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April 4th 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Children's Day (Hong Kong, Taiwan) Christian feast day: Benedict the Moor Gaetano Catanoso Isidore of Seville Martin Luther King Jr. (Episcopal Church (USA)) Reginald Heber (Anglican Church of Canada) Tigernach of Clones Plato of Sakkoudion April 4 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Independence Day, celebrates the independence of Senegal from France (1960). Peace Day (Angola) One of the possible days for Qingming Festival. NATO Day Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) 404 Day International Carrot Day International Day for Landmine Awareness and Assistance in Mine Action - 1 International Day for Mine Awareness and Assistance in Mine Action - 2 Jeep 4×4 Day Näfelser Fahrt National Alcohol Screening Day National Burrito Day National Cordon Bleu Day National Dillon Day National Hug a Newsperson Day National Walk Around Things Day School Librarian Day Victims of Violence Wholly Day Vitamin C Day World Rat Day World Drummer’s Day National Ramen Day D.A.R.E. Day Robert Downey Jr.’s Birthday Maya Angelou’s Birthday Jill Scott’s Birthday Grumpy Cat’s Birthday Eric Andre’s Birthday Daniel Lara’s Birthday Natasha Lyonne ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thu Apr 4th, 2024 - Sun Apr 7th, 2024 The Masters Tournament Thu Apr 4th, 2024 - Thu Apr 18th, 2024 Discover National Parks Fortnight Fun Observances Tell a Lie Day Nope, we aren’t lying, we promise! April 4 is Tell a Lie Day! The holiday of unknown origins comes just a few days after another holiday that celebrates trickery and lying - April Fool's Day and a few weeks before Honesty Day, a made-up holiday that honors the virtue of honesty and truth-telling. Acceptable Lying While the name suggests that the holiday encourages people to tell lies all day long, we would like to think that the day is not an actual celebration of lying but an acknowledgment that lying is part of life, and sometimes people have to lie to make others feel better. Such lies are called white lies and are possibly the only form of lying acceptable within most religions, cultures, and societies. Other acceptable forms of lying include: lying while playing a game (bluffing), lies made for the purposes of amusement of the liar or other people (jocose lies), and untruthful statements made without any malicious intent (honest lie). This holiday is also known as National Tell a Lie Day in the US. How to Celebrate? While we cannot in good conscience endorse or encourage lying, here are some harmless ways to celebrate this "fictional" holiday: Missed April Fool's Day? Use this day to make up for it by playing harmless tricks on friends, family, and colleagues. Make up silly stories about harmless things and recount them to the people around you. Who knows, you may even get a laugh or two out of your listeners! Read more about how to detect deception and lying. Play games that require bluffing. Read tales that warn people about the dangers of lying. Some of these tales include The Boy who Cried Wolf and Pinocchio. Did You Know... ...that a true or false response to the question this statement is not true leads to a contradiction called the Liar's Paradox? If the response to this statement is that it is true, then the statement is false, and if the response to the statement is that it is false, then the statement is true. *** I purchased a new desktop-publishing program that surprised me by containing a make-a-paper-airplane option. I decided to give it a try. After I selected the plane I wanted, the software gave me a choice of accessories available for my plane, including a stick-up tail, adjustable flaps and an AM/FM radio. Out of curiosity I chose the AM/FM radio. The program responded with a message box stating: "Come on, be serious. These are just paper airplanes. *** Luke, our venturesome 14-month-old son, was at my mother-in-law's house. He was playing with her car keys when the phone rang. After hanging up, my mother-in-law realized that Luke had put the keys down someplace, but she couldn't find them anywhere. Thinking quickly, she gave him another set of keys. As she pretended not to look, Luke toddled around the corner and into her bedroom. Then she watched as he carefully placed the second set of keys under her bed—right next to the original car keys. *** I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents. Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place. I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room. I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they'd remain undiscovered. When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids." *** A man rushed to the jewelry counter in the store where I work soon after the doors opened one morning and said he needed a pair of diamond earrings. I showed him a wide selection, and quickly he picked out a pair. When I asked him if he wanted the earrings gift-wrapped, he said, "That'd be great. But can you make it quick? I forgot today was my anniversary, and my wife thinks I'm taking out the trash." *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

April 1st 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Cellach of Armagh Hugh of Grenoble Frederick Denison Maurice (Church of England) Mary of Egypt Melito of Sardis Tewdrig Theodora Walric, abbot of Leuconay April 1 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) April Fools' Day Odisha Day (Odisha, India) Arbor Day (Tanzania) Civil Service Day (Thailand) Cyprus National Day (Cyprus) Edible Book Day Fossil Fools Day Kha b-Nisan, the Assyrian New Year (Assyrian people) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Boomer Bonus Days Community Garden Week Dyngus Day Easter Monday International Tatting Day Library Snap Shot Day Lupus Alert Day Martyrdom of Imam Ali Mathematics and Statistics Awareness Month Myles Day National Connor Day National Fun Day National Greeting Card Day National Loyal Day National One Cent Day National Sourdough Bread Day National Trombone Players Day Nature Day Nickelodeon Anniversary Celebration Day Reading is Funny Day St. Stupid Day Take Down Tobacco National Day of Action U.S. Air Force Academy Day - 1 U.S. Air Force Academy Day - 2 White House Easter Egg Roll Taina Williams’s Birthday Logan Paul’s Birthday Sean Taylor’s Birthday Randy Orton’s Birthday Rachel Maddow’s Birthday Jonny May’s Birthday Mackenzie Davis Taran Killam Bijou Phillips ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mon Apr 1st, 2024 - Fri Apr 5th, 2024 National Cancer Registrars Week Mon Apr 1st, 2024 - Sat Apr 6th, 2024 Take Your Poet to School Week Mon Apr 1st, 2024 - Sun Apr 7th, 2024 Be Kind to Spiders Week Blue Ribbon Week Golden Rule Week International Pooper Scooper Week Laugh at Work Week Medication Safety Week National Bake Week National Public Health Week National Window Safety Week Testicular Cancer Awareness Week Community Garden Week Observances (click on the month for details) Adopt a Ferret Month Adopt a Greyhound Month Arab American Heritage Month Autism Acceptance Month Bowel Cancer Awareness Month Cancer Control Month Canine Fitness Month Celebrate Diversity Month Cesarean Awareness Month Child Abuse Awareness Month Children and Nature Awareness Month Counseling Awareness Month Couple Appreciation Month Cranberries and Gooseberries Month Deaf History Month Defeat Diabetes Month Distracted Driving Awareness Month Dog Appreciation Month Earth Month Emotional Overeating Awareness Month Fair Housing Month Filipino Food Month Financial Capability Month Financial Literacy Month Fresh Florida Tomato Month Genocide Awareness Month Global Astronomy Month Grange Month Heartworm Awareness Month IBS Month Informed Women Month International Amateur Radio Month International Customer Loyalty Month International Guitar Month Jazz Appreciation Month Keep America Beautiful Month Month of the Military Child Move More Month Multicultural Communications Month Multiple Birth Awareness Month National African-American Women's Fitness Month National Alcohol Awareness Month National BLT Sandwich Month National Car Care Month National Card and Letter Writing Month National Decorating Month National Donate Life Month National Facial Protection Month National Food Month National Foot Health Awareness Month National Fresh Celery Month National Frog Month National Garlic Month National Grilled Cheese Month National Humor Month National Internship Awareness Month National Kite Month National Knuckles Down Month National Literature Month National Minority Health Month National Month of Hope National Pecan Month National Pest Management Month National Pet First Aid Awareness Month National Poetry Month National Rebuilding Month National Safe Digging Month National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month National Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) Education and Awareness Month National Sjogren's Syndrome Awareness Month National Social Security Month National Soft Pretzel Month National Soy Foods Month National Volunteer Month National Welding Month National Woodworking Month National Youth Sports Safety Month Occupational Therapy Month Panagyaman Rice Festival Parkinson's Awareness Month Parliamentary Law Month Pharmacists War on Diabetes Month Physical Wellness Month Poetic Earth Month Prevent Lyme Disease in Dogs Month Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month Primary Immunodeficiency Month Records and Information Management Month Rosacea Awareness Month Sarcoidosis Awareness Month School Library Month Scottish-American Heritage Month Sexual Assault Awareness Month Sports Eye Safety Awareness Month Step up for 30 For Bowel Cancer Month STI Awareness Month Straw Hat Month Stress Awareness Month Summer Tire Changeover Month SunSmart Skin Cancer Prevention Testicular Cancer Awareness Month Tomatillo and Asian Pear Month Women's Eye Health and Safety Month Workplace Conflict Awareness Month World Autism Month World Landscape Architecture Month Worldwide Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month Fun Observances Fun at Work Day Have double the fun on April 1, because it is not only April Fool’s Day but it is also Fun at Work Day. Sometimes celebrated on January 28, the day encourages people to add some fun to their workday. How to Celebrate? Here are some ideas on what you can do to make work fun on Fun at Work Day or any other day: Bake goodies and bring them for your colleagues. Play harmless pranks on your colleagues and coworkers. Watch Office Space or a few episodes of The Office at work. With the consent of your supervisor, spend some time playing board games at work. Did You Know… …that studies have shown that a person's perception of time changes when they are having fun? According to these studies, having fun can help pass the time faster. *** One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was "There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly." After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, "Do you think she'll die?" "Nope," a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night on 'Fear Factor.' " *** On the afternoon of Administrative Professionals Day, my co-worker and I finally found the time to get gifts for our secretaries. While at the store, my colleague noticed my disappointment when I discovered the shop didn't provide gift wrapping. "What's wrong?" he asked. "They won't wrap the gifts for us," I answered. "No problem," he said quickly. "I'll ask my secretary to do it." *** Our copier was on the fritz so I put a note on it: "Service has been called." When the technician told me he had to order parts, I added a second note: "Parts have been ordered." During the next five days, when we had to use an older, slower copier on the other side of the building, someone taped a third note to the machine: "Prayers have been said." *** When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop, where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ( been there, done that) *** (been there, done that) *** *** (been there, done that, a couple of times) *** (been there, done that, over and over again) *** (yup) *** (gets my vote) *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

