GREEN

1. My salvation as I found so many good stories. 2. my addiction (thanks to Dom Luka) ( I swear I'm not crazy). 3. A sense of Community that cant be found easily. 4. The fact that its growing makes it interesting. GREEN

I thought about everything that happned last night. My mental break down. I reread what I had written. It really felt good to write that but In the same sense it made me think about where I was mentally last night. I could have easily told my friends yet I am always hesitant to hinder then with my problems. This si why I feel like I am losing my mother. I wanted to tell her so many times in the past week but I always failed at it. I came home today with every intention of telling my friends everything but when I walked into my house everyone seemed happy and was sharing stories about last nights party. Chaz was playing with Selene's daughter and David was telling everyone how everything went with the waiter. They didnt even notice that I had come home. Selene's daughter was the only one to see me. She didn't say anything. The sad part is that I felt like I was intruding on them so I left again. I dont know how I came to feel like a stranger in my own home and the more I think about it it freaks me out. I want to feel normal again but this tumor thing has made feel like I'm lost and moving in slow motion. As I drove away I realized that I am afraid of looking weak in front of my friends. I have never looked weak in front of anyone except for Jonathan but that's because he's more of a brother to me and we've been through alot together since kindergarten. Besides he can see right through me. So my personal odyssey has taken me to my friends house at the beach. he said I could stay with him for a few days. I sent Chaz a message explaining that I need to be alone and not to worry I am not leaving him. I Emailed Dave and Selene, telling them that I would be back in a few days. GREEN as the day takes me.

Two weeks ago I found out I had three tumors on my back. In my mind as the doctor told me I saw myself dying and I accepted that. I mean I didn

What about controversial videos? Like Bjorks all is full of love or radio heads rabbit in your headlight that was banned from MTV. I would love to make something like these that to me are works of art. GREEN

Thanks guys for your suggestions. GREEN

My advice is to do what you feel is right, you know you have a midterm the day of his wedding. If its on a weekend you have one the monday after and you need to study endlessly. Alright kidding aside. This ones a toughy but I think your father is trying not to look like the bad guy. I'm assuming that he already knows about your sis and bro so he sees you as the last thing he has left. In my opinion your father is being selfish. He was the one that left the family, he cant expect you all to fall in line when he asks. ovbiously his best man couldn't make it because he had a concious or his best man didnt really exist and he was hoping one of you would fit that role. You should speak to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him he's driving a wedge between your family and him. I'm only telling you what I can see from what you have told us. My father left my mother for the same reasons. Now he's trying to rebuild a relationship with me based on lies. He left my mom for a co worker that left him six months after their divorce was final. I always felt like he chose something else over his own son and that hurts. So ultimately you have to see what he really wants from you. I'm my opinion its not worth it and he cant be mad at you for not going. He did what he did and he cant make you alienate the family that you have over this. I also think that you should talk to your mom about this. She might make you feel better. GREEN

So lately I've been looking through alot of my old files so I can see what I should keep and what I should delete. Looking through my vieo files I found one of my favorite videos. Its Fiona Apple's cover of "Across The Universe," its a John Lennon song that in my opinion was better sung by Fiona. So the the video is amazing. It was made for the movie Pleasantville's soundtrack. I was wondering what are some of your favorite videos?

