Modern High - 28. Chapter 24-- Decisions = Consequences

Modern High

Chapter 24

Decisions = Consequences

A few months have passed since Jacob and I talked. Since that night everything seemed to change, my life wasn’t what it used to be. I mean, I was happy, healthy, and full of life. What changed? What made it out to be what it is now?

“Zach?” My mother, yet again today. She is worried about me because I haven’t said a thing about what Jacob and I talked about, she’s also worried that I might just attempt suicide again. Oh, and to top off my already piling high stress, my father decided that it would be best if he moved back in. What the fuck? Like seriously.

“I’m fine Mom. Can I please just have one day where you don’t ask me what’s wrong, or how I am today? I really don’t want to talk about it, okay?” I didn’t really mean to take my frustrations out on her, but, well, there’s no one else I can.

“I’m sorry, Zach. I thought... I thought that I was helping.”

“Well, you’re not. So can we pick this up tomorrow?”

“Yea, Zach. Anything to keep you from...”

“From what? Another suicide attempt?”

“No, I wasn’t going to say that, Zach.”

“Whatever, just go away, please.”

“Sure...”

If you’re wondering why I was so cold to my mother, I couldn’t tell you. I don’t even know where to actually start. First it was me being gay that I had to worry about, and then there was the Toby situation, and then on top of that, being outed at school. If that wasn’t bad enough, I fell in love with a kid my age named Jacob. I love him, I really do, but as always, it went south, way south.

After everything that I have been through and did, my life still isn’t any better. My body is still the same, my hair color is the same, maybe a little bit longer. I have the same size package below as I have always had, maybe a bit larger. My eyes are still the same boring old color of blue. So you see, nothing has changed, nothing will ever change. My life, as of yet, isn’t anything to be proud about. I shouldn’t be sitting in my room on a Saturday morning, giving myself a headache. I should be out with friends, my boyfriend. Having the time of my life. However, I can’t because I wanted to attempt suicide.

“FUCK!” I screamed.It was the only way to get the anger out of my body.

“Zach? What’s wrong? Is everything alright?” Loving as always, but I really didn’t need the caring right now.Instead of speaking, which is a good thing, I just nodded my head.

“Alright, call me if you want to talk.” My mother just walks away. Good. Because I really didn’t want to tell her that my life is over.

“Mom?” I squeaked out quietly. While hanging my head in defeat, I almost missed hearing her voice.

“Zach?” Her voice sounded so kind. How can I possibly hurt her, or anyone else for that matter?

“Can... Can you call Nathan for me? I need to talk to him, please.” Her eyes glistened with tears as she kissed me sweetly on my cheek.

“Sure.” She smiled over her shoulder as she walked out of my room and down the stairs. When I couldn’t hear her anymore, I rolled over onto my sore ribs and cried into my pillow. Even though the pain of crying was hurting, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, or the sobs that spilled out. I can’t really tell you how long I cried into my light blue pillow, but when I felt a hand touch my back, I flinched.

“Zach?” It wasn’t Nathan at all, it was Nichole. How lovely.

Sniffling back the snot, I spoke. “Hi, Nichole, I didn’t know you were coming over.” With blurry eyes I could see that she smiled, a little.

“Your mom said it was alright that I came over. I hope that’s alright.”

“Yea, yea... Why wouldn’t you be able to come over?”

“Well, I just didn’t know.”

“But now you do.” I tried to smile, but I ended up just smirking.

“What’s the matter? I thought you were doing alright... I mean with everything, that is.”

“Oh, I was, but, well, I got to thinking and it hurt. Really hurt to find that I don’t have friends, that I don’t have a boyfriend anymore, that I went through all this and I’m still as fucked as I was in the beginning. Do you think I’m pathetic?”

“No, no, Zach. You’re not pathetic or weak, you’re perfect the way you are. And you are not as fucked up as you think you are.”“That’s very kind of you to say, especially since you’re my friend; it’s in your job description.”

“Hah! Even if it wasn’t, I would still tell you the same thing. Zach, you’re generally a nice person, one who thinks before he does something totally stupid. No, it’s not about that either. That was stupid. But you are here now and that is all that matters, right?”

“Yea, I would think so.”

“So how was your holiday? Was it any good?”

“Nah, not really. After dad found out about me, he told his family not to come. I think he’s scared to mention it to them, that they might disown him or something. In addition, do not even start on how it is living with him again, god. I can’t do anything; he practically banned me from having a life. It’s like he just wants me to disbelieve that I am what I am.”

“That’s terrible. What about your mom? Doesn’t she help? Doesn’t she at least try to make your father see that there is nothing wrong with you, that you’re perfectly normal?”

