GREEN

I couldn't sleep the other night so I decided to go get some coffee but there wasn't any in the house. I really wanted it so Idecided to go to Seven Eleven to pick up a can. On My way there I almost hit a cat who appparently is suicidal bacuse after I braked it kept putting itself in front of my car. So after five minutes of this I guess the cat put it's life in perspective and decided it was best to live. So he walked away. Fine so I'm still five blocks away when a man pull up next to me and says that my tail light is out. So I wave thank you and keep on driving. The guy pulls up next to me again and points to my back wheel. Apparently he wasn't pointing to my tail light I had a flat. So I pull over into Seven Eleven and I change my tire. It took about ten minutes, after I was done I walk into the store. My ex is working there now so I'm startled to find him arguing with some woman over something. So I head towards the coffee Isle when I hear him call me over. SH%$&, I thought but I head over anyways. The woman didn't speak english but she spoke Spanish. I helped him with that. All the lady wanted was a pack of cigarettes. So that smothed over I go back and I grab a can of coffee. Then my ex wants to talk to me. I'm like kid it's three in the morning I need to get home. He shruggs and starts to ring up my order. When his register breaks. So I say goodbye leaving the cofee right there. On my way back I decide to go to stop and shop. It's open late but when I pull into the parking lot there is a whole bunch of cops. Damn, I thought so I keep on driving. There is another store that is open late but it's on the other side of town. I'm stil not tired so I head over. Surprisingly It went smotthly until I leave the store and there is three guys I knew and hated from high school standing outside talking about some girl one of them boned that night. So I cringe and quickly head towards my car. "Green is that you," one of them asks right before I put my key into the door lock. "Yeah Jim, whatsup yada yada yada." One by one they tell me what they've been up to the last four years. Which is really nothing. They lie alot and I know this because Selene knows this. Well either way I get invited to some party and they almost beg me to come but I explain that I'm going out of town for thanksgiving. They shrugg and that's that. So I head for home. When I reach it David pulls up behind me with a can of coffee. I swear the first thing out of his mouth is, "Your ex talks too much." He heads inside and I literally die right there in my parking lot. GREEN light no sugar.

I am starting this thread as a way to get more of us to communicate. There is so many of you guys here but we barely know you. So let's talk. My name is Green. Yes that is my real name. I am 22 and I am a Capricorn. My quirks. I am extremyly tidy, extremely paranoid and a very loyal friend. I am a former smoker not that anyone would know because I don't let anyone around me smoke. I am extremely against drugs and I have been known to drop friends over it. I can outdrink most of my friends except for one and I have been known to throw a punch here and there( read my blog). I think of myself as a fair person. I believe that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion as long they do not enforce it on me without my permission. I was born in Guatemala, to american missionary parents who were very religious. Now let's know about you and please asks questions. Also please do not share what you aren't comfortable with sharing. Let's have fun with this one. I want to know who you guys are and what makes you tick.

I talked to Chaz today. We had a long talk about what he wants and what I am able to give. So as of today were in fact together. I think we've waited enough to actually let ourselves say that. We've decided not to tell anyone just yet. He's going away for thanks giving so I'm a little sad. I talked to my father once agin and I let him know that I wouldn't be talking to him for a while. I need to get away from him to be able to deal with him. He didn't take that well but I know that this si what I need. I love my father but at the same time I hate him and I don't want it to be this way. So I won't be talking to him until I can talk to him without screaming. I talked to my mother and I told her that I would spend Thanksgiving alone she decided that I needed people here. SO now I'm not spending it alone but with my cousins Steve and Ellie. Which I am thrilled about be cause they are really cool. I'm going to their house In New York I leave tuesday. I also get to see my friend Jonathan friday, he'll be in New York too and we're going to do some stuff. I am also going to go to a friends grave. He commited suicide a few years back and My friend's Jonathan and Jessica are going to go to his grave. We all decided that we would wait until we could go together since we weren't told about his suicide until a year after he was gone. By then we were living in separate states. I'm meeting Chaz on Saturday and we're going to go back home together. GREEN no longer alone.