So dinner, yes dinner. Dinner turned into an unexpected disaster that ended with me falling out of my chair, and me yelling and me hitting the Liar with my fist. I went to my mothers house because apparently she wanted to cook for me. I was weary of this but as I wrote before I wanted to talk to my stepfather about her behavior. So much to my surprise the Liar is there cooking with my mother. My stepfather had to stay late at work. So I said crap just get it over with. Naturally I called Chaz and asked him to join us. He was there a few minutes later. We sat down to eat and we were actually having a nice conversation. The Liar was being quiet so it was all working out. I mean I definitely didnt want to be there but I didnt feel like I should run for the hills either. So my mother recounts a funny story and we're all laughing when I fall of my chair. The Liar laughs uncontrollably and calls me clumsy. So I'm like alright fine it was funny. Yet this doesnt stop there. He begins calling me name after name until I yell at him and ask him to stop. This is when he tells my mother that he and I had sex once. I really wanted to control my anger. I yell once more but he just laughs. So I did what any civilised person would do I walked away. I went outside and Chaz followed me. He tried to calm me down. Just then my stepfather approaches us. We talk to him for a little while and I explain why I'm outside. He seems to understand and he tells me that he hates the Liar too. This is when I hear, "Hey fat ass when did you get home?" Now my stepfather is a little overweight but its nothing he can't carry well. I truly hate people that like to pick out other peoples weak points. Especially when the people they are picking on are very kind people that would never harm a fly. My stepfather looked like somebody had hit him with a brick. I pulled away from Chaz and I walked over to the Liar and my fists fly at his head one by one until Chaz pulls me away from him. The Liar comes at me again and gets a cheap shot before Chaz lets me go and I'm on him again. Needless to say the neighbors called the police and I almost got arrested. I wont be going to my mothers house until that bastard leaves. My mother and I talked ultimately and she said that he needed some stability for a while and I understood. My mother heard what he said to my stepfather and that she would talk to him about that. She told me that he had never said anything like that to my stepfather in front of her. My stepfather said that this was the first time he's said anything like this. I'm not glad to say that I hit him. I really didnt want to hit him but I cant be responsible for his actions. GREEN

This all started with the thanksgiving fight we had. I had gotten into a fight with several family members over my sexuality prior to Thanks giving. For thanksgiving they all decided that it was best to have it my mothers house. I really didnt want to be a part of that, so we compromised. I went to my cousins house in New York City and they would have Thanksgiving without me. This was only on the condition that I could spend Christmas at her house. Well Christmas came around and my family once again decided that they should spend it at my mothers house. My mother didnt do anything to stop it so ever since then we've been on a rough patch. Then add to all of this the Liar that really gets to me in the worst way because he's mooching of my mother. I mean I dont even do that when its appropriate to do it, like my birthday. So now I feel like my mother doesn't listen to me. You see my mother and I have always had a close relationship ever since my father left us. I was always there for her and she was always there for me. I don't know what happened this past year she's been treating me different. I don't know if this is because I moved away. She can't be lonely because My stepfather is more than suitable. He's a great guy and I would have never moved if I knew he wasn't. I imagine that if she needs me she can come talk to me whenever she wanted. I might have to talk to my stepfather about this. So I don't know where we stand right now. I can relate with you I feel like she's choosing something else over me. God I feel like such a mommas boy. GREEN

My mother called me and asked me to come over. She said she needed help going through some of the stuff we have in the attick, you know old furniture and pictures my mom has. I know this was an effort to get us close again, and I caved in. I mean she was reaching. Chaz, Selene and David invited themselves as usual. I really don't know what they were planning on finding. I dont have alot of pictures. I dont take them. Its a personal thing for me. I have an average of two pictures taken of me every year and thats because I don't know about them. My childhood pictures are in a safe box in a bank. When we get there I find that the Liar is still living with my mother. I mean its been over month now, he should be moving out. I asked my mom about this and she said not to worry about it. That its not a problem. So I was a little pissed off of the bat. Especially when he insisted on talking to me. As soon as we where done I was definitely ready to leave. I never thought I'd feel uncomfortable in my mothers home but this last year made me feel so. My mother asked us to stay, saying that she was cooking us all lunch. I lied and I told her I already ate. Like any mother she saw right through me. She looked so disappointed and I felt bad but I really couldn't stay there. I didn't want to say something that I really didnt want to say. So I left. My friends decided to stay in a last ditched effort to get me to stay. I said goodbye my mother said she'd give them a ride. Alright so I felt horrible as soon as I walked out of the front door. How could I not? Yet sometimes you have to do painful things. This was definitely one of the hardest things I had to do. I got in my car and I took off. Only one place to go and that was the beach. I called a friend that lives near there and I asked him to join me. I asked her because she too had constant fights with her mother. He is transitioning and her mother disapproves. We just walked and talked for a while. He and I havent seen each other since he introduced Chaz and I. Well it felt good just to walk and talk with someone that you can relate to. I mean my friends are all great but sometimes you need an outsiders point of view. My other friends always take my mother's side and I just needed somebody to hear me. He gave me perspective and when he told me what was going on in his life it made me ask myself what the big deal was. I called my mother. Were having dinner tomorrow. GREEN soon to be a mama's boy again.

