JamesSavik

stupid isn't funny? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLFdRXWBIVE

Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future By Nick Hide Source Link A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world. The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year. Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender. Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening." This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery. Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes." Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? A: It depends on how hard you squeeze them. Q: What's funnier than a dead baby? A: A dead baby in a clown costume! Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: Depends how hard you throw them. Q: How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles ? A: Nail its other hand to the floor. Q: What do a dead baby and a horse have in common? A: After you ride them your always sore. Q: What is red & yellow & screams? A: A peeled baby in lemon juice. Q: What's funnier than a dead baby? A: A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome. Q: What is the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truck load of dead babies? A: You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitch fork! Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first? A: So you can see the expression on its face! Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: Take your foot off of it's head. Q: What's the difference between a baby & a watermelon? A: One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer & the other is a watermelon. Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A: A baby playing in a plastic bag. Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? A: Art. Q: What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts? A: You can't gargle gravel. Q: What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree? A: Nailing it to a dead puppy! Q: What do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? A: f**ked. Q: What's red and dances all around? A: A baby on a barbecue. Q: How do you make a baby walk? A: Cut off its hands. Q: Why is it so hard to play with dead babies? A: The parts keep coming off. Q: What gets louder as it gets smaller? A: A baby in a trash compactor. Q: How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? A: The dog plays with it more. Q: How do you get 10 babies into a bowl? A: With a blender! Q: How do you get them out again? A: With tortilla chips!!! Q: What's present do you get for a dead baby? A: A dead puppy. Q: What is charred black and screams? A: A baby getting his toy out of the fireplace! Q: What does a dead baby and a jar of ketcup have in common? A: If you squeez them hard enough red stuff comes out. Q: How do you save a baby from drowning? A: Harpoon it. Q: What is black, white, and red all over? A: A zombie baby eating a nun. Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? A: Bob. Q: What do you call a bunch of retarted babies in a bathtub? A: Vegetable stew! Q: What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas? A: Cancer. Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off. Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup? A: The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth. Q: What's red and goes round and round? A: A baby in a garbage disposal. Q: What do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gherkin? A: A Big Mac. Q: What is better than a dead baby? A: The revoked child-support. Q: What do you call a baby on a stick? A: A Kebabie. Q: What is the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby? A: A watermelon floats. Q: What is red and lies in all four corners of the room? A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw. Q: What is the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A: A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it. Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch? A: Matt. Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? A: Stick a javelin through it's head. Q: What have you got when you strap a dead baby to each foot? A: Slippers. Q: What is blue and sits in the corner? A: A baby in a plastic bag. Q: What is green and sits in a corner? A: The same baby, six weeks later. Q: What is red and swings back and forth? A: A baby on a meat hook. Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: A tall glass of Fresca and two scoops of dead baby. Q: What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A: A baby in a microwave. Q: What is black and sits in a corner? A: A baby with it's finger in an electric socket. Q: What squeals and goes around at 100mph? A: A baby in an electric fan. Q: What is blue and knocks on glass? A: A baby in a fishtank. Q: What is charred black and smells really bad? A: A baby chewing on an extension cord. Q: What has 4 legs and one arm? A: A Doberman on a children's playground! Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass? A: Make a coffee table. Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car? A: Getting it out of the tires. Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby? A: Because you get a womb with a view. Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach? A: Sandy. Q: Why did the baby fall off the swing? A: Because it had no arms or legs.

Myr the Magnificent, benevolent dictator and Wizard King of this realm is without a Facebook Avatar. This will NEVER do. All good minions of the land are hereby requested to present potential Facebook Avatars for our leader! I will begin:

You are known for the company you keep. Sure- there's some good stuff on Nifty but you've got to confront a whole lot of swine before you find any pearls. Do you want your stories sitting beside "intergenerational", incest and pure porn? I don't. Call me a snob but that's not what I write, am about or support.

and who doesn't (that's not lying their ASS off)? But.. it's not true. I'm nice to kids but I don't chase 'em. The guy I've been seeing lately is my age.

It can't be that good. I've got 145. ______________________________ OH ya didn't like that? It over 150 now.

Go f**k or get f**ked whatever you are into. What are you saving it for? Somebody special? HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH DUmb ass

Not to mention Patsy Klein. She had an amazing voice. No relation to Calvin. If you've never heard her sing, I urge you to check out the links.

The Eagles - Sad Cafe Audio Link Out in the shiny night, the rain Was softly falling The tracks that ran down the boulevard had All been washed away Out of the silver light, the past came softly calling And I remember the times we spent Inside the sad cafe Oh, it seemed like a holy place, Protected by amazing grace And we would sing right out loud, the Things we could not say We thought we could change this world With words like "love" and "freedom" We were part of the lonely crowd Inside the sad cafe Oh, expecting to fly, We would meet on that beautiful shore in the Sweet by and by Some of their dreams came true, Some just passed away And some of the stayed behind Inside the sad cafe. The clouds rolled in and hid that shore Now that glory train, it don't stop here no more Now I look at the years gone by, And wonder at the powers that be. I don't know why fortune smiles on some And let's the rest go free Maybe the time has drawn the faces I recall But things in this life change very slowly, If they ever change at all There's no use in asking why, It just turned out that way So meet me at midnight baby Inside the sad cafe. Why don't you meet me at midnight baby, Inside the sad cafe.

