Razor

So I'm wasting time right now until Kevin decides to wake up. I've been basically living at his apartment, going home to shower/shave/change/grab stuff and then I pretty much come right back, and I go to class. I gotta say it's sort of funny how now that I've backed away from my social circles, everyone's paying a lot of attention to me. It's so ironic that when I actually wanted attention, I could never get anyone to give me the time of day, and now that I have Kevin, everybody wants me to play with them all the time. Kevin and I are officially dating, as in boyfriend status. He's a sweetheart, and I really can't believe I'm spending so much time around him without wanting to kill him. Most people really bother me after a while, but I've yet to come across anything that really annoys me with him. The most aggravating thing is having to actually pay attention when he talks about some random paranormal/spiritual type shit and I blatantly don't believe in any of it... but even that doesn't really get on my nerves too much because he usually is kind of cute about that, sorta like watching a little kid play pretend, y'know? Same way I feel about the few Christians I like, lol. Trenden seems to be a bit upset at the sudden acquisition of Kevin, considering as how he seemed to be wanting to hit on me. Sorry, but that's totally all on him. I was nice to him, tried to spend time with him, and he very likely could've totally captured my attention way before Kevin even came along, but he didn't seem to want to make the effort to find alone time with me. It's sort of hard to get to know someone if you're constantly in a big group of people, much less get close to them at all. Anyway, I was hesitating about him anyway for a while because I wasn't sure how well we would jive together, so it's likely a very good thing that it happened the way it did. So yeah, I'm quite fond of Kevin. He's just delightful. The guy is absolutely mouthwateringly sexy for starters, plus he's very affectionate, he's very sweet, and he catches a lot of things that people don't normally pay attention to. He just... he's very good about doing what he can to keep me in my comfort-zone and making me feel relaxed and calm. Good sense of humor and he's playful, too! I have pictures of him taking a bubble bath 'cause he was sore from us playing racketball. Stuff like that makes me smile, being all playful and silly and whatnot. Hm, so really all I have to talk about is Kevin, and let's face it, no one really wants to hear that much about someone's boyfriend or girlfriend, ever. I've been just generally hanging around and going to class, my friend Liz got a ferret which she named Morris Freeman Malfoy McDougal, I lost a bit more weight so now I'm 135 even, and yeah... I'm quite happy. Okay I go bye bye now, but you guys take care and have fuuuun!

Awwwwww, you guys are so cute!!!

I don't like how unconditional this is. I'll do some things with some guys that I would never in a billion years do with other guys. My man can bite me or pull my hair a little or choke me a bit or sometimes when we're really frisky grab those... wait... I'm oversharing, aren't I? Anyway! He can do that but some stranger is so not allowed. I dunno, I have issues with the idea of casual sex being anything but vanilla. If I want mint chocolate chip, it's gonna be with a guy I trust. Also, this is so limited. Half my turn-ons aren't even ON that list (though the fact that piercings are makes me happy), which makes me greatly unhappy. But if I chose an orange hanky 'cause I happen to have one or two kinks that are a bit out there for most people, I end up getting chased by the real freaks. I no likey the hanky code. black <--- see, another example, they'd wanna hit me with a whip or some shit and I'd come unglued on them. I'm picky about my playtime, kthnx. gray <--- not to be done with anyone I don't really trust light blue <--- heh, my personal specialty, bwahaha robin egg blue <--- that's always kind of awkward, but it's fun if you're feeling playful... navy blue <--- depends Hahaha kelly green! <-- Yeah right, like I'd do well at all as a prostitute. ~sigh~ I wish I had the body to be a stripper, I could use a decent job. Purple <--- it would be so hot to do the nasty while you're getting a piercing, just sayin'. Gold (as in just plain gold, not metallic) <--- that would be a possibility... because my guy's kinky... but it's extremely unlikely 'cause I'm a prude about that Beige <--- Hygiene is important.

I'm gonna second that. Adorable.

...so the last boy... Kevin... asked me in sign language if I wanted to have sexual intercourse with him. At that point, my suspicions were aroused. We'll not talk about what else was. Quite frankly though, even that I was sort of oblivious to... it takes a serious knock to the skull to make me really believe someone's actually interested in me. It wasn't until he hopped in my lap and started nibbling my neck that I really got it. Yes, I really am that stupid sometimes. By the way, just for the record, we STILL haven't done the nasty and I've been around him almost constantly for... um... ~counts~ about a week? I'm proud of myself for not being a whore. He's so cute. Moral of the story: if a boy asks if you want to have sex with him, he's likely interested in you.