(I'd also like to appologize for spelling appologize incorrectly 14 seconds ago. I'm an ass) Own it, lol its my favorite! I just got it. GREEN

You know what, you're right? I like him way too much to care. I know he loves me. Well either way, this is what happens when I thinK way too much about our relationship. GREEN

Chaz and I had our first real fight this morning. It made me feel good. I know what your thinking, "Green is crazy." But I kid you not I am happy because it makes our relationship real. I was worried that if we kept on like this for ever we would get bored of the happy relationship routine. I really love Chaz and his family except for his brother, were not there yet. My mom and my friends love him too, granted as long as he brings no unwanted birthday cakes. Even my ex's like him. So this morning I am woken up by a call from Julio my ex. He's coming back tot he states and he was wondering if I would like to meet him for dinner. Now Chaz is a little jealous when it comes to Julio and he over heard us talking. He gave me a really nasty look before walking away from me. I told Julio that I would meet him on the condition that I could bring Chaz along. Julio agreed saying that he wouldn't have it any other way. When I hung up I walked over to Chaz. I was a bit annoyed with him. He knows Julio and I are just friends, and he should never be afraid of me leaving him for Julio. That part of my life is over and doen with. He knows better. I told him all of this again. He still wasn't having it. "If its over why can't he just stop calling here?" Chaz asked, but he didnt wait for me to give him an answer. He put on his coat and headed outside. I followed him without a coat. Oh it was cold. "Because were friends," I told him as I approched him. "He got into his car and took off." Now I know this seems bad, but I know Chaz. I knew he would call ten minutes later, appologizing. Sure enough he did call but this one was almost immediate. This is why i can't be mad at him for too long, he's such a boy. This however leads me to question who is the boy in our relationship? Maybe you guys can answer this for us. We cant figure this out. We both do very manly things and very feminate things. I am obsessed with football and Chaz is obsessed with baseball. I love to see the ballet and Chaz loves theater. I am a good cook but he's the neat freak. I hate sappy movies, Chaz loves them. I love talk shows, Chaz despises them. I love to go to mosh pits. Chaz loves to surf, in cold as hell water. We both like ice cream and long walks on the beach. We both love to smell good (not that anybody likes to smell bad but were religious when it comes to colognes, uh good ones). We both like to bake. We both like to play golf. We both like to drive, (this is one of our big problems). We both hate the color pink and anyone who wears, pink polo shirts, cough cough David, Cough. We both like to make people happy. So can you guys please answer this for us? Maybe you will even say that I'm the man, LOL. GREEN hoping he's a boy.

We've only known Rob for about a year. Selene and David I've known since High School, so we havea much closer relationship. Its not that Rob isn't a friend, its just that he and I have never been too close. He came into our group as a peripheral friend of my ex. He and David hit it off and he joined our group. I always thought that he didn't like me too much for some reason, but I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I'm meeting with him tomorrow. I want to make sure he's alright and all. update The waiter boy called last night and they are going on a date tonight. I just hope that its not too early for him to jump in a new relationship. GREEN

Thanks guys. Um this was actually Selene's idea. We were sitting around bored one night last week and she came up with the idea. There was a lot more in here but I had to take it out due to some recent stuff. I'm sure you know what I mean. Well anywhoo the original might make a reappearance further down the line. Next up is Shadow Boys part three, Those Angels and Their Horns. it'll be up as soon as its done. GREEN

The lights on the stage go off as the kid walks through the door. The shadow boys reappear under a new light a moment later. This time they had taken the pink make up off and they were wearing white tuxedos. One was smiling while the other frowned.

