle within the next month. It's high time that I got one, I'm sick of having to bum rides and feeling like I'm dancing halfway between being a kid and an adult. Her stance is that I only have two months before that DUI is gone and I don't need expensive insurance, so I should wait. I'm gonna be making approximately 1000 a month before taxes, which granted isn't a lot, but it's enough. Let's add up, shall we? Computer bill is 100 a month, credit card needs to be paid off and there's a total of 400 on it right now, and those are my current expenses excluding the day-to-day things. I have 200 in the bank right now, and computer's paid for the month. I have a check coming on the 30th, and I'll also be drawing my desk assistant paycheck which should total up to about 250. I have a lil over 300 on my credit card that's usable. All told, by the end of the month my usable money should total up to about 1600 dollars. I'm pretty sure that I can handle this car, especially since I ALSO work in the mall now too. Let's add in another 250 near the end of the month from THAT paycheck. I'm kickin' two grand now. I KNOW I can do this. Total income each month should be 1000 (approximately 250 every two weeks from each job, more if I happen to work extra hours which I don't foresee because I'm lazy), right? 1000- 100 for computer- 100 for credit card bill (I never pay less than 100 a month, 'cause that's just dumb if you use it and don't pay it off ASAP and I use mine for daily expenses)- 200 for car payment- 300 for initial insurance payment = 300 dollars left. COME THE f**K ON, I'm not even cutting it that close!!! That means I can pay off MORE of my computer at a time, or MORE of my car at a time. PLUS my grandma has already told me that she'd put 100 toward my car every month, so I mean really I'd only have to pay 100 but I want to pay 200 just to get it over with quicker. Even besides that... you realize I can sell plasma for 240 dollars a month if I had time to do it? Oh, and transportation, too. 'Course I probably won't do that unless I just needed or wanted extra money because that's a hassle with a tight schedule, but yeah. My entire point with all that is simply that while I'm not making a f**kton of money, I am making enough to get this car and pay the insurance, especially since in about two months it'll go down to damn near half of what I'd pay now for the insurance. I'd be okay. I'm convinced that this is one of those things to where she just doesn't want to admit that I'm completely independent, that I don't rely on her at every turn for everything, and that she has no influence other than giving her opinion on my decisions. That said, I'm trying not to be mean to her because she has done a wonderful job of supporting me when I've needed it, and covering the really unexpected things that come up like the rare expensive doctor visit or what have you, ESPECIALLY last year before I had an income. I love her very much, but it's really time to back off and let me do what I need to do. Also if one more person tells me "school comes first!" I'll punch them in their spoiled f**king mouth. They're not paying for everything themselves, so they can kiss my ass. Oh and my grades are probably better than theirs any f**king way. DONE ranting. I'm exciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiited for schooooooooooooool 'cause I'm haaaaaaaaaaappy! I'm so ready to get into the swing of things! I love psych classes and that's virtually all I have this semester. WOOHOOO. Okay I'm shuttin' up now 'cause I'ma go find caffeine and maybe something to do to waste an hour or two before I need to go to my next class. Bye.

You know I'm really surprised but I actually LIKE 7. Vista CONSTANTLY hogs memory like freakin' crazy. At pretty much any given moment that I'm actually using my computer it's got 1.5 gigs tied up. 7 has been using more like 700 to 800 megs... so basically half what Vista uses. It's also prettier, and I like pretty things. I'm afraid to get rid of Vista on my compy entirely so right now I've been dual booting to play with it, but yeah... I'm not sure exactly how to fix certain things if I decided to use 7. For instance, my little LCD doesn't display stuff when using 7 (I have a small screen built into the keyboard that shows performance and whatnot sorta things)... and my video card seems to be a bit... inaccessible... yeah I'm not sure what's up with it in 7. I'd have to f**K around with it and I'm afraid to do that 'cause I think I'll muck up and not be able to fix what I screw up. ~sigh~ Alas, I shall stick to simply playing with 7 for now until I get really motivated to use it and then I'll switch some things around...