One of the reasons that I think he's moderately attractive now is that he doesn't look like a little boy anymore... and I happen to like the facial hair...

I've been seeing this guy, Kevin, for the past few days. Well, basically I met him about four days ago and have slept at his apartment (with my undies still on, might I add) each night since. I went to the restaurant on campus by the library because my friend girl-Jamie (she's girl-Jamie and I'm boy-Jamie because we're name-mates) because she wanted Marti and I to go with her to meet people and get foodz. I got there and I saw Kevin, and I immediately thought "Jesus, he's adorable. Not even gonna try for that," and thought no more of it really. Oh, btw he's got blue eyes, dark mostly straight with a little wave hair, very nice lips/nose, and he's so... incredibly... tiny. He's an inch taller than me and weighs probably 115ish. GOD I love his hip bones so much. ANYWAY! Well we had dinner and then talked for a while (the big group of people, and I really didn't speak to Kevin until we walked outside), and when everyone left, Kevin commented that he had nothing to do. Being the sort of people we are, Marti and I were like "COME PLAY WITH US THEN! " Marti, Jessica, Trenden, Kevin, and I went back to Marti's room and played around for a while. Basically we joked around, I hopped under the blankets and gave Marti air-head while she was like "OH JAMIE!" and yeah, she and Trenden messed with people who called their phones by answering as Sarah Palin or Jesus Hotline. Was priceless. Anyway, eventually I was starting to wonder if Kevin was hitting on me. The way he was acting was sort of odd, and he was paying me a lot of attention. I finally figured that out for certain when he hopped in my lap and wrapped his legs around me. Lulz, I nearly flipped my lid, didn't know what the hell to do. Even then I still thought he had to be joking around or something. Eventually midnight rolls around and we gotta vacate 'cause visiting hours are over. Jess and Trenden head toward the freshman dorms, and I was starting the trek toward my dorm when Kev was like "Wanna come hang out with me at my apartment?" At this point, I was like "Great, I'll have a nice random hookup and then a nice awkward, lukewarm dislike forever after." Surprisingly, that's not what happened! Basically we sorta ended up cuddling up, watching TV, eventually going to his bedroom and he played piano for me ('cause I freakin' love piano) and then when it got late I was all ready to go home so he could sleep and get to class the next day. He was like "Well, you could just stay the night..." C'mon now, who's going to say no to someone that incredibly hot/adorable with such a lonely pouty face? So I did. And then I went home and showered/shaved... and came back... then I went home and showered again and washed clothes, and came back... and then I went to classes, played racketball with Marti and girl-Jamie, showered, and came back... and I'll likely go back again today. Also, he bites. Hard. ~twitch~ It's nice. We seem to be on mostly the same wavelength on most things, especially important stuff, but he's a little kinky even for me from what I can tell, hahaha. Um, the other thing is I think he's insane, not dangerous insane, but definitely a good bit crazy. I think he may have some serious delusions going... which is actually sort of fun considering how much I enjoy figuring people out and he's waaaaaaaay different from the average puzzle. Okay, so the other thing is that I've lost weight. Allow me to point out that when I joined up at GA, I'm not sure how much I weighed but it had to have been at least 180-185 if not more like 190-200 pounds. Now, a couple years later... I now weigh exactly 135.8 pounds. That puts my BMI at about 21.9! I'm aiming for 19ish (so about 120), lol, which I realize would put me almost at the border between normal and underweight, but I want to be able to see my abs and all that jazz. It's gonna be great. And then I'll get my last two microdermals on my hips!! Okay, I'm going to go waste a bit more time before I decide to go find food and then head over to the lab 'cause I work 12-3 today coding videos. See ya guys! Oh, btw, Forgiven by Within Temptation. Listen to it.

I totally love beer. I also love glitter and nail polish. I like pain. I also like the result of pain to be PREEEEETTY, like the two more microdermals I got yesterday!!! I dislike this notion of a "real man". Can't we just have "real people" instead? Women can also step up to the plate when need be. Doesn't matter if your happy place is a penis or a vah-jay-jay, you can still be a decent human being. I like to think that the original intent of that phrase, real man, is just to commend a man on reaching a maturity level not many people get to. It doesn't even lie with these concrete virtuous fallacies like zomgz never lie never cheat never steal get married have kids sorts of things. It's about that rare person (I can count the ones I've met on less than one hand) who has the proper mix of discretion, integrity, good will, and wisdom to actually make some sort of difference in the world around them. All the inflexible morals in the world won't get you as far as a little savoir faire, and the ten commandments don't feed/clothe/house your loved ones. I'd go so far as to say that concrete, inflexible, overtly "moral" men are the opposite of real men. You always do the most good in the world meeting people halfway... or, y'know, manning (or womanning?) up and carrying them for a while when they need it.