I had another fight with my father today. He wants me to come over for thanksgiving. I of course said no because I know that we'll just fight again. I can't do this any longer. It seems like verything that comes out of his mouth is the wrong thing. The man is incapable of saying something nice and as long as he's like this I can't talk to him. Today the first thing out of his mouth is this, "That friend of yours Chaz, he's a faggot too?" Then he says this, "He can come too. I mean I don't have a problem with you queers as long as he don't hit on me." First of all my father is not an attractive man there is zero chance of that happening. Then after I yell at him for talking like this for upteemth time. He says this, "If I knew my only son would have came out queer I wouldn't have had children, but I learned to love you just like you are." I mean did he have to say the first part? Alright so I was going to take this as progress until he asks me this, "Are you planning on having children? Because I don't want any adopted children." I went off and told him once again how much I hate it when he speaks this way. Chaz watched me go through this tonight. This has never hhappened in front of my friends. I always made sure my father didn't meet any of my friends. I mean I went to great lenghts to stop my friends from seeing me argue with my father. Chaz is the first to see how this man affects me. When I was done I was shaking. I wanted to cry but I was too angry to do that so I left. Chaz followed me but I told him that I just needed to be alone. I called my psychiatrist but he wasn't there. So I went to the beach where I walked alone for a while. Chaz called me and I told him where to meet me. This affected me so much that I bummed a cigarette of a woman. I talked to her until Chaz got to where I was. When Chaz arrived he gave me a huge hug. First thing out of his mouth was this, "You have to let people in. You can't carry this all by yourself." I know he's right it's just that I'm so used to keeping things like this personal. I've always been like this since I was young. I always kept my anger bottled in until it exploded and I reacted by either yelling or throwing my fist. I've lost so many friends that I'm afraid to lose the ones that I do have so I keep things like this to myself. I don't want them to see the ugly parts of me. GREEN hiding behind a hard exterior.

Big, Big welcome to our newest members. blasterstu Ramius ellisonthegreat mgf peniquedeplata There is lots here for you guys in our ever growing community. Check out the forums and the blogs. We also have the hosted authors for you. Please feel free to join us and become a part of the community here at GA. GREEN

I drank a little too much last night and I did something I shouldn't have done. I kissed a gurl I thought was a guy, who I really shouldn't have kissed because I have a boy, and this is why we don't drink on weekdays. I went to David's friends house with David. They were having a party I really wanted to go out but everyone else was busy so I went. Turns out I knew most of the people at this party. Including my ex who was slobbing all over some poor fool and that culty guy I hit last week. He stopped when he saw me and made his way to my direction. At the same time my ex spotted me and headed to wards me. My fist started to close but to my surprise that guy I hit isn't mad he just wants to talk. To my surprise he appologizes and says he's sorry for scaring us. So I ask him why he followed us to the bar? He says that Selene had dropped her purse and they wanted to give it back to her (yeah right). Yeah right, I got the feeeling that he wanted to say more but he said bye and walked away. This is when my ex asks me who that was and I share the whole story. We talked for quite awhile which is weird because we normally end up fighting. But we had a good conversation. I told him about my feelings for Chaz and how I really had liked him a little more than I thought. He tells me about this new guy he's dating which isn't the guy he was slobbering over. As they night passes on I turn my cell phone off because Selene kept calling me in despair because her mother is driving her crazy and Tom is still calling me. Chaz shows up after a while but I barely remember because I was so drunk. So I really can't tell you how I ended up kissing that manly girl, I just know that it was what I wanted at the time. She even gave me her manly number. Crap even her name was manly. Her name was Stevie. At least I ended up sleeping next to Chaz. GREEN shopping on both sides of the isle... sort of.

Today was a marvelous day. A marverlously horrible day and I want my revenge. It started with a call from Selene. She needed me to give her a ride to the airport, so she could go to her mother's house. An hour later I was stuck in traffic. Let's just say she never made her flight and she's probably still stuck at the airport right where I left her. David moved into my spare today but I didn't think he was going to move in a whole entertainment system too. So now we have a movie theater in my basement. I know what your thinking, This is good why am I complaining? Because it was directly underneath my bedroom. I had to ask him to move it to another part of my house and that meant I had to help Blah! This afternoon I had a date with Chaz who cancelled because he had to write a paper. I thought hey maybe this is a goodnight for me to get some work done, but no my father calls just when I get to my laptop and we get into one of our famous arguments. He still thinks that he can run my life. The idiot wanted to know why I'm not trying to get Julio back because he likes Julio. I yelled so much that my voice became hoarse. Rob stopped by to watch a movie with David of course the movie was the worst movie ever made so I didn't bother to join them. What is the movie you ask? Bleeping "Crossroads" Starring bleep bleeping Britney Spears. God I'd rather die. So I put my headphones on and turned my ipod on and started to write a little when my mother calls and asks if she can come over. I'm like duh why are you asking? Ten minutes later she comes by for one of our famous talks. She wants to know how I'm doing, this means that she's having trouble with something and wants to talk about it. This one involves the fact that my whole family is coming for thanks giving. She wants to know if I'm alright with that? I decide right then and there that I wont be going to my mothers for thanksgiving. She gets mad at this and asks if I want them not to come. So I tell her that it's alright with me if she wants them there but I will be staying at home. David is going home with Rob to his family's and I call Chaz. He says that they are going to montana to his grandmothers. So I will have to cook for myself this thanksgiving. . All by myself, I'm going to be, all by myself. GREEN all by myself.