Please for the love of all that is good, USE CONTRACTIONS/APOSTROPHES IN DIALOGUE! Not one single freakin' person I know puts a "g" on the end of all of their -ing words. Also, when is the last time you heard a person say "can not/will not/I am/she is/they are" or any other such whatever, excluding an instance where added emphasis is desirable?!?!?! It makes me froth at the mouth when I see that written. Drives me absolutely up a wall, can't stand it, and if I'd just read something you wrote and a quote contained such things and you're not a journalist (thus quoting exactly what a person really did say and the only POSSIBLE reason for that to exist inside quotation marks)... I would likely hit you if I were able. Though funny story!!! When I was little, I read all the Boxcar Children books; silly, incredibly simplified, insanely quick-reading mystery books aimed at children. I first saw the word "dunno" in these books and didn't want to ask what it meant because I never asked what words meant (except when I asked my mother), I would just look them up or use context clues. I had no idea what the hell they meant by "Dunno, blahblahblah." until I finished the second book and I figured it out. Childhood blond moment... don't make fun of me... it wasn't in the dictionary... THAT'S CHEATING AND WE DIDN'T HAVE DICTIONARY.COM BACK THEN!

And yet again, a Nifty story? (I'm sorry, you people just make it too easy what with your talk of stories of evil twins)

Yeah I do far prefer looking at the positive, uplifting ones. The negative stuff just doesn't seem to get a real reaction from me at all. Now some of the positive, happy ones are really adorably wonderful. Makes me all warm and fuzzy and whatnot.

A nifty story?

Hehe, a little random but I saw a lady in a wheelchair the other day smoking. It cracked me up a little because she had to be like seventy-something, unable to walk, but still smokin' like a chimney. Such a hardcore lil ole lady.

Check it out. postsecret.com It's definitely interesting. I'm way behind everyone else as usual and had never heard of the site, but yeah. Somehow none of the insanity people hide really seems secret-worthy to me, though. I mean, yeah, it might not be associated with an individual but c'mon now, really? We all know everyone has secrets. We all know that there are pedophiles, murderers, and plain freaks in the world. We just don't know that they're our friends and neighbors. Thus, I think the art project is ineffective. Society as a whole is far too jaded to be shocked at hearing anonymous secrets. We just kinda nod and maybe think of people we know whose secrets we happen to have found out. Now an art project where it connects the secret to the faces you see every day of your life... THAT would be a shocker. Just a wee bit unethical, but damned entertaining. Just think about how freaked out people would be if they figured out the reason their six-year-old son's kindergarten teacher is a kindergarten teacher is because they like the way six-year-old boys smell when they come in sweaty off the playground, or that the crazy old guy from vietnam who lives down the street secretly relished the feeling of killing another human being and keeps wishing he could do it again, or the petite girl from class who always eats SO MUCH but stays SO SMALL is actually bulimic. Also, I think maybe I'm a lil screwy for coming up with those examples.

Omg I'm gonna try it. You know, if it screws up, oh well. I wanna play with the new windows!!! Can always fix it back if I don't like it....

I'll definitely agree that keeping a healthy inner focus on self-improvement and self-sufficient happiness does make a person MUCH more attractive. Also, I don't very much care to stop doing anything I do for another person. Regardless of what you may think, I really believe that if you're very much given to a particular practice and are forced into quitting it... you WILL inevitably and for a good length of time resent that person on at least some level. It's a seed of destruction in a healthy relationship, just sayin'. And if anyone moves on because I smoke, oh well. That's up to them, and I'm happy the way I am right now. I've cut back drastically and intend to quit eventually, but right now I greatly enjoy my cigarettes and don't intend to quit right now.

Really? Mine is so lame! You are a striped stud magnet who likes to feed heterosexuals. blech.

