Starlight in the Heavens - 14. Chapter 14

Part 14 - Alex

When I was a kid, I'd hated road trips. Not because of the travel, but because I had trouble with motion sickness. It got better as I grew older, but there were still times I just wanted to hurl at the thought of riding in a vehicle. Joshua could usually tell even before I did that I was going to have a hard time. When that happened, he either let me drive or I'd just take a nap. It was easy to do, since I'd pretty much trained myself to fall asleep within minutes of getting into a car.

We'd been on the road for a couple of days, first heading south then, last night, turning east. Like a piece of metal being pulled by a magnet, we were led along the line of Mandy's passing. At night, while we slept, I could see pieces of the places our son had been. I wasn't sure if Joshua was seeing the same things, but when I was napping, we still traveled along the same path.

Mid-morning on the third day, I began to feel nauseous even though I was driving. Joshua had me pull over and change places with him so I could close my eyes for a while. I figured it might have been the desert heat that was getting to me. I was used to the coast's damp air, and it was dry and hot in the area we were traveling through. I chose to curl up in the back seat of the Tahoe and let Jo ride up front with Joshua.

As I rested, Joshua began asking Jo some questions. My interest was peaked, so I kept my ears open even as my eyes were kept closed.

"You said that only Alex could have given his mate with himself. You said we were both needed to make Anthony strong enough. That wasn't all of it though, was it? You... sorry... they needed Alex because he could bring me. It was really me they wanted, wasn't it?"

It was quiet but for the rumble of the engine and tire noise for a minute. Then I heard her answer.

"Yes. But they knew that you would not answer the call."

I think was beginning to hate these beings that had come into my sleep and manipulated my waking hours.

"They never tried to make me."

"Yes, Joshua, they did. But you were far too strong for them to gain access. There was a part of you that shielded your dreams."

"Was?"

"That part is with your son now."

I could almost hear the gears in Josh's head grinding as he processed that little bit of information. I was having some difficulty processing it myself. I gave a part of myself, but didn't really? From what Jo had said that night days ago, neither of us were whole souls, nor were we halves. We were more but less, and even though we gave, we weren't changed. But now, she was saying that a part of Joshua was no longer present. It was hard to wrap my mind around... all this mess.

"What was that part of me?"

She was quiet again. It made me wonder if Jo was being as forth-coming as she tried to make us believe. I opened my eyes to see what she was doing while not answering. She was turned toward me, her chin resting on her fore arm.

"You can be a part of this, Alex."

"I already was, Jo. Don't you remember? Beings, such as yourself, invaded my thoughts and dreams, manipulated my feelings, and caused me to betray my soul-mate. How much more 'a part of this' could I possibly be?

"Answer his questions. And Jo? Once we have our son, and Mandy is at peace, I want you and the rest of your kind to never intrude on our lives again."

I didn't know how I could be more blunt and specific than what I'd just said. And it bothered me that I felt so adamant about it. In the past, I would have embraced Jo and the others like her.

"I'm sorry, Alex," she said. And I knew she meant it, but still...

"Yeah, you said." I closed my eyes. "Answer him, Jo."

I heard her sigh and shift in her seat.

"Jeremy."

The truck lurched, and skidded to a stop, almost spilling me onto the floor board. I'm sure that if I hadn't been strapped in, I'd be picking carpet lint from my teeth.

Joshua was breathing hard and his hands clung to the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were completely bloodless.

"What do you mean?" His voice was beyond strained.

"Jeremy was her whole. If he hadn't been taken before his time, he and Mandy would have met, married, and born the child meant to help this world find temperance— restraint in its actions against diversity."

I watched Joshua drop his head to the steering wheel. I felt his agony spread out from his heart and scrambled over the seat to pull him into my arms. I shuddered along with him as the facts of her statement hit home. Jeremy had been killed in Joshua's place.

It had happened on the night of their highschool graduation. A group of homophobic students had cornered him and beaten him to death. They'd thought they were ridding the world of another gay boy— Joshua. His parents had never gotten over the fact that Jeremy had died, and in their grief, blamed Josh. In their eyes, both of their sons died that day. For Joshua, when he lost his identical twin, he lost the other half of his soul.

"It should have been me," he whispered.

"No!" I placed my hands on either side of his face and forced him to look at me. "Don't you ever say that, Josh. Never. You're a part of me. If you weren't here, I wouldn't be alive. You saved me that day on the beach. I was so close to just swimming out to sea and letting it take me. From the moment I looked into your eyes... I knew... I knew that we were meant to be." I turned from his face and beseeched Jo to say what Joshua needed to hear. "Tell him, Jo. Tell him that he wasn't meant to die that day either."

Jo actually looked shocked. "Of course he wasn't. No one is meant to die by the hand of hate." Her head tilted as she studied Joshua's face. I knew that understanding had come into focus when her eyes widened in disbelief. "Joshua, you can't believe that you were meant to die that day. Why would you think that?"

