Razor

Heh... so the last Latin party I went to... well, basically there's a house near campus for certain foreign exchange students who happen to be of Latin descent. Now, they have parties a lot. It was cold outside this particular night, so nearly everyone was inside. Nearly all of the at least 100 people at that party were inside... inside a really old house... in the living room... on a rickety old wooden floor... with salsa music playing and everyone drunk and dancing... The floor caved in. http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc...0052603_616.jpg http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc...052607_1669.jpg http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc...052599_9591.jpg So.... basically.... kick that guy's ass out because if you don't, your floor might cave in.

This is me being a smiley happy drunk at a 201 house party a couple months ago. I should really take more pictures... but I only look decent in ones like this that are totally random and unexpected. http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2...439064_1017.jpg

Do you ever have one of those moments where you step back, look at your life, and realize that you really have shit to show for it? I'm having one of those moments, big time. 1.) School: -My grades have fallen. This semester was awful, worst yet. Two A's, a C, and an F. -Good news is I'll be a research assistant next semester for Dr. Zeigler-Hill, who's actually interested in things that tie into my own interests. Assuming nothing insane happens, he should be a seriously useful resource for me, especially when it comes time to apply to grad school. 2.) Finances: -I have like, negative five hundred dollars right now, lol. I'm so poor, I'm starting to wonder how the f**K I'm ever going to get anything accomplished. I need a rich relative, and I need them to kick the bucket, pronto. Speaking of which, this lucky bastard my roomie's dating just had a relative he'd only met once leave him a little over eighteen grand. Thanks, God, I appreciate you letting me see the people around me get lucky breaks and letting me keep wading through shit, you imaginary bastard. -Christmas isn't happening this year. My present? A new phone after a year and a half of dealing with the piece of shit one. I bought myself a new one because the old one stopped charging. My mom's struggling to make ends meet more than ever, she's living in a trailer yet again, and to top it all off she's taking care of a kid who she can't even claim on her income tax and isn't getting any support from the people who SHOULD be taking care of the girl. She's got three hundred dollars to make Christmas happen, which is why I say that shit just ain't gonna happen this year. Oh, and my little sister? Bipolar as the day is long, and so f**king looneytunes I can't help but wanna beat the holy shit outta her almost every time I see her because her very existence means that my mom has to put up with more than anyone ever should, and dish out even more money that she doesn't have to take her to see a shrink who doesn't have a f**king clue what he's talking about and prescribes Strattera of all things. Mentally ill or not, I don't give a f**K. Grow the hell up a little and quit being such a f**king burden. -Every time I think things might be getting better, they end up twice as bad as before. I'm sick of it. -By the way, I hate my job. I really, really HATE my job. 3.) Friends -I have two that I enjoy being around. If not for Marti and Liz, I would just go off the deep end. -I switched roommates at the beginning of the semester. This neurotic prick that I live with now is driving me batty. I swear before Bugs Bunny, I can't WAIT for an opportunity to f**K his world up. Allan is his name, and I've done more for him than I ever should've. He's gotta be one of the bitchiest, most unappreciative, annoying little cocksuckers I've ever had the misfortune to meet. I'm going to rub fiberglass insulation in his underwear before I leave for the break. Take that, bitch. I dare him to complain about the surgery he's having on his leg during the break. I WILL tell him exactly what I think; that he needs to shut the f**K up complaining about his goddamn leg all the time because HE is the one who crashed his f**king car into a wall, ON PURPOSE, because he couldn't quit being such a little queer pansy-assed bitch and stand up for himself. "Everything's so hard because my parents are religious and I'm gaaaaay, waaaaaah!!" SHUT THE f**K UP AND DEAL WITH IT, YOU STUPID c**t OF AN ASS-PIRATE!! -Paul Gates can go f**K himself. Piece of shit. -If I have one more encounter with a person who isn't worth the air they suck up, I really am going to beat the holy f**K out of them. 4.) Family -My memaw is insane. 'Nuff said. -My grandmother... take your religion and shove it in your c**t, I don't want anything to do with your imaginary friend. By the way, guess what? It IS your fault that your son is a drunken bastard. If my theory's correct, you get all the credit for that one. Thankfully, MY mother isn't anywhere NEAR your level of bitch. Go suck a dick. -My older sister; GET A REAL MOTHERf**kING JOB, AND QUIT BEING A DUMB c**t! -Little sister; quit being a crazy bitch, shut the f**K up, and be thankful your mother loves you because if I were her I'd have had you committed a long f**king time ago. -My aunt; if you want to do drugs, use your own money to do it and quit failing so hard at life. -Little siblings; you don't know how good you f**king have it. You might not have all the shit you want, but you don't live with an alcoholic, and you've never had to worry about half the shit I put up with when I was your age. Grow up. So I'm a little bitter. You get that way after a while of putting up with dumbassery. I'm on vacation starting Friday. I'm gonna go home, and I'm going to do as much as possible around the house for my mom. On the 28th, I'm getting on a plane and getting the f**K out of here for a week. I'm going to relax, and spend time with someone who doesn't drive me up a f**king wall. When I get back, I'm focusing on myself. f**K everyone else. I'm not going to feel bad about neglecting anyone, about telling people no, about a goddamn thing. I'm gonna spend my time working and focusing on school, and start letting people know exactly what I think of them. I'm done being nice, and I'm done going without or going out of my way for people who would never do the same for me. Well, I feel better now. Now that I'm done ranting... I'm so excited about the break!!!!! It's gonna be so much fun, and I can't wait to go see my friend!! Note: this blog requires no comments, really. No one likes hearing anyone else's ranting, and I'd really rather you spend the minute or two you'd take typing a comment doing something fun or fulfilling. I would also say that I'm sorry for neglecting GA, but I'm not. I was serious about not feeling bad about neglecting people/telling people no/refusing to sacrifice for people. Love you guys, and I heart GA, but I've been busy. Seezya.