...own life straightened out first, yes. However, I dislike the phrasing there with "out of the blue". It sorta implies that it's guaranteed to happen that way for everyone. Most of the time love is not anywhere near "out of the blue"; it's a hindsight bias that people have when they look back and want to think that there was something special about their particular experience, and that they just "clicked" and whatnot. Love isn't a sudden, strong, insanely torrential emotion... that'd be lust. Love takes a lot of time to develop and has a huge continuum of degree. I love my friends a good bit. I love some of my friends enough that I'd go out of my way to do something for them. I love a few of my friends enough that I'd intentionally suffer so that they could avoid the same. I love certain members of my family enough that I'd not hesitate to jump in front of a bullet if I knew it were coming for them. Yeah, so I "love" all of my friends and family, but to drastically different degrees. It takes time and the right actions to develop it to a degree where the word "love" can really be used in a strong fashion. I damn sure wouldn't take a bullet for anyone who I recently said "I love you" to, even though that doesn't make the phrase itself ANY less true. Point is, it's something that is in a continuum, not an either/or. Agree. I'll never quit smoking for a boyfriend. I'll agree to try harder, or take their opinion into account, but it's my choice. Quite frankly, people should really realize that trying to force a person, or even worse, guilt a person into quitting smoking is one fantastic way to ensure that they resent you on a deep level for a long time. Forcing change for another person isn't really as good an idea as it sounds. If you don't like something about a person, either deal with it or move on; don't ever count on them to change for you because it's unfair to both people. Plus I'm one of those people that would very likely smoke more just for spite if pushed too hard. The second you stop looking is the second you miss it. Just sayin', if you wanna catch a fish you don't stop looking at the cork bobbing in the water. You might not fixate your eyes absolutely on it with no time to grab a beer from your cooler or carry on a low-key conversation with friends or look up to see what's going on around you... but your best bet to catch the fish is to pay attention to when the cork pops under the water. Not the best of analogies, and a bit dramatic, but I think my point remains intact. If you want something, you should never expect it to fall into your lap; it'll just make you bitter when it never does. Then again... perhaps I'm not the best person to comment on the subject.

You know it, baby. Though when that happened I must admit, I was on the front porch.

Ditto. There are certain things that, if anyone does, constitute a direct violation of what I consider to be basic rules of decency. For instance, plundering through my computer is a huge no-no. Going through my things, especially things known to be considered private, means I don't associate with that person anymore. Period.

Heh... so the last Latin party I went to... well, basically there's a house near campus for certain foreign exchange students who happen to be of Latin descent. Now, they have parties a lot. It was cold outside this particular night, so nearly everyone was inside. Nearly all of the at least 100 people at that party were inside... inside a really old house... in the living room... on a rickety old wooden floor... with salsa music playing and everyone drunk and dancing... The floor caved in. http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc...0052603_616.jpg http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc...052607_1669.jpg http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc...052599_9591.jpg So.... basically.... kick that guy's ass out because if you don't, your floor might cave in.

This is me being a smiley happy drunk at a 201 house party a couple months ago. I should really take more pictures... but I only look decent in ones like this that are totally random and unexpected. http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2...439064_1017.jpg

