JamesSavik

My favorite: 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Avoid writing dumb stuff. 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a 6'3" tree. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 22. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. 23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 24. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. 27. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. 28. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. 29. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. 30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

whar's da redneck to inglish opshion?

I read that Sam came out because of media pressure. They had the story from on campus sources as far back as the Senior Bowl and wanted to run with it. Sam elected to come out rather than being outed by the media.

Just off the top of my head there are the Atlanta Falcons and the Dallas Cowboys. They both come off years where they defenses ranked near the bottom of the league. Either would be a good fit on paper. They both need defensive speed on the outside. Of course the Vikings, Tampa Bay, Jacksonville, Philly and Green Bay were all so bad on the defensive side of the ball that they'll have to address it in the draft or free agency. There is a draft philosophy in drafting for a position and taking the best athlete available. Literally any team could draft him. I just hope they are looking for a player and not a side show. Depending on the team he could be an immediate starter or a special teams player. He's been banging heads with the monsters in the SEC. He should be ready to play at this level. 2013 Team Defense Stats: total yards, yards/game, total passing yards allowed, passing yards allowed/game, rushing yards allowed, rush/game, points/game 1 Seattle 4378 273.6 2752 172.0 1626 101.6 231 14.4 2 Carolina 4820 301.3 3429 214.3 1391 86.9 241 15.1 3 Cincinnati 4888 305.5 3344 209.0 1544 96.5 305 19.1 4 New Orleans 4891 305.7 3105 194.1 1786 111.6 304 19.0 5 San Francisco 5071 316.9 3536 221.0 1535 95.9 272 17.0 6 Arizona 5079 317.4 3728 233.0 1351 84.4 324 20.3 7 Houston 5081 317.6 3123 195.2 1958 122.4 428 26.8 8 NY Giants 5316 332.3 3573 223.3 1743 108.9 383 23.9 9 Cleveland 5319 332.4 3538 221.1 1781 111.3 406 25.4 10 Buffalo 5334 333.4 3271 204.4 2063 128.9 388 24.3 11 NY Jets 5359 334.9 3947 246.7 1412 88.3 387 24.2 12 Baltimore 5368 335.5 3681 230.1 1687 105.4 352 22.0 13 Pittsburgh 5395 337.2 3546 221.6 1849 115.6 370 23.1 14 Tennessee 5407 337.9 3612 225.8 1795 112.2 381 23.8 15 St. Louis 5520 345.0 3874 242.1 1646 102.9 364 22.8 16 Detroit 5546 346.6 3950 246.9 1596 99.8 376 23.5 17 Tampa Bay 5568 348.0 3806 237.9 1762 110.1 389 24.3 18 Washington 5665 354.1 3896 243.5 1769 110.6 478 29.9 19 Denver 5696 356.0 4070 254.4 1626 101.6 399 24.9 20 Indianapolis 5713 357.1 3711 231.9 2002 125.1 336 21.0 21 Miami 5750 359.4 3752 234.5 1998 124.9 335 20.9 22 Oakland 5819 363.7 4092 255.8 1727 107.9 453 28.3 23 San Diego 5864 366.5 4139 258.7 1725 107.8 348 21.8 24 Kansas City 5885 367.8 3962 247.6 1923 120.2 305 19.1 25 Green Bay 5956 372.3 3956 247.3 2000 125.0 428 26.8 26 New England 5969 373.1 3824 239.0 2145 134.1 338 21.1 27 Atlanta 6070 379.4 3897 243.6 2173 135.8 443 27.7 28 Jacksonville 6070 379.4 3962 247.6 2108 131.8 449 28.1 29 Philadelphia 6307 394.2 4636 289.8 1671 104.4 382 23.9 30 Chicago 6313 394.6 3730 233.1 2583 161.4 478 29.9 31 Minnesota 6365 397.8 4598 287.4 1767 110.4 480 30.0 32 Dallas 6645 415.3 4589 286.8 2056 128.5 432 27.0 I always find these stats interesting. We can tell that a dominate defense equaled a championship. Despite being horrible, Houston's defense was a respectable 7th in the league. But look at how the other teams fared. Carolina's defense took them deep into the playoffs while Denver's offense kept them in it to the super bowl. There's a lot more than meets the eye to this game.

It helps that he's a very talented, fast defensive player. Probably projects to be an outside linebacker. Many teams may not want the press distractions, others may eat it up. It's all about the team ownerships and their front offices take on the situation. Before this, he probably would be drafted at the bottom of the 2nd round-3rd or top of the fourth. It all depends on needs analysis of the teams. He's rated as the draft's 9th best defensive end and he played in the powerful, competitive South Eastern Conference. At this point who will draft him and in what round is up in the air. Look at teams that need defensive help on the outside and/or are looking for depth at linebacker. A lot of teams need linebackers as they get hurt a lot and in the thirty-four defense you need them four at a time. I like him at outside linebacker. From his game film he looks really good in lateral pursuit and knows how to attack the angles. He's fast off the ball and can blitz or cover. He a natural for the 3-4.

why does lolcat want cheeseburger? why not tuna, chicken or shrimps?

that's why some people never quit smoking: they want to skip the depends years

*FRUMMP* Run for your life!

Actually that sounds like MOST of stories that I've read. The keyword search: disowned, adopted and hospital would hit for quite a few stories.

1 stick Butter ½ cup Crisco 2 cups Sugar 5 Egg Yolks 2 cups Plain Flour 1 tsp Baking Soda 1 cup Buttermilk 1 tsp Vanilla 1 cup Coconut 1 cup chopped Pecans 5 Egg Whites, stiffly beaten Cream butter and Crisco. Add sugar, beat well. Add egg yolks and beat. Add flour and soda. Alternate with buttermilk. Stir in vanilla. Add coconut & nuts. Fold in stiffly beaten egg whites 2 Tablespoons at a time. Pour into greased and floured 9 in cake pans and bake at 350 for 20 – 25 min or until toothpick comes out clean. Cool and frost with cream cheese frosting. Frosting: 1 – 8oz Cream Cheese, softened ½ stick Butter, softened 1 box 10x Sugar (1 pound of powdered sugar) 1 tsp Vanilla Chopped Nuts, optional Mix cheese and butter, add sugar and vanilla. Frost Cake and sprinkle nuts on cake. ====================== This is an easy recipe for a classic. Considering adding coconut to the frosting.

The pedestrians are no prize winners either. Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself "She'll never go for me carrying on like that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On is way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he 'putt-putted'. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin. When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!" To his shock & horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

No. Just no. How dare you Hollywood? I don't want to cry watching a movie. I don't want to feel something real. Movies are an escape; from things like cancer, a boring, mundane life and uncomfortable reality. Now: Go back to the drawing board and come back with some ridiculous, outrageous horse shit that makes me laugh. I have absolutely no use for reality that makes me cry. I have quite enough of my own as it is.

Fluffy is not impressed with his human's conspiracy theories.

All Right. Who is the Necromancer? Necormancer has a supernatural ability to bring long-dead forum discussion threads back to life. After having been flogged to death the thread may have been deceased for many years, and bringing it back may have scant relevance to the current topic, yet Necromancer will unexpectedly exhume the thread’s rotting corpse, and strike horror in the forum as its grotesque form lurches into the discussion. The monster, instantly recognized by all who knew it in life, seems at first to breathe and have a pulse, but, alas, it is beyond Necromancer’s skill to fully restore the thread’s original vitality. The hideous apparition may frighten away some of the weaker Warriors or Warriors badly wounded in former battles, but the thread is only a shadow of its former self and very quickly expires.

I'm never shocked at the cops that smell weed or booze and it turns out to be bogus.