I went to a party last night. A couple of people from one of my classes invited me. They seemed like they were fun so I went to the party. I actually had a good time at the party and I went without any of myfriends because I don't like to bring people where they arent invited. My class mates made sure I felt confortable and introduced me to a whole group of people. As the night progresses I end up with a guy named Tom and a girl named Tanya. We get into this really good conversation about music and movies. We talked for hours. Around ten oclock at night they tell me that they are headed to a club and ask me to go with them. I Just wanted to go home so I asked them to give me their info and I gave them mine. I said goodbye to my class mates, Tom and Tanya and I head out. My house is about three minutes away. So my drive wasn't long. When I pull into my driveway. I hear someone pull up behind me. It's Tanya and Tom. Tanya asks me tocome over and she asks if I'm dating someone. Kinda," I tell them. "Well how serious is kinda," She asks. "Enough to know that it will be serious one day," I tell her. "Well We were wondering if you're into relationships with multiple partners?" She asks me. "Um no I'm sorry I'm really not into that," I barely let out because I'm already freaking. I mean I could have died there. This is when a drunken selene walks up to my house. I mean who is already drunk at ten p.m.? Normally I would be really pissed at this but at least she took the spotlight from me. "Who the @#$# are these people," She asked. A second later Chaz comes up behind her equally drunk. "Dude can we crash here? We can't find our keys," Chaz says. "Oh and we need money for the cab." Somehow this turned into a small party at my house including Tom and Tanya who were drooling all over Chaz. Some of my class mates and I still don't know who's idea it was to play twister or at what time did David, Rob and Selene's boyfriend who retreated to my guest bedroom with Selene in tow, show up. Somehow I had gotten drunk enough to play strip poker. Thank god Chaz and I won this time around because I really didn't want to strip in front of Tom and Tanya who were still drooling over Chaz. Creepy well around midnight more people show up. Chaz's brother comes over and I'm sitting on my couch with my head on Chaz's lap. This is when Tom asks me if it was alright for him and Chaz to get it on? I"m like hell no! Tom gets angry and asks Chaz if it was alright with him. Chaz says no and he gets angrier and he grabs Tanya and they leave. Not ten minutes later I get a call from one of them I can't remeber but they beg me to let Chaz go with them for one night. I think they even offered me money. I went off. I told them how disgusting I thought this was and how dare they ask me to do this. I think I even went as far as calling them disgusting peices of crap. This really wasn't cool with either of us. So the night progresses and around two in the morning we all decide to go to get something to eat. The problem is that everybody was drunk and I had confiscated keys. So I call a chinese food place to see if they could deliver. They were already closed so that means I had to cook. I already decided that everybody was going to stay at my house so I went into the kitchen and I pulled out everything I could. I made omelets and pancakes and I pulled out a frozen pie I had. Every one crowded around the kitchen table and started to eat and we all shared stories. My class mates then started to talk about Tom and Tanya and how they never seem to get anybody to go with them because they are creepy. We share some laughs and then Selene points out that we did this exacly a year ago. I had dinner with all of my friends a week before thanksgiving and this was the same. Except last year I had different friends with the exception of David and Selene everyone was different. Wow, I thought. A whole year changes all. Well after we eat everyone crowds around my living room and after ten minutes of devate we all decide to watch the newest starwars movie. WHich for some reason no one had seen but me. I swear ten minutes later everyone had passed out. My phone rings again. It's Tom and Tanya again and they want to talk. They are waiting outside. I walk outside and I tell them once agin that I want them to leave me alone. They then give me, I swear I'm not lying a flyer for a swingers get together. Tom says I should try it before I judge it. Tanya then says, I should really reconsider letting chaz join them. "I don't want to do that it's disgusting please leave before I call the cops," Chaz yells in an angry voice from behind. "I already told you no last year and I havent changed my mind." GREEN

Thanks Guys. We are going to take it slow. Alright slow as possible. Cyan is just the beggining we have four more colors to create LOL. But really were just not taking anything too serious just yet. I finally know that I want him and he says that he wants me so I am happy about that. Selene is ecstatic about it, everyone is but we dont want to rush into anything, baby steps, you know? Thanks Green

