Poor Man's Son - 22. Chapter 21

July 24, 2000

Paris, France

Will

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” I asked John.

“Why would I be mad at you? Dude, all I care about is that you’re back safe and sound.”

“I was pretty rude last night. I wore boxers to bed.” That seemed to frustrate him.

“Whatever. That was no big deal.” We lay there in bed, and I kept trying to decide whether to get up and eat, or tell him what happened.

I put my hunger pangs aside. “I lost my virginity.”

He just nodded. “Are you OK?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“What happened?” he asked, then got nervous. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I’m not sure I can look you in the eye after I do.”

He gave me a really affectionate kiss. “Nothing you tell me would change how I feel.”

I wanted to ask him how he did feel, but that was a different conversation. “That guy, Gustave, he took me into a room and handcuffed me to a bed.”

“Dude, I saw them haul him off in handcuffs after they rescued you. He was pretty hot,” John said, grinning slightly. He was trying to use his charm and humor to make it seem less horrible. It was working.

“He was,” I said, allowing myself the slightest of smiles.

“So what did he do then?”

“He took off my pants and underwear, and then ripped my T-shirt off of me, and then he started making out with me.”

“Was he a good kisser?” John asked.

“Yeah,” I said, looking down.

“How good?” he asked. “As good as me?”

“No one is as good as you,” I said, even though Gustave’s technique definitely had been the best I’d experienced. “Then he got me all fired up and sat on my dick.”

“You’re frowning,” he said, and tickled me. “He must have had a nasty ass.”

“I didn’t say that,” I said, frowning at him. I wanted to make a reference to Zach, but didn’t. He could read my mind, apparently, and he got where my mind went. That cast a pall on our whole conversation. “I was worried you’d be mad at me.”

“I have no right to be mad at you for that, after I fucked up,” he said sadly. I looked in his eyes when he said that and probably for the first time, I understood where he was coming from.

“I don’t want you to feel guilty about that,” I said honestly.

“Sometimes your body talks you into doing things you don’t want to do,” he said. I just stared at him, stunned. “What?”

“That’s what’s been bugging me about this,” I told him. “I really liked what he did to me. It felt good. But inside I felt like crap.”

“Only you didn’t have a choice,” he said. “I did.”

“I didn’t have to like it,” I said.

“Will, you’re being a fucking dumbass,” he said. “If someone ties you up and starts sucking your dick, you’ll eventually get into it.”

“It sounds so logical when you say it, but inside, it doesn’t feel right.” I looked away from him. “He was about to fuck me when they busted in and arrested him.”

“So you were saved just in time?”

“Yeah, only I wanted him to fuck me,” I said.

“I thought it hurt?” he asked.

I swallowed hard. “He stuck his fingers up my ass and I don’t know what he did, but man, I so wanted him.”

“If I’d known what to do, it probably would have been good for us,” he said.

“Dude, it was our first time. How the fuck are we supposed to know how it all works?” I asked him. “Besides, you’re a fast learner,” I joked.

“I’m worried this will fuck you up, and that’s bullshit,” he said.

“I feel better now than I ever thought I would,” I told him. “Hang on,” I said.

“What?” I slid off my boxers, and got a big grin from him. We made out for a while, and then blew each other. It was really nice, but it was hard for me to let myself enjoy it as much as I had before.

We went into the kitchen and ate breakfast, then after that Dad pulled me aside. “How are you doing?”

“I’m better. Everyone keeps saying the same thing, that it’s not my fault, and that I shouldn’t blame myself for enjoying it. I guess that makes sense, but I still feel like crap.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “You’re a little too much like me, I think.”

“Why?”

“You like to be in control. When that guy handcuffed you to the bed and forced you to do that stuff, it wasn’t just about the sex. Rape is a violent crime. It’s about power and dominance.” He led me up to the patio and we sat there next to each other, taking in the spectacular view of the city.

I thought about what he said. “I guess I can see that.” Being forced to do something I didn’t want to do usually pissed me off. “I guess that’s what we’ve been fighting about lately.”