March 4th 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Adrian of Nicomedia Casimir Felix of Rhuys Giovanni Antonio Farina (Catholic Church) Blessed Humbert III, Count of Savoy (Roman Catholic Church) Paul Cuffee (Episcopal Church) Peter of Pappacarbone Blessed Zoltán Meszlényi March 4 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) St Casimir's Day (Poland and Lithuania) World Obesity Day Observances (click on the day, BD or week for details) Anniversary of The Coronation of The Sultan of Terengganu Benjamin Harrison Day Brain Injury Awareness Day Casimir Pulaski Day Courageous Follower Day Fun Facts About Names Day Global Day of the Engineer Guam Discovery Day Guam History And Chamorro Heritage Day Holy Experiment Day HPV Awareness Day Hug a G.I. Day Ida Day International GM Day International Scrapbooking Industry Day Lavity Stoutt's Birthday March Forth National Backcountry Ski Day National Dance The Waltz Day National Grammar Day National Marching Band Day National Pound Cake Day National Quinton Day National Ray Day National Safety Day National Snack Day National Sons Day Old Inauguration Day Toy Soldier Day World Tennis Day World Day of Fight against Sexual Exploitation Fun Facts About Names Day Do Something Day K Michelle’s Birthday Dylan Gilmer’s Birthday Bobbi Kristina Brown’s Birthday Moniece Slaughter’s Birthday Catherine O’Hara ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mon Mar 4th, 2024 - Fri Mar 8th, 2024 National School Breakfast Week National Scoot to School Week Newspaper in Education Week Mon Mar 4th, 2024 - Sun Mar 10th, 2024 British Pie Week Food Waste Action Week National Aardvark Week National Butchers Week National Cheerleading Week National Endometriosis Awareness Week National Procrastination Week Telecommuter Appreciation Week Women in Aviation Week Women in Construction Week Mon Mar 4th, 2024 - Mon Mar 11th, 2024 National Salt Awareness Week Mon Mar 4th, 2024 - Sun Mar 17th, 2024 Fairtrade Fortnight Fun Observances March Forth and Do Something Day March Forth and Do Something Day is a made-up holiday celebrated each year on March 4. The holiday encourages people to do something new that enriches their own lives or the lives of people in their community. March Fourth The name of this unofficial holiday plays on the words, march fourth, which when spoken out loud sounds like march forth - an expression used to convey action and moving forward. Homonyms March fourth and march forth are homophones - words or expressions that are pronounced alike, but have different meanings. Homographs, on the other hand, are words or expressions that are spelled the same way but have different meanings. Examples of such words include bass (a deep sound and a type of fish) and bow (to bend, the front of a ship and a type of knot). Homophones and homographs are both types of homonyms. How to Celebrate? March forth and do something. Volunteer in your community. Start something that you have always wanted to do, but have never had the chance to. Did You Know… …that the word March is a capitonym? Capitonyms are words or expressions whose meaning changes depending on where it's capitalized or not. March refers to the month, while march refers to a walking in a measured way. *** The family was viewing old slides and one flashed on the screen that caught everyone's attention. My father, wearing his favorite golf shirt, was holding me at the tender age of three weeks. The look on his face told all. "There's my prize possession," my father said. Touched, I smiled at him as he continued, "I wonder whatever happened to that golf shirt?" *** Traditional Chinese drugstores are always filled with bizarre remedies for everyday ailments. So while traveling in the Far East, I couldn't resist going into a drugstore to look around. There were rows and rows of jars filled with dried herbs, powders, and exotic oils. But one jar really caught my attention. The label said it was a guaranteed cure for stomachache. The jar was filled with chocolate chip cookies. *** To mail a big package of cookies to my two Air Force sons, both of whom were serving in Saudi Arabia, I was required to attach a label describing the contents. I carefully marked the box "Cookies" and sent it off, but after a month my sons said they had yet to receive my package. Suspicious, I baked another batch, only this time I labeled the contents "Health Food." Within a week my sons reported they had received the goodies. *** Spotted on T-shirts for sale in the Ponce de Leon Coast Guard Exchange: "Support Your Local Coast Guard…Get Lost." *** “Yesterday was my 18th birthday!” a customer said after walking into our convenience store. He then asked for some e-cigarette products and handed me his ID to prove he was indeed of age. I scanned the ID, but it came back expired. Now thoroughly deflated, he asked, “Does that mean I’m not 18?” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

*<>*<>* 14 Prompt: Write about an antique clock Always you’ve sat upon the mantle solid and weighty, you tick and tock keeping time chiming the quarters, then the hours and only Father is the one to wind 15 Prompt: Describe your feelings after meditation Opening closed eyes a sigh escapes my lips returning to now still air fills my lungs my breath is precious my body and mind focus a final deep breath