God I'd strangle an elderly woman with her cat to look like you. You make me sick, hot bastard. ~jealous~

I may have had a slight break with reality. So my dresser started talking to me. I'm gonna assume it was my dresser anyway, because I feel like it's less weird for an object to talk to me than for me to hear a voice coming from nowhere. I've never actually heard voices before, so it was interesting. Last night I got put in handcuffs again, hahaha. Silly UPD caught me with booze and was all rawr. That was just a scare tactic of course because really all they did was give me a ticket and get me fired from my desk assistant job lulz. I also made out with Jen last night! And Trenden! And Truett! You know I'm wondering if it wouldn't be easier to just say who I haven't made out with. Jen uses teeth, I like her. She bit my lip, teehee. Truett wouldn't quit hitting on me all night, and apologized for being a gigantic prick the first time I met him. It was incredibly surreal considering how for the first part of the night I was quiet and withdrawn just because he was present and I hated him, and was plotting how to get rid of him craftily. He also wouldn't quit grabbing my crotch, and quite frankly I'm so sick of people thinking they can do that sort of thing to me. You DON'T know me like that and I'm not a whore, so back the f**k up. The irony? The whole time Truett was all rawr I couldn't quit laughing because all I wanted to do was go play with Trenden. The double irony? Now I find Trenden extremely unattractive because he cried when the cops came. Pussy, grow up. The triple irony? I WAS THE ONE IN HANDCUFFS NOT HIM HAHAHAHAHA. So now I'm doubly unemployed, and have this fine to pay. The reason I wonder if I'm a little psychotic maybe is because all of this is extraordinarily hilarious to me. Toss in the whole family thing and ZOMGZ crazy stew! You know, at this point, I welcome more trouble. It's become somehow very amusing. I think I'll go get piercings now. It'll make me feel better.

I go for more blatantly obvious things... like them telling me they like me. I'm pretty blatant about it, too. As in, "Do you like me?", lol. I feel like it's a waste of time to try and guess if it's not obvious. Plus I really have a thing for guys who are secure enough or willing to go out on a limb enough to just tell me they like me or ask if I like them. It's kinda like it shows a willingness to be forward and honest, and not waste each other's time or play games. ~shrug~ I say that if you don't have an automatic intuitive response, just ask.

Oh my jesus you're so adorable!!!!

Happy birthday.

1.) OMG YOU HAVE A BUNNY IN YOUR SIGNATURE AND I JUST PUT A BUNNY IN THE LAST POST WINS THREAD! ! 2.) Ah, 'sokay. I don't like being around smoke and I don't like the smell of it on clothing/skin/hair either, lol, and I actually do smoke... so yeah. I get that. Now nice tobacco is a different story because I've smelled some that I'd burn just to smell it because it's a pretty smell. Expensive stuff though, and I don't do pipe tobacco.