I decided to take everyone out for dinner tonight. We went to a fancy restaurant downtown. My mother knows the owner so we got a good table in a private area of the restaurant. He even tried to give us free food but I insisted on paying, besides I think we all needed a nice night out. So everything is going good when I realize who our waiter is. Our waiter is someone who I kind of had a big fight with in high school. He and I never saw eye to eye on anything. We were rivals kind of. Well anyways as he took our order I could tell that he was in a big hurry. He was uncomfortable with us especially me. David looked at me smiling when he noticed who it was. The sad part was that he actually looked really good and the pride bracelet that he was wearing told me everything I needed to know. He would be a perfect match for David. So I had to do it to the poor kid. "Hey don't I know you?" I asked. David was giving me the look of a thousand deaths. The waiter looks at me like I was the Devil. "Look I can't do this," he says. "So I'm a waiter alright get your laughs in because I have to be your waiter." I frowned, I really didn't care that he was a waiter. David and I look at each other then we laugh loudly. The waiter was pissed. "Look," I said. "You dont have to be ashamed in front of us. I'm still a student and I work a crappy job. Dave never finished college and he is also a waiter, so you really dont have to be ashamed. I was just wondering if you were dating anyone because my friend, David here is currently single." He was stunned. He looked at me then at David then he blushed. He said that he wasn't dating anyone. He wanted to know how I knew that he was gay. I told him that I knew when we were in high school as a joke but then I pointed to his bracelet. He smiled. David looked really mad or scared or maybe he was blushing because this kid is really hot now. I think Chaz was a little jealous. So I asked what he was doing next weekend. Before he could answer my question I added that we were throwing a party that I just happened to think of right then and there. Selene smiled and started to write down David's number. "You should come," I said. He asked if he could bring his friend Amanda or Anna, something like that. I couldn't really focus because David was kicking my leg. I said sure and he smiled when Selene gave him the number. David looked like he wanted to die. When he left Selene hugh fived me and Chaz gave me a hug. David actually thanked me. You see all through high school the waiter was David's crush. I mean David made sure he got into certain classes, he joined certain groups and sports just so that he could see the waiter. Selene used to tease him about this all of the time. So we now have a party to plan. GREEN playing cupid, hey we could have a Valentines party. I'm a genious. P.S. part two of the shadow boys will be up soon I promise. I had to rewrite some of it because of recent events in my life.

Alright guys so we want to rename General Discussions. We've already have THE WATER COOLER as one of the suggestions. We were wondering if anyone here had any Ideas? Please let us know by adding your suggestions here. I know everyone can come up with something better than General DIscussions so add whatever comes to mind. GREEN

Hi guys, were launching a logo design contest for gayauthors.org. The contest is open for everyone. I know there are a lot of artist out there so please enter our contest. Here are the official guidelines. Guidelines: 1) Logo must be no larger than 500 pixels by 150 pixels. It should not be much smaller. 2) Logo must not contain copyrighted images. 3) Logo should be blue in theme. 4) Logo must contain "Gay Authors" prominently 5) Logo should convey both the sense of writing and reading. 6) entries must be subimitted via email to admin@gayauthors.org 7) Contestants should keep their entry private so as to not skew voting. 8) All contestants grant the use the image to Gay Authors. If there image is used, their names(or online handle) will be credited in the footer. 9) All entries must be in by February 19, 2006. Thank you guys GREEN

Emotionless would be the word I feel right now. I came home and david was packing to leave. I saw it in his eyes, he felt ashamed. I took everything you guys told me and I did approach him trying to understand where he was coming from. I walked yto wards him and I gave him a huge hug. He tried to pull away but I just held him. "No," I said. "We cant end it like this. Talk to me alright." He was crying and he tried to get away from me again but he finally broke down. "Rob's been cheating on me," he said. It all kind of came into perspective right then and there. I held tighter and brought him to the couch where he finally told me the whole story. Apparently he had found Rob and this other guy together and Rob lied. David gave Rob the benefit of the doubt but when he found them together again the other day he had enough. I guess Chaz had also seen them together and he had been talking to David about it. David asked Chaz not to say anything to us. Well Rob is persona non grata around here. I also feel pretty stupid, I should have known that David was just lashing out, but it took me by surprise. I explained this to him and postponed my anniversary so I could hang out with David. He needed a friend. To my surprise Chaz wanted to be here also. So were mending little by little right now over a big birthday cake. GREEN