Well things are settling down here once again. No drama, no exes today and Just aswell because I'm getting tired of feeling sad. I called Julio today and I told him just that. I told him that I'm tired of being mad at him and I'm tired of not being happy because he isn't. The weird part is he took it well. He told me that he was sorry for busrting back into my life like that. We decided to be friends. Chaz came by tonight and I took him out for dinner. It was our first official date and things couldn't have gone any better. We ate Thai food at a little place I know. He had never been to a thai food place so I had to order for him but he liked what I ordered. We had a long conversation and he told me that he had actually liked me before I even met him. He saw me with some friends one day and then he found out about the previous friendship I had with his brother. He also told me that he had confided this to Selene before he kissed me that one time. SHe wouldn't let him tell me because I seemed so happy with Julio. Which I was. After dinner we took a walk around a park nearby. It was perfect especially when he leaned into me. We talked some more then. I told him how I really didn't know what I felt when It came to him. "What are you kidding me?" he says. "I knew you liked me from the first time you met me." I smile and let him win. I reallly didn't know but I let him think that. I did. It's a small battle he could win. I didn't feel like arguing anymore. He bought me a hot chocolate at a starbucks before we left for my house. Yes he's here right now sleeping in my bed and I'm freaking. GREEN fields of happyness.

Last night around ten I received a phone call from my friends David, Rob and Selene. We were pulling an all nighter like we did when we were in highschool. We used to sneak out of the house and go do stuff late at night. I got dressed and tip toed around the living room I didn't want Julio to know I was out. "Where are we going," I asked my friends. "The beach, we're having ourselves a late fall barbecue party," Rob says. Rob's family owns a beach house they never use and it has this big brick barbecue grill. "Wait let me get my laptop," I said and I ran back inside. Julio is sitting down looking at me. I walk by him and I grab it then I leave. I had nothing more to say to him. When we reach Rob's beach house there is already a few people there. I know quite a few of them so I go say to them. We have a good time sharing old stories. Selene's finally introduces us to her boyfriend who is actually very smart and very attractive up close. The fun part came when the police showed up asking us to put the fire out but Rob showed them his fire permit and they left defeated. We had a good laugh after that. Around two oclock I snuck away into the house to write the conclusion of last nights post. When I was finished I felt someone watching me. I look around and there is Chaz. "Hi Green," he says. I guess I gave him a disappointed look because he got one too. "I'm sorry I bothered you Green," He said and walked away. I know I should have followed but I can't do that right now. It's best for all of us if we didn't get involved so I put my laptop away and I headed out to the party. Selene's boyfriend had already left so I sat down next to her. "Why did you have to invite him?" I asked her. "Because I want you to be happy. I also want him to be happy and that's only going to be if he's with you." I look over to the swing on the porch. I grab a couple of beers and I head over in his direction. I sit next to him and I hand him a beer and I lean into him as he puts his arm around me. "I'm sorry Chaz," I told him. "I'm sorry too," he says rubbing his hands through my hair. I have to admit that was the best moment in my life. Us two just sitting there on a swing watching the fire in the barbecue. This morning we woke up next to each other on a bed. (We were dressed you pervs) Well any hoo when I returned to my house Julio was gone. I just sat in my living room and thought about everything for a little bit. Now I know what I want and I guess I'm happy that it's there. I want to thank everyone who posted their comments. thank you. A stable Green place.

I'm drained right now. I did let him in and he's sleeping on the couch right now. Chaz is some where mad at me while I almost had to restrain Selene. I don't know what to do. I can tell that he really wants me back but at the same time I am getting used to the idea of having Chaz in my life. Chaz came over and found us talking. His disappointment was clearly visible. He said he'd call me and took off. He hasn't called yet and it's worrying me. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt Chaz. Selene must have talked to him because she called a few minutes after he left demanding to know why Julio is here. We had our talk, if you could call it that. He told me that he was angry at me for the wrong reasons and that I disappointed him because I couldn't make time for him. But then he thought about how I asked my friends to stay awy for a week and how I made sure I was always there for him when he asked and he realized that he had messed up. The thing is that I believe that he really is sorry and my feelings for him havent gone away, I am really in love with him. Now here comes the hard part. I admit to him that I do have some feelings for Chaz and what happened while he was gone. "You cheated on me?" he asks, getting angry. "No, I never cheated on you!" I yell back at him. "I would have never done that. You left me Julio, witha friggin note on a computer!" He looks away I can tell he wants to say something. "Do you know how much that hurt me?" I ask him. "I never thought you'd do something like that to me." I had to leave the room at that point. I walk into my kitchen and I can see someone pacing in my backyard. I look out the window It's Chaz. He's crying anf I can hear him say dad a couple of times. He's also crying. I swear it broke my heart. I am hurting him so I decided that I am not going to get involved with either of them. I can't hurt either of them. I walk outside and I talk to him for a little bit. I telll him that the time isn't right. He seems to understand and he gives me a kiss. "I can wait he whispers," before he leaves. Back in the living room Julio is sitting there looking at me. " So what now?" he asks. "I know you and I aren't getting back together," I tell him. "You can stay here tonight but you have to leave tomorrow." GREEN drained but with closure.