Do you ever have one of those moments where you step back, look at your life, and realize that you really have shit to show for it? I'm having one of those moments, big time. 1.) School: -My grades have fallen. This semester was awful, worst yet. Two A's, a C, and an F. -Good news is I'll be a research assistant next semester for Dr. Zeigler-Hill, who's actually interested in things that tie into my own interests. Assuming nothing insane happens, he should be a seriously useful resource for me, especially when it comes time to apply to grad school. 2.) Finances: -I have like, negative five hundred dollars right now, lol. I'm so poor, I'm starting to wonder how the f**K I'm ever going to get anything accomplished. I need a rich relative, and I need them to kick the bucket, pronto. Speaking of which, this lucky bastard my roomie's dating just had a relative he'd only met once leave him a little over eighteen grand. Thanks, God, I appreciate you letting me see the people around me get lucky breaks and letting me keep wading through shit, you imaginary bastard. -Christmas isn't happening this year. My present? A new phone after a year and a half of dealing with the piece of shit one. I bought myself a new one because the old one stopped charging. My mom's struggling to make ends meet more than ever, she's living in a trailer yet again, and to top it all off she's taking care of a kid who she can't even claim on her income tax and isn't getting any support from the people who SHOULD be taking care of the girl. She's got three hundred dollars to make Christmas happen, which is why I say that shit just ain't gonna happen this year. Oh, and my little sister? Bipolar as the day is long, and so f**king looneytunes I can't help but wanna beat the holy shit outta her almost every time I see her because her very existence means that my mom has to put up with more than anyone ever should, and dish out even more money that she doesn't have to take her to see a shrink who doesn't have a f**king clue what he's talking about and prescribes Strattera of all things. Mentally ill or not, I don't give a f**K. Grow the hell up a little and quit being such a f**king burden. -Every time I think things might be getting better, they end up twice as bad as before. I'm sick of it. -By the way, I hate my job. I really, really HATE my job. 3.) Friends -I have two that I enjoy being around. If not for Marti and Liz, I would just go off the deep end. -I switched roommates at the beginning of the semester. This neurotic prick that I live with now is driving me batty. I swear before Bugs Bunny, I can't WAIT for an opportunity to f**K his world up. Allan is his name, and I've done more for him than I ever should've. He's gotta be one of the bitchiest, most unappreciative, annoying little cocksuckers I've ever had the misfortune to meet. I'm going to rub fiberglass insulation in his underwear before I leave for the break. Take that, bitch. I dare him to complain about the surgery he's having on his leg during the break. I WILL tell him exactly what I think; that he needs to shut the f**K up complaining about his goddamn leg all the time because HE is the one who crashed his f**king car into a wall, ON PURPOSE, because he couldn't quit being such a little queer pansy-assed bitch and stand up for himself. "Everything's so hard because my parents are religious and I'm gaaaaay, waaaaaah!!" SHUT THE f**K UP AND DEAL WITH IT, YOU STUPID c**t OF AN ASS-PIRATE!! -Paul Gates can go f**K himself. Piece of shit. -If I have one more encounter with a person who isn't worth the air they suck up, I really am going to beat the holy f**K out of them. 4.) Family -My memaw is insane. 'Nuff said. -My grandmother... take your religion and shove it in your c**t, I don't want anything to do with your imaginary friend. By the way, guess what? It IS your fault that your son is a drunken bastard. If my theory's correct, you get all the credit for that one. Thankfully, MY mother isn't anywhere NEAR your level of bitch. Go suck a dick. -My older sister; GET A REAL MOTHERf**kING JOB, AND QUIT BEING A DUMB c**t! -Little sister; quit being a crazy bitch, shut the f**K up, and be thankful your mother loves you because if I were her I'd have had you committed a long f**king time ago. -My aunt; if you want to do drugs, use your own money to do it and quit failing so hard at life. -Little siblings; you don't know how good you f**king have it. You might not have all the shit you want, but you don't live with an alcoholic, and you've never had to worry about half the shit I put up with when I was your age. Grow up. So I'm a little bitter. You get that way after a while of putting up with dumbassery. I'm on vacation starting Friday. I'm gonna go home, and I'm going to do as much as possible around the house for my mom. On the 28th, I'm getting on a plane and getting the f**K out of here for a week. I'm going to relax, and spend time with someone who doesn't drive me up a f**king wall. When I get back, I'm focusing on myself. f**K everyone else. I'm not going to feel bad about neglecting anyone, about telling people no, about a goddamn thing. I'm gonna spend my time working and focusing on school, and start letting people know exactly what I think of them. I'm done being nice, and I'm done going without or going out of my way for people who would never do the same for me. Well, I feel better now. Now that I'm done ranting... I'm so excited about the break!!!!! It's gonna be so much fun, and I can't wait to go see my friend!! Note: this blog requires no comments, really. No one likes hearing anyone else's ranting, and I'd really rather you spend the minute or two you'd take typing a comment doing something fun or fulfilling. I would also say that I'm sorry for neglecting GA, but I'm not. I was serious about not feeling bad about neglecting people/telling people no/refusing to sacrifice for people. Love you guys, and I heart GA, but I've been busy. Seezya.

I've been neglecting GA really badly. Makes me a little sad, but it's because I'm just so busy all the time with all of this insanity that is collegiate life. Really, though, I have an extremely important announcement to make. I got my hips pierced. HAHAHAHA, YES! Microdermals!!! It's like a tiny plate thingy they slide under the skin after punching a hole with a needle. I want six total, three on each side, but I got these first to see how they'll end up looking and feeling so I know if I like them or not. Basically it just looks like a little disk is glued magically to my skin. It's so cuuuuuuuuuuute, I love them! I'll get you guys pictures soon, but I had to tell about this because it was just so awesome and I've been wanting hip surface piercings for so long and now I got microdermals!!!! Yeah, I'm totally addicted to piercings, but I really love them and I think they're pretty. See you guys, gonna take a nap now.

I am right there with you.