March 1st 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Beer Day, marked the end of beer prohibition in 1989 (Iceland) Christian feast day: Agnes Tsao Kou Ying (one of the Martyr Saints of China) Albin Eudokia of Heliopolis Pope Felix III Leoluca Luperculus Monan Rudesind Saint David's Day or Dydd Gŵyl Dewi (Wales and Welsh communities) Suitbert March 1 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Commemoration of Mustafa Barzani's Death (Iraqi Kurdistan) Disability Day of Mourning Heroes' Day (Paraguay) Independence Day, celebrates the independence of Bosnia and Herzegovina from Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia in 1992. National "Cursed Soldiers" Remembrance Day (Poland) National Pig Day (United States) Remembrance Day (Marshall Islands) Samiljeol (South Korea) Self-injury Awareness Day (international) Southeastern Europe celebration of the beginning of spring: Baba Marta Day (Bulgaria) Mărțișor (Romania and Moldova) The final day (fourth or fifth) of Ayyám-i-Há (Baháʼí Faith) World Seagrass Day Yap Day (Yap State) Zero Discrimination Day Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Asiatic Fleet Memorial Day Baby Sleep Day Denim Day for Dementia Endometriosis Awareness Day International Martisor International Women of Color Day National Black Women in Jazz and the Arts Day National Dadgum That's Good Day National Day of Unplugging National Dress in Blue Day National Employee Appreciation Day National Fruit Compote Day National Horse Protection Day National Hotel Slipper Day National Minnesota Day National Peanut Butter Lover's Day National Sage Day National Speech and Debate Education Day National Texas Stress Day National Wedding Planning Day National Welsh Corgi Day Overseas N.H.S. Workers Day Peace Corps Day Public Risk Management Awareness Day Refired Not Retired Day Share a Smile Day World Civil Defense Day World Day of Prayer International Wheelchair Day National March First Day National Barista Day Mountain Hare Day National Salesperson Day Wonho’s Birthday Justin Bieber’s Birthday Ron Howard’s Birthday Sawyer Sharbino’s Birthday Philza’s Birthday Kesha’s Birthday Kenny Redneck Tv’s Birthday Frederic Chopin’s Birthday Lupita Nyong’o Jensen Ackles Mark-Paul Gosselaar ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fri Mar 1st, 2024 - Sat Mar 2nd, 2024 Festival of Owls Week Fri Mar 1st, 2024 - Wed Mar 6th, 2024 National Aplastic Anemia & MDS Awareness Week Fri Mar 1st, 2024 - Thu Mar 7th, 2024 Hearing Awareness Week National Ghostwriters Week National Invest in Veterans Week National Will Eisner Week National Write a Letter of Appreciation Week North Dakota Winter Show Universal Human Beings Week Observances (click on the month for details) Academy Awards Month Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month Alport Syndrome Awareness Month American Red Cross Month Berries and Cherries Month Bleeding Disorders Awareness Month Brain Injury Awareness Month Colic Awareness Month Color Therapy Month Colorectal Cancer Education and Awareness Month Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) Awareness Month Dolphin Awareness Month Employee Spirit Month Endometriosis Month Essential Tremor Awareness Month Exotic Winter Fruit & Leeks and Green Onions Month Expanding Girls' Horizons in Science and Engineering Month Eye Donor Awareness Month Frozen Food Month Gardening, Nature and Ecology Books Month Gender Equality Month Greek-American Heritage Month Honor Society Awareness Month Humorists are Artists Month International Mirth Month Irish-American Heritage Month Listening Awareness Month Mad for Plaid Month Malignant Hyperthermia Awareness and Training Month March Madness Marie Curie Great Daffodil Appeal Mental Retardation Awareness Month Middle Level Education Month MS Awareness Month National Athletic Training Month National Bed Month (U.K.) National Breast Implant Awareness Month National Caffeine Awareness Month National Celery Month National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month National Cheerleading Safety Month National Clean up Your IRS Act Month National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month National Craft Month National Credit Education Month National Crochet Month National Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month - 1 National Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month - 2 National Endometriosis Awareness Month National Ethics Awareness Month National Flour Month National Kidney Month National March Into Literacy Month National Music in Our Schools Month National Noodle Month National Nutrition Month National Optimism Month National Peanut Month National Professional Social Worker's Month National Reading Month National Sauce Month National Umbrella Month National Women's History Month NZ Book Month Play the Recorder Month Poison Prevention Awareness Month Read an E-Book Month Red Cross Month Save Your Vision Month Sing With Your Child Month Small Press Month Social Work Month Spiritual Wellness Month Supply Management Month The Great Daffodil Appeal Trisomy Awareness Month Vascular Anomalies Awareness Month Veggie Month Women’s Month (Philippines) Workplace Eye Wellness Month Youth Art Month Fun Observances ( 2 ) World Compliment Day March 1 is celebrated as World Compliment Day, a day that aims to address the “basic human need for recognition and appreciation.” Started in the Netherlands by Hans Poortvliet in 2001, the day is now celebrated in many European countries including Norway and Belgium. Spread Joy and Positivity According to the official website of the unofficial holiday, Poortvliet created the day as a way to spread happiness and increase productivity. The website encourages people to use words instead of gifts as a way to praise and appreciate people. The idea is to create the “most positive day in the world.” How to Celebrate? Pay compliments to everyone you meet. Appreciate family, coworkers, and friends for their hard work and for being there in your life. Did You Know... ...there is a similar holiday, Compliment Day that is annually celebrated on January 24? ~~~~~~~ Plan a Solo Vacation Day Need a vacation and don’t have a traveling companion? Then March 1 or Plan a Solo Vacation Day is the unofficial holiday for you. On this day treat yourself to that vacation you have always wanted, without having to wait for someone to join you on your adventures. Advantages Planning a solo vacation can be intimidating and overwhelming. But traveling alone can have many advantages. Informal studies have shown that those who travel by themselves tend to be more spontaneous and adventurous. Facing unknown situations in new and strange places can help people overcome their fears and anxieties. Friendlier Those who travel solo are forced to interact with locals and fellow travelers, instead of just hanging out with a small group of people. This translates into social benefits in real life - solo travelers can easily mold themselves to fit into any social group and situation. Do Whatever You Want Finally, taking a solo vacation means you can be your own master. You don't have to stick to a plan or follow someone else's lead - you can go wherever you want, whenever you want, and do whatever you want to do. No more boring museums or spending countless hours shopping. How to Celebrate? Go on, plan your dream holiday all for yourself! You don’t need a traveling partner to have fun! Don't want to travel? What about a solo staycation? Stay at home, explore your city, catch up on your reading, meet with friends and enjoy your time off from work. Did You Know… …that the earliest guidebooks were called periplus? They were Roman and Greek documents that listed ports and landmarks that ships could encounter on their voyages. *** I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. "You mean I have to look at this for the next four years?" I jokingly said to her. "Don't worry about it," she replied. "In four years it'll look good to you." *** I am a first-grade teacher and a new empty nester. One night I was trying out an art project: making a person with simple materials. I took a coat hanger, attached a paper-plate face, put a shirt on the hanger and stuffed it. Then I sat it on the couch to see how it looked. Later that evening my son walked in the door, home for a surprise visit. Taking one look at my coat-hanger friend sitting on the couch, he said, "Mom, it's not that bad, is it?" *** At 82 years old, my husband applied for his first passport. He was told he would need a birth certificate, but his birth had never been officially registered. When he explained his dilemma to the passport agent, the response was less than helpful. "In lieu of a birth certificate," the agent said, "you can bring a notarized affidavit from the doctor who delivered you." *** My friend Garrick had the solution to forgetting his wife’s birthday and their wedding anniversary: He opened an account with a local florist and provided it with both dates as well as instructions to send flowers and a card signed “Your loving husband, Garrick.” For a few years, it worked. Then one day, Garrick came home on their wedding anniversary. He saw the flowers on the dining room table and said, “What nice flowers. Where did you get them?” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

Widderkin VOE. Chapter 20. "Should we disband our merge for the duration of this workshop, Kieran? The Nexus patterns were given specifically to you and your father." "No way, Ranevargar, unless you need a break after this morning's big session with Corey. We both see things more clearly when we’re merged and I’ll definitely need your guidance. I do recognise Nexus patterns but Maurice does all my Realm management and I never really use them." "That mastery will come easily w

Chapter 20 The air around us tastes charged and I smell ozone. My skin tingles with it, the hair on my arms standing on end. It’s a threat as plain as a gun to the back of our heads, but Ryan doesn’t know that. “Buddy, I don’t know who the fuck you are but we’re having a conversation right now so if you don’t mi-” he’s cut off by a crack of thunder, hard and loud and far too close for comfort. Moses, because it can be no one else, turns sharply to my friend and speaks in a voice

April 20th 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Agnes of Montepulciano Beuno Johannes Bugenhagen (Lutheran) Theotimos April 20 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) 420 (cannabis culture) UN Chinese Language Day (United Nations) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Chinese Language Day Husband Appreciation Day International Cli-Fi Day Lima Bean Respect Day National Cheddar Fries Day National Death Doula Day National Look-Alike Day National Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Day Record Store Day Volunteer Recognition Day Pizza Delivery Driver Appreciation Day Spencer X’s Birthday Shemar Moore’s Birthday Luther Vandross’s Birthday Jay Park’s Birthday ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sat Apr 20th, 2024 - Sun Apr 21st, 2024 Just Pray No Sat Apr 20th, 2024 - Fri Apr 26th, 2024 National Stop Snoring Week Fun Observances Look Alike Day If you have ever been told that you look familiar or look like someone else, then Look Alike Day on April 20 is the holiday you should be celebrating. Look Alike Day is a fun holiday invented to celebrate identical twins, clones, copycats and anyone else who you look like or who looks like you. Dress Alike The unofficial holiday with unknown origins encourages people to dress up and look like someone else. This person could be someone you look up to or a celebrity you are a fan of. How to Celebrate? If you know your look alike, spend the day with them. Dress up identically and copy each other's mannerisms, and have fun with people struggling to tell you apart! Find out what celebrity looks like you. Dress up like them, talk like them and walk like them. If it is a singer you look alike sing their songs the whole day long. If it is a author, then read out lines from their books every time you speak with someone. If you are on social media websites change out your display picture and replace it with your look alike's. Make sure you take permission from the owner of the picture before you do so. Did You Know… …that it is said that there are at least 7 people in the world who look like you? *** Our salesman at the electronics store was pitching a high-definition television. A fellow shopper, overhearing the spiel, mentioned that he'd upgraded his regular TV to high-def. "How'd you do that?" my husband asked. "I dusted the screen." *** A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor. I felt terrible for her. Or I did until she cried, "Oh no! Not again!" *** Two American tourists are driving through Wales. They decide to stop for a bite to eat in the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogo- gogoch.* Baffled by the name, one of them turns to a local and asks, "Would you please say where we are—very slowly?" The Welshman leans over and says, very slowly, "Burrr-gerrr Kinngg." *We kid you not! The 3,000 people in this community on the island of Anglesey must spend hours writing their return address. *** A garden center customer picks up a container of insecticide and asks the salesperson, "Is this good for red ants?" "No," says the salesperson. "It'll kill 'em!" *** My diminutive aunt Flora, just four feet, nine inches tall, accepted an offer to visit a health club for a free session. After being greeted heartily, she was shown where she could change and told an instructor would soon be with her. Having changed her clothes, Aunt Flora went back to the exercise area. Along one wall she noticed a silver bar that was not in use, and decided to try her hand at chin-ups while she waited. She jumped up, barely reaching the bar, and managed to strain through two chin-ups before the instructor came to her side. Smiling politely, the instructor said, "If you want to let go of the coat rack and follow me, I'll be glad to help you get started." *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