Today I ran into my highschool crush who so happens to be a good guy. First thing he asks me about Chaz. My face was so red that you put a heinz ketchup bottle next to it and not know the difference. He starts telling my how much he digs Chaz and how he would like to see him again. Meanwhile I feel like a deer caught in the headlights because of what happened last night. "He's such a great guy I hope he gives me answer soon," he says as I slowly die before him. "Hey maybe you and your boyfriend could go on a double date with us." I feel so guilty at this point and I just want to crawl under a rock and die. So much for having Chaz as a boyfriend. This is all that comes out of my mouth. "Chaz kissed me last night. I didn't cheat Julio dumped me." "God I knew it," he says shaking his head. "I knew it the other night at that bar. He kept looking at you," he says. I'm like why was this so ovbious to every one but me? He asks me what happened with Julio and I explain every thing. I'm still waiting for him to hit me because I took his gorgeous man when he looks at me with a weird smile. "Maybe you could hook me up with his brother," he asks me and I'm like damn boy slow down. I kindly explain to him my policy against hooking up friends. Not that I would want him to date him anyways. My second encounter of the day would Be Chaz's brother himself. Not five minutes after I said goodbye to my high school crush I run into Chaz's brother who is looking very agitated. I walk over to him and I ask him what's up? (In retrsopect I don't know why I did this). He then gives me this whole drowned out story about his whole meager existence that I really could care less about. As you know Chaz's brother and I arent exactly best friends but I am civil towards him because let's face it's Chaz's brother. So I give him some advice that seems to calm him down. Then he starts asking me about my ex. I'm like OH NO I don't play cupid. So I give him the same rundown on my rules that I gave my highschool Crush. he seems to understand and I go about my way. Class was good and fast today so I didn't need to do much before I headed back home. When I got home I found Julio sitting on the front steps. "Hi," he says. I notice his bags and he just smiles. My whole world just stopped. I was angry and hurt and I wanted to kill and hug him at the same time. I can't deny what I still feel for him but I wasn't having this. NO he can't just decide to leave me then show up a week later. Hell no! "Leave," I told him and he looked at me. "Green look I know I messed up but I thought." Slam the door went and I locked it right away. He still outside waiting for me to let him in as I write this. I know'll I'll eventually let him in and then a huge fight will ensue. I am just preparing myself and my fists. GREEN slamming the door in Julio's face.

Hello guys. I'm in a good mooood today. I went out for lunch with my friends David and Rob and they bought me a lolly. We even went to a toy store where I was hit on by an old lady that thought I was cute. We had a good time but that's when the weird crap started once again. On our way home we saw my friend Selene yelling at someone on the side of the road. We were too embarassed to even ask so we kept on driving. David drove so we dropped off our friend Rob , and then headed towards my house. On the way to my house we saw Selene once again. This time she was yelling into her cellphone and driving which is really scary knowing how she drives. David cautiously pulls over until she's far away then we drive again. David needs to go to the store so he pulls into one on the way. This is when I see Selene for the third time. She's still on the phone arguing while trying to open a bottle of Pepsi. Alright so as far as I knew Selene wasn't dating anyone. Not one that she's told us about at least. Well this really tall guy comes over and grabs her. I'm about to go do something when he kisses her. Now this wasn't just some random kiss, this was a romance novel kiss that would make even the romance novel writers blush. David returns at this point and I point over to them. His mouth drops and the sounds, Oh EEEE OOOH, come from his mouth. This kiss was crazy the leaves were falling perfectly around them, time was slowing down, her hair gently flowed in the breeze and his big manly hands caressed the back of her head. Crap they were even dressed like they were a part of a romance novel. He had a suit and she was wearing a red slip dress with spike heels that could kill you if thrown the right way. I pat David on the arm and motion for him to drive away. I really didn't want her to see us because I really didn't want the explanation. We pull out of the stores parking lot and head towards my house. When we pull up my ex (first ex not Julio) is waiting for me on the front steps with Chaz and his brother. "What's up guys," I ask noticing that Chaz is avoiding my eyes. "Nothing we were waiting here for ya," says my ex. "I heard what happened." "Really and?" I ask him. "Don't be like that. I just wanted to make sure you're alright," My ex says. Chaz scoffs at this and his brother hits his arm to shut him off. "What's that f-er doing here?" miss romance novel, Selene yells from somewhere behind me. "Hi Selene," everyone except my ex says. "Good to know that your weight is still bigger than your mouth," my ex says. Silence is all that you can hear from everyone. Seriously we were expecting her to explode but she doesn't she just smiles and walks over to him. "At least I know that I'm not going to die alone one day in some gutter holding a bottle of cheap rum that I stole from a bum, wishing that I was still young so I could trick some young kid into giving me a blow job," Selene said and stepped into my house. The look my ex had almost made me want to go over to him and give him a hug. What I said almost. I walked into my house behind Selene and Chaz followed with his brother and David. My ex just left, yelling something about calling later. Everyone crowded around my living room and we put in a movie. Slene looked to pissed for me to ask about that guy. David and Chaz's brother passed out, Chaz kept looking at me and at some point motioned to the kitchen. Selene un fazed grabbed the remote and changed the channel. Chaz was already in the kitchen looking perfect, leaning on the counter. "What's up," I asked. He looks at me and tells me that my high school crush asked him out. I told him that it was great. But he doesn't seem as enthusiastic about it. "Are you sure you're alright with this," he asks. I have to admit I was a little jealous but not enought that I wouldn't be happy for him. "Of course," I tell him. "Why wouldn't I be?" "Because I'm not. You told me how you felt but I need you to know how I feel. I want you Green and I can't deny that," he says. "Look Chaz, I can't it's too soon," I try to say but he's moving closer. "And I can't wait," he says planting a huge kiss. This is when Selene burst in and says, "I have a Boy.." her mouth hangs open. "We have boyfriends." GREEN and crazy nights.