“I honestly don’t know. It’s like I’m a kid again. I have no freedom, I have no life.”

"That’s not true. Oh, and another reason I came over here is to invite you a bowling party with us.”

“Us, meaning?”

“You know, Nathan, Me, Candice, and Ashley.”

“No, Jacob?”“No, not after what we found out... It wouldn’t be wise.”

“What did you find out?”

“Nothing, we just don’t want any trouble between the two of you. That’s all, hun.”

“Ok, so what time should I be there?”

“Around like seven-ish.”

“Alright, see you there.”

We hugged one last time before Nichole finally decided that she needed go, I couldn’t blame her for trying to cheer me up. I have been in a depressive mood ever since I got home from the hospital.

After a while of sitting my room, I decided that I needed to do something, something that could keep me busy and away from the things that wanted to roam through my head. Maybe I should clean my room. Hah, yea right. That though made me smirk, but the smirk was short lived as I heard my mother and father arguing for the umpteenth time. Walking slowly out of my room and to the stairs, I sat quietly, trying to listen in on their conversation. The yelling increased until I didn’t hear anything that resembled actually talking. Why are they arguing in the first place? Could it be because of me? Putting my head in my hands, I sighed. I didn’t want to hear it anymore; I didn’t want to suffer anymore. I just wanted things to be back the way they were, where everything made sense, where my life wasn’t so fucked up.

Sighing one last time, I slowly descend the stairs. With every step I took, my heartbeat increased. I knew what I had to do and I didn’t care if that got me yelled at. They just need to stop.

Around the corner were my parents; did I really want to confront them? Did I really? Shrugging my shoulders and setting my head high, I strode into the kitchen where they were arguing. They didn’t see me at first, the yelling was unbearable this close up. Clearing my throat to get their attention went unnoticed. Therefore, I just picked up a plate and dropped it on the floor, that made them stop and look at me with a ‘what the fuck’ look.

“Zachary Martin, did you just break that plate for no reason?” Ignoring him I turn to my mother.

“Mom, I am going out. I need time away from this house. You guys keep arguing and its driving me up the walls.” Once I told her, I faced my father, with resentful eyes I looked right into his.

“Father, if you wish to talk about me, please make sure that I am here to witness it.”

“Don’t mouth off to me, Zachary.”

“Well it’s only fair. I mean, let’s say that Mom and I were talking and you walked in on it, would it or would it not be inconsiderate? Don’t answer that, I know what you are going to say. Ken, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, especially since you’re my father, but Mom and I we were doing fine, we were actually starting to get over the fact that you weren’t around anymore...”

“Zach!” my mom gasped.

“No, let him finish, Mary.”

“I’m sorry, Mom.”With my heart in my throat I spoke once more, “I love you, Dad, but if you came back just to see that I didn’t die, then your job is done, you can go back to where ever you came from.”

“You little shit.”

“Ken, don’t talk to your son that a way,” my mom sternly told my dad, “And you, mister. Don’t ever say that about your father, he’s a very good dad and husband.”

“Mom, I am only saying what everyone in this house knows and what they were thinking. And I’m not a little kid anymore. You don’t like the fact that I’m gay, Dad, well you can’t change me. I am perfectly happy being who I am.”

“Son, how can you even say that? You’re too young to know what sexuality is, let alone experience it.”

“Do you really want to go there, Dad? Because I can tell you. Mom knows, I told her. I don’t know what Mom has told you, but I am happy. Also, it’s orientation and my orientation just so happens to be gay, Dad, gay.”

“Mary?” Ken asked, my Mom just held up one hand and sighed, “Yes Ken, he did tell me.”

“You see, Dad, while you were away, we grew up, we bonded, we even had some pretty good times.” I smiled and walked away. I didn’t really mean to say all that, but, well, it needed to be said and I’m glad that I said it.

The house was again shrouded in quiet. Thankfully, this time I didn’t mind.Looking into the dining room and living room, I recall many happy moments. Smiling on the inside, I swiftly walked back up to my room. I have to dress reasonably fashionable. Just think, in a little over five months school will out for the summer.

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Later that night

“C’mon Zach, hurry up. I don’t want to be late,” said Nichole. Sheesh, talk about bossy...

“Alright, hold on to your panties.” I giggled, it was funny, until Nichole gave me a scornful look. She could probably match my mother’s stare, yikes.

“Whatever,” she said.

The rest of the walk to the bowling alley we spent in quiet, eerie quiet at that. It wasn’t like her, or me, to not talk, but I guess we didn’t want to get onto that subject. We had things to think about, and when it comes to the time to talk about them, we would both know.