Robbie came up and sat with us, and his stress just seemed to transfer from him to us. Dad reached over and held his hand lovingly, then turned back to me. “Some guys really get into that. They like to be tied up.”

“Not you?” I asked curiously. He blushed, he actually blushed. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said nervously. Robbie started cracking up, the first time I’d seen him happy since we’d been freed.

“Why are you blushing?”

“Yeah Brad,” Robbie teased. “Tell him why you’re blushing.”

“Fine, asshole,” Dad said. “I’ve only been able to do that with one person.”

“Do what?”

“Uh, let someone tie me up and have sex with me?”

“Who was the guy?” I asked, getting a frown from Robbie.

“When we were getting back together, your dad planned this really romantic evening for us. Made me lick fettuccini off his body,” Robbie said. How hot was that? And how weird was it to get hard thinking about it, when the guys in question were my parents?

“I didn’t force you, you wanted to,” Dad snipped.

“I was hungry,” he joked. “Then he gave me handcuffs and asked me to bond him to the bed. That’s when I knew we were going to be alright.”

“I couldn’t have willingly done that with anyone else,” Dad said, and then they gave each other those loving looks that were almost gross. “It was only possible for me to give up control to someone I loved completely, and totally trusted.” He turned back to me. “So I get where you’re coming from. It’s hard to deal with that kind of thing when you’re a control freak.”

I hadn’t really thought about it from that angle, but it really resonated with me. I liked to be in control of myself, and my destiny. When Gustave had done that, had shackled me to the bed, he’d taken that away from me. I didn’t want to be vulnerable like that again. “So Pop ate fettuccini off your body? You liked that part?” I teased.

“I liked that part a lot,” he said.

“How are you doing with all this?” I asked him. I saw Robbie really perk up at that.

“I’m glad it’s over. As long as you’re OK, I’ll be fine,” Dad said, but he was lying. This had stressed him out a lot more than he was letting on.

“I just feel so responsible for all of this,” Robbie whined, bringing his own issues into our conversation.

I watched my dad’s eye twitch, a sure sign that he was seriously annoyed. “You are not responsible for this,” I said firmly. “These guys are fucking lunatics. Who would think that they’d carry a grudge for 15 years?”

“Yeah, but...” Robbie started, but Dad cut him off.

“I know, if you wouldn’t have brought Neil into our lives, none of this would have happened. You’re right. Dating Neil was one of the more stupid things you’ve ever done,” Dad said. Robbie just glared at him. “I’m just wondering if you’ve learned your lesson.”

“What lesson?” he asked, all pissed off now.

“Some people are destined to be together. You and I are destined to be together. Whenever you forget that, and run off and pick up some other guy, bad things happen. You figure that out?” Dad was being dead serious, but playful at the same time.

“Yeah, I got that,” Robbie said, and shot Dad his grin. Damn. If I were with Robbie, I’d lose every argument when he did that.

“I don’t blame you at all,” I told him. “Carrying a grudge like that is stupid.”

“I hope you remember that,” Robbie said. “It seems like people who do that, who carry all this baggage around for years, end up really fucked up.”

“So you’re saying he should forgive that Gustave guy and move on?” Dad asked Robbie, but the question was really directed at me.

I thought about Gustave and felt nothing. Not anger, not hate: nothing. “To me, he was nothing,” I said. “He was nice to me, he sure played my body well, but it was stuff I didn’t want to do with him. In the end, I think it balances out.” They seemed content with my response.

“So are you looking forward to getting home?” Dad asked.

“Not really.” I wasn’t sure that it would be all that different, and I knew that I’d have to deal with seeing some shrink. I’d already figured out that there was no avoiding that.

“Good. I think Stef has other plans,” Dad said mysteriously.

“What?” Robbie demanded. “I thought we were going home?”

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“I’m not saying a thing,” Dad said firmly. Then he turned to Robbie. “If you want to go home, we can. Wait until tomorrow to make up your mind though, OK?”