I've been neglecting GA really badly. Makes me a little sad, but it's because I'm just so busy all the time with all of this insanity that is collegiate life. Really, though, I have an extremely important announcement to make. I got my hips pierced. HAHAHAHA, YES! Microdermals!!! It's like a tiny plate thingy they slide under the skin after punching a hole with a needle. I want six total, three on each side, but I got these first to see how they'll end up looking and feeling so I know if I like them or not. Basically it just looks like a little disk is glued magically to my skin. It's so cuuuuuuuuuuute, I love them! I'll get you guys pictures soon, but I had to tell about this because it was just so awesome and I've been wanting hip surface piercings for so long and now I got microdermals!!!! Yeah, I'm totally addicted to piercings, but I really love them and I think they're pretty. See you guys, gonna take a nap now.

I am right there with you.

Shave your balls, peeps. That's all I'm sayin'. Nobody likes hairy testicles. It's just not cool. Other hair is fine, so long as it's not insane.

Also... found one by Steven Meretzky that I really like. Dorothy: "f**K it, I'll stay here."

I just don't love you anymore.

LOL I love that! :D !!!! Also, I really love that six word creation of Hemingway's. It's quite impressive, really, when you think about it. Okay, so, a six word story of my own... will have to wait because I'll have to think about this. I got nothing right now that's halfway decent... I'll return.