I Just wanted to let you guys know what I've been working on. I have a new story that I'm working on. The first part to MR. Black is finished. I'm just waiting for my editor to return that one. I am working on book two to No Matter How far aswell as finishing At the Edge Of Our World. My friend Jonathan has done incredible artwork for my stories. What happens when being yourself is not enough? The rewritten sequel to A Hero in the Hallways. Two will be lost and one life will be changed for ever. Things are not so easy this time around. GREEN

Let's welcome our newest members. adono RIch aa435iz Damien akrodusa EvanH gaystorywriter Mike51691 rockyhi2005 Caipirinha andy595 Plenty here for you guys, from the library to the archives and even the hosted authors. I hope you guys find some thing here that you can enjoy. I want to see you guys become a part of our communities. GREEN

I woke up this morning, I made breakfast and I called Selene and Chaz over. When They walked in they immediately noticed that Julio and his stuff were gone. "What happened?" Selene asked. "Did you guys break up?" I tell them whole story as selene gets angry. Chaz however doesn't say anything. He doesn't even look at me. Selene is angry not only with Julio but with me for not telling her. I gtried to explain what happened to her and how I felt like a jerk for asking them to give me some space, but she wasn't having it. I guess it hurt her that I didn't tell her. Then there was Chaz who still hadn't said anything and I asked him why but he just picked up his book bag and left. I followed him out and I tried to stop him but he just shrugged me away. He got into his car and drove away. Selene came out a few minutes later and yelled at me some more. "Stop it Selene," I said and stormed into my house once again. "He likes you and your stupid if you let him go," she said. "Selene I don't have those type of feelings for him," I said. Then I explained to her why but once again stubborn Selene wasn't having it. She walked over to me and put her finger on my forehead and then tapped on it. "Now you stop it. How are you ever going to know if you like him back if you don't give him a chance," She said. "Look why do you think he hangs out with you all the time huh?" "The truth is that I really don't have those feelings for him. Chaz is a great guy, no doubt about that but he and I will never have anything beyond friend ship even if he's mad at me right now. I don't get with my friends for the same reason that I do not play cupid," I tell Selene. "You are making a mistake this time Green," She said, leaving me to think about her words. David Came by a few minutes later and I talked to him about it. Rob also came by and we all talked for an hour when Chaz walked into my house again. He appologized for leaving and sat down with us. I recounted the whole story and I told them about my little day long trip. They all gave me what I needed not advice but words of encouragement. David left for class and so did Rob. So I was left alone with Chaz who seemed nervous. OH NO not again I thought. So I decided to tell him how I felt about him and how I thought that we should just be friends. I kept giving him reason after reason when I realized that maybe there was something there. I tried to ignore it but I now know that I did feel it. I began to see things that I hadn't noticed before like the way he taps on the table when he's nervous. So I panicked and I told him that I had to go. I just wanted him to leave so I could think and get my head straight. So now I don't know what or how to face Selene. GREEN crap I don't know.