“Alright. But you can stay, and I can go home,” he said.

“No way. I’m with you,” Dad said to Robbie. They smiled at each other, kissed, and went downstairs, probably to fuck.

 

July 24, 2000

Paris, France

Gathan

I felt kind of guilty because it was almost 11am, and we were just now getting out of bed. Just like Kristin had predicted, we’d made love all night. We’d fuck, go to sleep, wake up and fuck again, and then repeat the cycle. It was as if we couldn’t get enough of each other. I felt pretty guilty, since I hadn’t really been there for Will, but I could tell he just wanted to go off and be by himself, and besides, if he wanted anyone, he’d want John, Stef, or his dad to be there to comfort him. Maybe I was just rationalizing things, since I was just enjoying being here with Kristin. We took a quick shower and headed to the kitchen to find everyone hanging out.

“Hey,” I said cheerfully.

“You certainly slept late,” Stef observed, with his mischievous grin.

“Who said anything about sleep?” I asked, leering at Kristin. That got a chuckle from everyone, and a fake slap from Kristin.

“I need to go over to the Louvre around 4pm today,” JP said. He was looking at me, oddly enough. “I need to get things set up.”

“Do you need some help?” I asked, as he seemed to want me to do.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you Gathan,” he said.

“I can help out too,” John offered dutifully.

“Thank you John,” JP said graciously. “I think Gathan will be able to take care of what I need.”

“I’ll bet,” Darius said.

“Very funny,” I said, glaring at him. His little double entendres were going to end up outing me to Kristin, the dumbass.

“Maybe you should take Darius too, and teach him some manners along the way,” Will quipped, coming to my defense.

“Not a bad idea,” Stef said airily.

“You don’t have that much time,” Robbie said, trying to make a joke. I looked at him and was worried. He was pretty messed up.

“When are you going back to the States?” I asked him.

“We’re leaving tomorrow,” Robbie said with a sense of relief. “You don’t mind if we leave on your birthday, do you?”

“No, that’s fine,” I said. I tried to hide my disappointment. I loved being here in Paris, and I was having a blast, but after what happened to Brad and Will, I could totally understand everyone wanting to go home. Kristen and I went back to bed until it was time for me to get ready for the big event at the Louvre. I took another shower, got all spiffed up, then went to find JP and go with him over to the museum.

“You look very handsome tonight,” JP told me as we rode in the limo.

“Stef dresses me well,” I joked.

“He does, although his tastes are sometimes a little too flamboyant for me,” he said with a soft smile.

“You don’t do flamboyant very well,” I said.

“This much is true,” he acknowledged.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” I asked JP.

“What makes you think I wanted to talk to you?” he asked.

“Let’s see,” I mused playfully. “The stuff you need my help with is a normal box that’s pretty light. Even you could carry it with one hand.”

“Even me?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

I squeezed his bicep. “Even you.” He rolled his eyes. “That, and you’ve been giving me weird looks this whole trip, like you’re worried about me, or I’ve done something wrong. It’s kind of freaking me out.”

“I must apologize for my appalling manners,” he said, truly horrified. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Well, you did, so how about if you tell me why,” I said, done with the banter.

“You did nothing wrong. You’re a fine young man,” he said, sounding very paternal. “I am a little worried about you.”

“Why? What did I do to make you worry about me?” I didn’t get him at all.

“It’s nothing you did,” he said. We arrived at the Louvre, but we were early, so JP told the driver to just park. “I have been lucky to have several men in my life that I loved, and who returned that love.”

“You want to know if I’ll return your love?” I asked, flirting. I was just trying to ease the tension, and it worked. I got his cute smile, and he blushed and looked down.

“Hardly,” he said. “One of them was your uncle, Jeff Hayes.”

“I know about him,” I told him. “He was an awesome football player. He’s been Zach’s inspiration.”

“I dragged Jeff out of Claremont, and he became my partner. He ultimately let drugs take over his life.”