I'm sick of this shit. I've managed to slip up and let myself regress back to my old self. I've slid back into that idiotic frame of mind where I let other people influence how happy I am, where I depend on other people. I need to get back to being self-sufficient, independent of any needs that require other people's cooperation. Today's gonna be the turnaround. I need to make up my lost ground and gain a little more. First, I'm getting back to my diet/exercise. I'm not gonna let other people try and lull me into that complacency where I forget momentarily that I'm not at my best yet. All it ever ends up doing is frustrating me and making me feel bad about it later. I'm not listening to any of this idiocy about "Oh, if you lose any more weight you'll blow away!" or "You sound anorexic!" or any of that bullshit. I'm NOT anorexic, and I'm NOT what I want to be yet, so I WILL do what the hell I want and get the body I want. Kiss my ass. Just because everybody else is content being overweight and having no definition or musculature doesn't mean I have to be, too. I'm going to feel good about myself with every pound I lose. I'm going to force Allan to take me to buy a set of scales tomorrow, and I'm going to start keeping track of it. Second, I'm not going to let this idiocy about boys f**K with my head. There's no reason I should let what anyone, let alone any guy who doesn't even know me, have any bearing on how I feel. They know NOTHING about me. Hell, my best friend right now knows next to nothing about me because we don't talk about anything other than day to day things. We have an unspoken understanding that we just DON'T bring up drama. We go for the cheap thrills, the happy things, good old shallow fun. Anyway, guys can go f**K themselves, because I don't need 'em. Half of them don't even know what they want, and I'm not going to attempt to impress anyone anymore other than myself. I'm just done. Third, I'm pulling my grades up. They've been slipping, and it's unacceptable. There's no reason whatsoever that my grades should be this low. I'm gonna have to pull something off to fix them, but one's a definite A, one's a definite B, and the other two are totally up in the air. I'm not going to be doing this trying to keep up with friends bullshit anymore. They'll understand that I just don't have time to hang out during the week. I can't do it and I'm not going to kill myself trying. You realize I work night shifts? Some days I don't sleep for more than 36 hours at a time, constantly doing something. I'm not adding to that, not to mention the bad nights when I'm all insomniac like tonight and can't sleep. Yeah, today is class from nine in the morning to nine at night, and then I go to work at three in the morning. Fourth, I'm just not letting all of this bullshit bother me anymore. I pay way too much attention to other people, and I pay way too much attention to the parts of my situation that I dislike. It's about time that I let these things slide past me, and learn not to dwell on all of it. I don't HAVE to be frustrated, no matter what happens to me. Frustration doesn't help, so why make myself crazy? Just doesn't make sense. Now, I'm about to get the hell up out of this bed, and get cracking on making this day a great one. There's no reason it can't be amazing, and I intend to make it that way. Gonna go have me a smoke, then come back up and plan out what I need to be doing today. As soon as Allan's all the way awake, I'm going to play DDR until I need to shower/shave and go to class. After that, gonna come back here and clean the f**K out of this room, 'cause it really could use it. That's another thing I've noticed; the cleaner and more orderly my room is, the better I feel in general. So, off to start the day. Also, here's a couple songs for you guys. Look 'em up. First is "Still Hurting", from The Last Five Years. Second is Die Vampire Die! from [title of show]. "Jamie is over and Jamie is gone Jamie's decided it's time to move on Jamie's has new dreams he's building upon And I'm still hurting Jamie arrived at the end of the line Jamie's convinced that the problems are mine Jamie's probably feeling just fine And I'm still hurting What about lies, Jamie? What about things that you swore to be true? What about you, Jamie? What about you? Jamie's sure something wonderful died. Jamie decides it's his right to decide. Jamie's got secrets he doesn't confide. And I'm still hurting. Go and hide and run away, run away. Run and find something better. Go and ride the sun away, run away. Like it's simple, like it's right. Give me a day, Jamie. Bring back the lies, hang them back on the wall. Maybe I'd see how you could be so certain that we Had no chance at all. Jamie is over and where can I turn? Covered with scars I did nothing to earn. Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn. But that wouldn't change the fact That wouldn't speed the time Once the foundation's cracked And I'm still hurting." Susan: There are some people in the world who say that writing stories, or composing music or dancing sparkly dances is easy for them. Nothing interferes with their ability to create. While I celebrate their creative freedom, a little part of me just wants to punch those motherf**kers in the teeth. This song, I sing this song for you guys and for all the rest of us. Help me out y'all Backup: We'll sing backup Susan: You have a story to tell, a novel you keep in a drawer. Backup: Old sock drawer! Susan: You have a painting to paint, but you lazy like an old French whore Backup: Je suis whore! Susan: You have a movie to make, Shrinky Dinks you can bake but you best grab a stake, cause, in sweep the vampires, in creep the vampires, knee deep in vampires, Filling you with doubt. Insecurity, 'bout what your heart should be in sweep the vampires All: Die vampire Susan: You sketched that turtle you saw in an ad on late-night cable TV Backup: Tippy Turtle! Susan: But your fourth grade teacher said Female Backup: You can't draw Susan: Aww, those vampires just won't let you be Backup: f**K you Ms. Johnson, Word! Susan: And when they come run like hell, see those bats in your belfry, then call on Van Helsing. Susan: In swoosh Backup: Ooh, the vampires Susan: in a whoosh Backup: ooh, the vampires, Susan: Babaganoosh Backup: ooh, all the vampires Susan: Filling you with thoughts of Backup: Self consciousness Susan: Feelings of Backup: Worthlessness Susan: They'll make you Backup: Second guess Die vam- All: -pire! There are so many vampires, inside, outside, and nationwide, it helps to recognize them with this vampire hunting guide! Susan: Listen closely, a vampire is any person or thought or feeling that stands between you and your creative self expression, but they can assume many seductive forms. Here's a few of them! Backup: Tell us Susan! Susan: First up are your pigmy vampires. They'll swarm around you head like gnats and say things like: Male Backup: Your teeth need whitening Female Backup: You went to state school? Male Backup: You sound weird All: Shakespeare, Sondheim, Sedaris Susan: Did it before you and better than you, or they might say that you cannot sing good enough to be in a musical, or they might say: Backup: Ooh, your song's derivative, Ooh, your song's derivative, Ooh, your song's derivative, Susan: To keep that song from you! Just tell them: Backup: Die vampire, die! Susan: Brothers and sisters, next up is the air freshener vampire, she might look like you mama, or your old fat-ass, fat aunt Fanny. She smells something unpleasant in what you're creating. She'll urge you to: Backup: (Spraying sound) Susan: It with some pine fresh smell 'em ups. The air freshener vampire doesn't want you to write about Backup: bad language, blood, or blow jobs Susan: She wants you to clean it up and clean it out. Which will leave your work toothless, gutless, and crotchless but, you'll be left with two tight paragraphs, All kittens that your grandma would be so proud of. You look at that air freshener vampire in her fat ass, fat old f**kin' face and you say All: Morte vampire morte! Susan: The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the vampire of despair. It'll wake you up at 4am to say things like: Backup: Who do you think you're kidding? You look like a fool. No matter how hard you try, you'll never be good enough Susan: Why is it that if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform and said these things, I'd think he was a mentally ill asshole, but if the vampire inside my head says it, It's the voice of reason. Backup: You have a story to tell, pull your novel out of that sock drawer! You have a painting to paint, you best paint it and then paint some more! Susan: Oh baby, you must escape and grab it by the nape of its neck, by the trachea f**kin' break it, go on drive a stake in, Yeah there's no mistaking, now you're shake and bakin' All: Die, vampire I said, "Die, vampire" I said, "Now die vam-pi-re, die!" All: In fly the vampires, oh my the vampires, then die the vampires, filling you with life, creativity, all that your heart should be, out go the vampires Die vampire, die vampire, die vampire, die!