You know what I thought about what Libbonobo and the rest of you said and you guys are right. Maybe I was just hanging on to something that wasn't there. I decided to go back I'm actually back home now and I will tell Selene and Chaz what happened tomorrow. The thing is I think Chaz is attractive but I don't see anything beyond that. Even though he might, I just see him as a friend. A good one, dont get me wrong but that's all. I know what I felt for Julio is real but we weren't good for each other in the long run. He called today and we talked. He told me the same thing and he said that he's rather see me happy with someone else than miserable with him in the long run. I told him that he should have talked to me about it rather than leaving a note on a computer screen. He said that he is sorry for that but he had to catch his flight. He said he had tried to call but his phone wouldn't work. Either way I have decided to stay where I'm at. I put away all of the stuff he left and I'm going to try and get a roommate. I don't know, it was pretty rough for a minute but I know now that it's better for me in the long run. Well anyhoo I Leave you all and I thank you for your comments they really did make me feel better. GREEN back at home.

I am in a hotel room somewhere I can't pronounce. I am about a day away from where I live and I feel good. I guess you can always feel good when you drive away from the problem. I still havent told Selene and Chaz. But you'll be happy to know that I did talk to someone even if it wasn't face to face. It was on the phone. I talked to a friend that lives a few states over and I'm headed to him now. Selene has called atleast twenty times I knew she'd call. Chaz hasn't yet but that is because of what I asked him. I'll tell them when I get back sometime next week. Julio has no called however. I was going to call him but my concious doesn't let me do it. I guess sometimes you have to remove yourself from the problem all together like I'm doing. I must admit that it's not going to help me when I get back but right now it really is. I also called my friend's David and Rob, they are going to meet me here tomorrow and were going to drive somewhere I just don't know where yet. I guess I'm still not telling Selene and Chaz because they know too much. They've seen it all and they know how I feel about everything that happens to me. I guess they are too close to home. David and Rob I barely see and I know because of this they will give me an outsiders point of view. I also called my friend Jonathan and he told me that things will always change but you have to be willing to adapt and that way you can be fine and he offered to go to spain and deal with Julio for me. He also told me to hang in there it isn't the first breakup and it wont be the last. He said that atleast this one was mild compared to my last. So I leave you guys. I am alright a bit sad but I know I will make through. Oh by the way Libbonobo I only started to say Julio's name when he said it was alright. Count how many times I mention my bf LOL. GREEN one day away.

I want to thank you guys for your words. I havent told anybody yet. He never called and I don't expect that he will. I am numb right now. Last night I went through the motions but today I'm just drained. I couldn't even tell my friends I feel like a fool in front of them. I don't know what to do I'm restless. Things are definitely going to change and I don't know if I want to stay in this house. I am going to go away for a couple of days. I need to get away from everything that is my life. I really should be telling my friends but I can't face them after I asked them to give me some space for a week. I'd feel guilty after doing that. So I want to thank you guys once again for your words. I'm going to be away for the next few days. I might check up if I find somewhere to plug in my lap top. See ya in a few guys GREEN

Julio my BF is very mad at me these days. He's very jeallous of my friends and he thinks I'm going to leave him for Chaz. It freaks me out when he talks like that. I've already told him that my friends will always be there but that doesn't mean that he is second to them. I mean I planned on marrying him some day and he's the only person that I have dated I could ever say that about. I love him and it kills me inside when he says these things. Today I told my friends not to come over for a while. I told Chaz that I needed to stay away from him for the next week or so and he understood. Selene was mad ans so were my other friends but ultimately they understood. So I went home and started to cook a nice dinner for Julio and My sure I had a good movie waiting so that we could snuggle. I waited for him and he never came home. I went upstairs and his stuff was gone. It hurts when someone you love decides that they can't be in your life. He left me a messsage on my computer screen. All it said that he would call me when he gets back home to spain. I am sitting here waiting for his call. I can't believe it and I'm writing this to make sure that it's real and that I'm about to puke. He's really gone and for some reason I know I can never forgive that he left without talking to me first. If the problem was so great then why didn't he tell me before. It's over, It's over I am not an optimistic person so I sit here knowing that it's over and I'll have to pick up the the pieces. GREEN