I wasn’t getting where he was coming from. “I’m not into drugs, except getting high.”

He shook his head. “Then there was Brian, who was my half-brother. He went from being a starving college student, to having anything he wanted. He died earlier this year.” I knew about Brian too.

“Yeah, both those guys fucked up their lives. How does that have anything to do with me?”

“Both of them came from humble backgrounds, and both of them ended up with access to a lot of money, courtesy of my family,” he said.

“You’re not worried that I’m trying to take advantage of you guys, are you?” I demanded, a bit belligerently.

“No, I’m not saying that. Not at all. You’re a wonderful young man, and I’m so happy that you’re part of us now.” That was a powerful statement, implying that I was more than just some appendage, that he considered me part of his family.

“Thanks, JP,” I said sincerely, and tried not to let my eyes get watery.

“It’s the truth,” he said.

“So what’s worrying you?”

He sighed. “I’m worried that the sudden wealth will hurt you the way it hurt Jeff and Brian.”

“You don’t give me much credit,” I said, speaking before thinking.

“I didn’t mean to insult you.” He looked really upset. This obviously wasn’t going the way he planned it.

“No, I get it,” I relented. “You’re concerned, and that means you care,” I said, winking at him. He looked upward, as if frustrated.

“I do care.”

“Not everyone who has a background like mine fails. Look at Stefan.”

His eyes brightened. He and Stefan had a very deep connection, a very deep love. “You’re right. He is truly exceptional.”

“So why did he succeed, where the others failed?”

“I don’t know.” He seemed defeated because he didn’t have the answer.

“Maybe he had a good guide,” I offered.

“Which means I failed with Jeff and Brian,” JP said.

“Maybe you did, or maybe they were just fucked up,” I offered.

“How about you?”

“You think I’m fucked up?” I asked him. He said nothing, and I thought about it. “I have some stuff I need to deal with, and I promised Brad I’d go see that Dr. David dude.”

“You also have a good guide,” he said. “Kristin is a lovely young lady.”

“She is,” I agreed, grinning. “She loves me.”

“And do you love her?”

“I think so, but I’m not sure.” I still hadn’t nailed that down in my mind.

“When you do, you’ll know it,” he said firmly. “Matt went through the same kind of problems, trying to figure out if he was capable of loving someone else.”

Matt and I had a strange relationship. We were cousins and friendly enough, but there was a latent rivalry beneath the surface. It was kind of like how things were between my brothers and me. It may have something to do with the fact that I lusted after his boyfriend, I reasoned. “So how did he work it out?”

“He fell in love with Wade,” he said simply. We sat there in silence for a moment. “And now, I have a presentation to do.” He told the driver to take us to the entrance.

 

July 24, 2000

Paris, France

Will

The presentation at the Louvre was unbelievable. We’d gotten there and been ushered into a conference room. Grand was fantastic. I wasn’t entirely sure what his talk was going to be about. My first guess would be that he’d talk about his work on the dig, and what they’d found, but in retrospect that was a pretty stupid guess, since there were a lot of other people who worked on the project that were more intimately involved in the work they’d done, from start to finish.

In the end, he showed how the Louvre, as it had evolved, reflected the history of France and the French nation as a whole. He started out with the initial medieval castle, and how its small size represented France as a small, fledgling nation. That it was a castle was necessary because ‘France’, which wasn’t really a country at all, was surrounded by enemies. Then he talked about how the Louvre as a palace symbolized the growing fortunes of France, and that stones from the original castle were used in its construction illustrating the continuity from generation to generation. The unification of the Tuileries and the Louvre during the Renaissance showed, according to Grand, the healing of the country after the religious wars, and then the dilapidation of the Louvre during the later years of the monarchy reflected the fall of that institution. He talked at length about the burning of the Tuileries during the Commune of Paris, and equated that to the social and governmental changes brought about during that time, the end of the Franco-Prussian War. He concluded with a very complimentary ode to France, using the current state of the Louvre as a premier museum to acclaim France as one of the premier nations of the world. That he did this all in fluent French was just the icing on the cake, and earned him a standing ovation.