Meh, I'll put better ones up sometime soonish. Thanks guys!

Omg I totally didn't realize how abysmal of a face I was making. Sorry, hehe, I'd been awake for ages and just not quite perky.

So I got piercings you guys. I think I mentioned the lip/eyebrow, but I just got my navel done. These pictures are black and white because my webcam made me look funny colored. Anywho, here they are. Face! Tummy!

All kinds of things are happening. It's so much fun, so much going on all at once, and it's just... it's how life SHOULD be. Slightly stressful, but not too much, and lots of good, with a steady stream of continual progress. Well, I have a new roommate. Allan, my friend who hated his roomie, switched with my roomie so now we live together. Yeah, that's the Allan I made out with. No, I'm not going to make out with him again. It just isn't going to happen because of several factors, but he definitely isn't ready for that sort of thing anyway. He's still in the phobic stages. All I'm gonna do is make him get out and about and meet people and have fun, plus try to normalize being gay for him. I figure if he interacts with a gay guy on a close, daily basis then he'll like... get comfy by osmosis. I got my new computer. It's a monstrosity. Thing is HUGE. It's a notebook, lol, but I'd call it a textbook. I f**king LOVE it. XPS M1730, 4 gigs of RAM, 2.4 ghz processor, all the bells and whistles. Cost a pretty penny, but I wanted it so bad, and I figure it's okay to buy myself something I really want every once in a while. I've decimated my bank account, but I still got about 500 bucks to work with until I get paid. Most of my money will be going to pay for this computer over the next year though. I want to get as much of it paid off as possible because I have no interest for the first 12 months. I went on a date the other night with Nick. We went to eat at O'Charley's... I paid because I knew he'd originally wanted to go somewhere cheap and sixteen dollars for a meal isn't my definition of "cheap". Plus, I wanted to actually appear capable for once, lol. Well I think it went well. He makes me smile a lot, 'cause he's just adorable and he's so shy sometimes. He makes his own sound effects... kinda like I do. It's nice to have somebody else going "woosh, zoom, pow" when they do things like open a straw. At one point, he did one of those clumsy not-paying-attention bites and half a fry fell from his mouth when he bit it in half, at which point I had to say "I am SO glad that you did that first, 'cause usually it's me." <--- Totally the truth. Something about eating with new people, I always drop something on myself. Well, the whole date only lasted a bit over an hour because he had to go pick up a friend to get ready to go to a club or somethin', and I wanted to not let the conversation get awkward for him. When he dropped me off, I was like, twitching for my phone. He'd said "I'll text you later!" so I couldn't text him first. I totally was gonna lose self-control and do it anyway when I got a message like ten minutes later that read "I had a lot of fun, I dunno if I said that out loud or not". I like this one. Meaning I like him more than I usually like boys, because he appears to actually be a sweet guy, not arrogant, and intelligent. Rare mix. One of my friends got a job as a shot girl at a bar/club in town. She made 110 bucks in tips the other night, lol. This is all fantastic and whatnot, but it makes me wonder about something. Y'know, I've been losing weight still... getting mighty close to having abs... if I could make that much money in one night, or even more, I'd have no qualms about getting into a speedo and being a shot boy at The Groove. I ain't even ashamed, I'll go get a wax and tan a bit, then work it like nobody's business. I'll be flirtin' with old men left and right. So anyway, yeah, lots of stuff going on... I've been playing DDR like CRAZY, omg it's so much freakin' fun. Classes are okay, just not doing so hot in speech comunication because I haven't been paying ANY attention to it. I'll fix it though, I hope. I need some good grades, and I'm thinking I'll pull out mostly A's in my other classes. So, I shall talk to you guys later, take care, have fun!

I really don't think that you could conclude those sorts of things with only internal reasoning. The environment is doing the shaping/changing, and you're letting yourself be fooled by conclusions made from things that aren't necessarily representative of the real issues. What was his name... hm... was it Skinner that made the claim that if you gave him a child, he could turn it into whatever he wanted, be that bum, alcoholic, doctor, or whatever? Well it's really complex to attempt something like that, but he had a valid point. Maybe I should add to that sentence. Internal reasoning that is INVALID leads to these false definitions. Usually, though, the invalid reasoning is caused by something outside the individual. That computer phrase says it pretty well I guess. Garbage in, garbage out.

That's not moral relativism. Moral relativism is accepting a set of morals relative to something. Individual and cultural relativism are the most common forms, and in either one there will still be wrong and right. Wrong and right are just affected, and actually defined, by something in relation to the entity accepting the morals. People thinking there's no such thing as good and evil are more along the lines of nihilism. Also, modified versions of other things could assert the same thing I guess, but it'd be impossible to assert that in moral relativism based upon your definition of good and evil as helpful and harmful.

Good and evil are psychological constructs influenced by culture, so yeah, James. I mean, I wouldn't say they're derived from culture. I would say that they're shaped by culture. I just think it's silly. Anyone with a brain will obviously come to the conclusion, even if totally isolated from cultural influences, that some things are okay and some aren't. Generally speaking, the most logical and straightforward way to state this okay versus not okay idea is to make labels for complex sets of ideas, so you're left with good and evil. Now, this is where the psychological component interests me. Good and evil are labels. People, especially little people, learn by watching. If you see someone do something and something bad happens to them, or you sense any sort of strife, then generally you'll avoid repeating the action. However, since this is a very inexact method of learning, but totally necessary for complex behavioral methodologies (how's that for some random jargon bullshit?), misunderstandings arise. Good and evil are no longer okay and not okay. They become what people are taught or perceive as good and evil directly. I probably am not making much sense, sorry. Basically I think that people don't reason out why good is good and evil is evil, and instead take them as conventions that everyone learns automatically when in fact they're not, they're reasoned out. If you never do the reasoning for yourself, then you start taking society's, culture's, miscommunications and adding them to your definitions of the labels good and evil. The best example is us. We're evil because we're attracted to the same sex. What is not okay about attraction in any form? Acting on certain attractions might not be okay, but consensual acts shouldn't be bad. No one is being harmed. Why is it evil? It's not. Certain people think it's bad/evil/not okay because they've let their definitions of these labels be shaped by a force other than internal reasoning. That, I contend, is actually what is evil. Socrates said it, and I'll echo him. There is only one good, knowledge, and only one evil, ignorance.

