Starlight in the Heavens - 21. Chapter 21

Part 21 - Brian

I spent the rest of our little lunch period quietly digesting what Miss Sherry had said, and my own reactions to the fact that Anthony's fathers were on their way here. Now and then, I found myself staring at the boy that had become so much a part of my life—so much a part of me. He filled an empty spot that I had lived with most of my life. No... that wasn't right. He didn't fill it exactly, but it didn't gnaw at me the way it had before I had him in my life. He was like a salve to a burn; he cooled the hurt and made it bearable.

I returned to the kitchen still thinking about my reaction—my desire to keep Anthony to myself—I felt a flush creep up my neck and heat my cheeks. I was no better than the men I'd sworn to protect him from. When the chips came down and the threat of having him taken was presented, I'd immediately gone into possessive mode. He was mine and nobody was going to take him away from me. A shudder ran through my body as I thought about how close I came to being a predator.

Predator or protector, were they really so close together? I'd never thought so, but what had happened in my mind—the shift of purpose—had happened to suddenly. Then I stopped abruptly as Anthony's words pushed into my memory. Remember the rainbow. The rainbow had been my analogy, and as I saw it in my mind, I finally got it. A predator will go to any length to get what he needs, just as a protector would do the same to keep what he needs.

My desire had not been to possess, but to keep safe. My error was in thinking that I was the only one that could—that, and the emptiness that filled my soul prior to Anthony. My instantaneous thoughts had been that his fathers would take him away from me. That I would no longer be a part of Anthony's life. But what if that wasn't the case? I didn't know these men—granted, I didn't think Anthony did either. He never spoke of them. And Mandy hadn't said anything either, other than when making reference to my sexuality. Maybe, having him call me his Uncle Brian would have an effect on them and I would be allowed to remain a part of his family.

The word family stuck in my heart like a sharp pin. It wasn't big enough to be a knife because I felt I was a part of one. But the prick was there all the same. My own family had deserted me. They'd tossed me out like yesterday's trash without a second thought. Even after six years on my own, that stung. But I didn't take the time to dwell on it. The early evening diners were arriving and, not for the first time, I relished the task of business at hand.

Anthony met me at the door and jumped into my arms. His little arms wrapped around my neck as he gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek. This was our evening ritual since the day we moved in and I started work.

I felt the cares and worries of the day, and the future, slough off my shoulders and hugged the little guy back. I set him down and handed him a styrofoam to-go container.

"I brought you something," I said as I ruffled his hair.

He eyes glinted with delight when he saw the chocolate chip cheesecake inside.

"All for me?"

"All for you, bud."

"Wow. Thanks, Uncle Brian."

I knelt to look him right in the eye. "Hey, you set me on the straight and narrow today. You deserve it."

He started giggling so hard I thought he might pee his pants. "I can't put you on the straight. 'Member? You said—"

"Yeah, yeah," I interrupted him. "Just go eat your cheesecake."

I grinned despite myself. Hey, I can't help it. The kid's cute. He grabbed my hand and started pulling me with him into the kitchen. I guess he wanted some company while he ate his dessert.

On the way through the living room, I noticed Mandy sitting in an armchair and staring out the window. She was thinner than before, and seemed even sicker, though her hair was just as full and shiny. I thought that odd in a way—that her hair could be so alive while she herself was so dead. Anthony didn't give her a second glance as we passed. That also seemed odd to me. I knew he was worried for her. When we reached the kitchen, Miss Sherry answered my thoughts on Mandy.

"Don't worry yourself, Brian. Mandy will be fine, and Anthony knows this."

"How...?" I almost asked how he could know, but changed my mind. Of course he knew. Anthony was like a sponge to the feelings of those around him, and he trusted Miss Sherry's words implicitly. If she said his mom was going to be okay then there was no argument in his mind.

The noise of a chair being dragged got my attention quickly and I stopped Anthony from climbing up onto it to get a fork.

"Whoa there, bud. Just what do you think you're doing?"

"You want me to eat this, right? You think I'm just gonna use my fingers?"

"And you couldn't wait a minute for me to get you a fork?"

"Weeellll." The kid had the nerve to roll his eyes before falling into giggles again. I swear, there's not a soul in this world that giggles more than this little guy. "I figured you'd probably stand there thinking until it was bed time. Soooo, if I wanted to eat, I'd have to get the fork by myself."

Miss Sherry started snickering now. I turned to look at her while opening the utensil drawer. "What? You too?"

"Come now, dear. You do spend far too much time in your head."

Did I? Maybe they were right. But I'd always tried to think through things, to make the best decisions. After all, my coming out to my parents had been done on the spur of the moment. And look at where that had gotten me.

"You're doing it again," Anthony said with an exaggerated sigh.

I shook my head to clear it and took out a small fork for Anthony. As I set it in front of the boy, he grinned up at me.

"It's okay, you know."

"What is?"

"That you think a lot. I just like to tease."

I ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead. "I know, bud. You can tease all you want, but you know..." I moved my fingers to his ribs. "...I can tease too."

He started to giggle again and squirmed away from my hands while simultaneously putting a bite of cheesecake into his mouth. I stopped the tickling action before he sprayed sticky dessert across the table.

"I'm going to go sit out on the back porch while you eat. Come get me when you're finished and we'll watch a movie before bed. Sound good?"

He had a sparkle in his eye as he nodded, and swallowed before saying, "Shaggy Dog?"

"Sure, bud. Shaggy Dog."

I left him to finish his dessert and took a small brandy out to the back porch. I liked sitting and watching what wildlife came close in the early evening. Miss Sherry had a pond put in at the outskirts of her back yard and the variety of birds and small animals that congregated there intrigued me.

One night while sitting quietly, I actually saw a small fox come to take a drink while a family of rabbits lay stretched out close to the bank of the pond. They completely ignored each other. When the fox was done drinking, he stretched out himself on the opposite side. It left me both amazed and saddened. These animals—predator and prey—could rest within sight of other, yet humans—who are supposed to be far more evolved—couldn't get along with each other enough to allow the other to live in peace. Parents turned against children; neighbor against neighbor—and for what? Everyone scrambled to justify their rights, never taking into account what life would really be without the others. This had always bothered me, but I could never figure out what to do about it—what difference could I make? I was only one, and it would take many more to change the ways people looked at things.

But that was before meeting Anthony. This one little boy could change things. I knew it deep in my soul. It was in the ways people responded to him—both positively and negatively. There was something in him that called to the inner personality of a person. It was untrained now, but when matured, Anthony would be a catalyst like no other.

He just needed to survive that growing up process. And I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure he did.

I heard the door open and a soft click letting me know that Anthony was trying to sneak up on me. It was something he did most nights and I always let him think he'd succeeded. I waited for the pounce, the anticipation actually helping with the look of surprise when he finally sprung into my lap.

"Oh," I exclaimed with a slight jump, and pulled him in close. "You startled me. You're such a little devil."

He turned around and put his hands on either side of my face. "I'm not a devil, Uncle Brian. I'm an angel."

He was but I wasn't going to pass on the game. "I don't know," I said as I started to run the tips of my fingers through his curls. "I'm pretty sure all this wild hair is hiding horns." I ran my hands down his back and went for his ribs. "And where are your wings? Maybe hiding?" I dug in and he squealed with laughter.

We kept this up for a minute before I turned him around and hugged him to my chest. We sat for a little while in the quiet and I finished my brandy. This quiet time seemed to be as special to him as it was to me.

As we sat there, I thought I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. But when I turned my head, there was nothing there. This happened a few more times before Anthony began to giggle.

"What?" I asked.

"He's playing hide and seek."

"Who is?"

"The man over there." He pointed in the direction that I'd felt sure someone was, but still didn't see anyone.

"I don't see anyone."

He giggled again and turned in my lap. "That's why I said he's playing hide and seek."

"Can you see him, Anthony?"

"Sure," he said with a shrug. "I've seen him before." He leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "He's an elf."