Our hosts seemed anxious to repay his kindness by giving us a private guided tour of the museum, or at least part of it, which was really cool. I don’t think that Darius, Ella, Gathan, or Kristin really got much out of his talk, since none of them spoke French well enough to follow him, but they sure seemed to get into the tour afterward.

It was a tired group that arrived back at the apartment. Everyone else went to bed, but John and I snuck up to the balcony to smoke a joint, and then went downstairs to mess around. On the way back to our room, we walked by Gathan and Kristin’s room and we could hear them both moaning.

We started giggling, and John motioned me over to look through the keyhole. He looked first, and snickered, then let me see. Gathan was fucking Kristin from behind, but holding her up with both of his hands placed underneath her breasts. We could see his look of ecstasy, we could see her eyes roll back in her head as she enjoyed getting fucked, and we could see her tits flopping around above his hands as he banged her. It was pretty hot, especially the part where I got to watch Gathan. John was way more into it. He got hard as a rock, and I started to think about what his dad had told his grandmother. He was getting way too excited about this if he was completely gay like me.

“What the fuck are you two doing?” Darius asked loudly, scaring the shit out of us. He was standing there in just his boxers, looking good like he always did.

“Shut up, dumb ass,” I said in a hoarse whisper. “Let him look,” I said to John.

Darius took his place at the keyhole and chuckled. He watched for a while then stood up, and when he did his dick stuck out of his boxers, cracking us up. He hurriedly stuffed it back in his underwear. “Pretty hot,” he said, and then went back to his room, presumably to fuck Ella.

I dragged John back to our room and we blew each other, and it was nice like it always was, then we lay there in bed, our bodies intertwined.

“How are you doing?” he asked me.

“I’m fine,” I said. I was starting to put the thing with Gustave behind me. I think that was largely a result of my family convincing me that it wasn’t my fault, and that I had responded normally to his assault.

“I’m glad,” he said. “You know, I keep thinking that all this stuff about being the first one for each other was really not a big deal.”

I didn’t know where he was going, but I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to like it. “Guess it doesn’t matter, since we weren’t.”

“Well, I still haven’t fucked you, and you haven’t fucked me, but we both fucked other people first, and that hasn’t changed how I feel about you. Has it changed how you feel about me?”

“No,” I said nervously. “What’s your point?”

He sighed, and moved his body so he was looking in my eyes. “I’m just thinking that I liked it a lot better when we were best friends who messed around than now, when we’re boyfriends.” He must have seen my reaction, and he freaked out. “I still love you, more than anything. I just don’t think we should, you know, be boyfriends where we only can mess around with each other.”

I realized then that in addition to all the shit that had happened, my boyfriend was, in essence, breaking up with me. He was trying to do it in a way that made it easier, and he was probably doing it so it made me feel better about what happened with Gustave. I looked down as I thought about it, and realized that I had two choices. I could either make a big deal about this, make him feel like shit, and then he’d probably agree to stay boyfriends. That had some appeal, only he’d cheat on me, I knew he would, and then I’d really be hurt. Worse, then we wouldn’t even be friends. The talks I had with my dad and Stef came back to haunt me. I had a duty to make sure that didn’t happen. I had to let him dump me, and make it sound like I was happy about it. I had to give him an easy way out. “You mean because we’ll be far apart from each other?” I offered.

“Yeah,” he said. “I don’t want us to do something with someone else, and end up hating each other.”

“I’m cool with that,” I lied, and his big grin was like a dagger through my heart. “When we’re together, though, let’s be together.”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed. “I mean I don’t want to have to deal with you hanging all over some other guy or girl when I’m around.”

“That’s cool,” he said. We both drifted off after that. He went to sleep happy that he had his freedom, while I went to sleep, sad that yet another thing had been ripped away from me on this trip.