I'm a little bit annoyed. Generally things are going well. I'm employed (actually twice-employed) and in class and doing well. The only thing that's not going great is my weight because that's gone back up to the mid-140s instead of the mid 130s like it should be, but even that doesn't really bother me. The thing that's pissing me the f**K off is the way my mother seems to want to treat me like I'm a child. Okay, yeah, I'm 19, blahblahblah, she's older and she knows better. Whatever. That excuse only holds for so long. It worked fine when I was 15. It did okay when I was 16 and 17. When I was 18 it got old. Now I'm saying f**K that, I'm a goddamned adult. The big bone of contention betwixt the two of us right now is a car. My grandparents have decided that it's (FINALLY) time to step up to the plate and assist with my procuring a vehicle. There's a Honda Accord we're eyeing for six grand, mildly used. Well my mother is CONVINCED that it is complete and utter folly for me to purchase a vehicle. What the f**K is wrong with her brain?! I'm nineteen goddamn years old and have two jobs and no transportation! That's just plain idiotic! It's not even like I need her help. My grandmother is the one behind the plan, not my mom. Her hubby, however, has made the comment that "Well if your mom doesn't want you to get a car then I'm not gonna go against her, just wouldn't be right" because he's old school like that. Frankly, I don't care, I'll get it regardless if it's in the shape I think it is and my great uncle will sell it to me on a financed basis, lol. Not like I have six grand to fork over right now, but I could get a serious drop in that bucket pretty quick if I need to. My mom just doesn't seem to want to let me actually BE an adult. She's always been like this, but it's time to back the f**K off. She's not paying my bills (well aside from my cell phone bill but that's on her, I didn't make her and if need be I'll take that off her hands too), she's not paying for my education, she's not paying for me. It's MY money, MY life, MY everything so she really has no f**king say in whether or not I get this car. I don't want to make her angry with me, but I'm going to have a vehicle within the next month. It's high time that I got one, I'm sick of having to bum rides and feeling like I'm dancing halfway between being a kid and an adult. Her stance is that I only have two months before that DUI is gone and I don't need expensive insurance, so I should wait. I'm gonna be making approximately 1000 a month before taxes, which granted isn't a lot, but it's enough. Let's add up, shall we? Computer bill is 100 a month, credit card needs to be paid off and there's a total of 400 on it right now, and those are my current expenses excluding the day-to-day things. I have 200 in the bank right now, and computer's paid for the month. I have a check coming on the 30th, and I'll also be drawing my desk assistant paycheck which should total up to about 250. I have a lil over 300 on my credit card that's usable. All told, by the end of the month my usable money should total up to about 1600 dollars. I'm pretty sure that I can handle this car, especially since I ALSO work in the mall now too. Let's add in another 250 near the end of the month from THAT paycheck. I'm kickin' two grand now. I KNOW I can do this. Total income each month should be 1000 (approximately 250 every two weeks from each job, more if I happen to work extra hours which I don't foresee because I'm lazy), right? 1000- 100 for computer- 100 for credit card bill (I never pay less than 100 a month, 'cause that's just dumb if you use it and don't pay it off ASAP and I use mine for daily expenses)- 200 for car payment- 300 for initial insurance payment = 300 dollars left. COME THE f**K ON, I'm not even cutting it that close!!! That means I can pay off MORE of my computer at a time, or MORE of my car at a time. PLUS my grandma has already told me that she'd put 100 toward my car every month, so I mean really I'd only have to pay 100 but I want to pay 200 just to get it over with quicker. Even besides that... you realize I can sell plasma for 240 dollars a month if I had time to do it? Oh, and transportation, too. 'Course I probably won't do that unless I just needed or wanted extra money because that's a hassle with a tight schedule, but yeah. My entire point with all that is simply that while I'm not making a f**kton of money, I am making enough to get this car and pay the insurance, especially since in about two months it'll go down to damn near half of what I'd pay now for the insurance. I'd be okay. I'm convinced that this is one of those things to where she just doesn't want to admit that I'm completely independent, that I don't rely on her at every turn for everything, and that she has no influence other than giving her opinion on my decisions. That said, I'm trying not to be mean to her because she has done a wonderful job of supporting me when I've needed it, and covering the really unexpected things that come up like the rare expensive doctor visit or what have you, ESPECIALLY last year before I had an income. I love her very much, but it's really time to back off and let me do what I need to do. Also if one more person tells me "school comes first!" I'll punch them in their spoiled f**king mouth. They're not paying for everything themselves, so they can kiss my ass. Oh and my grades are probably better than theirs any f**king way. DONE ranting. I'm exciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiited for schooooooooooooool 'cause I'm haaaaaaaaaaappy! I'm so ready to get into the swing of things! I love psych classes and that's virtually all I have this semester. WOOHOOO. Okay I'm shuttin' up now 'cause I'ma go find caffeine and maybe something to do to waste an hour or two before I need to go to my next class. Bye.

You know I'm really surprised but I actually LIKE 7. Vista CONSTANTLY hogs memory like freakin' crazy. At pretty much any given moment that I'm actually using my computer it's got 1.5 gigs tied up. 7 has been using more like 700 to 800 megs... so basically half what Vista uses. It's also prettier, and I like pretty things. I'm afraid to get rid of Vista on my compy entirely so right now I've been dual booting to play with it, but yeah... I'm not sure exactly how to fix certain things if I decided to use 7. For instance, my little LCD doesn't display stuff when using 7 (I have a small screen built into the keyboard that shows performance and whatnot sorta things)... and my video card seems to be a bit... inaccessible... yeah I'm not sure what's up with it in 7. I'd have to f**K around with it and I'm afraid to do that 'cause I think I'll muck up and not be able to fix what I screw up. ~sigh~ Alas, I shall stick to simply playing with 7 for now until I get really motivated to use it and then I'll switch some things around...

Yeah I do far prefer looking at the positive, uplifting ones. The negative stuff just doesn't seem to get a real reaction from me at all. Now some of the positive, happy ones are really adorably wonderful. Makes me all warm and fuzzy and whatnot.