Why did they choose this night, of all nights, to go bowling? Shit! The parking lot looked as full as possible; even the streets looked full. What the fuck is happening to make it at its maximum? Looking to Nichole, I saw she had a smile playing out on her pink lips. There must be a reason for this; I’ll just have to wait it out.

“Nichole?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing, why do you ask?”

“C’mon Nichole, what’s this about?” I asked her, getting irritated at this point.“I said nothing, and if by any chance there is something going on, you’ll just have to wait and see,” she murmured.

“Yea, yea, I’ve heard that over and over again.”

“So get used it,” Nichole stated as we opened the doors to the bowling alley.

The bowling alleys inside were blasting with people, some over by the games, some were eating and playing with their food. Moreover, some were even bowling. However, once they saw me, they cheered. I didn’t understand. Why were they cheering for me? I ain’t anyone special. Looking to Nichole, I saw that she was clapping along with everyone else. How could she?

With my hands I made the calm down motion, when everyone went quiet. I asked them, “What’s this about?”

A kid that I have never met said, “Zach, you did it! You got Toby kicked out of school! He was sent to a juvenile delinquent center; he has to stay there until he graduates from school! Isn’t that good news?” It was awesome to hear the good news, but what did I do to cause him to be sent there?

“What did I do?” Another kid with fairly good looks told me, “Zach, you dummy, once you left the school three months ago, we taught Toby a good lesson. He isn’t coming back. It’s all because of you.”

“Sure.” I didn’t know what to say, actually; I am happy that he isn’t around anymore, but what about the others? Will they take up his slack? Won’t they bully me?

“So let’s party,” Nathan said. He surprised me by hugging me from behind. God, I have great friends. Smiling, finally, I hugged Nathan back. However, the smile didn’t last long.

“What is he doing here?” I whispered to Nathan, as my eyes locked onto Jacob.

“He wanted to celebrate too; don’t do anything that you’ll regret later, Zach.” Nichole spoke this time.

“Fine, but I’m not talking to him,” I said in dislike.

“Whatever,” they both exclaimed. Then they walked over to Jacob, leaving me standing there like an idiot. Jacob stood there too; he didn’t look at me, thankfully, but maybe I wanted him to. I miss him greatly, but what he made me go through had me not wanting to talk to him. It still hurt.

“Zach, buddy. C’mon, grab a drink and let’s bowl.” Anthony from biology said to me, I smiled but it was a cover for how I really felt inside.

“Yea, that sounds delightful; lead the way,” I said.

Walking past Jacob, he had a hurtful look, placed upon his face. Seeing this hurt me even more than I intended it too, but instead of regretting what I should have done, I continued to walk beside Anthony. As we got to the punch bowl filled with sweet and sour apple pucker, I remember my experience with liquor, so instead I grab something safe.

“Pussy!” Anthony exclaimed beside me.

“What?”

“Taking the soda, you’re a pussy. Here take this, get rid of this.” Anthony rips the cola out of my hands and gives me the apple pucker. I apprehensively took the drink and down it without even thinking twice. When the drink was gone and my mouth remained tasting it, I needed another.

After a while of drinking, I start to feel, translucent somewhat. Bowling was hilarious because I kept getting gutter balls, haha, balls. Wow. Nichole tried to take away a couple of drinks from me, but I wouldn’t let her, so she left me to Nathan. But Nathan, well, he wasn’t interested in watching me.

“Zach?” I know that voice, but whose voice.

“Um, yea. What’s up?” I asked slurry.

“You’re drunk, aren’t you?” asked the person whose voice I recognized.

“Yup, sure is. I’m trying to forget why I am mad at this one person,” I told him.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment.

“Look, Zach, come with me. I have to talk with you.” There’s that voice again.

“Surrrreee,” I tell him, “Help me up.”

As he walks me to wherever he wanted me to be, I leaned onto his shoulder. Once he sits me down, the room starts to spin again. However, instead paying attention to the room, I attached my lips to his.

He pushes me off of him and says, “What the fuck, Zach.” Oh no, I know that voice. Don’t tell me.

“Jacob?” I whispered loudly.

“Um, duh. Who did you think I was?”

“No one, sorry, can we make out now?” I asked.

“No. Ugh, you disgust me,” he said, as he got up and walked away.

TBC!!!

Author’s Note

Well how did you guys like it? I know that I have taken longer than needed, but I had to make sure that everything was good enough. So here it is, Chapter 24 Decisions = Consequences.Enjoy. Tell me what you think. Either at the forums or comment. Also, don’t forget to vote.

Thank you,

Remijay <3 ((Hugz)) Take Care and Be Safe!