Naval architect. Don't judge my five-year-old self. I wanted to build boats, damn it.

Good and evil are constructs. People call the things that make them feel good, good. The things that make them feel bad are evil. The problem with this is that people start getting confused about what's really going on, and end up doing more harm to themselves and others than helping them. I think it might be sort of a blame shifting idea, too. Like if there's good and evil, then you aren't good or evil, but the act itself or whatever made you do it was good or evil... makes a convenient escape from responsibility for some people. People also start playing at asceticism, especially as a result of religious convictions, and that's the dumbest shit ever. You should never, ever deprive yourself of something pleasurable unless it's going to hurt another person. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and guilt/shame are caused by other people, not acts themselves. Basically I just don't think there is evil or good. People fool themselves into thinking in these two constructed categories and end up missing out on a lot of life or unintentionally hurting themselves or others. Maybe that just works for me though.

You obviously don't get flirted with or flirt enough, Kit. Being flirted with has a sort of liberation attached to it, a validation of self. Someone has taken interest in the person you've built yourself into, which means you're doing a good job. I, for one, would be very depressed if I didn't have three guys wanting to bang me right now. I'd feel unattractive, unwanted, and utterly abysmal. Being flirted with is just... it's fun. Also, flirting often means different things. When I flirt with my girl friends it's a sign of affection and regard that I have for them. I don't REALLY wanna play with their funbags, but when I'm drunk and I motorboat them, it's a bonding thing. They know that I picked THEIR titties to play with over all the other titties I could play with, because I love them. When I flirt with a random guy, it's for a mutual pick-me-up a lot of times. It's amazing what a little attention from a random guy can do for your mood. When I flirt in a serious manner, as in trying to keep that person talking to me as much as possible and trying to wedge in some jokes that are revivable in a manner only we would get... then that means that I wanna keep 'em. If I grab your ass I just wanna grope you, sorry. See what I mean? Flirting is an integral part of happy daily life, at least for me. Without it I'd be a lot less happy. OH OH OH EDITED TO ADD! Kit, I would totally touch strangers even if I thought they might be offended. I LIKE physical contact and I think it's good for your mental well-being, so I give it as much as I'd like to get it. Also... c'mon, if a prude gets pissy with me for flirting with them or touching them or whatever, then it's really easy to be like "I'm sorry, won't happen again" and stay the hell away from them. Everyone wins that way!