February 4th 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Andrew Corsini Gilbert of Sempringham John de Brito Goldrofe of Arganil Blessed Rabanus Maurus Rimbert February 4 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Day of the Armed Struggle (Angola) Earliest day on which Ash Wednesday can fall, while March 10 is the latest; celebrated on the first day of Lent (Christianity) Independence Day (Sri Lanka) Rosa Parks Day (California and Missouri, United States) World Cancer Day International Day of Human Fraternity Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) British Yorkshire Pudding Day Dump Your Significant Jerk Day Facebook's Birthday Farmer's Day Liberace Day Medjool Date Day National Hemp Day National Homemade Soup Day National Israel Day National Thank a Mail Carrier Day National Wicker Day Philippine-American War Memorial Day Pork Rind Appreciation Day Quacker Day Scout Sunday Sweater Day Torture Abolition Day USO Day Willie Mays Day Tabitha Brown’s Birthday Rosa Parks’s Birthday Alice Cooper’s Birthday Nicolle Wallace ~~~~~~~~ Sun Feb 4th, 2024 - Sat Feb 10th, 2024 Boy Scout Anniversary Week Burn Awareness Week National Kraut and Frankfurter Week Pay Your Bills Week International Networking Week Feeding Tube Awareness Week Sun Feb 4th, 2024 - Mon Feb 12th, 2024 National Secondhand Wardrobe Week Fun Observances (3) Thank Your Mailman Day Thank Your Mailman Day is celebrated on February 4 every year. The unofficial holiday honors people who deliver mail or post directly to people's homes and places of business. Old Mail Historians believe that people were hired to deliver royal letters and decrees as early as 2000 BC. The oldest recorded postal document is from Egypt and dates back to 255 BC. This is a day to acknowledge and thank your mail person and postal worker for bringing your mail to you everyday, rain or shine, and also for not being intimated by your neighbor’s mean looking dog. Thank Your Mailman Day is also known as National Thank Your Mailman Day in the U.S. How to Celebrate? Say hello to your postal worker and thank them for their service. If you are unable to meet them in person, what about leaving a little thank you note for your mail carrier in your mailbox? Even better, add a small homemade treat or a bar of candy with the note to show your appreciation. Did You Know… …that in 1920, the United States Post Office banned sending children by post? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Create a Vacuum Day They say that nothing ever happens in a vacuum, but this holiday - Create a Vacuum Day, on February 4 - seems to have emerged from one. The source, or even the purpose, of this fun and geeky holiday are unknown, so we can only guess that the holiday calls for people to learn more about the science behind a vacuum and experiment with it (as much as they can with common household equipment). The word, vacuum comes from the Latin word vacuus, meaning empty or vacant, and is used by scientists to refer to a space that does not have any matter or where the pressure is lower than atmospheric pressure. No Perfect Vacuum While theoretically, a perfect vacuum can exist, practically creating one is almost impossible. This is because of, what scientists call virtual particles – particles that can enter and exit a vacuum. Such particles include photons and quarks. Outer space is considered by scientists as being closest to a state of perfect vacuum as there can be, even though it is not completely devoid of matter. Apart from space debris that includes comets and asteroids, outer space has stray atoms of gases and different forms of radiation. Household Applications In addition to its theoretical applications, the concept of vacuum has led to many industrial and household items that we find indispensable today. In our homes, a vacuum can be used to suck up dirt through the vacuum cleaner and even light up our rooms through incandescent light bulbs. Outside, vacuum is used to pack food and other items, in vacuum pumps, and to build electron microscopes. Even car brakes work by creating a form of vacuum. How to Celebrate? Learn more about the science behind vacuum, a space completely empty of matter, and its practical uses. Take out the vacuum cleaner from the closet and use it - you are due to clean your home anyway. Did You Know… …that the world’s first vacuum cleaner was invented in 1866 by Ives W. McGaffey in the United States? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Stuffed Mushroom Day February 4 is Stuffed Mushroom Day. Also known as National Stuffed Mushroom Day in the United States, this made-up holiday clearly encourages people to make and consume lots and lots of stuffed mushrooms. A popular party dish, stuffed mushrooms are made by removing the stems and stuffing the resulting hollow space with meat and vegetable filling. Stuffed mushrooms are usually savory and are typically sprinkled with breadcrumbs and cheese and baked before being served. Meat for Vegetarians Mushrooms are the fleshy parts of fungi that bear spores. In many cultures, they are an integral part of the cuisine and are a prominent source of dietary minerals and vitamin B. Mushrooms are low calories and have low amounts of carbohydrates, making them an ideal diet food. While mushrooms are botanically neither fruits or vegetables, in many parts of the world, they are considered safe for vegetarians to consume and are often considered to be a meat substitute. How to Celebrate? Make a huge batch of stuffed mushrooms and have them for all your meals of the day. Start will egg and bacon stuffed mushrooms for breakfast, have sausage stuffed mushrooms for lunch, and end the day with sweet potato and parmesan stuffed mushrooms. Host a stuffed mushrooms party. Have your guests bring their favorite stuffed mushrooms to share. Did You Know… ...that a person or an animal who eats mushrooms and fungi for nutrition is called a mycophagist? *** Once there was a guy named Bill who wanted a horse. On Craigslist, Bill saw a Christian horse so he went to check it out. When Bill got to the ranch, the horse's owner said "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'praise the Lord' to make him go, and 'amen' to make him stop." Bill got on the horse and said "praise the Lord." the horse started to walk. "Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, praise the Lord" and the horse is running. Now Bill sees the cliff and says: "AMEN." The horse stops and Bill says: "Whew! Praise the lord!" *** A man came through my lane at the grocery store with a jug of wine and a bouquet of roses. But before paying, he set the two items aside and said, “I’ll be right back.” He ran off, only to ­return a minute later with a second jug of wine and another bouquet of roses. “Two girlfriends?” I asked. “No,” he said. “Just one really angry one.” *** A customer walked into the post office wanting to mail a package. “Two-day shipping will cost $12.95 to get it there by Friday,” my coworker Billy told her. The customer, clearly looking to save a few bucks, said, “The package doesn’t have to get there till Saturday. Is there any way to make that happen?” Billy nodded. “Sure. You can bring it back tomorrow.” *** I admit it—I have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my “creativity” might get me in trouble. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. I was the tallest guy in line. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