Hehe, a little random but I saw a lady in a wheelchair the other day smoking. It cracked me up a little because she had to be like seventy-something, unable to walk, but still smokin' like a chimney. Such a hardcore lil ole lady.

Check it out. postsecret.com It's definitely interesting. I'm way behind everyone else as usual and had never heard of the site, but yeah. Somehow none of the insanity people hide really seems secret-worthy to me, though. I mean, yeah, it might not be associated with an individual but c'mon now, really? We all know everyone has secrets. We all know that there are pedophiles, murderers, and plain freaks in the world. We just don't know that they're our friends and neighbors. Thus, I think the art project is ineffective. Society as a whole is far too jaded to be shocked at hearing anonymous secrets. We just kinda nod and maybe think of people we know whose secrets we happen to have found out. Now an art project where it connects the secret to the faces you see every day of your life... THAT would be a shocker. Just a wee bit unethical, but damned entertaining. Just think about how freaked out people would be if they figured out the reason their six-year-old son's kindergarten teacher is a kindergarten teacher is because they like the way six-year-old boys smell when they come in sweaty off the playground, or that the crazy old guy from vietnam who lives down the street secretly relished the feeling of killing another human being and keeps wishing he could do it again, or the petite girl from class who always eats SO MUCH but stays SO SMALL is actually bulimic. Also, I think maybe I'm a lil screwy for coming up with those examples.

Omg I'm gonna try it. You know, if it screws up, oh well. I wanna play with the new windows!!! Can always fix it back if I don't like it....

I'll definitely agree that keeping a healthy inner focus on self-improvement and self-sufficient happiness does make a person MUCH more attractive. Also, I don't very much care to stop doing anything I do for another person. Regardless of what you may think, I really believe that if you're very much given to a particular practice and are forced into quitting it... you WILL inevitably and for a good length of time resent that person on at least some level. It's a seed of destruction in a healthy relationship, just sayin'. And if anyone moves on because I smoke, oh well. That's up to them, and I'm happy the way I am right now. I've cut back drastically and intend to quit eventually, but right now I greatly enjoy my cigarettes and don't intend to quit right now.

...own life straightened out first, yes. However, I dislike the phrasing there with "out of the blue". It sorta implies that it's guaranteed to happen that way for everyone. Most of the time love is not anywhere near "out of the blue"; it's a hindsight bias that people have when they look back and want to think that there was something special about their particular experience, and that they just "clicked" and whatnot. Love isn't a sudden, strong, insanely torrential emotion... that'd be lust. Love takes a lot of time to develop and has a huge continuum of degree. I love my friends a good bit. I love some of my friends enough that I'd go out of my way to do something for them. I love a few of my friends enough that I'd intentionally suffer so that they could avoid the same. I love certain members of my family enough that I'd not hesitate to jump in front of a bullet if I knew it were coming for them. Yeah, so I "love" all of my friends and family, but to drastically different degrees. It takes time and the right actions to develop it to a degree where the word "love" can really be used in a strong fashion. I damn sure wouldn't take a bullet for anyone who I recently said "I love you" to, even though that doesn't make the phrase itself ANY less true. Point is, it's something that is in a continuum, not an either/or. Agree. I'll never quit smoking for a boyfriend. I'll agree to try harder, or take their opinion into account, but it's my choice. Quite frankly, people should really realize that trying to force a person, or even worse, guilt a person into quitting smoking is one fantastic way to ensure that they resent you on a deep level for a long time. Forcing change for another person isn't really as good an idea as it sounds. If you don't like something about a person, either deal with it or move on; don't ever count on them to change for you because it's unfair to both people. Plus I'm one of those people that would very likely smoke more just for spite if pushed too hard. The second you stop looking is the second you miss it. Just sayin', if you wanna catch a fish you don't stop looking at the cork bobbing in the water. You might not fixate your eyes absolutely on it with no time to grab a beer from your cooler or carry on a low-key conversation with friends or look up to see what's going on around you... but your best bet to catch the fish is to pay attention to when the cork pops under the water. Not the best of analogies, and a bit dramatic, but I think my point remains intact. If you want something, you should never expect it to fall into your lap; it'll just make you bitter when it never does. Then again... perhaps I'm not the best person to comment on the subject.

You know it, baby. Though when that happened I must admit, I was on the front porch.

Ditto. There are certain things that, if anyone does, constitute a direct violation of what I consider to be basic rules of decency. For instance, plundering through my computer is a huge no-no. Going through my things, especially things known to be considered private, means I don't associate with that person anymore. Period.