Shave your balls, peeps. That's all I'm sayin'. Nobody likes hairy testicles. It's just not cool. Other hair is fine, so long as it's not insane.

Also... found one by Steven Meretzky that I really like. Dorothy: "f**K it, I'll stay here."

I just don't love you anymore.

LOL I love that! :D !!!! Also, I really love that six word creation of Hemingway's. It's quite impressive, really, when you think about it. Okay, so, a six word story of my own... will have to wait because I'll have to think about this. I got nothing right now that's halfway decent... I'll return.

I'm sick of this shit. I've managed to slip up and let myself regress back to my old self. I've slid back into that idiotic frame of mind where I let other people influence how happy I am, where I depend on other people. I need to get back to being self-sufficient, independent of any needs that require other people's cooperation. Today's gonna be the turnaround. I need to make up my lost ground and gain a little more. First, I'm getting back to my diet/exercise. I'm not gonna let other people try and lull me into that complacency where I forget momentarily that I'm not at my best yet. All it ever ends up doing is frustrating me and making me feel bad about it later. I'm not listening to any of this idiocy about "Oh, if you lose any more weight you'll blow away!" or "You sound anorexic!" or any of that bullshit. I'm NOT anorexic, and I'm NOT what I want to be yet, so I WILL do what the hell I want and get the body I want. Kiss my ass. Just because everybody else is content being overweight and having no definition or musculature doesn't mean I have to be, too. I'm going to feel good about myself with every pound I lose. I'm going to force Allan to take me to buy a set of scales tomorrow, and I'm going to start keeping track of it. Second, I'm not going to let this idiocy about boys f**K with my head. There's no reason I should let what anyone, let alone any guy who doesn't even know me, have any bearing on how I feel. They know NOTHING about me. Hell, my best friend right now knows next to nothing about me because we don't talk about anything other than day to day things. We have an unspoken understanding that we just DON'T bring up drama. We go for the cheap thrills, the happy things, good old shallow fun. Anyway, guys can go f**K themselves, because I don't need 'em. Half of them don't even know what they want, and I'm not going to attempt to impress anyone anymore other than myself. I'm just done. Third, I'm pulling my grades up. They've been slipping, and it's unacceptable. There's no reason whatsoever that my grades should be this low. I'm gonna have to pull something off to fix them, but one's a definite A, one's a definite B, and the other two are totally up in the air. I'm not going to be doing this trying to keep up with friends bullshit anymore. They'll understand that I just don't have time to hang out during the week. I can't do it and I'm not going to kill myself trying. You realize I work night shifts? Some days I don't sleep for more than 36 hours at a time, constantly doing something. I'm not adding to that, not to mention the bad nights when I'm all insomniac like tonight and can't sleep. Yeah, today is class from nine in the morning to nine at night, and then I go to work at three in the morning. Fourth, I'm just not letting all of this bullshit bother me anymore. I pay way too much attention to other people, and I pay way too much attention to the parts of my situation that I dislike. It's about time that I let these things slide past me, and learn not to dwell on all of it. I don't HAVE to be frustrated, no matter what happens to me. Frustration doesn't help, so why make myself crazy? Just doesn't make sense. Now, I'm about to get the hell up out of this bed, and get cracking on making this day a great one. There's no reason it can't be amazing, and I intend to make it that way. Gonna go have me a smoke, then come back up and plan out what I need to be doing today. As soon as Allan's all the way awake, I'm going to play DDR until I need to shower/shave and go to class. After that, gonna come back here and clean the f**K out of this room, 'cause it really could use it. That's another thing I've noticed; the cleaner and more orderly my room is, the better I feel in general. So, off to start the day. Also, here's a couple songs for you guys. Look 'em up. First is "Still Hurting", from The Last Five Years. Second is Die Vampire Die! from [title of show]. "Jamie is over and Jamie is gone Jamie's decided it's time to move on Jamie's has new dreams he's building upon And I'm still hurting Jamie arrived at the end of the line Jamie's convinced that the problems are mine Jamie's probably feeling just fine And I'm still hurting What about lies, Jamie? What about things that you swore to be true? What about you, Jamie? What about you? Jamie's sure something wonderful died. Jamie decides it's his right to decide. Jamie's got secrets he doesn't confide. And I'm still hurting. Go and hide and run away, run away. Run and find something better. Go and ride the sun away, run away. Like it's simple, like it's right. Give me a day, Jamie. Bring back the lies, hang them back on the wall. Maybe I'd see how you could be so certain that we Had no chance at all. Jamie is over and where can I turn? Covered with scars I did nothing to earn. Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn. But that wouldn't change the fact That wouldn't speed the time Once the foundation's cracked And I'm still hurting." Susan: There are some people in the world who say that writing stories, or composing music or dancing sparkly dances is easy for them. Nothing interferes with their ability to create. While I celebrate their creative freedom, a little part of me just wants to punch those motherf**kers in the teeth. This song, I sing this song for you guys and for all the rest of us. Help me out y'all Backup: We'll sing backup Susan: You have a story to tell, a novel you keep in a drawer. Backup: Old sock drawer! Susan: You have a painting to paint, but you lazy like an old French whore Backup: Je suis whore! Susan: You have a movie to make, Shrinky Dinks you can bake but you best grab a stake, cause, in sweep the vampires, in creep the vampires, knee deep in vampires, Filling you with doubt. Insecurity, 'bout what your heart should be in sweep the vampires All: Die vampire Susan: You sketched that turtle you saw in an ad on late-night cable TV Backup: Tippy Turtle! Susan: But your fourth grade teacher said Female Backup: You can't draw Susan: Aww, those vampires just won't let you be Backup: f**K you Ms. Johnson, Word! Susan: And when they come run like hell, see those bats in your belfry, then call on Van Helsing. Susan: In swoosh Backup: Ooh, the vampires Susan: in a whoosh Backup: ooh, the vampires, Susan: Babaganoosh Backup: ooh, all the vampires Susan: Filling you with thoughts of Backup: Self consciousness Susan: Feelings of Backup: Worthlessness Susan: They'll make you Backup: Second guess Die vam- All: -pire! There are so many vampires, inside, outside, and nationwide, it helps to recognize them with this vampire hunting guide! Susan: Listen closely, a vampire is any person or thought or feeling that stands between you and your creative self expression, but they can assume many seductive forms. Here's a few of them! Backup: Tell us Susan! Susan: First up are your pigmy vampires. They'll swarm around you head like gnats and say things like: Male Backup: Your teeth need whitening Female Backup: You went to state school? Male Backup: You sound weird All: Shakespeare, Sondheim, Sedaris Susan: Did it before you and better than you, or they might say that you cannot sing good enough to be in a musical, or they might say: Backup: Ooh, your song's derivative, Ooh, your song's derivative, Ooh, your song's derivative, Susan: To keep that song from you! Just tell them: Backup: Die vampire, die! Susan: Brothers and sisters, next up is the air freshener vampire, she might look like you mama, or your old fat-ass, fat aunt Fanny. She smells something unpleasant in what you're creating. She'll urge you to: Backup: (Spraying sound) Susan: It with some pine fresh smell 'em ups. The air freshener vampire doesn't want you to write about Backup: bad language, blood, or blow jobs Susan: She wants you to clean it up and clean it out. Which will leave your work toothless, gutless, and crotchless but, you'll be left with two tight paragraphs, All kittens that your grandma would be so proud of. You look at that air freshener vampire in her fat ass, fat old f**kin' face and you say All: Morte vampire morte! Susan: The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the vampire of despair. It'll wake you up at 4am to say things like: Backup: Who do you think you're kidding? You look like a fool. No matter how hard you try, you'll never be good enough Susan: Why is it that if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform and said these things, I'd think he was a mentally ill asshole, but if the vampire inside my head says it, It's the voice of reason. Backup: You have a story to tell, pull your novel out of that sock drawer! You have a painting to paint, you best paint it and then paint some more! Susan: Oh baby, you must escape and grab it by the nape of its neck, by the trachea f**kin' break it, go on drive a stake in, Yeah there's no mistaking, now you're shake and bakin' All: Die, vampire I said, "Die, vampire" I said, "Now die vam-pi-re, die!" All: In fly the vampires, oh my the vampires, then die the vampires, filling you with life, creativity, all that your heart should be, out go the vampires Die vampire, die vampire, die vampire, die!

Meh, I'll put better ones up sometime soonish. Thanks guys!