When I got home from school and David decided that he needed to tell me that Chaz was an asshole. I asked him why calmly at first and David told me that he was furious over the birthday thing. I told him that Chaz didn't know about the no birthday rule and that he was sorry. But then he started digging at me. "How could you tell us to break up? How is our relationship any of your business?" He yelled at me. I turned around and walked away because he was clearly annoying me and I'm not known for restraint when it comes to arguments. I knew he just had to let out some steam. Yet he followed me into my room. "You know not everyone can have a happy relationship like yours so stop rubbing it in my face." I closed myeyes when he said that. I never rub our relationship in their faces. I am not a pda type of person and neither is Chaz. We make damn sure not to make our friends feel uncomfortable. Its not something that they do. I let him go on and on insulting me. What he said next hit me hard. "At least Rob and I know we can last longer than any relationship you'd ever have." That really hurt me. I would never say anything like that to him. I'm not saying that what I said last night was right. I even apologized when I came home, but this went to far. I think he knew it too because I just walked away emotionless. He called out to me but I just left. I turned off my cell phone and I drove to the beach. I had to think and that was the only place I could breathe. Somehow Selene also knew this because she was there when I arrived. She said that David had called her. I walked away from her too. I am writing this from a hotel and I dont know what to do. I cant forgive this one. He went too far and I'm afarid that I will burst and say something worst if I go home. David and I have gone through alot together. I was there for him when his parents kicked him out because he is gay. I was there for him when he didn't have a place to stay. I was even there for him when his parents asked him to leave his grandfathers funeral. I dont know why he would do this to me. I am the closet thing he has to family. I dont know what to do, I am getting angrier by the minute. GREEN at the inn.

google LOL GREEN

This saturday is Chaz and I's three month anniversary. I'm freaking out and apparently so is he. We both wanted to plan something so we compromised. One of us will plan the night when the other can have the day. We played rock paper scissors and I got the night. So I feel like cooking and Selene and I poured through several cook books. I found something I wanted to make. I found out he's allergic to something in it. So i found something else I want to make but it requires alot more time than I'm ready to give. So on the third search I found the perfect plate. I went to the store where I ran into my ex. He is dating some guy that looked like he wanted to beat the crap out of me. So I decided to stay, you know for giggles. My ex was talking a mile a minute about something or other when I saw Chaz walk by holding a huge cake. I ducked behind the cereal wall. The jealous boyfriend of my ex decided that this was the perfect time to get me to leave because he yelled out my name very loudly. No I didn't hit the bastard but I took off as quick as possible. My ex follows me out and asks If I could give them a ride. I think about this for a long time and finally i give in. Not because I want to but because I really needed to leave. I promnised Chaz I wouldn't snoop into what he is doing as long as he didnt snoop on me. So the drive was the most stressful ride in my life. I could feel the bastards eyes on me. I wanted to go back there and slap him around a little bit. Luckily the ride wasnt that long and I dropped them off. I drove to another market and I got all I needed so I could make it. When I get home I find that Rob and David are arguing and I do the last thing any friend should ever do. I told them to break up already. Selene's mouth drops and pulls me away from the room. then she gives me a huge hug. "Its about time you said it," she said. Apparently she was waiting for me to tell them this for a long time. I asked her why she didn't do it? She didnt because she didnt want to be the bad guy. This is when Chaz walks in with the cake and sings happy birthday to David. I had to smuggle Chaz out of the state. David doesn't celebrate birthdays. GREEN running over border.

Here You Go Guys Sorry about the Jpg Mixup. Official Results Best non Ga Story Just Hit Send Grasshopper Best Non GA Author Grasshopper Best Leading Character In A Story Owen The Log Way Best Villain In A Story Jarrod Vampire Jarrod Best Supportive Characters In A Story The Log Way Dom Luka Best Spin Off Or Sequel Do Over Redux dkstories Best Fan Fiction Harry Potter And The Parliament Of Dreams MYR Best GA Author Dom Luka Best ProliFic Author Comicality Story Of The Year Gone From Daylight Cimicality

Is any one else having this problem?