February 1st 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Abolition of Slavery Day (Mauritius) Air Force Day (Nicaragua) Christian feast day: Blessed Candelaria of San José Brigid of Ireland (Saint Brigid's Day) Verdiana February 1 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest day on which Constitution Day can fall, while February 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday in February. (Mexico) Federal Territory Day (Kuala Lumpur, Labuan and Putrajaya, Malaysia) Heroes Day (Rwanda) Saint Brigid's Day/Imbolc (Ireland, Scotland, Isle of Man, and some Neopagan groups in the Northern hemisphere) Memorial Day of the Republic (Hungary) National Freedom Day (United States) The start of Black History Month (United States and Canada) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Car Insurance Day World Hijab Day Change Your Password Day Conservatorship and Guardianship Abuse Awareness Day Day of Remembrance and Respect to Victims of the Communist Regime Decorating With Candy Day G.I. Joe Day Holiday Hugs Day Hula in the Coola Day Imbolc National Baked Alaska Day International Face and Body Art Day National Cameron Day National Dark Chocolate Day National Get Up Day National Sean Day National Serpent Day Optimist Day Robinson Crusoe Day Spunky Old Broads Day Texas Day World Aspergillosis Day National Unclaimed Property Day Stormi Webster’s Birthday Harry Styles’s Birthday Ronda Rousey Brandon Lee Lisa Marie Presley Michael C. Hall Clark Gable ~~~~~~~~ Thu Feb 1st, 2024 - Wed Feb 7th, 2024 La Poutine Week National Patient Recognition Week Shape Up With Pickles Time Solo Diners Eat Out Week Women's Heart Week World Interfaith Harmony Week African Heritage and Health Week Observances (click on the month for details) - 91 of them, WOW! Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month African American Heritage Month African American Read-In AMD/Low Vision Awareness Month American Heart Month An Affair to Remember Month Barley Month Beat the Heat Month Berry Fresh Month Bike To Work Month Black History Month Canned Food Month Celebration of Chocolate Month Cholangiocarcinoma Awareness Month Creative Romance Month Declutter for a Cause Month Dog Training Education Month Ethnic Equality Month Exotic Vegetables and Star Fruit Month Fabulous Florida Strawberry Month Feline Fix by Five Month Financial Aid Awareness Month Free Open Source Software Month From Africa to Virginia Month Great American Pie Month Human Relations Month Humpback Whale Awareness Month International Boost Self Esteem Month International Expect Success Month International Friendship Month International Hoof Care Month International Month of Black Women in the Arts International Prenatal Infection Prevention Month Jobs in Golf Month LGBT+ History Month Library Lovers Month Love the Bus Month Marfan Syndrome Awareness Month Marijuana Awareness Month National Arts Month National Avocado and Banana Month National Bake For Family Fun Month National Bird Feeding Month National Blah Buster Month National Cancer Prevention Month National Care About Your Indoor Air Month National Cat Health Month National Cherry Month National Children’s Dental Health Month National Condom Month National Embroidery Month National Enrolled Agents Month National Fasting February National Fasting February National Fondue Month National Goat Yoga Month National Grapefruit Month National Haiku Writing Month National Heart Healthy Month National Hot Breakfast Month National Laugh-Friendly Month National Macadamia Nut Month National Mend a Broken Heart Month National Parent Leadership Month National Self-Check Month National Senior Independence Month National Snack Food Month National Sweet Potato Month National Therapeutic Recreation Month National Time Management Month National Wedding Month National Women Inventors Month North American Inclusion Month (NAIM) Pet Dental Health Month Plant the Seeds of Greatness Month Potato Lovers Month Pull Your Sofa Off the Wall Month Raynaud's Awareness Month Relationship Wellness Month Responsible Pet Owners Month Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month Spay/Neuter Awareness Month Spiritual Teachers Month Spunky Old Broads Month Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month Vegan Cuisine Month Wise Health Care Consumer Month Women’s Role in History Month Worldwide Renaissance of the Heart Month Youth Leadership Month Fun Observances ( 0 ) *** Funny Things That Parents Say "You shouldn't be eating candy so early. We have doughnuts." "The key is to put the mousetrap outside the house. That way, the mice don't come in." "Your aunt couldn't make it, so I brought the cat." "Don't do drugs. They're hell on your body, and I may need one of your organs someday." *** Our 25-year-old son moved back home with an eye toward socking away money to buy a condo. We never bothered asking how long he'd planned to stay, but I got a pretty good idea when I walked into his room recently. In the corner was a milk jug with a few coins in it and a label that read "Condo down payment." *** People’s parents actually give them sage advice, like “Do what you love, and the money will follow” or “The early bird gets the worm.” All I remember is “Don’t fill up on bread.” *** When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. My buddy whispered, “She makes me wish I was 30 years older.” “Don’t you mean 30 years younger?” I asked. “No. If I were 30 years younger, I’d still never have a chance with a woman like that. If I were 30 years older, it wouldn’t bother me so much.” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

March 20th 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Alexandra Blessed John of Parma Clement of Ireland Cuthbert of Lindisfarne Herbert of Derwentwater John of Nepomuk Józef Bilczewski María Josefa Sancho de Guerra Martin of Braga Michele Carcano Wulfram March 20 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Great American Meatout (United States) Independence Day, celebrates the independence of Tunisia from France in 1956. International Day of Happiness (United Nations) International Francophonie Day (Organisation internationale de la Francophonie), and its related observances: UN French Language Day (United Nations) National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (United States) World Sparrow Day Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Alien Abduction Day Astrology Day Bibliomania Day Bock Beer Day Dogs in Yellow Day Feast of Saint Joseph Great British Spring Clean Day Hufflepuff Pride Day Kiss Your Fiance Day March Equinox - 1 Spring Equinox - 2 National Jump Out Day National Macaron Day National Ravioli Day National SBDC Day - 1 Small Business Development Centers Day - 2 National Vanessa Day Naw-Ruz (Baha'i New Year) Snowman Burning Day Won't You Be My Neighbor Day World Behavior Analysis Day World Day of Theatre for Children and Young People World Flour Day World Frog Day World Maths Day World Oral Health Day International Data Center Day Fred Rogers’s Birthday Barron Trump’s Birthday Michael Rapaport Chester Bennington ~~~~~~ Wed Mar 20th, 2024 - Sun Apr 14th, 2024 National Cherry Blossom Festival Fun Observances ( 2 ) World Storytelling Day World Storytelling Day is celebrated globally every year on the March Equinox. The unofficial holiday celebrates the tradition of oral storytelling and encourages participants to tell and listen to stories from different cultures and in different languages. Started in Sweden Story Telling Day wasn’t always celebrated globally. The first such day was observed in Sweden in the early 1990s and was called Alla Berättares Dag, or All Narrators Day. Soon storytellers around the world picked up the holiday and it has now become a global “celebration of oral storytelling.” Each celebration since 2004 has a theme associated with it, including strong women, dreams, neighbors, water, and monsters and dragons. People can tap into historical and cultural stories and spread them globally or make up their own new stories. Celebration of Spring The March Equinox is known as the Spring Equinox in the Northern Hemisphere and the Autumn Equinox in the Southern Hemisphere. The day is considered by astronomers and people in many cultures in the Northern Hemisphere as the first day of spring. How to Celebrate? Participate in your local storytelling event. If there is none near you, maybe organize your own event? Have an older person tell you a story from their childhood. Encourage the children in your life to tell stories. Did You Know... ...that according to the Guinness Book of Records, A La Recherche du Temps Perdu by Marcel Proust is the longest novel ever written? First published in 1913, this 7 volume novel has a total of 9,609,000 characters. ~~~~~~~ Proposal Day March 20 is Proposal Day, a day to pop the question and ask your significant other to marry you. The unofficial holiday encourages people to propose marriage to their significant others. Rings as a Symbol of Engagement In many cultures, a proposal for marriage is accompanied by an engagement ring. The ring is usually worn by the female partner for the time between the acceptance of the proposal and the wedding ceremony. Breaking Tradition Traditionally, it is the male partner who makes the proposal, but there are some countries where the woman can propose marriage to her sweetheart on a Leap Day. These days, however, these traditions are no longer set in stone and women as well as men can propose marriage to their significant others. A similar holiday, Propose Day, is sometimes celebrated on the day after Valentine’s Day. How to Celebrate? If you have a significant other who you would like to settle down with, take the plunge and ask them to marry you. If you don’t have a significant other yet, today is the day to start looking for one. Did You Know... ...that the ancient Romans were the first people who wore engagement rings as a way to signify that a person was no longer available for marriage? *** I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes. "When you're too dumb to play anything," the professor conducting us sneered, "they give you a couple of sticks, put you in the back and call you a percussionist." A friend next to me whispered, "And if you're too dumb to hang on to both sticks, they put you in the front and call you a conductor." *** As he reviewed pilot crash reports, my Air Force military science professor stumbled upon this understated entry: "After catastrophic engine failure, I landed long. As I had no power, the landing gear failed to deploy and no braking was available. I bounced over the stone wall at the end of the runway, struck the trailer of a truck while crossing the perimeter road, crashed through the guardrail, grazed a large pine tree, ran over a tractor parked in the adjacent field, and hit another tree. Then I lost control." *** Officer candidate school at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough. During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits for a single penny found within his area. Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure," ten because the penny wasn't shined, and ten because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave. *** My father’s secretary was visibly distraught one morning when she arrived at the office and explained that her children’s parrot had escaped from his cage and flown out an open window. Of all the dangers the tame bird would face outdoors alone, she seemed most concerned about what would happen if the bird started talking. Confused, my father asked what the parrot could say. “Well,” she explained, “he mostly says, ‘Here, kitty, kitty.’ ” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