It's started again. I found myself in the worst situation once again. Selene one of my best friends, not one of the good best friends but rather the evil one, had invited me to this hell night somewhere I never want to visit again with her annoying brother that should find a way to cease to exist. Whew mouth full. I went to the god forsakened thing making sure Chaz came along for moral support because I was one step away from killing someone. alright so this place we ggo to is decorated or rather made to look like a satanic church. We're all into it for a little bit when we notice that this is a satanic church and were to be their new additions. I quickly head for the door making sure I'm pulling everybody with me except for Selene's brother who I hate even more for inviting us here. JERK! We are not three feet from the door when we're cut off by this big freaky guy. "Where are you going?" he asks us. Now this guy is by far the creepiest person I've ever met. Seriously this guy could have been Lurch's twin just shorter. Selene screams and Chaz flinches as I try to dodge the man. I make it out safely and so does Chaz but Selene's brother pulls her back and the creepy guy now looks pissed. "Hey!" I yell and I pull her back away from him. He gives me this look and I close my fist. he backs off but the creepy guy doesn't he pushes me. I'm like Ready? Let's go, and my fist seems to have a mind of it's own because it quickly connects with his face. He doesn't even flinch. I'm like Crap so I toss Chaz my car keys and we book it. We share a good laugh once we leave and Selene yells at her brother on her cell phone, for bringing us to a cult. We decide to go to a bar to let out some steam because I was really mad at Selene's brother and I could see myself punching him also. I don't know what would compell anyone to join a cult but I really don't like it when they try to pull that on me. I was part of the church once and that was enough. At the bar we run into some friends and that guy I used to have a crush on in high school (see this high school crush) He's there and we're all having a good time. Then I notice the attraction between him and Chaz. So I grab Selene and we walk away from them to give them some time together. Not a minute passes and Chaz joins us saying, "Dude would you mind if I," I don't let him finish. "Chaz what are you still doing here? Go!" he smiles and mouths the words thank you when we see Selene's brother and the creepy guy walk into the bar. I"m like OH SHIZZLE and I grab Selene and I walk over to Chaz and I motion for them to follow us. I know the owner of the bar so after a quick explanation he lets us leave the bar through the back door. I am writing this from Chaz's dorm where I'm hiding out. Julio is going to be very pissed when he hears this. I'm really never scared to fight but they did seem to have alot of cultist in that church and GREEN never underestimates the power of cults in large numbers.

My Halloween Midterms all is good all has been passed. House all is good boyfriend is great house is clean. Friends all getting along, no more ex's, no more stupid brothers of friends. Green seems healthy, no yelling feels calm. So then why is everything feel like it's going to collapse on me? Because it's going to. Julio my bf decided that he was going to cook a fact that I descourage alot since he almost burned my kitchen down a couple of months ago. I wake up from a nap and I hear something boiling, something being chopped, a gorgeous man singing. I feel heat, steam is visible, I smell something good. As I walk into the kitchen I see him, he smiles, he walks over, he kisses me a huge flame comes from the stove. I scream, I run, I grab and the chicken drops. Headache, need pills, need food, so we leave. The store: there is a robbery before I come, we leave. Second store: flirty clerk, old man licking his lips, I'm disgusted, we leave. The italian restaurant: twenty minute wait: elevator music no ipod, sacry host. Car ride home: Julio yells at me, I yell back, we see Chaz, Julio's mad, we drop Chaz off. He Yells once again, "Green too controlling. You never let me cook, you never let me help you, you never seem to need me!" Green's turn: I yell back, I scream, I eat alive, He cowers he holds my hand, he's sorry, I feel guilt, "I'm sorry." Home: We make up Hmm Hmm, good night, no sleep headache still.... GREEN he scares.

I wrote this two years ago and I just found it again. I wrote this after my ex broke up with me and I found out that he was cheating during our relationship. I wasn't seeing what I was seeing run through my mind as I see it. How could he, was my first thought. Hate, anguer, betrayal strangle me, took my breath, would I think next. You lied to me, saw me cry you hurt me till I fell and I found that I was lost. I gave you so much, You take, I lose, you walk you choose and I watch but I don't cry. You said the words, I'm, you start Leaving, you continue.You, you end. The door, the breeze the slam and I lock. Can this be how it feels when you felt lost? You call back to see if I'm alright, tears, come back, I'm in love with someone new, I'll call goodbye, three weeks by the phone, no one calls. Breakdown, shot after shot, feel great, feel bad, concerned and they hold you back, fall, expell, cry, sink and the hole seems never ending when I found that I had lost. They hold you when you tell them, hugs, chocolate with movies, cry and more holding. The sad faces, He shows his face, someone new, You smile, your friends, your dying inside. It hurts, you cry, they know, he calls and you fall again when you found that you lost. GREEN, when he was angry.

Hello Martin. My name is Green and I'm glad to help. Just pm me and let me know what you need and I will do my best to help you out. GREEN