When she reached out to touch him, I spun, pressing my back against Joshua, preventing her from getting near. "Don't even think about it." I kept my voice low, but even I was shocked at the intensity of border-line rage that I heard. "You've been in our heads. You've seen more of our lives than we have... or so you say. I really have to wonder now though, Josen. How much of what you say is truth— and how much is what you think we want to hear? Because if you can't understand what makes us feel the way we do, how can you understand any of us as humans?"

She seemed to shrink into herself as I spoke. I knew I'd hit a nerve. Or, whatever they would call it. Did her kind even have feelings to hurt? I hoped that they did because I wanted to... no, that wasn't right. I couldn't want to hurt her. She really did seem to want to help us... all of us. And, as I watched her, I had to wonder how much more the rest of her kind had hidden. How far into our minds had she really been?

Then I saw a slight shift in the way Jo looked at me. She pulled herself up and stared intently into my eyes.

"You spoke my name."

No question, just a statement of fact. I stared back at her. Why would it matter that I said her name? It's not like it was secret.

"So?"

"I never told you my name."

I rolled my eyes. "Right. So, it's just my imagination that we've been calling you Jo all this time. What the hell is wrong with you?"

She didn't answer, but looked over my shoulder at Joshua. His body had relaxed and I felt his arms encircle me.

"You called her Josen, babe," he whispered. "She never told us that name."

I couldn't think. I had a feeling I was being used again. I wasn't being manipulated like before, but still... I was being used for something.

Jo turned back to the front and closed her eyes. "For the longest time, I followed the path. It was the same for those born before me... and would be the same for those born after. I didn't question what we were or what we did for a long time. The good we did was seen in the faces of those we bonded. Our touch was sought by those that wanted their love to last beyond a lifetime." She sighed as she opened her eyes and looked out the windshield to the vast emptiness that surrounded us. "That was long ago, much longer than either of you would know. The world was different then. Humans were not the majority. They were a fairly new breed and I don't believe anyone saw how the balance of the world would fail as they became dominant.

"There were small skirmishes started over things that had seemed trivial in the past. They were brought to a close quickly, but soon a dark cloud began to grow over the north. There was a final war begun and it brought most to their knees. It was in this war that the real unbalance of the world began— a slight tilt with the end of the dragon race. With their end, the elves went into the shadows. These two had worked so hard to maintain the scales."

I watched in fascination as a tear glittering with multi-dimensional color rolled down Jo's cheek, leaving a silver trail on the skin behind.

"The night sky grew its brightest during that dark time."

She turned again, settling into the corner where the seat met the door, and looked from me to Joshua.

"We stayed away and kept watch over the souls of the ones lost to the world. In time, most were able to return, though not in the same form. This in itself caused more diversity, with even younger breeds beginning to appear. It also made some humans stronger, more gifted, than those around them."

I got the con-notation. Joshua and I were the way we were— more than half, yet less than whole— because we were a part of the lives gone before. Those souls had returned in us. Didn't make me understand it any better, but I was getting really tired of trying anyway. It still didn't explain Jeremy, and it didn't explain why she didn't understand Joshua's feelings about his brother's death.

Her expression changed to one of sorrow.

"I have never been in your minds, Alex. I have been in your dreams, but only to see the child."

"He has a name," Joshua said. "Why don't you use it?"

Jo sighed and looked down at her hands. "I don't know it." After a minute of silence, she looked back up. "This is all very new to me, Joshua. My path before has always been to bond. It was the reason for my confusion, and the need to question the day we met. Nothing was as it had been. Even now, I question the reasoning for me being here."

I jumped a little at that revelation, and turned my head to study Jo. She still looked just as strong as always, but in her eyes, I saw something that almost made me think of a child's belligerence. It was that look that young teenagers get when they think they have to prove to the world that they know what they are doing. Nine times out of ten, they find out they have a long way to go. I began to wonder if Jo had been questioning those that led, and they sent her here to us to learn. She really didn't know much about human emotion. Sure, she'd been right in a lot of ways, but deeper than surface feelings— not so much.

"You are here to learn," I said.

"Possibly," Joshua said and gave me a squeeze. "We need to go on to the next town, babe. Hop into the back so I can drive."

I moved back to my seat and buckled up. The evening had settled while we were talking, and I knew Joshua was right. We did need to get moving.

When we pulled into the next town, Jo seemed to get antsy. At one point, her hand went flat on the door window and she sucked in a breath.

"Turn here," she said.

Joshua followed her direction, though his face showed his confusion. This was off the line of our path.

"Up there, about a mile and a half." Jo pointed down the road. "There will be a small park. We need to stop there."

I needed to ask. "Why?"

"There is someone there you need to meet."