White face powder. Bright red lipstick. Red eyeshadow. Toby had never seen a Geisha Girl up close and in person. There were three of them at this party. Wearing traditional kimonos, their hair done up and adorned in flowers, they floated through the party. Smiling and nodding, allowing their pictures to be taken with the guests, quietly making small talk. Stunningly beautiful. Toby was in awe. With the exception of the piano music which was all jazz, the entire party had a kind of Japa

“I’m coming with you,” Chase tells me. “No. I need you to stay with Burke.” “I’ll be all right, Micco,” Burke says. “No,” I say forcefully. “Please, Chase.” Chase knows how I feel about the man. As well as my history of loss. But he’s not on board with my plan, not in the slightest. “What did I tell you earlier?” Chase growls. Well, he told me lots of things, both out loud and silently, and I’ll be holding onto all of them as I navigate the next dangerous fifteen min

January 4th 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Angela of Foligno Elizabeth Ann Seton Ferréol of Uzès Mavilus Pharaildis of Ghent Rigobert January 4 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) The eleventh of the Twelve Days of Christmas. (Western Christianity) Independence Day (Myanmar), celebrates the independence of Myanmar from the United Kingdom in 1948. Colonial Martyrs Repression Day (Angola) Day of the Martyrs (Democratic Republic of the Congo) Ogoni Day (Movement for the Survival of the Ogoni People) Tokyo Dome Show: The annual Wrestle Kingdom event run by New Japan Pro-Wrestling World Braille Day Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Dimpled Chad Day Free Flower Basket Day National CanDo Day National Clara Day National Missouri Day National Rachel Day Pop Music Chart Day Tom Thumb Day Weigh-In Day World Hypnotism Day National Spaghetti Day Kris Bryant’s Birthday Isaac Newton’s Birthday Jeannie Mai’s Birthday Martell Holt’s Birthday Dafne Keen’s Birthday Kate McKinnon D’Arcy Carden Fun Observances Trivia Day Here is some trivia for you - January 4 is Trivia Day. The day celebrates information of little value and the individuals who not only remember these bits and pieces of useless information but also enjoy sharing them with others. Latin Term The word trivia comes from the Latin term for the intersection of three paths. In the Middle Ages, the word came to refer to the subjects - rhetoric, grammar, and logic - studied by those who followed the Liberal Arts field. Of Little Importance The modern day usage of the word trivia to mean something of little importance can be traced back to the publishing of the book - Trivialities, Bits of Information of Little Consequence - by British author Logan Pearsall Smith in 1902. Knowing and sharing trivia as a hobby and a pastime, however, did not become popular until the 1960s when the weekly newspaper of Columbia University, the Columbia Daily Spectator, published a trivia game on February 5, 1965. Soon, trivia became a popular game played at parties and at a competitive level. Trivia Day is also sometimes known as National Trivia Day in the United States. How to Celebrate? Gather up some friends and play Trivial Pursuit. Call friends and family and enlighten them with some trivia. Even better, stop random people and start a conversation with “did you know...?” You may even make some friends. Participate in a trivia night or spend the day filling your brains with more random trivia. Did You Know… …that the term factoid, which is now used as a synonym of trivia originally referred to a piece of unreliable information that is accepted as a fact because it is repeated very often? *** My great-aunt looked confused when I told her that my daughter was 18 months old. “Oh,” she said. “I thought she was a year and a half.” “But Aunt Marie," I said, “18 months and a year and a half are the same.” She shrugged. “What do I know? I never had kids.” *** During a high school visit to France, I stayed with a French family. One night, I was unsure what the meat on my dinner plate was, so I pointed to it and asked in my best 11th-grade French: “Qui est-ce?” The family’s expressions told me I needed some tutoring. Instead of asking “What is it?” as I had intended, I’d asked “Who is it?” *** My wife and I run a small restaurant where we often name our specials after our employees—dishes like "Chicken Mickey," after our dishwasher who gave us the recipe, and "Rod's Ribs," after a waiter who had his personal style of barbecue. One evening after rereading the menu, I broke with this tradition and changed the description of the special we had named after our chef. Despite her skills and excellent reputation, somehow I didn't think an entrée named "Salmon Ella" would go over big with our customers. *** You know you're a mom when... ...picking up another human to smell their butt is not only normal but totally necessary *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

With the volcanic parstiline secure in the containment vessel that was designed by the advanced scientists of the Aergoroth Nebula, Lyoth and Stawren were preparing to leave the planet Issdur behind. The two warriors were on the Galaxy Surfer looking at the list of three other ingredients. “I guess the best course of action is to try and track down this doziniath stuff,” Stawren stated. “It’s at the closest location to where we are.” “Sounds like a plan,” Lyoth replied. Stawr

February 20th 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Eleutherius of Tournai Eucherius of Orléans Francisco Marto and Jacinta Marto Frederick Douglass (Episcopal Church (USA)) Wulfric of Haselbury February 20 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Day of Heavenly Hundred Heroes (Ukraine) World Day of Social Justice Observances (click on the day, BD or week for details) Clean Out Your Bookcase Day Hoodie Hoo Day Mizoram State Day National Cherry Pie Day National Comfy Day National Day of Solidarity with Muslim Arab and South Asian Immigrants National Handcuff Day National Leadership Day National Love Your Pet Day National Muffin Day National Student Volunteer Day National Whistleblower Reward Day No Politics Day Statehood Day of Arunachal Pradesh Women in Blue Jeans Days International Lego Classicism Day International Pipe Smoking Day Rihanna’s Birthday Trevor Noah’s Birthday Olivia Rodrigo’s Birthday Kurt Cobain’s Birthday Elmo O'Dwyer’s Birthday Cindy Crawford’s Birthday Charles Barkley’s Birthday Mitch McConnell Chelsea Peretti Ivana Trump Sidney Poitier ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tue Feb 20th, 2024 - Mon Feb 26th, 2024 National Chip Week *** At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was always late. Once when I called to confirm an appointment, he said, "I'll be about 15 minutes late. That won't be a problem, will it?" "No," I told him. "We just won't have time to give you an anesthetic." He arrived early. *** As a promotional gimmick for my restaurant, I send out coupons offering people a free dinner on their birthdays. One day an anxious-sounding man called. "I got your card. How did you find me?" "From a mailing list I purchased from a supplier," I told him. "Why?" "It used my real name, and I'm in the Witness Protection Program. What's the name of the company?" I didn't want to say it, but I had to tell him the truth: Moving Targets. *** My musical director wasn't happy with the performance of one of our percussionists. Repeated attempts to get the drummer to improve failed. Finally, in front of the orchestra, the director said in frustration, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument, they take it away, give him two sticks and make him a drummer!" A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor." *** It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. “Good news and bad news,” my instructor said. “The good news: You got a bull’s eye.” Before my head could swell too much, he added, “But it was in somebody else’s target.” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Egyptian authorities detained a stork last week on suspicion of espionage, mistaking its migration tag for spying equipment. In fact the stork was innocent - like a number of other animals falsely accused over the years of undercover work, writes Mohamed Madi. In 2011, Saudi authorities arrested a high-flying vulture on suspicion that it was flying missions for Israel's famously ingenious Mossad agency. And a spate of shark attacks near the Red Sea resort of Sharm el-Sheikh in 2010 was blamed by one TV station on GPS-controlled predators planted by Israel in order to harm the Egyptian tourism industry. Iran has also felt threatened by animal agents. In 2007 the Iranian army arrested a team of 14 "spy squirrels" found near a nuclear enrichment plant. Officials said they succeeded in apprehending the suspects "before they were able to take any action". However, not all reports of pets on patrol are as far-fetched as they seem. Animals have been serving in the military as early as 1908, when Germans first attached cameras to pigeons to take aerial photographs. Some programmes have been more successful than others. The CIA's attempt to implant listening devices into a cat - dubbed Operation Acoustic Kitty - ended in failure on day one, when the kitty was run over by a car outside the Soviet embassy in Washington DC. The project was estimated to have cost more than $14m. Another failed project was the equally outlandish Bat Bomb, tried by the US in WWII, where bats were strapped to mini-incendiary devices and dropped over Japan. The idea was for them to roost inside wooden Japanese buildings before bursting into flames. The atomic bomb ultimately proved more effective. Perhaps the most successful recruits from the animal world have been dolphins. The US and Russia have confirmed the existence of marine mammal training programmes, where dolphins and seals are trained to identify underwater mines and disable enemy swimmers. But just like young soldiers, dolphins have hormones, and can go awol. In March this year Ukraine's Defence Ministry had to deny reports that three military dolphins had escaped and were roaming the Black Sea in search of sex. *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

Holy smokes! I mean literally. Okay, not really, but use your imaginations for a moment. A dark theater stage. The crimson curtains slowly open to fog creeping out into the audience. A lone spotlight shines upon a mysterious silhouette. Who could it be? What is their purpose? Will they entertain or shock us? For those who fell asleep, it's the fourth Thursday of the month, which means it's time for the Author Guess Who reveal! If you missed out on the interview, you can read it right... > > > HERE < < < And for those who may have guess correctly, give yourselves a pat on the back! Without further ado, let's reveal our mystery author. It is... an Admin! This author... has written 565,324 words! This author... is... Valkyrie Check out these stories they've written! And if you enjoyed this blog game, feel free to join in on the fun! Send me a PM expressing your interest, and I'll give you a wonderful list of questions! See y'all in a few weeks!