First off, you should listen to the song Dancing by Elisa. It's absolutely f**king beautiful and it makes me want to cry and smile and giggle and sob all at the same time. So, the reason this entry is entitled "Really? REALLY?!" is because it's just un-freakin'-believable sometimes, with the shit life tends to throw at me. It's not bad, but I'm so frustrated! You guys know me, I'm a worrier, which means I want to fix everything and everyone. Two of my aunts are losin' their freakin' marbles. One's got a benzo/opiate addiction going, and from what I hear the other is just doing the benzos. Thing is that they have families and responsibilities. If one person crumbles, somebody has to pick up the slack. My aunt's hubby was the legally named guardian in case of the death of the parent of this kid, Cheyenne. She's just a little girl, like eight maybe if that, I don't remember. Basically, my aunt is totally incapable of caring for anyone. The kid spent the night with my little sisters and when my aunt came by to grab her she just started freakin' out and crying and begging my mom to let her stay. Evidently my aunt's been being a stupid bitch and making the kid stay in her room all the time, which is a hell of a lot hotter than the rest of the trailer. Needless to say, me and that aunt will be having a talk soon. It's okay if you wanna f**K up your own life, but you don't take a kid with you. I had enough of that shit when I was little and I don't wanna see it happening again. Basically my mom's talking about adopting the kid. My aunt's hubby works offshore, so there's nobody competent to take care of the kid while he's gone. As usual, my mom gets stuck cleaning up the mess someone else made. I don't begrudge the kid a place to stay where people actually will love her and take care of her (which is what my mom ROCKS at), but I hate that people keep doing this to my mom. She always ends up taking care of all the messes, fixing everything that everyone else just walks away from. It's not fair, and she deserves better. Next item of business. I got drunk as f**K in the fine arts building the other night with Allan while playing the piano. We drank a SHITLOAD of rum, and yeah... well, let me explain a bit. Allan hangs around my bestest friend Marti a lot. Marti's crushing on Allan. Allan was supposed to be all southern baptisty and like chicks. The thing about all that which doesn't add up is that I made out with him that night. He was REALLY good for someone still holding onto their V-card, too. I had the awkward situation of my best friend liking the guy I made out with, and the guy I made out with trying desperately to keep his orientation a secret. He's got the baptist boy syndrome. He haaaaates that part of himself, refuses to just be who he is and say f**K everybody else. He's attempted suicide three times, the latest attempt a couple years ago. He's still dealing with the consequences of ramming his car into the side of a building without his seatbelt on. He shattered his kneecaps and broke his left femur in I think four places. He's still got hardware holding the bone until it heals, and is taking antibiotics constantly to ward off the staph infection that is impossible to totally get rid of while the metal is still on his bone. Marti knows now, and I felt terrible for the day that I kept it a secret from her. She would've told me immediately, and I still feel bad for not telling her. I hate that it turned out this way. Marti can't have him because he's gay, and I can't have him because he can't even say the word gay without flinching terribly. There's a kid that lives across the driveway from my mom. He's TEENSY tiny, like thirty pounds, kid's a runt. Anyways, he's a badass little kid but in a cute harmless way. He checks people's mail because he's a nosey lil punk, and just generally runs all over the hill. Well, my mom heard my puppy freaking the f**K out barking at something, so she went and looked outside. Lo and behold, there lies runt-kid on the ground with all seven of the dogs that live with the various people on that hill crowded around him, and he's screaming bloody murder. The dogs didn't try to hurt him, they wanted to play with him. He's just so tiny that they knocked him down and scratched him up without meaning to. Well, his parents are nowhere to be seen. Of course when she saw him she ran out and scooped him up and did the whole mom thing she's so good at, and then started toward his trailer to look for his mother. They were having a birthday party and were evidently pretty sloshed and nobody seemed to know exactly where the mom was, so my mom just kept wandering and asking until she finally got somebody to take her to the kid's mom, who then just took the kid without a thanks or anything. Stupid bitch. It's okay if you wanna get drunk, but you have to keep an eye on your kid. I mean goddamn, really? If you know you're gonna get that f**ked up, why not at least call someone that will watch him? Why not schedule a sleepover, or a playdate so you can do your party thing while he's having fun and is safely watched at the same time? It's not cool to neglect your kids and be a shitty parent because you wanna get drunk, or take xanax, or take lortabs, or are just too much of a little bitch to deal with life. KIDS don't ask to be born, and they deserve every possible bit of support that you can give them. Okay, so yeah... all of these sad, ugly, f**ked up things have been happening. None of it has happened to me, but it makes me so frustrated. I want to clap my hands and all of it be fixed like some Mary Poppins shit. Blech. It makes me angry that people do that to kids, and it really pisses me off that my mother has to be the responsible person who takes care of everyone who's too lazy or f**ked up to do it themselves. Rant over, which was all this really was. Like I said, I really wish I could just fix everything and it gets me irritated when I can't do anything to help anyone. Hugs to you all, have an awesome day. Lub jooz.

I LOVE THAT SONG BY DANGEROUS MUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my GOD they're so hot, and that just... oh wow, if I ever did... .wait... I'm in public, so I'll hush now. Let's just say that song really, really makes me just... whew.

You're never obligated to do anything no matter what anyone else wants you to do. Also, you probably made his day 'cause he had a sexy man like you flirting with him. It was a good deed.

Okay gay anthem totally means something different for me. Basically I think of the gayest imaginable song when I think "gay anthem". So technically I'm off-topic.... but for me that insanely queer, but also insanely and hilariously fun song is.... Fashionista, by Jimmy James PLACES! Beautiful! No one ugly allowed! Hahahahaha!

I definitely disagree. The hair makes him look like a man instead of a little bitch.