I decided a long time ago that I was no damned good. I got all sorts of messages growing up that told me so. First and foremost was the way that I was treated by people that I thought were my friends. Most of you know I never chose to be out. It's something that most people wait until they are ready for. I didn't have that choice. Someone else made it for me at the age of 13 deep in the heart of the bible belt in the mid seventies. What followed I wouldn't wish on anyone. The thing that hurt the most and never stopped hurting was being cut off. I don't mean just shunned. I mean people that I had known for years that just stopped talking to me and would never have anything further to do with me. That'll f**k with your head as a full grown adult but as a kid it was devastating. It taught me some really f**ked-up lessons that stick with you. Like when you have a friend or a lover no matter how flawed you need to hold on to them because no one else wants you. Un-learning that is a bitch. Another thing is what it does to your self-worth. You can't be too worthy if people cut you off like a light-switch. You see up until a certain age, most of my friends were from church. They were told that the best way to help me change was to have nothing to do with me until I did change. Saving a soul by tough love as it were or simply not wanting to have anything to do with a known faggit. There are a lot of people that I liked, cared about some I even loved that walked away from me and never looked back. Maybe you wonder why I always seem like I'm angry. It's because I know that I'm disposable.

I am less than impressed with Ricky Martin's timing for coming out. He is releasing an album later this year and the cynical side of me thinks he is only doing this to create buzz for his album. Instead of coming out at the height of his popularity, he's coming out now that he's barely relevant?

MEH. Ricky Martin's coming out is a lot like Janet Jackson's hooter flopping out at the super-bowl: it happened twenty years after anyone cared.

Age group has a lot to do with it and it can turn in a matter of weeks or days. Do keep an eye on our flower child so the wolves won't get him.

Cruising without the trolls. How very elitist. When are you little pricks going to realize that give it 10 years and you are going to be the trolls? ignore /on

I'm not trying to be an asshole but would someone please tell me the essential difference between cruising and the (organ) grinder? I know that somehow a monkey is involved in both processes.

Plenty. You don't need to settle for one of these guys when so many sane guys available. I'll let you know when I find one.

Thankfully you are neither Yang.

The Drunk Fun and charming, the drunk loses some of his appeal when you sober up. After he's drank all your booze and pissed on your bed, the puke in your closet is the last straw. The problem with drunks is that they forget that you threw them out. You have to break up with them dozens of times for it to take. Even then, they show up drunk and horny at 2am or make those wonderful calls in the middle of the night. The only sure way to get rid of them: tell them about how well you are doing in AA. The Meth head Beavis here has been tweaking for the last six-weeks. His penis is tiny and limp. He steals everything and cops are constantly after him. What were you thinking? Well- we know that love is blind and he wasn't Beavis the meth-head his whole life. It took a while for him to get that way and you had to see the signs. The only sure way to get rid of them: move away with no forwarding address. The Dumb Ass He was fun and charming for a while but... JESUS!? Just look at him. What happened? So you met him on grinder. You didn't have to keep him. Dumbasses are like stray cats: feed them once and they'll never go away. The only sure way to get rid of them: fake your death. The Man-Whore He seduced you in seconds. You should have known that he seduces everyone in seconds. Men, women, boy and girls: this man-whore spreads his genetic material around like an water-sprinkler. What were you thinking? Yeah sure: he's cool with classic good looks but as soon as he's out of your sight, he's f**king someone else. The only sure way to get rid of them: buy a ring, talk about a committed relationship. The Dork Dorks are a subset of nerds known specifically for their complete and total lack of social skills. They always say and do not just the wrong thing but the worst thing possible. The dork, while otherwise intelligent, is born without that little piece of their brain that regulates when to STFU. While dorks can be OK in small doses, no relationship has ever lasted more than six weeks with a true dork. The only sure way to get rid of them: leave a trail of memory chips out into traffic. The Religious Nut Religious Nuts can be OK until they sober up and rationalize that you have lead them into sin. Worse than that even, you make them want to sin over and over again. You must get rid of the religious nut before he adds you to his collection of dissected prostitutes. The only sure way to get rid of them: talk to him about your deep abiding faith in witchcraft. The Compulsive Liar Most everyone hates to be lied to. What happens when you meet a guy that doesn't even know he's lying or lies for no apparent reason? Chaos. The compulsive liar will drive you absolutely insane. Most people lie because they are concealing something that they are ashamed of. The compulsive liar lies when he orders breakfast. The only sure way to get rid of them: set him on fire.

Vic- Have you ever been to a club and had some lecherous mutt practically humping your leg? Just because they are gay doesn't mean that they know how to act or you want to talk to them.

The journey of 10,000 miles starts with the first step.

Of course. But the more massive the object, like say an enormously fat ass with its own zip code and airport, the stronger the gravitational field.

In the south where everything is lowered into a deep-fat fryer, its easy to balloon up and get fat. Everything is fried: pies, biscuits, chickens and even twinkies. It's enough to drive you a little bonkers. It's just fun too avoid getting too fat. You get to see those hot people from high school that wouldn't talk to you who have since turned into blimps and have their own gravitational fields. Karma: the universe's way of giving you the finger.