It is time! No, not the Super Bowl. Not the yearly anthology either. Put your guessing hats on, y'all! Don't worry, I'll give you a few seconds... Darn, it's in the title. Jeezums, what am I supposed to do with all of this confetti? Maybe I'll hand it to a kid waiting at the bus stop and tell 'em to wreak havoc in class. Evil plots aside, it's time for Author Guess Who! For those who do not know or are new, this is a monthly blog game with a mystery interviewee. The only clues you get are that they're an author on GA and the following Q&A. Not only do you get to whip out your magnifying glasses, but you can learn more about some of our community here. If you think you know who it is or just want to point accusatory fingers, drop a guess or five in the comment section! Let's see what our mystery guest has to say. Who knows... They might've accidentally left a clue that will unmask their identity. • • • • • What is one thing the GA community might not know about you? I’m on the LGBTQ rainbow, but I won’t say which letter. You're making a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. What kind of peanut butter, and what kind of jelly/jam? Crunchy peanut butter with homemade grape jelly made with grapes from my mom’s next door neighbor’s grapevine. What prompted you to write your first story? I’ve always loved to read and wanted to try my hand at writing my own story about my interests. If you could meet one person, living or dead, who would it be? The living person. Unless it’s a vampire. A real vampire like Lestat or Louis. None of this Twilight bullshit. Are you a dog or cat person? Meow hiss What's something on your bucket list? To visit Alaska. Hey, how about that? Teleportation was just invented. Where's the first place you're going? Don't worry, the purple portal pad is totally safe. I’m going to visit my bestie, purple portal pad be damned! Is there a fictional character you look up to? Who is it? It’s a character I wrote, so What is your favorite movie/television show? Pee Wee’s Big Adventure You've been exposed to fictional radiation! Don't worry, it's not that bad... I think. What super power would you like to have? Teleportation without the purple portal pad. Which actor/actress would you like to see portray you in this year's newest documentary blockbuster? Either Kathy Bates or Dan Levy When you go on vacation/holiday, when do you pack your suitcase? The night before, a few hours before the plane takes off? Who the hell packs the night before? Procrastinators unite! Tomorrow… What would you say is your greatest accomplishment? Being at peace with who I am and where I am in life. • • • • • So, we got a procrastinating, cat-loving, Alaska-admiring author? This one might be a doozie. I hope y'all grabbed your detective hats because my lips are sealed. Mark your calendars for the reveal on the 22nd of this month. Did you catch a hint? If so, comment section! Go Go GO!!!

January 20th 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Armed Forces Day (Mali) Army Day (Laos) Christian feast day: Abadios Blessed Basil Moreau Eustochia Smeralda Calafato Euthymius the Great Fabian Manchán of Lemanaghan Maria Cristina of the Immaculate Conception Brando Richard Rolle (Church of England) Sebastian Stephen Min Kuk-ka (one of The Korean Martyrs) January 20 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Heroes' Day (Cape Verde) Martyrs' Day (Azerbaijan) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Camcorder Day Guru Gobind Singh Jayanti Inauguration Day International Day of Acceptance National Charlie Day National Cheese Lover's Day National Claudia Day National Coffee Break Day National DJ Day National Judy Day National Sebastian Day National Use Your Gift Card Day Take A Walk Outdoors Day National No Phones at Home Day National Buttercrunch Day Skeet Ulrich’s Birthday Tyler Herro’s Birthday Evan Peters’s Birthday Emma Marie’s Birthday David Lynch’s Birthday Blueface’s Birthday Bill Maher’s Birthday Buzz Aldrin Rainn Wilson ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sat Jan 20th, 2024 - Sat Jan 27th, 2024 International Snowmobile Safety and Awareness Week Fun Observances (2) Penguin Awareness Day January 20 is Penguin Awareness Day. The day helps raise awareness about the flightless birds whose numbers are dwindling by the day. The day also aims to bring international focus on the conservation of penguin habitats. Southern Hemisphere Natives Penguins are aquatic birds native to the Southern Hemisphere. There are about 20 known species of penguins, the largest of which are the emperor penguins, the lead stars of the documentary, March of the Penguins. The smallest known penguin species are the little penguin found in the coastal areas of Australia and New Zealand. Flightless Birds It is thought that the black and white coloring of the penguins is a camouflage which helps them to hide from underwater predators. While penguins are great at diving and swimming, they cannot fly even though they are considered to be part of the bird family. They use their wings as flippers to move quickly underwater. How to Celebrate? Learn more about these majestic birds and their habitat and try to understand how human activity may be affecting them. If your local zoo has penguins, why not take a trip there to spend some time observing them? Watch movies with penguin characters and documentaries about the lives and habitats of penguins. Did You Know… …that the fastest penguins – the Gentoo – can swim at the speed of 22 miles or 35 kilometers an hour? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Soup Swap Day Host a soup swap on the third Saturday of January to celebrate Soup Swap Day. Soup Swap Day is a day to spend quality time with family and friends and share some homemade soup with them to take home. Started in Seattle Started by Knox Gardner and his friend in Seattle, Soup Swap Day became an unofficial holiday celebrated all over the United States in 2006. Today, the holiday is celebrated by soup enthusiasts in many other parts of the world. Healing Broth Soup is often given to people when they are sick or nursing a cold. Chicken soup is especially used for its soothing qualities. It makes sense, broth made from bones and vegetables are very nourishing and easily digested. How to Celebrate? Host a soup swap. Have friends and family bring homemade soup in containers. Make sure everyone brings the same number of soup filled containers as guests. Share soup with everyone – each guest should leave the same amount of soup as they come with. Did You Know… …that the earliest known record of humans eating soup dates back to 20,000 years ago? *** Q: What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A: A cockerpoodledoo! *** The Unathletic Camper’s Baseball Glossary Baseball bat: a wooden or 
metal bar that can easily fly out of someone’s hands. Foul ball: a moment when you think, Holy @#$%, I got a hit! Babe Ruth: someone who people tell you was also overweight. Right field: a quiet place where you can sit for long stretches and play with dandelions. Until suddenly you hear a clang and some shouting and immediately understand life is about to get much harder. Fly ball: when the sun drops 
a boulder on your head. Shortstop: a position that 
involves mostly ground balls 
and that you think maybe you can play. Line drive: the reason you can’t play shortstop. Innings: the amount of time 
left before afternoon snack, 
divided by nine. *** Honest Brand Slogans Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.” Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.” CliffsNotes: “They’re still going to know you didn’t read the book.” Gillette: “We’re just going to keep adding blades.” ChapStick: “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.” Hot Pockets: “Every bite is a different temperature.” *** Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to reboot a computer. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** (Update on Jenny, sad news to report) Mourning for the internet wandering mare Jenny: Well-known horse put to sleep - World Today News Some pictures to remember her bye Horse Goes On A Walk Alone Every Day For 14 Years, Receives Pets And Treats From Residents | Bored Panda *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

The twins were in their bedroom getting ready for bed. As he pulled his pyjama top over his head, Kalum bit his tongue. He knew the outcome was going to be very bad but he needed to just go for it. ‘What?’ Jasper bluntness snapped out of him. Kalum sighed and leaned against their bedroom wall. ‘Is that rock climbing thing on twenty-eighth?’ asked Jasper as he pulled his pyjama trousers on. ‘You’ll be fine. Just

