peter rietbergen
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Everything posted by peter rietbergen
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[Memory, Junior Year, November] – Strategic Mistakes
peter rietbergen commented on Laura S. Fox's story chapter in [Memory, Junior Year, November] – Strategic Mistakes
Spot in. It simply isn't believable. -
The telephone conversation between the pseudo-Alejandro and his quick-play-acting "father" is definitely filmable. You should be a script-writer.
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Both hilarious and very cleverly done.
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It took me some time to realize that this chapter is a resume of the entirety of M's relationship with C.
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Neuvième partie : Le Rôti
peter rietbergen commented on W_L's story chapter in Neuvième partie : Le Rôti
It's called cirrhosis of the liver, a kind of cancer. -
Neal and J, as we expected. But after all, the story commands that the plot should thicken by now...
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Neuvième partie : Le Rôti
peter rietbergen commented on W_L's story chapter in Neuvième partie : Le Rôti
Cancer ? -
all the ingredients of a "space opera" (with a bit of disaster movie mixed in for good measure) on the Canadian Plains. Quite a feat.
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Chapter 1: Shadows and secrets!
peter rietbergen commented on vanalas's story chapter in Chapter 1: Shadows and secrets!
True, he did, though in the 1930's, when labour was dirt-cheap and servants were treated like dirt, too. And yes, I suppose contemporary multi-billionaires still can command armies of servants if they so wish and raise their spoiled brats in such suroundings. So our author's "effortlessly charming", preppy-clothed, silver-spoon-fed but apparently not "to-the-manor-born" boy must, perhaps, start dealing with real life beyond the marble halls of his ancestral mansion.... -
Very clever, and thoughout the story your mastery of the technical details is astounding. And yet... I cannot get rid of the feeling that the tale lacks personal details, emotions that go beyond the political plots and counter-plots....
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Chapter 1: Shadows and secrets!
peter rietbergen commented on vanalas's story chapter in Chapter 1: Shadows and secrets!
Interesting. But: an eighteen-year-old whose nanny still lays out his clothes for him? And a grandftaher who very much dictates things in the house they share but yet has to ask for confirmation that his grandson will be going to the same school as he? -
Football and Dinner - 29 December
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Football and Dinner - 29 December
so you're presenting us with the threads that'll allow you to weave a new tapestry...? -
I think a lot happened in this chapter. No crises of epic proportions, but - yes - a crisis of greater importance, given the emotions it forced K to face. Well done.
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"No," Alex stated, his voice a low, hard vibration that cut through the noise of the argument. "I appreciate your concern, mi vida, but I need you to call your… new friends with CSIS, si?” He fished out the Satellite phone and tossed it over to Brian. I’ll go and get the vehicle alone." Am I correct when I feel that this implies that Brian must now conclude that Alex knows he has entered into a deal with the CSIS - which means that B's choice isn't a secret anymore? But what does that fact - and its consequences for B's and the others' actions - entail for the future of B's family and friends?
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Well...... Why: well? because I'm not convinced. I can see how C and J plotted this - cleverl;y. Not how, even in the privacy of their own apartment - as, e.g., in the previous chapter - they acted as if the two of them were really ending a long-standing, once loving relationship. Maybe if such scenes had not been included in the entire story to mislead us, I would have been - yes: more convinced.
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A mouth-watering tale. But no wonder so many Americans turn out obese. In my country such meals - yes, even on vacation - would be accused of seducing us to commit the sin of gluttony.
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Fascinating... Perhaps because I am a "liberated" Dutchmen, who went to boarding school (also in England, though) where we always showered naked. The idea of wearing underwear .... unimaginable. But, admittedly: over the past two decades the influx of people from, mainly, non-western - Asian and African - countries/cultures has greatly - and negatively - influenced whatver "liberation" we once enjoyed. And, alas, conversely it creates a tabu on nakedness - turning it into eroticism, sex and what not - that does not help emancipation....
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I'm constantly amazed at how prudish Americans are...😊
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One doesn't need a ghost to, sometimes, know what one has to do to help someone else....
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Weren't Byzantine emperors not only crowned but also raised on the shield and cariied around?
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Unless I'm realy dumb, I must assume that B being with Alex, now, means he has signed the agreement with the CSCI. What that means for this tale...?
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Life’s a beach – 28 December
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Life’s a beach – 28 December
I love the Holloway. I remember my Father allowing me to see the films he starred in - Whisky Galore and such. Wasn't there one about a train, too? And didn't he do Doolittle in the MFLady extravaganza? As to Josephine: ah, I suppose nowadays such a cover would be totally PC-unacceptable: coloured and near-naked, i.e. racist and sexist....Sometimes I think PCness robs us of our innocence. -
Will you raise C to the shield...?
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This is awesome indeed. The structure of the tale but, of course, in it the very emotion that it conveys - one that many people experience, sometimes (often?) without finding the "signs" to express and show their deepest feelings.
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Alas, in *Topher's" universe, that resembles ours to an alarming extent, all men working to uphold the mostly pernicious power of institutions lack any sense of moral responsibility.