December 4th 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Ada Anno II Barbara, and its related observances: Barbórka, Miners' Day in Poland Eid il-Burbara, a holiday similar to Halloween in honor of Saint Barbara. (Russia, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Palestine, Syria, Turkey) Bernardo degli Uberti Clement of Alexandria (Anglicanism, Eastern Catholicism) Giovanni Calabria John of Damascus Maruthas Nicholas Ferrar (Anglicanism) Osmund Sigiramnus December 4 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Navy Day (India) Thai Environment Day (Thailand) Tupou I Day (Tonga) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Cabernet Franc Day Chester Greenwood (Earmuff) Day Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day Global Fat Bike Day International Cheetah Day International Day of Banks National Dice Day National Francis Day National Sock Day Tree Dressing Day Santa’s List Day World Wildlife Conservation Day National Cookie Day Walt Disney Day Scarlett Estevez’s Birthday Rarsclart Marnie’s Birthday Ronnie Ortiz-Magro’s Birthday Karen Walker’s Birthday Marisa Tomei’s Birthday Jin’s Birthday JellyRoll’s Birthday Jay-Z’s Birthday Skip Bayless’s Birthday Tyra Banks’s Birthday Cash Nasty’s Birthday Dylan Meyer’s Birthday ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mon Dec 4th, 2023 - Sun Dec 10th, 2023 National Human Rights Consciousness Week Fun Observances Wear Brown Shoes Day On December 4 take our your best brown shoes and wear them because it is Wear Brown Shoes Day. The origins of this sartorial holiday are unknown, but we can safely assume that the holiday aims to encourage people to change up their daily dressing rituals. How to Celebrate? Wear brown shoes. If you don’t own a pair, maybe today is the day to go get new brown shoes. If you usually wear brown shoes to work, why not wear a different shade of brown – perhaps tan or camel or russet? Did You Know… …that the shoes that Neil Armstrong wore when he first stepped on the Moon were left behind? Some say this was to avoid contamination, while others suggest that it was to compensate for the weight of the Moon rocks the astronauts had collected. *** A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "If you can make that horse over there laugh, you can get free drinks for the rest of the night." The man walks over, says something to the horse, it laughs, and he walks back over to the bar to collect his free drinks. The next night, the man goes back to the bar and the bartender asks the man if he can make the horse cry. The man walks over, does something to the horse, and it starts to cry. The bartender asks, "How did you make it cry?" The man replies, "Well, to make the horse laugh last night I told it I had a bigger dick and to make it cry tonight I showed it." *** One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!" *** Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish? *** A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too." The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests." *** Daughter: Dad there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door. Can you get rid of it? Daughter: Please hurry because I’m going to cry. Daughter: Dad… Daughter: Dad… Dad: Dad is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** You guys, explain this one to 'Google ' please. *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

January 1st 2024 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Adalard of Corbie Basil the Great (Eastern Orthodox Church) Feast of the Circumcision of Christ Feast of the Holy Name of Jesus (Anglican Communion, Lutheran Church) Feast of Fools (Medieval Europe) Fulgentius of Ruspe Giuseppe Maria Tomasi Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, the Octave Day of Christmas, considered a holy day of obligation in some countries (Catholic Church); and its related observances: World Day of Peace Telemachus Zygmunt Gorazdowski January 1 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest day on which Handsel Monday can fall, while January 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday of the year (Scotland) Second day of Hogmanay (Scotland) December 31-January 1, in some cases until January 2. The last day of Kwanzaa (African-Americans) The eighth of the Twelve Days of Christmas (Western Christianity) Constitution Day (Italy) Dissolution of Czechoslovakia-related observances: Day of the Establishment of the Slovak Republic (Slovakia) Restoration Day of the Independent Czech State (Czech Republic) Emancipation Day (United States) Euro Day (European Union) Flag Day (Lithuania) commemorates raising of the Lithuanian flag on Gediminas' Tower in 1919 Founding Day (Taiwan) commemorates the establishment of the Provisional Government in Nanjing Global Family Day Independence Day (Brunei, Cameroon, Haiti, Sudan) International Nepali Dhoti and Nepali Topi Day Jump-up Day (Montserrat) Kalpataru Day (Ramakrishna Movement) Kamakura Ebisu, January 1–3 (Kamakura, Kanagawa, Japan) National Bloody Mary Day (United States) National Tree Planting Day (Tanzania) New Year's Day (Gregorian calendar) Japanese New Year Novy God Day (Russia) Sjoogwachi (Okinawa Islands) Public Domain Day (multiple countries) Triumph of the Revolution (Cuba) Observances (click on the day, BD, week or Month for details) Apple Gifting Day Bonza Bottler Day Commitment Day Copyright Law Day Ellis Island Day First-Foot Day Mummer's Parade National Hangover Day National Shepherd Day National Thank God Its Monday Day New Year’s Dishonor List Day Ring a Bell Day Tournament of Roses Parade - 1 Rose Bowl Game - 2 Universal Hour of Peace Z Day Weigh-In Day Poppy’s Birthday Morris Chestnut’s Birthday George Washington Carver’s Birthday ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mon Jan 1st, 2024 - Fri Jan 5th, 2024 World Series of Beer Pong Mon Jan 1st, 2024 - Sun Jan 7th, 2024 Celebration of Life Week Diet Resolution Week National Time Consciousness Week New Year’s Resolutions Week Silent Record Week Observances (click on the month for details) Adopt a Rescued Bird Month Apple and Apricot Month Artichoke and Asparagus Month Be Kind To Food Servers Month Bread Machine Baking Month California Dried Plum Digestive Month Celebration Of Life Month Cervical Health Awareness Month Children Impacted by Parent's Cancer Month Clap 4 Health Month Dry January Family Fit Lifestyle Month Financial Wellness Month Get A Balanced Life Month Get Ireland Active Get Organized Month Ginuary International Brain Teaser Month International Change Your Stars Month International Child-Centered Divorce Month International Creativity Month International Quality of Life Month International Wayfinding Month International Wealth Mentality Month Learn to Ski and Snowboard Month Little Things Mental Health Campaign Manuary March of Dimes Birth Defects Prevention Month National Bath Safety Month National Be On-Purpose Month National Birth Defects Prevention Month National Black Diamond Month National Blood Donor Month National Book Blitz Month National Braille Literacy Month National CBD Month National Clean Up Your Computer Month National Codependency Awareness Month National Conscience Month National Eye Care Month National Fiber Focus Month National Glaucoma Awareness Month National Hobby Month National Hot Tea Month National Mail Order Gardening Month National Meat Month National Mentoring Month National Menudo Month National Oatmeal Month National Personal Trainer Awareness Month National Polka Month National Pre-Pregnancy Awareness Month National Radon Action Month National Skating Month National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month National Slow Cooking Month National Soup Month National Staying Healthy Month National Sunday Supper Month National Thank You Month National Train Your Dog Month National Volunteer Blood Donor Month National Wheat Bread Month Poverty Awareness Month Poverty in America Awareness Month Prune Breakfast Month Receding Gums Awareness Month Retail Bakers Month Rising Star Month Self-Love Month Shape Up US Month Stalking Awareness Month START Child Health campaign Teen Driving Awareness Month Thyroid Awareness Month Tubers and Dried Fruit Month Unchain a Dog Month Veganuary Walk Your Dog Month California Restaurant Month Fun Observances Polar Bear Plunge Day Also known as Polar Plunge, Polar Bear Swim Day, New Year's Dive, Loony Dook Start off the year with an act of daredevilry. Celebrate Polar Plunge Day on January 1 by taking a dip in the cold, freezing waters of your local lake, river or pond. The Polar Bear Plunge, where participants jump into a cold water body, is an activity usually held in the Northern Hemisphere. It is a popular New Year’s Day tradition in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom and Netherlands. In these countries, many people organize and participate in a Polar Bear Plunge for charity. Too cold? Celebrate Swim a Lap Day in June instead. How to Celebrate? If you are brave enough to participate, find a pond, lake, the sea or just fill up your bath with freezing cold water and take a plunge. Support someone who is participating in a Polar Bear Plunge for charity. In the Southern Hemisphere? Then you probably want to celebrate Polar Bear Plunge Day every day until the summer is over. Did You Know… … that polar bears have 2 layers of fur and are insulated from the cold with 4 inches (10 cm) of blubber? *** Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. “My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.” “I know,” says the second owner. “How do you know?” the first demands. “My dog told me.” *** A woman called our airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!” *** I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, “Why did you choose this breed?” My client responded, “I often ask myself this very same question.” *** A cat is making a declaration of love to his beloved. "I'd die for you!" he tells her. She looks back at him skeptically and replies, "Oh yeah? How many times?" *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn